39. Hudson

Chapter Thirty-Nine

HUDSON

After too many days of doing my damnedest to never cross paths with Stella at the house, I had to accept that Butter had clearly made his choice. Whether it was because of his love for Stella or Biscuit, he spent every night with them.

I couldn’t believe it, but a cat had actually hurt my feelings. It was a relief when our crew got called out to a fire. While winter was a quiet time for fires in Alaska, our crew got called to a fishing harbor where several boats had caught fire. An even bigger fire resulted when some propane tanks near the docks exploded. Considering we had to fly across the skies of Alaska to get there, by the time we arrived, the makeshift crew of local firefighters was barely preventing the entire town from going up in flames.

I didn’t have time to dwell on Stella. After a brutal first day of work, we had the fire under control. We planned to stay a few more days to establish a perimeter to protect the town and ensure none of the smoldering areas of the dock and the boats could spread the fire again.

This wasn’t our usual gig. We weren’t in the middle of the wilderness, but we knew how to fight and contain out of control fires. In the smaller rural villages, there was limited equipment for a big fire.

That night, we got to actually relax in the single restaurant in the tiny town. The food was simple and delicious. I leaned back in my chair, glancing around at my friends.

“This is a change of pace,” I observed before taking a long drag from my water bottle.

“Gotta say, it’s nice. Something other than a freeze-dried meal, or a granola bar,” Nate offered dryly. Nate was flying out tomorrow. Another pilot would be picking us up in another two days.

Griffin glanced toward Nate. “Dude, you don’t usually camp out for weeks like we do. This is better than nice.”

Graham chuckled at his side.

“Maybe so,” Nate said slowly. “But are you saying you miss having a freeze-dried dinner?”

Parker laughed. “They’re not all bad. There’s an art to it.”

“An art?” Leo prompted.

“Sure,” Parker replied. “They can be plain, or if you have a camp stove and can safely use it, you can jazz them up a little bit.”

Leo’s brows hitched up. “When we’re out in the field this summer, I’ll be looking forward to getting a jazzed-up meal from you.”

“Nice that they’re letting us bunk up at the school too,” Nate added.

“Seriously,” I replied with a nod. “Plenty of space there, not to mention hot showers.” I lifted my hand to slap Graham a high five.

Conversation carried on as we relaxed. Now that we weren’t in the middle of beating back that massive blaze, Stella sashayed into my thoughts. She fucking owned my spare thoughts. It was my own damned fault.

“You okay?” Leo asked from my side a little while later.

“Yeah, fine, why?”

“You’re not saying much and you look like you’re stressing out about something.”

I snorted. “Are you a mind reader?”

“Definitely not, but you’ve tied that napkin into about ten different knots,” he pointed out.

I let my breath out in a gust. “Missing somebody. You know how that goes.”

Leo nodded slowly. “I suppose. Are we talking about Stella?”

Reflexively, I looked toward Parker, relieved to see he was deep in conversation with Griffin.

I tried to slow the rampaging beat of my heart. Every time I thought about Stella, my heart felt like a broken drum. “She broke up with me, and I’m pretty sure it’s my fault. Please do not fucking mention this to Parker.”

“Mention what to Parker?” Graham said. He was sitting on the other side of Leo at an angle across from me from where the table curved around.

I gritted my teeth. “Nothing,” I ground out.

“I know Stella dumped you, but what did you do?” Graham pressed.

“I told her I wasn’t sure I could be in love,” I admitted.

“With her?” Leo’s brows furrowed as he winced a little.

“With anyone.”

Graham’s breath hissed through his teeth. “That’ll do it.”

“Do what?” I returned.

“Get someone to dump you, even though you’re obviously in love with her,” Graham said, speaking slowly, as if I had a hearing problem.

Running a hand through my hair as I leaned back in my chair, I looked between them. “I should’ve thought that through.”

“You did her a favor, or you’re an idiot,” Leo said.

“A favor?”

“If you don’t ever want to be serious, you did her a favor. If she wants more, no sense in wasting time on someone like you,” Leo explained.

My heart gave an achy thump. “I’m not a waste of time,” I said defensively.

Graham shrugged, his head tipping to the side as he studied me. “If she wants more and that’s not a possibility with you, then you would be a waste of time. Or, if it is a possibility with you, then you’re an idiot.”

My stomach started to churn uncomfortably. “Neither one of us wanted anything like that. I thought—” I cut my words off abruptly.

“Things change all the time. Maybe she meant it at the beginning, but if her feelings changed, then she did the right thing breaking it off,” Leo pointed out.

I glanced between them and sighed. “I think I’m an idiot.”