Twenty-Nine

Brian

Iwanted to speed through these replies, to get them done and be by her side again. But I would be doing it all wrong if I did. I owed Lyle enough to at least reply the way I would have if I had responded to these emails back then.

The easier emails to reply to were the ones in which I caught him up on my life. I told him about my dad, and I, speaking more, mentioning how I moved back home to take care of him until he passed. It was easy to reply to his truck email with an email about the Mustang. This email, however, was eating me alive without remorse.

No Subject

Lyle Foster

07/25/2020

She cried about you today. She won't admit it to me but I'm almost positive that it was because of you. It's hard being the guy who has to fill your shoes. You made it hard, Brian, and I might hate you for it.

We went for a drive in the truck, a little off-road experience, since we never get to. There was a tree in the distance that kind of stood away from the rest, almost alone. She sat up and asked us if we could go look at it.

You should have seen her face, like she was reliving some memory with her eyes closed and her hand against the bark of the trunk. You're so ingrained into her soul that no matter how much time passes by, you're still this big part of her.

I keep hoping you'll reply and come back to us, but maybe I'm secretly hoping that you don't. I'm not stupid, Brian. She still loves you, and it's more than just as your friend. It always has been, hasn't it? You and her, but I got her first and I'm never letting her go.

There's no way I'd ever lose her to you. So keep being stupid and staying away. You're only guaranteeing that Liz will stay by my side forever. If there is ever a man I have to fear, it's you, Brian Walker. Her savior, her best and oldest friend, and her damn first love.

I found her journal this year, the one with her doodles. All this time I thought she drew me and her getting married as Chika and No Face, but it turned out in her character appendix that he was you. Talk about a wake-up call. She wanted to marry you, and I stole that fantasy away. I'm going to make sure she never regrets choosing me.

This email was full of anger and realizations so profound it shook his confidence. If I had read this email back then, I probably would have flown out and taken a chance on her. Would she have left him for me if he were alive? Something told me the answer was no, and that was fine. She's loyal, and I would never fault her for it.

Re: No Subject

Brian Walker

I wish I would have taken my chance. I wish it was me instead of you beside her, having two kids and building that family together. There's nothing on this earth I want more than to be in your shoes, Lyle.

Lizzie is the kind of woman you don't come across often, and she's definitely not the kind you want to lose. Don't worry, despite wanting her so badly I could die, I will leave her at your side. Mainly because I know she wouldn't leave you for me.

You locked her down already, and even if she did love me, she wouldn't come to me. Despite my attempt to stop it, she married you…chose you. I won't come between you and her. She's your wife, but if you were to ever fuck up, know that I'd be there so fast to swoop her away, you wouldn't have a chance to fix it.

I resented you for a while for having her, but I don't anymore. You did what you needed to and made a life worth living. I can't hate you for that.

It astounded me to learn that Lyle knew that she loved me, and I her. It would have hurt to know that he knew we loved each other before he asked her out, but thankfully, that wasn't the case. Although it seemed he had his suspicions, and didn't seem to care. Maybe that's what rushed him to ask Lizzie out before he was even fully broken up with Danielle. It could be that he thought I would make my move soon and he'd lose out.

Crazy how a simple misstep in life can change it so drastically. It could have been me at her side for the last twenty years. We could have built a family of our own and shared countless memories together. Instead, it was her and Lyle, and I had to watch from the sideline, envious and hurt. For a moment, I thought I would get that life with Sam, but God is the universe cruel to me.

Maybe it was done tormenting me and I would finally get to have my moment of happiness. All I know is that Lizzie is here again, and I will do as I said and never let her go. Just another 284 emails to reply to.

I'll be by your side soon, Lizzie.

A week had passed and I only had twenty-nine more emails to go. I'd be at her side for the last four days of her twelve days of fun. I would make sure her kids had a great Christmas, but not just them. There was nothing on this planet that would keep me from ensuring that Elizabeth Wallace had a happy Christmas without Lyle. I wouldn't let there be a repeat of Thanksgiving.

I had watched her work all week through my window, giving her space so she didn't have to interact with me unless she wanted to. For the most part, it was just stolen glances between us. She would look at me like there was something she needed to say but she would never come say it.

"I'm heading out. Do you need anything before I leave?" Mason was at my doorway, hanging off the doorknob as he peeped inside my office.

"Nope. All good. Go home."

"Mmmkay. But before I do, I thought you should know that LB wants to murder me. Okay. Bye."

He tried to run off but I caught him before he could. "Wait!" I yelled, hearing him sigh. "Explain."

"I'm taking Elle out for dinner tonight, and LB doesn't trust me not to hurt her sister. She told me I was a dead man."

"That you are." I crossed my arms, trying to use the two inches I had over him to my advantage as I stared at him. "She's not the only one that would be coming for you. You better know what you're doing, Mason. Elle is like a sister to me, too."

"Yeah. I got it. Trust me. I don't want to mess this up either. She's really—" he had this look in his eyes, one I'd never seen before, almost like deep admiration as he tried to find the right words to say. "She's the most amazing woman I've ever met. So genuinely kind and empathetic to everyone, even someone as stupid as me."

I smiled real wide, enjoying this side of Mason. "She really is special. Take care of her, okay?"

"I will!"

This time, he ran off and I let him go. Closing up shop, I headed home and went straight for my office, hoping that I could knock this list out, if not tonight, then at least by tomorrow. These last few were the ones I dreaded the most, which is why they weren't already done.

Help me

Lyle Foster

01/21/17

I don't know what to do, Brian. She won't get out of bed. She barely eats, and even though she smiles at the kids, I can see it's forced. I need help, but Liz would kill me if I asked her sister. She'd probably kill me for asking you, but she doesn't know about these emails. Maybe for once you'll reply. Here's hoping.

She's really starting to worry me. I know that having a miscarriage can tear anyone apart. It tore me up, and my body didn't have to go through anything. She was only ten weeks along, but it was enough time to make her fall in love with our baby. Now she stares blankly at the walls, the ceiling, and through the windows.

She's not herself, and I am worried. The kids don't realize how bad it's gotten. They just think she's still a bit sad. Thankfully, she puts on a good enough show for them that they're none the wiser.

Tell me what you did for her when she would get this way. I've done everything I could possibly think of, and the most I get out of her is a light laugh followed by sobs. Like being happy somehow hurts her.

I could really use your help, buddy.

My heart broke on this last one. She'd never told me about her miscarriage, never mentioned falling into depression. I understood. It was a sensitive topic, so, of course, she wouldn't just blurt it out. I wondered what Lyle did to finally get her out of it, or if it was something the kids did, or even herself.

Re: Help me

Brian Walker

I'm going to let you in on a secret. There's no way to cure her depression. The only thing I ever did for her back in high school was just be there for her, and it seems you have that covered. You need to let her wallow in it with you. Show her that she isn't the only one hurting.

Tell her how it hurt you too, to lose your unborn child. She could probably use the support. We both know she's the kind of person to take on all the hurt so no one else has to. She'll wallow all alone and won't say a word.

You can't force her out of it, but you can be there for her. Watch her, support her, listen to her. That's what I've done, and that's what I'll do. So far, I've been responding as if I replied to these emails when you sent them, but now I just want to tell you, wherever you are, that I'm going to take care of her.

Don't worry. I won't let her stay in the depression you left her in when you passed. I'm going to be there for her, and for your kids, no matter what. Even if she ends up not being with me. There's no way I'm going to let time pass without her in my life again. I'll stay her friend always, even if she won't have me any other way.

The only part I hate about the heaven I've been living in with her is that you had to die for it to happen. I miss you buddy. I'm sorry I never reached out before you left this Earth. It'll always be my biggest regret.

Goodbye, my once-best friend. I'll miss you always.

With my heart torn to shreds after agonizing for two hours responding to the last of his emails, I headed for the shower. I kept the pain locked tight, refusing to end the night in tears. The only thing I wanted to do when I got out of the shower was race to her side. There wasn't a second to waste, needing to wrap my arms around her and hope she had forgiven me.

The warm water pelting against my skin helped ease the tension in my muscles, threatening to relieve more than just aches. Swallowing down the tears, I allowed myself five seconds to feel that pain in my heart, wallow in it for a brief moment and then pull myself right out of it. With the water off and a towel wrapped around my waist, I casually made my way to my room.

My heart practically leaped from my chest at the sound of scratching at my window. With extreme caution, I turned away from my dresser and toward my window, not trying to alert whatever was on the other side of the glass. From the corner of my eye I noticed a figure, feeling my skin crawl as adrenaline flooded through me. My military training kicked in, my fight or flight instinct took over, ready to defend myself to the death.

I may only be in a towel, but I'll use it to murder whoever was trying to break in.

My heart was hammering, banging against my ribcage like a jackhammer. The moment my eyes caught sight of hers, my entire demeanor changed, washing away the adrenaline with pure need. I opened my window and pulled her inside so fast I made her trip, catching her in my arms and holding her tight.

"I missed you," I whispered in her ear, running my fingers through her hair. Her head nestled into my neck, nuzzling her nose against my skin softly. She inhaled deeply, relaxing into my arms. "What are you doing here?"

The shock of finding her at my house wore off, allowing my mind to catch up. She was never the one to sneak in through my window. It had always been me.

"Seeing you."

"But you—" She interrupted my words with her lips, grazing them lightly over my own.

"I've been reading them as you sent them — his and yours. It tore me up to see some of the things he said and the way you replied. Did you mean it?" Her eyes shimmered in the dim light as she met my gaze with a desperate kind of hope, searching for something to hold on to.

"Did I mean what?"

"You'll stay in my life no matter what?"

Disappearing on her for eighteen years had left a scar so deep in her, I wasn't sure how she could ever trust me, but I said the words anyway. "I swear it, Lizzie. I'm never leaving your side again."

A tear slid down her cheek as she gave me a curt nod, a small smile warming its way across her face. "Good, ‘cause I can't lose you again, especially now that he's gone."

"I'm not going anywhere." I kissed her forehead as if to seal my words there, ingrain them into her head and keep them there forever.

"You better not." Her words were menacing, growing confident as she reigned in her emotions.

"Here forever, Lizzie. That is…if you'll forgive me."

"Already forgiven."

Her words were quick as she stared me right in the eye, not an ounce of anger or hurt left in them. My penance seemed to be enough to help placate the pain I'd unintentionally caused her. I knew no matter what she said, I would never forgive myself. Not for disappearing, and certainly not for ignoring Lyle's emails.

"Are you sure?"

"Never more sure. Elle opened my eyes, and she's been helping me work through some stuff in your absence." Her hand suddenly fisted over my chest, as if she could grab my very heart with her bare hands. Little did she know she's been holding my heart for years.

"I knew there was a reason I always loved your sister," I joked, trying to ease the tense atmosphere, wanting to hear her at least giggle. She didn't.

"I'm sorry, Bry. I am sorry for not realizing."

She didn't let me get a word in as she pulled at the back of my neck, bringing her lips to mine. I had missed her warmth, the way her body just melded into mine. Her breasts were pressed firmly against my naked torso as her fingers tickled my hairline at the back of my neck. My palms took the liberty of dancing around her waist, under her shirt, digging into her soft skin.

The need to have her, to be deep inside the warmth of her hot center, was all consuming, driving me to pin her against the wall as I deepened our kiss. My tongue entered her mouth like a welcomed stranger, wrestling with her own and tasting whatever green apple candy she'd been eating before. My fingers gripped at her hips tight, digging into her skin as if I could infuse myself with her. She made me feel whole, feel right with the world and everything in it.

Lizzie was my sunshine, my northern star, my red string fate. There was no one else on this planet whom I could love more, whom I could be so utterly and completely consumed by. She was my everything and more.

Our mouths fluidly opened and closed against one another, hungry, and fast. It was messy but so fucking passionate, like our very souls were screaming to be with one another. It was a mixture of passionate love and animalistic need to claim her and fuck her until she screamed my name, until she begged me to keep going and make her mine, always and forever.

With Lizzie, always and forever didn't seem like enough. No. For her — for us — it should be today and all eternity. There was no conceding, no compromising, just the love that poured out of my heart as easily as the blood pumped through my veins. I bleed Lizzie.

She didn't shy away, lifting one of her legs and wrapping it around my hip, pulling me closer so that my erection was pressed against her from beneath the damp towel. Her hips ground against me slowly, teasing me and driving my already insatiable hunger for her even higher.

"Lizzie, I'm going to fuck you all over this house, like I've dreamed of doing since I was a teenager. Please tell me that the kids are taken care of," I spoke against her lip, grazing my teeth on her delicate skin.

She moaned in pleasure at my promise, her breath fanning across my upper lip as she squeezed my shoulder, bracing herself against me and the wall. "They're taken care of."

That was all I needed to know before I let my towel fall to the floor and my tongue run across the tops of her breast. My hands found the clasp of her bra, undoing them with one hand. Pulling her bra down beneath her shirt, I sucked on her nipple over the fabric, hearing her alluring gasp of pleasure. My dick throbbed with need, like a dowel rod, pointing right at her pussy.

She hadn't stopped grinding against me this entire time, digging her fingers deeper into my back and my shoulder.

I lifted her shirt off along with her bra and tossed it aside. Come tomorrow we'd be scouring the entire house for her clothing because I didn't plan to finish undressing her here.

"Let's go, Lizzie. There's a spot I've been dying to have you."

She happily giggled as I lifted her up, throwing her over my shoulder and slapping that rounded ass of hers. I loved the way it gave in my hand, shaking at even the lightest force. The excitement bubbled in me as I reached my dining room, sweeping everything off the table without a care.

I sat her down at the edge, pushing on her to lay back. She didn't question it, showing me the trust she surprisingly had in me. Lizzie just did what I asked, watching me with curious hazel eyes. For years, I wanted those eyes to look at me the way they were now — full of desire and absolute need. She continued to watch me as I slipped her pants off, letting them hit the floor.

The damp spot in her underwear told me just how ready she was for me. With a flick to her clit, followed by a pained groan, I took her underwear off next. I decided to throw them into my living room.

"It's just you and me here, Lizzie. Don't you dare be quiet. I want to hear you scream." Despite the uncertainty I was feeling at telling her these things, my tone was commanding and confident, as if I'd said these words a million times.

Her eyes lit up with mischief and a touch of excitement as she licked her lips and nodded her head.

This is going to be perfect.