22. Hannah

22

HANNAH

T he reality that I continued to keep my pregnancy a secret from my men hampered my happiness as the holidays approached. Arthur’s apology and return to my bed sparked a whole new host of feelings, demanding I tell them the truth. My ex’s reaction to finding out about Liddy allowed fear to hold me hostage.

Keeping this pregnancy a secret risked destroying the relationship I’d finally salvaged. It should be the opposite. I trusted them with Liddy, but not with news of my pregnancy. My reasons sucked but I listened to them, nonetheless.

I wanted to make the occasion special. I was so busy with school and preparing for Christmas that I kept putting it off. Every day that passed, every day that I kept the news from them, made it that much harder to talk about, even though my growing belly threatened to tell for me.

I sat on the crunchy paper in the OB’s office and fisted my hands in the paper gown. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

Grinning from ear-to-ear, the rotund woman at the machine waved her hands like they were magic wands. “You’re having twins.”

Her words rang in my ears, looping in and out between the piercing whistles. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. Look. There’s baby A, and here’s baby B.” She tapped the screen. “Two distinct heartbeats. Two bodies. Two babies.”

Nausea twisted my stomach. How was it that having twins made my secret more unbearable? The good thing was it sparked an idea for the big reveal. “Can you print me three copies of the ultrasound?”

God love the ultrasound nurse for not asking questions. Still grinning and nodding, she printed the pictures and set them on a side table. “I’ll let you get dressed. You already have your follow-up appointments scheduled so you’re all set.” I nodded and gave her a weak smile and she left the room.

I allowed myself a full minute to lay there and panic before I changed into my clothes and slid the ultrasound pictures into my coat pocket. No wonder my jeans were tighter than I thought they should be at this stage. “Twins.” I cradled the swell of my belly and laughed. “They’re going to be extra shocked.”

I had to tell them. Putting it off any longer would only make things worse, and now that I knew I had two babies to share, I was practically bursting with the news. The woman in the daycare room smiled back at me when I stopped to pick up Liddy. I’d picked this OB because of her stellar reputation and because they had a place for Liddy to stay during my appointments.

“Come on, Liddy.” She took my hand as we left the bright daycare with its animal prints on the walls and crossed to the gift shop.

Liddy’s mouth opened in a wide O, and she darted off to examine a row of stuffed animals. “Can I?”

“One.” I held up a single finger. It wouldn’t hurt to break the news to her with a new stuffed animal. Liddy picked up and examined every one of them within reach while I spoke with the woman behind the counter.

Twenty minutes later, I had three gift bags, and Liddy was the proud owner of a brand new stuffed giraffe. We walked out hand in hand, Liddy skipping and me juggling the three bags. Her laughter turned infectious when she spotted a man across the street selling balloons.

Now that I’d made the decision, I couldn’t wait to meet up with my men tonight. “Ready, Liddy?” I looked down at her and rounded the corner.

An “oomph” of surprise sounded as my shoulder thumped into something firm.

“Sorry.” The male voice skittered down my spine.

Chad.

No. Surely not. I dared my eyes to deny the familiar tone and raised my head. Well… shit.

His eyes widened. “Hannah?” He looked me over, even taking a step back to get a better view. “You look great.” He sounded startled at the realization that I’d not turned into a desperate frump after having his child.

“Thanks.” I said it with a snide undertone and tugged Liddy closer to my side. “We need to go. Excuse me.” I started past him, glad I’d managed to keep from saying it was good to see him. That would’ve been a straight-up lie, even if it was the polite thing to say.

“Wait.” His brows slashed downward and he leaned around to get a better look at Liddy. When that wasn’t enough, he moved to a knee so they were eye level. “Is that her?”

“Her?” I lowered my voice to a dangerous tone.

Chad had the decency to flush but waved carelessly. “You know what I mean. Is she mine?”

Defensiveness rose up and locked my voice. Liddy was my daughter. This man contributed his DNA and nothing else. She hadn’t been his since the minute he walked away from her. Saying yes risked confusing Liddy. She’d never asked about her father. She knew she had one but the subject rarely came up. I avoided the lessons at school that mentioned defining parents into groups of mothers and fathers. No one ever questioned it. Despite the worry and anger taking hold, I refused to lie. “Yes.”

Liddy ducked behind my legs and peered out from beside my thigh. She peeked at Chad, her little mind scrambling to come up with an explanation why this man seemed so interested in her. She’d never been the shy type, but most men tended to let her warm up a bit before they invaded her space.

Chad looked up at me, and an expression I’d never thought I’d see on his face appeared. I’d swear the man looked ashamed.

“What’s her name?” He spoke to me as his eyes darted back to Liddy. She shoved her giraffe over her face and ducked tighter against my leg.

“Liddy.” I smoothed her hair back from her face. My tone remained solid, my body an impenetrable wall against the charms he possessed. He’d never had to use those charms against me before but I knew they existed, and I was too smart to fall for them now.

“Hi, Liddy.” Chad held out a hand. Liddy merely stared at him with wide-eyed confusion and he finally dropped it. “I’m your?—”

I coughed to cover up whatever else he intended to say. “I’ll discuss that with her, Chad.”

Surprise flitted over his face, followed by chagrin. “Right. Well.” He cleared his throat and stood. “I feel horrible, Hannah.”

All the joy I’d felt when I left the doctor’s office fell apart as I realized what he was about to say.

“Really?” I tipped my head to the side and prayed I was wrong.

“Yeah. It was a lot, you know?” He shrugged.

“Was it?” I fisted my hand around the handles of the gift bags. “Was it a lot, Chad? Tell me how horrible it was for you, the one who walked away from his responsibilities and left me holding everything together on my own.” I forced my lips shut. Liddy didn’t need to hear all of this. It bubbled in my gut, all the things I’d never had a chance to say back then. Three years. Three years of absolute silence and all he can say is, ‘it was a lot.’ No fucking shit it was a lot.

“I’ve changed.” He met my glare with what appeared to be genuine remorse. “Three years is a long time. I’ve grown up.”

“You seem the same to me.” Same hazel eyes Liddy had inherited. Same stupid smile that made everyone around him want to smile back.

Warm sunshine fought against the brisk wind tearing down the street flapping my coat tails. Liddy’s arm squeezed around my leg. “Mama, can we go?” She talked into her giraffe, refusing to look at Chad.

“I’m really sorry,” Chad rushed to say, like he knew I was about to storm away and never look back. “I feel terrible for how I left things.”

How he left things ? I ground my teeth together.

“I’d like the chance to get to know her.” He nodded toward Liddy. “Every kid should know their father.” He said it before I could cut him off.

Liddy stiffened beside me but kept silent.

“I miss you.” He stretched out a hand toward my face.

My quick backstep had me almost tripping over Liddy but I managed to avoid the touch. He’d given up the right to touch me when he walked out on me and Liddy. His hand fell back to his side. All my doubts and fears congealed. “What are your intentions?” I doubted he’d tell me the truth, but his reaction to the question revealed a lot.

He smiled that charismatic grin that had gotten him through most of his life. “Just to spend time with you two.”

Yeah, right. I didn’t believe that for a second. Chad always had ulterior motives. What would he say if he knew I was pregnant again? I almost shoved the bags in his face and revealed it all. The only thing holding me back was Liddy and the three men waiting for me at the mansion. Why tell Chad—the bane of my existence—before any of them? Not worth it. Not in the least. Letting Chad in was guaranteed to disrupt the newfound family dynamic I’d managed to eke out.

“Now’s not a good time.” I made myself clear that if I allowed this, it was an inconvenience.

“Come on, Hannah.” He refrained from reaching out again, but I spotted the shifting weight and the opening and closing of his hand. He wanted to demand that I give into him. He’d always been a selfish bastard. I’d let him get away with it because he’d protected me.

No more. I’d found better. Still, damn it all. He was Liddy’s father, and he was right—she did deserve the opportunity to get to know him if he truly had changed. Keeping Liddy from her biological father felt too wrong to ignore.

“We can meet you next week.” I laid out the date, time, and location. “I’m in control of this, Chad. If Liddy doesn’t want to do it, we’re not doing it. If she is too uncomfortable, we’re leaving. We’ll take it slow, at her pace, and her pace only.”

He nodded along as if he were a puppet having his strings pulled. “Sure. I’m okay with that.” He grinned down at Liddy. “We don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”

Every word sounded right, too right. Was I being paranoid or did he really sound scripted? I had no idea and my patience was running short. “Okay then. Bye, Chad.” I ducked into the space between him and the building, more grateful than I had words for to express that he seemed oblivious to the fact I’d just walked out of an OB’s office carrying gift bags.

“Later, Liddy bug.” He grinned at his nickname for her.

Liddy’s fingers squeezed mine tight enough to make the joints ache. “Are we going home now?”

“Let’s go see Scott, Arthur, and Ryland.” I swung our hands back and forth. “You can show them your new giraffe.”

The distraction worked, refocusing Liddy on the positives of the day. She’d taken to calling the mansion home. I hesitated to correct her since it had started to feel that way for me too. We were welcomed once again with open arms by all three men. Even Deena seemed happy with the arrangement. If she had objections, she kept them to herself and was always pleasant when we spoke.

The shaking set in as we climbed the steps and opened the front door. I lost feeling in the hand holding the gift bags and almost dropped them as I crossed the threshold. Muttering a mental curse, I hid the bags in the coat closet, stuffing them on a shelf behind mine and Liddy’s coats.

I’d finally found my place in the world and along comes Chad to challenge everything.

Liddy skipped across the foyer, calling out for Ryland, and I stopped and leaned against the closed closet door. The feeling in the house had changed for me since I’d started working here months ago. It had felt lonely at first, almost bereft back then.

Laughter floated my way. Liddy’s laughter. Where she’d been shy with Chad, she blossomed around Ryland, Scott, and Arthur. What was a father? I’d had one of the best in the world. Chad was sadly lacking in every regard. Did I still owe him the right to see Liddy? A flutter in my belly reminded me that I had more to think about than Chad.