19. Josie

NINETEEN

Josie

It had thus far been a picture-perfect Seattle evening, the city’s lights reflecting off the leaves of massive trees, casting a magical ambiance over the small restaurant. Ethan had been sharing a sweet tale about the time he found an age-old fossil in his back yard with infectious excitement, his hands gesturing wildly, when the commotion caught our attention.

“Weirdo in the bushes!” someone cried.

That was when I saw him. A familiar figure, hunched and oddly out of place, head peeking out from the bushes right outside the restaurant’s large windows.

Caleb.

The sight of him should’ve been comical—a grown-ass man attempting to half-hide in a highly visible bush—but it wasn’t. The tension that knotted in my stomach made sure of that. Yet what I felt wasn’t just the expected awkwardness of, Oh look, there’s my former lover of this afternoon spying on me , though that would have been entirely reasonable.

No, I sensed something else. A shadow, as if the light was angling off him in an unnatural way. But it must have just been the streetlight, or the fact that he was caught in shrubbery.

Whispers started around the restaurant as others noticed him, too, speculating about his strange behavior.

“We ought to call the police,” one woman said, a silver-haired lady in the next booth.

But I quickly reassured her, “Oh, he’s harmless. Just a friend trying to play a prank.”

Ethan, not missing a beat, responded with, “You can never be too careful these days. There are a lot of strange people out there.”

I swallowed back an ironic laugh. If only he knew the extent of the strangeness I was dealing with.

Caleb ducked out of sight like a secret agent caught in the spotlight, blending into the darkness in a swift movement that would’ve been impressive if it wasn’t so exasperating.

My heart pounded in my chest, not in a fluttery, romantic kind of way, but like the rhythm of a war drum. Caleb was gone from sight, yet his presence lingered, prickling at the back of my neck. The sensation of being watched persisted, just like that shadow hovering where it didn’t belong.

Is he still out there somewhere?

For fuck’s sake. A flicker of defiance ignited within me. Couldn’t I just get one normal date with a normal guy? This was my life, my date. Caleb had no say in it. He had made it crystal clear that he didn’t want me. But did that mean I was supposed to sit alone, awaiting his approval on who I could or couldn’t see? I was Josie Ray, proud bookstore owner and cat herder, not some damsel in distress waiting for a prince who clearly had no intentions of sticking around.

A new determination rolled through my veins. I would not let Caleb’s ghostly watch influence my actions nor my emotions.

If he wanted a show, I’d give him one.

With renewed spirit, I turned to Ethan, his dark hair catching the soft glow of the restaurant lighting, his hazel eyes waiting patiently. He seemed like a good man, a bit socially awkward, perhaps, but kind and endearing, not to mention devilishly handsome. He was the dark antidote to Caleb’s golden light, and I appreciated that difference on a cellular level. A part of me felt a pang of guilt, but it was dwarfed by the empowering surge of control.

“Ethan,” I started, offering my most charming smile. I could feel my cheeks heating up, but I held his gaze.

Gathering all the confidence I had mustered, I leaned across the table, willing my eyes to twinkle with mischief under the warm glow of the fairy lights dangling from the restaurant’s ceiling. My hand reached across, gently touching Ethan’s, whose eyes widened slightly at the sudden contact.

“Oh, Ethan,” I cooed, my voice a soft purr, giving his hand a squeeze. “You know, you’re quite a gem yourself. You’re like—” I desperately tried to remember the name of that rock I studied in seventh grade science. “A geode . Ordinary at first glance but extraordinary once you look closer.”

Ethan blinked at me, his lips parting as if he were saying “oh,” but nothing came out. His reaction was funny, poor guy, like a deer in the headlights. I bit back a laugh, pressing on, my heart pounding in my chest with a mix of thrill and amusement.

I added, “And who wouldn’t want to crack open a geode as handsome as you?”

Ethan blinked, a look of utter bemusement crossing his features. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to make sense of my forwardness.

Leaning back, and taking my hand with me, I said, “I mean, I can see layers and layers in you, just waiting to be explored,” I continued, giving him my best come-hither look.

He swallowed hard and tilted his head.

I felt emboldened, drunk on the power of my own charm, fueled by a defiant need to show Caleb, wherever he was, that I could play this game, too.

I don’t need him.

Ethan bit his lip. “I have always been very intrigued by the complexities of modern social engagements.” He grimaced, perhaps noticing the odd turn of phrase in his own words.

“Sure,” I offered. “Complex social engagements are very hard to untangle.” I reached out and put my hand on his once again, as much to comfort him as to carry on the flirt.

Ethan’s eyes flicked from my own down to where my hand rested over his and then back again. His gaze was similar to that of a child faced with a difficult math problem, completely clueless, yet undeniably eager to understand. I suppressed a chuckle with a coy smile instead.

A young waiter sauntered over, and I took a big gulp of water to help me keep my course. His nametag announced “Stephen,” and he folded his hands in front of him. “Good evening. Can I bring you any appetizers?”

Ethan continued to stare at me, blinking like an owl caught in daylight. Then, as if a lightbulb had flickered on, his face broke into a broad grin. “Oh,” he said, his voice rich with sudden understanding. “You’re flirting!”

I nearly choked on my water.

“I can come back.” Stephen backed away with a bemused smile. As he scampered off to attend to other customers, Ethan leaned in closer, his smile cheeky.

“I must admit,” he confessed, his gaze locking with mine. “Innocent rock puns roll off my tongue more easily than flirtations. But I think I can get the hang of it.”

True to his word, the rest of the evening unfolded with a natural ebb and flow of lighthearted teasing and laughter. Ethan, once he was over his initial surprise, played along with my flirtatious antics, even throwing in some quips of his own that had me giggling.

It felt easy, uncomplicated, and completely under my control.

The sense of being watched remained, but I used it to fuel my playful defiance, maintaining the pretense of a budding romance with Ethan.

Assuming Caleb was out there, I hoped he was taking notes.

We strolled back to my apartment, Ethan ever the gentleman offering to walk me home. We made the last turn when he was still passionately explaining that the Bookish Cat might be the most important thing to a young boy someday.

“It was a book I found in a shop just like yours that changed everything for me, opened up a whole world below the surface and in towering mountains. Don’t underestimate how important your work is.”

“That’s very sweet of you to say, Ethan.”

Standing at the doorstep of my building, bathed in the soft glow of the light, there was a nagging pull at the back of my mind, the lurking presence that I’d felt all night. Caleb had to be out there somewhere, watching us.

“Well, this has been fun.” Ethan turned toward me, his eyes soft and kind. He extended his arms for what seemed like a friendly hug—and then I felt those watching eyes even stronger, waves of him reaching me, and it felt utterly unfair.

You can’t have it all, Caleb!

Before Ethan could reach me, I stepped forward and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. It was a desperate move, fueled by the irrational need to make a point.

The instant our lips met, I felt the sensation of being watched dissipate, like smoke being swept away by a gust of wind.

Caleb was gone.

But the kiss—um—could it even be called a kiss? It was more of an accident of two faces pushing together. There was no spark, no magic, just the touch of lips and the awkward fumbling of a man caught off guard.

It left me hollow inside instead of triumphant.

We pulled apart, and I could see the surprise mirrored in Ethan’s wide eyes.

“Well,” Ethan stammered, his cheeks flushing a shade of red. “I sure appreciate your enthusiasm, but…”

I forced a smile, trying to keep the mood light. “But we’re probably better off being just friends, right?”

“I’d love that.” He extended his hand, and I shook it, a formal end to an evening that had not gone as expected.

As he waved goodbye and walked away, I sighed. Anything I ever could have felt for Ethan had fizzled right out in the anticlimax of that kiss.

It was nothing like the kiss at Nana’s party. Nothing like Caleb at all. God, everyone was measured against Caleb, and nobody ever compared.

I closed my apartment door behind me, stepping into the quiet emptiness of my apartment. Not a single cat in sight. Big surprise .

But with no distractions, no comforting purrs, it was just me and my swirling thoughts.

And I couldn’t handle it. If Caleb was going to be on my mind, then he might as well be in front of me. I resigned myself to the fact that as long as he was on this plane of existence, he was going to be a great big distraction. Maybe we couldn’t be together that way , but my soul wouldn’t let me drop him like a hot potato either. He was watching me on the date because he cared. And I knew a part of him wished it could be different, too.

That’s what I felt when we made love, whether he wants to admit it or not.

Almost instinctively, I was out and walking toward the Showbox. There was still plenty of time before the late-night concert would begin.

And there he was, as if he’d been there all the time, staring at his phone with hunched shoulders, and for once, I was sure he didn’t know I was coming.

“So,” I said like it was the most normal thing in the world. “What’s the update on this couple we’re matching?”