40. Hudson

Chapter Forty

HUDSON

I slept restlessly that night. Every time I woke, my mind kicked around thoughts of Stella. I was a coward, at least when it came to facing my feelings for her.

I was impatient to get home, back to Willow Brook. Back to Stella . I needed to explain. I needed to fix things with her. As terrified as I was of how much she meant to me and what it might mean if I screwed it all up—minus the fact that I had potentially screwed it up permanently – it was more terrifying to contemplate a life where I didn’t take this chance with her.

The next few days were crazy busy. It was nice to be in this tiny town on the far-flung coast of Alaska doing something a little different. Hotshot firefighter crews were designed to be on the move, to be flexible to fight fires in the deep wilderness, in the dry desert, and to protect property and towns. The small villages in Alaska had firefighters, but they didn’t have the equipment and the flexibility hotshot crews did. We helped ensure the smoldering ruins were contained and had enough time to help with some repair work. We even assisted with a rescue when a polar bear cornered two kids atop an abandoned vehicle on the outskirts of town. The town organized a giant potluck hosted at the school’s auditorium on the last night we were there.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was avoiding Parker. That was pretty impossible, but I went out of my way to make sure we weren’t seated together in the evenings. I didn’t want him to ask me about Stella.

Just when I thought I might’ve skated by, Parker happened to overhear Graham. “So what are you gonna do about Stella?”

I slid my gaze to Graham’s. “I’m gonna fix it.”

“Fix what?” Parker asked, catching my comment as he sat down across from me.

“I’m gonna fix things with Stella, or try to,” I hedged.

Parker’s gaze bounced from Graham to me. “She dumped you,” he pointed out.

I cleared my throat, shifting my shoulders. Maybe Graham knew better, but he threw me to the wolves here. “Hudson’s not ready to admit it, but he’s in love with Stella. He needs to make sure she knows that.”

Parker’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why she dumped you?”

I felt myself flinch and knew it gave me away.

“What the fuck?” Parker muttered. “So, technically, she dumped you, but it’s because you’re a coward.”

I cleared my throat. “Graham said I was an idiot, so we can split the difference. I guess I’m an idiot who might be a coward.”

Graham chuckled. Parker’s eyes narrowed and his jaw tightened.

“Dude, cut me a little slack. This all took me by surprise. I have never—” Panic clawed in my chest and I sucked in a breath. “I’ve never been in love.”

Graham took pity on me. “I’m here to tell you being in love is not easy.”

Parker opened his mouth, as if he were about to argue the point, when Graham looked straight at him and asked, “Have you been in love?”

“No,” Parker muttered. “But Stella’s my sister.”

Graham shrugged. “You can be pissed off, but give a guy a chance to get it right. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna have to grovel. You can ask him to do it publicly,” Graham offered dryly.

Although I felt a tiny surge of panic at that idea, I would do it.

I met Parker’s eyes again, squaring my shoulders. “I’ll get down on both knees. I didn’t dump her, but I wasn’t ready to face my feelings. I am now. Maybe I can’t fix it, but I’m sure as hell gonna try.”

Parker was quiet, pressing his tongue in his cheek. “Don’t break her heart.”

He didn’t speak to me for the rest of the night, but after he walked off, Graham rested his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “You can handle this.”

“Did you screw up with Madison?”

Graham’s lips teased at the corners. “The details are different, but I wasn’t ready either. By the time Madison came into my life, I’d been a single dad for so long that I couldn’t even imagine something different. Madison scared the hell out of me, but we figured it out. Now that we’ve been together a while, I can say you have to get through a few bumpy patches before it works out. You learn how much it matters. The hard parts are what makes relationships stronger. If it’s always easy…” He shrugged. “There’s nothing to fight for.”