38. Stella

Chapter Thirty-Eight

STELLA

“Oh, honey!” My mother flung her arms around me.

When we stepped apart, her eyes were shining with tears, and I could feel my own threatening.

“I’ve missed you, sweetie.”

“I’ve missed you too, Mom.”

She ran one hand down my arm and smoothed the other over my hair. The man I presumed was my father was lingering at a distance, waiting by the car rental.

“Are you ready to meet him?” she asked.

I nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

With a smile, she slipped her hand through my elbow and walked me over to him. I didn’t want to be nervous, but I was. My pulse was tumbling along unsteadily and my stomach felt a little topsy-turvy. When you have a parent just floating out there in the universe, it feels disorienting. There’s so much to wonder about. My mom had never kept any secrets. She’d always been honest with me about getting pregnant young and not really being serious with my dad. When I got old enough to ask about why my dad wasn’t around, she’d explained he’d been in trouble with the law.

Even at ten years old, I’d had to bite my tongue. Because, you see, maybe the guys my mom kept trying to find weren’t in jail, but they weren’t all that great either. A few of them had been abusive and not a single one of them had been a steady influence in my life. From what little Parker had shared, his dad was a little like my mom. Except his flakiness lent itself to dealing drugs and ending up in jail. Maybe he hadn’t been so desperate for someone to save him, like my mom. Parker had assured me that he was a loving guy, and, as Parker put it, misguided and with sometimes “stupid” judgment.

I could see myself in my father when I stopped in front of him. We shared the same eyes. My dad straightened and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down when he swallowed.

“Stella,” he said, my name coming out a little ragged. He cleared his throat. “It’s nice to see you.”

My mom’s smile was so wide, I thought her face might break apart. If her entire body could smile, it would’ve.

I managed to draw in a slow breath. “Nice to meet you,” I finally said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know you are my dad, but I’ve never called anyone “dad”.”

“Why don’t you just call me Parks? That’s what most people call me,” he said easily.

“I like that.” I felt the tension bundled tight in my chest start to unwind. I appreciated that he wasn’t denying the awkwardness and uncertainty surrounding all this.

My mom squeezed my elbow before releasing it and clasping her hands together. “I don’t want to pressure you two.”

I slid my gaze to hers. “It’s okay, Mom. I know that you want us all to be one big happy family inside of five minutes.”

Parks’s laugh was a raspy chuckle. “She sure does.”

He glanced to me after he spoke. After a beat, I could tell he wasn’t sure if he should’ve said that.

I grinned. “He knows you well, Mom.”

She let out a tiny sigh, unable to stop smiling.

“So, Mom, you told me you were coming for a visit, but I don’t know where you’re staying, or how long you guys are going to be in town. What’s the scoop?”

“We’re staying at Wildlands Lodge, so I thought we could get dinner there. Parker said he could meet us, but I don’t know how you feel about that,” she said.

I didn’t mind that at all. More than anyone, in this situation, Parker would completely understand how I felt.

“I think it sounds great. Let’s go over now,” I said.

All things considered, meeting my father went okay. It kind of surprised me, but he seemed like he could be really good for my mom. They had walked their meandering paths and looped back to each other. Both of them seemed more stable now. Parks was staying out of legal trouble, and my mom wasn’t as desperate as she used to be. They shared a kind of worn kindness, an acceptance of where they’d been and where they were now.

My mom checked in with me about the bar exam. I eyed her. “Mom, I won’t tell you the date of the exam because you’ll keep asking. It’s sometime in the next few months, and I’ll let you know when I pass.” I prayed I would pass.

After we finished dinner, Parker walked with me out to the parking lot. I’d sensed a little tension from him tonight. Until we stopped by my car, I chalked it up to the meeting of the parents.

He looked down at me, his eyes narrowing. “What’s going on with you and Hudson?”

“Um, what did he tell you?” I hedged.

“He said you broke it off. I need to know if I need to kick his ass,” Parker muttered.

Even though my heart thumped along, feeling sore anytime I even thought about Hudson, Parker’s comment drew a dry laugh. “I don’t need anybody to kick anybody’s ass on my behalf,” I offered. “It’s also true that I broke it off.”

Parker ran a hand through his hair, scuffing the toe of his boot on the frozen gravel. “Why?”

I wasn’t about to tell him I’d gotten in over my head. It wouldn’t do any good for him to be angry with Hudson about it. Even though it hurt like hell, Hudson hadn’t done anything wrong.

“I just did. I’m not in the right place to get serious, so it seems best to break it off.” Okay, that was sort of the truth, but not really.

Parker studied me before finally shrugging. “Fine. Well, Hudson seems pretty upset about it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you gonna kick my ass now on behalf of him?”

Parker’s eyes widened. “Hudson’s a good guy,” he sputtered. He had no clue what to do with this situation.

“Look, I’m an adult, he’s an adult. It’ll be a little awkward for a minute and then it’ll be fine. I appreciate your concern. Now, how are you feeling about the happy couple?” I gestured toward Wildlands behind us.

Parker laughed softly. “It’s kind of funny. To be honest, I wish they had reconnected sooner. Even though my dad had crappy judgment, he was never a bad guy. I guess they figured it out when they were both ready. What do you think?”

I paused for a minute, collecting my thoughts. “I feel pretty much the same way. It’s nice to meet your dad, or I guess, our dad. That’s gonna take a little bit to get used to.”

Parker gave me a hug. He squeezed tight and then let go. His hugs were almost like a physical form of punctuation.

I smiled up at him when I stepped back, my feet crunching on the frozen ground. “I’m really glad you reached out to me.”

His eyes twinkled. “Same. Our parents probably would’ve brought us together anyway, but I’m glad we got to connect before their, uh…” He circled his hand in the air.

“Their second chance,” I filled in before adding, “I’m happy for them. Obviously, you know our dad better, but life hasn’t been easy on my mom. It seems like they might be in a place to be good for each other now.”

“I think you might be right about that.” Parker stepped back as I fished my keys out of my purse. Just as I was about to open my car door, he added, “I know you probably broke Hudson’s heart, so be nice to him.”

I opened my mouth to dispute his point, but that meant telling more of the story. “Of course, I’ll be nice to him.”

When I was in bed with the cats later, I thought about my mom and dad. I turned the word “dad” over in my mind, inspecting the idea. He was my dad. For years, I had jokingly referred to him as my sperm donor. While I was glad to connect with him, I knew it would take time to form a relationship. More than anything, I was really happy for my mom. I hoped things worked out for them.

Of course, the second I contemplated the idea of a relationship, Hudson came strolling into my thoughts. A sigh slipped out in the darkness. As if he sensed my distress, Butter came closer and rubbed his cheek on my shoulder. I scratched between his ears, smiling when the volume on his purring increased.

I wondered what to do about Hudson. My hormones had once again proven their epically bad track record. Even though I’d fallen for all the wrong guys when I was younger, I’d never let my heart get in too deep. Even though I hadn’t planned to tell him I loved him the other night, my heart knew the truth.

With a disgruntled sigh, I adjusted my pillow and Butter moved away, curling against my hip beside Biscuit.