17. Josie

SEVENTEEN

Josie

I stormed into my apartment, slamming the door behind me with a satisfying bang. I kicked off my shoes and threw my head back in humiliated frustration.

“What the hell was I thinking?”

I chastised myself with every name in the book, shaking my head as if the motion could dislodge the memory. Of course the kiss had meant nothing. Caleb was my fake boyfriend, and it was all a performance, nothing more. Just an act for the crowd, no strings attached.

“That’s what I asked for, isn’t it?”

A cold feeling of denial washed over me as I muttered the words to myself, the echo of my voice in the empty apartment doing nothing to make me feel one stitch better. There I’d been, halfway to tearing my lace underwear off with my own nails, when it suddenly became clear that whatever hot mess I’d become, it had all been my imagination. He didn’t reciprocate my feelings at all .

“Such an idiot. An overworked, sex-deprived desperate idiot. ”

My musing received a reply in the form of a familiar mewling sound. The trio of mysterious cats wound their way around my legs. I flopped onto the sofa and bent to scratch behind Matilda’s ears.

“Look who decided to grace me with their presence,” I cooed at them, my voice turning softer as I resigned myself to reality. “What are you, magician cats or something? How do you get in and out of places without the key?”

Maybe Caleb would know how they did it. Screw that, I shoved the thought away. This had to be a Caleb-free headspace for a while. Like forever.

I stood up and the cats trailed after me, their curious eyes following my every movement. The incongruity of their appearances and disappearances was almost comical. One minute, they were here, the next, they were gone, and then they would reappear at the shop when I least expected them, like feline Houdinis.

I scooped up Gatsby, his golden eyes reminding me a bit of Caleb. The thought made my stomach sink, and I found myself hugging the cat closer, his warm purr a comfort to my disquieted heart. The magician cats were a distraction, a comforting, furry distraction, which was exactly what I needed.

But as soon as I put Gatsby down, he and Matilda trotted off. Heathcliff waited behind, staring at the wall a moment longer, and then sprinted to follow.

“They’re in a world of their own.”

That’s what I wanted. To rebuild my own world. I had been on that path before Caleb showed up, having the Bookish Cat to keep me busy. But now I just felt… less than.

Without thinking, I grabbed my laptop and opened FindYourGuy.com.

My inbox was flashing with a new message.

RockCollector89: Hey Josie, how did the family event turn out? Hope it wasn’t as rocky as one of my collections…

He remembered. That was sweet.

Josie: It was good. Lots of fun, maybe a little too much.

RockCollector89: Ah, sounds like a landslide of a party! Anything you want to talk about? I’m all ears, unless you count my rock-hard abs…

I laughed and shook my head. This guy, his humor, was a lot to take in. Was I ready to dive deeper into this? I had a lot on my plate already. Caleb’s matches, the bookstore, Nana’s bombshell of a revelation. But maybe that was all the more reason to just go for it. A distraction could be good. A non-celestial, pun-loving distraction. Though it wasn’t easy to tell from his profile picture if the rock-hard abs thing was true or a convenient analogy.

Josie: You’re quite the comedian, aren’t you?

RockCollector89: I try. Keeps things light, you know? Otherwise, life would be as dull as dirt.

Josie: It’s refreshing.

I sighed. Anything that would make me forget about that asshole of an angel would hit the spot. Something light. Something… normal. And at least he didn’t make a pun that time. I ma de a split-second decision and typed before I could second-guess myself.

Josie: Want to take this to the phone?

RockCollector89: Oh, I’d be delighted! But I have to warn you, my phone voice is a little, um, gravelly.

Josie: I’ll risk it.

I sent him my number before I could stop myself.

Here goes nothing .

The phone rang almost immediately, the sudden jingle startling me out of my thoughts.

“Hello?” I answered, my voice shaky.

“Hi, Josie,” a warm voice greeted me from the other end, his tone soft and rich, reminding me of smooth, polished stones.

Oh look, he got me into the puns now.

“Hi… RockCollector89?” I replied, realizing I didn’t even know his real name.

He chuckled, a sound like boulders clashing together in the most harmonious way. “Actually, it’s Ethan. But I’ll take RockCollector89 if you prefer.”

“Ethan it is,” I said, smiling despite myself. His light humor and the ease with which he approached the entire situation made it hard not to. And I had to admit that his voice was kind of hot. That was unexpected.

There was a small pause before he said, “Josie, I know it’s sudden, but I’ve always been an in-person kind of guy. Would you like to go out tomorrow night?”

The suddenness of the proposition almost made me drop the phone. But what the hell was I waiting for? Did I want to have phone sex with a geologist? No, sir. Worst case scenario, we talked about the controversy around quartz countertops for an evening. “Sure, Ethan. That sounds nice.”

“Fantastic!” he replied, his excitement palpable through the line. “I promise I won’t take you for granite .”

“Ouch, that was a rough landing. Some might even call it… rocky.”

He laughed, deep and sincere. “I’ll text you details. See you tomorrow, Josie.”

I hung up, and good sense immediately made me wonder what the actual fuck I was doing.

Hours ago, I was ready to throw my body and soul at Caleb. Now, I was going on a mystery date with an unknown quasi-obsessive rock enthusiast. What if he turned out to be a serial killer? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had to be careful. Safety first. As long as he picked a public place and not a random abandoned parking lot to meet up.

That seemed unlikely. For all his strangeness, he seemed like a mostly normal guy. With a sexy voice. And maybe even rock-hard abs.

A sense of excitement bubbled up inside me as I tried to fall asleep. I was taking life by the horns. And for the first time in a while, it felt like the right direction.

The next morning, I arrived at the Bookish Cat to find Heathcliff, Gatsby, and Matilda already there. “Good morning, magic furballs. ”

They sat in the middle of the shop as if holding some secretive cat conference, their eyes glinting with hidden knowledge. Their inexplicable presence before me only added fuel to my magician cat theory.

Many new customers, including a class of second-graders studying mythology, kept me busy until late afternoon.

I turned to the shipment that had come in from England. Crates of books, their spines vibrant and uncreased, fresh off the press of an independent publisher. And I was their first stateside customer! I was going to put the Bookish Cat on the map, I could feel it in my bones.

As I began to arrange them, their familiar smell wafted toward me, a comforting mix of paper, ink, and something indefinably bookish.

I was in the middle of categorizing a set of dark police procedurals when my phone buzzed with a new text.

Ethan: Hey, are you excited for our date or am I rocking the boat with my eagerness? Here’s what I’m thinking…

I rolled my eyes at the pun but was relieved to see he’d selected a gorgeous little spot in the Central District. Very public, and not setting off my sketch-o-meter. Perfect .

I was just about to reply when the bell over the shop door jingled, and there he was. Caleb. His eyes met mine as I shoved my phone behind a stack of books. If Caleb saw that I was texting with another man…

So what if he did? I had nothing to hide. I was a grown-ass woman who owned her own business and was taking life by the horns, wasn’t I?

Sure, Caleb’s eyes sought out the deepest part of me as he stepped tentatively closer, and the affection he felt was so obvious on his face that I couldn’t help feeling a tiny bit guilty for trying to run off with someone just to forget him.

Stop it, Josie. He’s not yours. You ought to forget him, and fast.

“Caleb! Is it time already?”

He looked at his watch. “Closing time has come, and here I am.” His smile was nervous. “Just like we said.”

He let out a long exhale, and the air of it washed over me like a sea breeze. Calming my anxious bones. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to wrap my arms around him and forget everything he’d said. Let our lips meet the way they were supposed to, searching hungrily for the other as I’d imagined all these years.

And like he’d done last night.

With a deep inhale, I veered the conversation into safer territory. “So, Caleb,” I began, leaning against the counter. “Tell me more about this matchmaking mission of yours.”

He blinked, as if surprised by my formal tone of voice, and then nodded, leaning back against a bookshelf. His eyes were serious as he spoke to me like a colleague, but his muscles flexed, and I remembered how strong he was when he pulled me into him. “Well, first I’ve got Jonathan and Kim, who are absolutely destined to be together and won’t let me make it happen.”

I pursed my lips to think. “Okay, sure. But if they don’t want it, maybe it isn’t meant to be.”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Maybe you should explain it to me.”

He scratched the back of his head, squeezing those fine lips to the side. “These are couples who should have been together already, but I made errors early on that got in the way. I’m lucky to have been given a second chance to correct my mistakes and help them find love now.”

“Errors, huh?”

“Yeah. Lots of them.” The sheepish look on his face was more boyish than man, and I got a glimpse of how he might have been if he hadn’t been a powerful other-worldly being. “The list I was given, to prove my worth, was many couples long. Only two are left now, and I’m getting desperate to finish. Anything to be back in good standing. The alternative is… unbearable. I need this, Josie.”

That vulnerability, the honesty of it, wasn’t only utterly endearing, it was sexy beyond my ability to manage. A lock of hair fell into his eyes, and without thinking I reached up to move it aside. He looked surprised at first, and then the corners of his eyes filled with understanding. And then they filled with something else . From my fingertips straight to my core came that shot, the electrical wave that made my body react. I was sure he could hear my heart beating, it was so loud, so intense.

What am I doing? I reprimanded myself. Why is everything in me rebelling against my better judgment, demanding that I touch him?

His eyes were a study in emotions, flickering between earnest determination, frustration, and a gentleness that tugged at my heart. A heart that needed to remember boundaries. He had set those boundaries, clear as day.

But no matter how much I tried to convince myself, even the air around us seemed to change. Like being here now wasn’t real life—it was the life we’d always wanted. The one we’d talked about seven years ago. It was a dream, sure, but I wasn’t about to pinch myself.

“I need you, Josie.” He meant with the couples. Probably. Or did he? He stepped even closer, my breasts brushing his chest. “I need you.”

Fire. That was the only way to describe what happened when his fingertips touched my cheek. As if all of the Bookish Cat had gone alight and I was burning from the inside out. Everything around us was fine, but I wasn’t. I was anything but fine. I needed him, needed him that second, and I couldn’t bear it anymore. Everything in me screamed that this was right, that it had to happen, that we needed each other, and I was incapable of thinking anything else.

I pressed my body against his and he knew. He felt it, too. He had to. The question didn’t linger long in my mind because I was overcome by the warmth emanating off him as he leaned in, leaned closer, and took my lips with his.

Perfection.

My body knew it. My soul knew it. Even if my brain was calling me crazy, there was no other choice at that moment. I didn’t even care that the door to the shop was unlocked.

“I want you, Caleb,” the words were a husky admission. “Don’t stop.”

His mouth crashed against mine again, harder this time. He pressed me against the row of high fantasy novels, his hands gripping my waist, pulling me closer to him as his tongue swept my lips, eager to taste. The heat from his body burned through my thin shirt as the ridges of book spines pressed into my back.

Our kisses deepened with each one, tongues tangled as our hands explored, desperate, as if this couldn’t last. His fingers traced the line of my jaw before caressing my side and lifting the edge of my shirt. He reverently palmed my cleavage, grazing the lace of my bra. He pulled back to look at me, eyes filled with desire. His breath, still like the sea breeze, sent shivers down my spine. I let every fear of him leaving again melt away as his cock grew harder against my hip.

“I need you,” he replied and his lips crashed against mine with more urgency, his hand gripping my jaw as he pulled me closer. His tongue demanded entrance to my mouth, and I eagerly obliged, letting him plunder every word I couldn’t say. My heart raced as his body heat sank into mine, our chests pressing together tightly. The soft rustling sounds of the street faded away, and I felt free even though the walls held us close.

I lifted my shirt off, wanting to drink in the sight of him watching me.

He slipped my bra strap off my shoulder with a gentle tug, exposing a bare inch of skin. My nipples hardened immediately at his touch. “So beautiful,” he said. His smile was hungry as he softly bit my shoulder before trailing more kisses down my collarbone.

He kissed my lips, his fingers entwined in my hair, pulling me closer to deepen the kiss while his free hand roamed up to cup my breast through my bra. He gently squeezed it before reaching around to open the clasp, freeing me in multiple ways.

“Like no time has passed,” I whispered with my eyes closed, reliving the moments from before but with a body that now knew exactly what it wanted.

He slowly tugged on the elastic band of my skirt and panties before slipping his hand inside and skimming one finger lightly over my wetness. It felt so good, so divinely right, having him touch me this way. “Like no time has passed,” he repeated, tenderly pressing against me, his strong fingers restraining themselves. Firm but gentle.

He froze there for a moment, his touch sending shockwaves through me as I instinctually arched into him.

And I couldn’t hold myself back any longer .

“More, Caleb,” I whispered against his shoulder urging him onward with every fiber of my being.

With a growl, he roughly yanked off my skirt and panties in one swift movement, leaving me completely bare to him. He lifted me as if I weighed nothing and carried me down the row, setting my ass on top of a box of dictionaries that reached waist height. His eyes darkened further at the sight of my pussy as he leaned in to taste me, his tongue swirling around my sensitive core before plunging inside, causing a wave of pleasure to wash over me.

The smell of books mixed with our sweat and lust, creating an intoxicating aroma that blinded me to every other thought except him. He held me against his face while his free hand roamed up to cup one breast, pinching one nipple, and then the other. “So beautiful,” he murmured again before rising up to take one hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking enough to make me squirm, my pussy clenching with need to be filled.

I could feel his cock pressing against my thigh, straining against his jeans. With trembling fingers, I reached down to undo his belt and zipper. He groaned against my breast as I wrapped my hand around his length, stroking him slowly.

I whispered in his ear. “I want you.”

“I know you do.” He pressed my clit with his finger.

“No,” I took his head in my hands, tugging on his hair so he had to pull back, see the intent in my eyes. “I want all of you . Now.”

He moaned, closing his eyes. “Josie, if you only knew…”

“Caleb, shut up and fuck me .”

Caleb pulled away slightly, his eyes darkening with desire at my dirty words that sent a fresh thrill thrumming through my core. “You don’t know what you’re asking for,” he said, his words a raspy whisper that only drove me higher .

But as I stared up at him with challenge and invitation, he groaned softly. He reached behind his head and yanked his shirt off in one fluid movement, kicking his pants off a second later. Then he pulled me closer, notching the head of his cock against me as he lifted me effortlessly. “I have to,” he murmured, whether to me or himself, I couldn’t tell.

My heart raced in my chest as we made eye contact for one last moment before his lips crashed down on mine once more—hungrily devouring me.

His muscles rippled down his body, and I feared I’d fall off the dictionaries right there and then, nearly fainting at the realization that I finally had him. After so long, I worried this was just a hallucination. But the heat of his skin on mine was too real to deny.

He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me steady as he lowered me to the reading bench in the corner.

His cock teased my entrance for way too long, need and pleasure making me impatient. He teased me mercilessly, running the head along my folds without quite giving me the pressure I craved. I bucked my hips, silently begging for more as I kept my fingers tangled in his golden curls.

I moaned and arched my back as he carried on, circling and dipping inside of me slowly. It was electric, sending shockwaves through every inch of my body. I held my breath as he continued to explore, building a rhythm that had me squirming in his grip.

“Mine,” he whispered hoarsely as he pushed into me at last, and I was sure I had just shot into the stars. He continued, going deeper with every thrust, and I let out a moan at the fullness. He was stretching me in the best possible way. The sounds of our heavy breathing filled the air, punctuated by the occasional whirr of a car going by .

He held me close as he thrust faster into me, tangling his tongue with mine as I let my nails dig into his back. Each push took me somewhere new until our bodies were one, chaotic and perfect and somehow more at once. My core clenched, and I screamed my release.

“Yes,” he moaned as my screams turned hoarse and he pulled out slowly, leaving me feeling too bereft, too empty. “That’s what you needed.”

“Me?” I wasn’t letting him get away with it. I wrapped my hands around him, the thickness of his cock throbbing as I stroked it, watching his eyes. “What about what you need?”

I could tell he was seconds from exploding. His shoulders pulled forward as his breathing quickened, and he moaned my name as he came, staring deep into my eyes as his cum spurted over my belly, painting me with his release.

He rested his head against my chest and breathed heavily. As I stroked his hair, I had exactly zero thoughts running through my head, for the first time in—well, possibly ever. I didn’t want to think. Thinking would only bring me back to reality, and I still wasn’t sure what was happening here.

Caleb lifted his head and then gazed down my body. Sticky warmth that felt cool as he pulled off me.

“Let me help.” He inhaled and then blew along my skin, chest to stomach, and I braced for the cold. It didn’t come. Instead, all traces of his orgasm disappeared, leaving nothing but pleasant warmth and the tingle of goosebumps in his wake. He ran his finger along the place it had been. “Like new.”

Like it never happened, I couldn’t help thinking and gulped as anxiety started to creep in. I didn’t have the will to move, too afraid of the passing time, of what would come next. Was he going to tell me this meant to him as much as it meant to me, followed by a big “but” ?

“Sweet Josie.” He kissed my cheek and then reached into empty air, where my clothes suddenly appeared in his hand. He lifted my foot, gently passing my panties over one, then the other.

He was taking care of me, which was sweet. So why did I feel like he was also saying goodbye?

He half-smiled, a huff of air escaping his lips. “That was… something else. If only the world were different, my perfect girl.”

There’s my answer.

The weight of responsibility in his tone told me everything, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. That stung.

“Right, right. This was for old time’s sake. For getting it out of our system!” I said with a little too much enthusiasm. Anything to cover up how I really felt. Like he was oxygen, and I was suffocating. Like he was the sun, and I was the moon, trailing him for eternity but never catching him.

He had made as much clear to me even without a word—I was the one who had gotten carried away with… what exactly was that? I had never felt something so intense, a driving force that I knew came from deep within me. Us . Seven years of asking, “What if?”

The look on his face told me all I needed to know. What had just happened between us was nostalgic, a throwback to what we had been, and not what we might ever become. I swallowed a sob that threatened to escape me. I would not be the girl I was seven years ago, pining for a love I couldn’t have. I had changed. My heart longed for Caleb, and I might never be the same. But I wouldn’t let him see that now.

Caleb’s jaw was set in that determined way I knew too well. There was sadness etched in the lines around his eyes, a heaviness in every slow, deliberate movement as he redressed me, as if each move was an effort against a tide of disappointment. He was trying to hide it, of course—he always did—but I saw the fragile cracks beneath his calm facade.

Whatever was holding him back from me, this chasm between us, couldn’t even be addressed until he took care of the brokenness in him from losing his wings. The fear in his voice as he’d described what his future would be without them was enough for me to dampen any disillusionment I felt now.

I owed him. He did his part at Nana’s birthday, and now it was my turn to come through. Even though watching him covering up his own cracks was fracturing me inside.

Which was easier now that we were fully clothed. We could pretend that whatever that was didn’t really happen. Not in this plane of existence.

“So…” I sucked in a deep breath. “There are couples relying on you to set their future straight, and you”—I avoided saying need me —“want my help.”

He let out a long breath, relief at my change of subject clearly setting him at ease. “Exactly. The biggest challenge right now is getting this next couple, Jonathan and Kim, to just be in the same place at the same time.”

I frowned, knowing what I now did about his capabilities. “Why is that so hard? Can’t you just, I don’t know, manipulate their schedules or something?”

Caleb sniggered. “I wish it were that simple. They’re like magnets facing the wrong direction. They just refuse to be in the same vicinity, and they’re running out of time.”

The image he painted was almost comical—two people unwittingly avoiding each other while an exasperated cupid tried to push them together. But behind the humor was a deeper struggle, one that Caleb was bearing the brunt of.

“Any ideas?” he asked, aiming those deep blues at me .

I thought for a moment before a spark ignited in my mind. “The first step is to test your theory. Let’s see if we can twist the magnets around. You need to lure Jonathan and Kim to the same place, for different reasons. Once there, if they naturally gravitate toward each other, then we can work with that. If they repel…” I trailed off, frowning. “Then we’re going to have to be extra creative.”

Caleb nodded, his eyes bright with interest. “Yes, brilliant. There’s a concert tonight at the Showbox that just might do the trick.”

“Perfect.” I smiled to show both that I was serious and that I was on his side. “You can tell me all about how it goes tomorrow.”

He cocked his head, his expression earnest. “You’re coming with me, right?”

A knot formed in my stomach. I was meeting Ethan, for a real date, not a fake one, and not one who was a dream from seven years ago. “I can’t,” I admitted, bracing for his reaction. “I have a date.”

For a split second, his face fell, and a part of me wanted to cancel the date right there and then. What we’d shared was something I’d probably never experience again, and our history was far more complicated than any normal exes.

But I didn’t owe Caleb anything, not with the way he’d shut down any idea of us just minutes after he’d spurted his cum across me.

He collected himself, nodding slowly. “Of course, I understand. I was just hoping… Well, never mind. Not important.” He ran a hand through his hair, mussing the perfect golden strands. “You’re a fantastic partner, Josie, and I can run with this. I want you to have a good time tonight. Maybe you can”—he cleared his throat—“tell me how it went when I report back on the couple.” He tilted his head to the side, and I thought he might say something more. “I hope he’s a great guy, Josie. Catch you later.”

As I watched him leave, it felt like a door was closing. And I had no choice but to bolt it shut.

“Goodbye, Caleb.”