18. Caleb

EIGHTEEN

Caleb

I can’t. I have a date.

The words echoed relentlessly against my skull. I had no right—not to be upset or to be angry. None. And yet I stormed away from the Bookish Cat with all the thunder of an avenging angel, not a cupid.

Watching the woman who felt like my Chosen choose another man over me shortly after she’d just squeezed my dick with her orgasm and screamed my name until she was hoarse struck so close to the quick, I couldn’t breathe.

I could—not—breathe.

And yet, I had to move forward. I couldn’t march back in there and demand she cancel with this inferior human man who couldn’t possibly make her happy.

I can’t. I have a date.

The words mocked me. Mocked everything I felt about what could have been between us. It was earth-shattering, heavens-shaking. I turned down an alley—one mostly free of humans—and punched the side of a brick building. It shuddered under the force, and I quickly snatched my hand back, horror washing over me.

I could have killed someone. Knocked down the whole damn building in a fit of temper over a first date. I had to get a grip.

This is why I can’t have her. She goes on a date, and I accidentally almost murder a building full of people.

Shaking out my hand, I darted out of the alley and used a bit of supernatural speed to put more distance between us. I had to, or I’d do something truly stupid, like kidnap her so she couldn’t go out with this… I let my senses unfurl and search the surrounding area for a male signature focused on Josie’s.

Ethan .

It only took seconds, and it was a bad idea. He wasn’t far away, and instead of kidnapping her, I could kidnap him, and then?—

No.

Caleb, get your shit together!

I pointedly turned the opposite direction of Ethan’s signature, away from this blissfully ignorant human. I had to focus on my match and getting Jonathan and Kim together as quickly as possible.

The sooner I got them matched, the sooner I could get the fuck out of Seattle. Because I knew something now, after tonight. I knew without a shadow of a doubt, I couldn’t stay in Seattle and watch her move on.

It would kill me, even worse than the loss of my wings. Losing Josie? Watching her fall in love with someone else… the edges of my vision went black, and horror filled me as I froze to the spot.

I was falling. Falling from grace.

I sucked in a deep breath, then another, desperately trying to let the anger and resentment and all those horrible things an angel wasn’t supposed to ever feel go . I don’t know how long it took, but eventually the black receded from my vision, the normal golden halo at the edges of my life returning.

Thank fuck.

But I wasn’t out of the woods, not by a long shot. If sex with her could push me to the limits that quickly, there was no choice. I knew what I had to do.

Fix my matches and get as far away as possible from Josie—sooner rather than later. I knew she’d eventually find someone to marry and settle down with, but I couldn’t bear to stay here and watch it. I would fall from grace permanently, that demonic influence taking hold forever.

If I asked, the Host would probably assign me to matches on the other side of the globe for a few years, or fifty, until she’d passed on. It was my only chance of not turning against everything I stood for. If I stayed where she was, the constant temptation that was Josie would be too much for me to resist.

I stood a few dozen yards from the famous gum wall, trying to ignore the tourists taking selfies, and focusing on my match. The Showbox was buzzing, but I happened to know that there were two tickets waiting at “will call,” one under the name Jonathan Lyle and one under Kim Brezzo. The seats just happened to be next to each other. They’d been notified of the free tickets, and I was just waiting around for them to show up, so I could ensure the meeting went smoothly.

The problem was I couldn’t concentrate. I’d be homed in on Kim then find myself glaring at a tourist while I mentally watched Ethan slick back his hair, wearing a… was that a tie covered in rocks ?

Who was this bastard? Where had she found him?

And the question that had really been plaguing me since I’d left the Bookish Cat: if she’d had this guy in the wings, why make me her fake date to Nana Geraldine’s birthday? Why reel me back in at all?

It didn’t make sense, and I hated that it didn’t make sense.

Maybe she was actually into you before you basically slammed the door in her face earlier. You screwed everything up when you turned your powers against her.

That’s how the fall started. It seemed innocent enough—that’s just a piece of fruit, over there. What’s the harm in one taste? One glorious, poisoned taste.

The tiny voice in my head was officially dead to me. I couldn’t go there. But what I wouldn’t give for things to be different. If only.

Voices around me slipped into the edge of my hearing.

“What is up with that guy?”

“I don’t know. He looks creepy. Let’s just… go to the other side of the street. Maybe we should call the cops. He’s been there a long time, and he looks suss.”

“ Total suss.”

I cast a glance around to see who the tourists were planning to call the cops on—I could take care of any garden-variety criminal much more quickly than the police, after all—and realized with horror that it was me .

Apparently, standing on street corners immobile while brooding made one look suss , which I knew, thanks to a lovely little site called the Urban Dictionary, meant suspicious. Human language was always evolving, but it had gotten much easier to keep up with since the invention of technology .

Though I’d learned the hard way that it was best not to dig too deeply into the Urban Dictionary.

I started moving, since I wasn’t anxious to coerce a few police officers into ignoring the suss cupid , and causing a scene was bad form for both my lines of work.

If it wasn’t for bad form lately, would I have any form at all? That was a big fat no.

Keep it up and you’ll have a demon form.

That depressing thought could go straight to hell. I wasn’t going to let myself fall. If it came to that, I’d call Gabriel and ask him to take me out. Better to cease to exist than to turn into a demon.

I let my attention wander as I walked, not focusing on where my feet took me. The streets of Seattle were busy as always at this time of the evening, and it was easy to get lost in the mass of humanity. I let my senses go, ignoring the pull of so many people pressed so close. Twenty minutes of angelic-speed-walking later, I stopped on a quieter street, my head clearing as if from a fog.

When I looked up, I groaned. I was on the street next to a restaurant, and through the shiny glass entryway, I could see rock-tie guy nervously fiddling with his tie pin. I cast out my senses and sucked in a breath when I realized that Josie was nearby. If I didn’t move and fast , she’d see me loitering like a stalker on the street at her date.

The date she hadn’t told me the location of, nor invited me on.

Yeah, I was batting zero on the non-suspicious activities tonight.

She’s coming!

Making a knee-jerk decision, I dove into the bushes, where I still had a good view of the windows .

Was it utterly ridiculous behavior? Yes. Was I going to leave and let her have a date in peace? Absolutely not. Would I ever admit this to a soul? Also no.

Josie walked around the nearest corner, and I felt her aura dance across mine like the best tart lemonade. As she cleared the front steps of the restaurant, I caught a glimpse of her and time stood still.

She was a vision in red, the bold color of the wrap dress setting off her creamy skin and dark curls. She’d gone all out for the evening, with tall black heels and a shiny clutch purse. Jealousy, hot and acrid, ate the back of my throat.

I hadn’t even gotten to see this new, vivacious side of her before, and here she was, going all out for a stranger.

Well, I assumed he was a stranger. They both had auras tinged with nerves, typical of a first-date meetup. I watched as she pulled the restaurant door open, scanning carefully for her date. When she spotted him, her lips turned up in a warm smile.

What had I done? Why did I come here? Black tickled the edges of my vision once more, but I was powerless to stop it.

I should have left, but I was stuck like glue. I would only watch for a minute or two, make sure the guy seemed safe and on the up-and-up, and then I would go, darker side of me be damned. This wasn’t healthy or fair. I couldn’t be with her, and the fact was, she needed to find herself a nice man to be her companion, to lean on in the hard times.

It couldn’t be me, no matter how much I longed to be the one to unwrap her from that delicious dress at the end of the night.

It isn’t my right. The darkness flared at the thought, and I didn’t even try to tamp it down. I was on the fast track to hell, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care.

They were seated quickly, and I watched sadly as the man pulled out her chair with a smile. They chatted in fits and starts until the waiter came and dropped off waters. After he left, rock-tie guy reached across the table and brushed something off her shoulder. She leaned in to let him. My stomach turned, and I knew it was time to go, before the tremulous hold I had on my powers snapped.

I glanced around, trying to stay low so no one inside the restaurant caught sight of me, and looked for the nearest break in the bush where I could let myself out. Instead of an opening, I found an impenetrable wall of foliage.

Just my shitty luck.

I shoved my hand into the bush to create a place to step through when I heard an angry buzzing. I didn’t stop pushing forward because bugs didn’t bother angels.

Apparently, nobody told those wasps that.

As soon as I stuck my leg through the opening, I felt three stings on the back of my knee in rapid succession.

I howled as I jerked it back, the reaction involuntary. Thankfully, the wasps didn’t pursue, because I didn’t have anywhere else to go to get away from them.

I’d straightened when they stung me and was now back in an awkward half-crouch, rubbing the back of my leg when I heard someone say, “Is that a man in the bushes?”

I spun and saw a waiter pointing directly at me from inside the restaurant. People all over the restaurant were standing up and peering in my direction, but I wasn’t worried about them. It was Josie’s eyes, shocked and dismayed, that would be branded in my memory for the rest of my eternal life.