Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Those coffee-colored eyes! Kate could hardly believe they were staring at her again with the same care and concern as before. She felt he could see all of her, not just what she presented externally but everything inside as well. He sensed her soul and understood her; there was a strange connection building between them that she had not felt with another person, not since that night, at any rate. It rushed through her at the speed of light, much too quickly for her to prevent it. She tried to pull her eyes away from this man, but she could not do it however hard she tried.

Who was the man with the coffee-colored eyes? Who was the person who had been on her mind ever since the collision, and what was he doing here now? Her mother had not informed her of this change of events, which was rather confusing.

She thought it was going to be her parents' friends. This was not what she had expected at all. What did all of this mean?

Kate's heart raced as she found herself still looking at this man. Before, she had only had his eyes to remember him by. There was a vagueness to his face; her imagination had to work to fill in his face in her dreams and thoughts, but now she had confirmation of who he truly was. The image of him was now clearer. He was much taller than she, over six foot perhaps, with strong shoulders and a delightfully masculine build. The man's chestnut brown hair was styled in the popular Brutus haircut. His strong square jaw framed a tanned, clean-shaven and handsome face with an intriguing, hooked nose. But it was his eyes that captured Kate. Those eyes which she felt had kept her alive.

He was so good-looking that it was almost hard to be in his presence. Yet, at the same time, she feared shattering the eye contact in case he vanished into thin air once more.

For a while, Kate thought she might have invented the man, since it was Doctor Andrews who had officially helped her family at the scene of the accident, but of course, she had not. He was here, she would know those eyes anywhere in the world.

How did she allow herself to be convinced to come down the stairs by her mother? It was such an embarrassment. Leaning on this walking cane, struggling to move at a snail's pace, having none of the airs and graces she'd perfected in the past, was all bad enough. But in front of this man, it was so much worse. If she could have run back to her room, she would have done so.

Thankfully, before the heat and tension flooding the room completely filled her up, the man with the coffee-colored eyes took his gaze off her. A slight pinkness stained his cheeks like it had suddenly hit him how inappropriate they were both being, looking upon one another with such obvious interest for such an extended period of time. That was not the way to behave. Certainly not when they did not know one another. Not officially. They had not even been introduced as yet.

"This is the Earl of Embleton," her father continued with the introductions, seemingly not aware of anything strange going on in the room. Thank goodness. "Lord William Moore. He shall be joining us for dinner tonight along with Doctor Andrews and his wife. We owe Lord Moore much gratitude for all his assistance on the night of our carriage crash."

Kate visibly winced. She had been forced to attend this dinner with the assumption that she needed to move on from what happened that night. She certainly would not have gotten dressed and come down to see the doctor, who was always pushing her to do more, and the man who'd helped them on that night. They had nothing in common to speak of other than the accident. Of course, it would come up in conversation, there would be no avoiding it. She did not need this.

The mere mention of the carriage accident in the company of other people had Kate seeing flashes of images she wished never to have again. The fear, the terror, the banging, the tumbling, the world spinning around her, the pain...

Oh the pain. The agony. She had never experienced anything like that hot, earth-shattering sharpness. Much as she did not enjoy the deep throbbing with every step now, it was nothing compared to that screaming pain inside of her.

Kate had since been told that part of the carriage had fallen on top of her, but if she closed her eyes and transported herself back to that place, she could have sworn that something had pierced her skin and muscle, too.

But those coffee-colored eyes had kept her alive, and now Lord Moore was here in front of her, probably thinking it was a shame that she had lived just to waste that life crippled and hiding away from the world.

Not that he had looked at her with anything other than concern and caring, but it was easy for Kate to get twisted up in her unpleasant thoughts.

"I see." Kate could hardly keep the tension from her words. She did not want any of this, and the stress made it even more difficult to balance on her cane properly. She knew her cheeks were crimson, which would only make Lord Moore even more interested in her. Handsome or not, she did not need his gaze.

She caught his eyes once more, but this time he was much faster in looking away. Humiliation on her behalf, she assumed. Not only was she a cripple, but he had likely heard the gossip of the haute ton. "Poor Lady Katherine." She could practically hear the words floating through his mind. "Unable to walk and also jilted by her fiancé. What a sorry state of affairs!"

A prickle burned at the tip of her nose, as tears threatened to make an appearance once more. Kate did not want to weep any longer, especially not at a moment since her maid had dressed her up suitably, styled her hair, and even used a bit of powder to hide the puffiness in her face. She had to find a way to hold it together. She needed to muster her courage.

I shall not endure this man's pity, she told herself firmly. I will not have him looking at me at all.

Since she had committed to this dinner now, and she could not run away, Kate had no choice but to hold her head high and act like none of this troubled her, even the walking cane. Perhaps she was no longer the person she used to be, but she could channel a confidence within herself, even if it was not there. She had lost the use of her right leg, and the Marquess of Fairbridge had cruelly rejected her and turned her into a laughing stock, but that did not mean Kate had to take on board pity from a stranger. Even if he was the man attached to the coffee-colored eyes...

No, she must no longer think of those eyes. They were not a source of comfort from that night of terror. Instead, they would be an ice-cold memory of that terrible night instead. The coffee color had been ruined for her, along with everything else.

"Of course, we are incredibly grateful for your assistance on that night." The Duke of Ridgebrook could not stop complimenting William, which rubbed Kate the wrong way. How were they still on this subject matter? "So, it is wonderful for you to join us for dinner. My wife and I have been wishing to thank you ever since we recovered."

Kate bit down on her bottom lip, refusing to snap and act out like a spoiled child. Given half the chance, she would have made a scene and let her parents know that if they wanted to hold this dinner and thank the earl sooner, then they could have done so. Doctor Andrews had been a regular visitor to their home since the accident, checking in on her. They could have asked at any point; they certainly did not need to wait until she was willing...no, not willing, but able to join the family.

Yet she said nothing. Her reputation had been tarnished enough. She did not need to wreck it any further.

I am not the only one who does not wish to be here, though, she told herself slyly as she caught the unimpressed expression on William's face. She could not fail to spot how uncomfortable he appeared to be in the company of her family. But why had he come? He must have known more than she did what he was getting himself into. Why not refuse to attend?

Perhaps he had not expected to be faced with her, with her obvious injuries and the sadness clinging to her everywhere she went. He might have expected a pleasant evening with the Duke and Duchess of Ridgebrook and instead was stuck with her. Well, if that was his issue then she could quite easily leave. She did not mind exiting this room, even if it took her a while, and going back to the comfort of her bedchamber...

But no, that idea was very rapidly snatched away as the butler informed the family that Doctor and Mrs. Andrews had arrived at last, so it was time for the dinner party to begin. Any chance of escaping had been snatched from Kate.

The greetings with Doctor Andrews and his lovely wife, Emily, were warm and filled with joy. The doctor made his feelings about Kate being downstairs in the house, dressed up and socializing, using the walking cane to assist her movements, very clear. He did not directly speak to Kate about it, for which she was incredibly grateful, but he continued to smile at her the whole time.

He looked like a proud father watching his baby walk for the very first time. It was a little overwhelming.

Thankfully, her parents did not wait long for the party to take their seats at the dining table, which allowed Kate to rest. While sitting among other people, at the same level as everyone else, she could almost pretend that there was nothing wrong at all. She could almost fit in. If only all social events with the ton could be enjoyed sitting down.

But of course, they just loved to dance and show off their fine clothing. Kate did not stand a chance.

Kate sat beside her mother, opposite Doctor and Mrs. Andrews, and the earl. Her father took his seat at the head of the table and made a big show of toasting the family's guests and thanking them another time for their help with the accident. Kate shut her father's words out because she could not stand to hear him speaking of heroism and saviors...

She did not feel like she had been saved. Not really. Of course she was happy to be alive, she knew that there was at least some luck on her side, but the life that she had been brought back into was not her own.

No wedding, no exciting future, no love...only her bedchamber, which was where she wished she had stayed. It was no real life. Everyone knew it, but no one as acutely as her.

Doctor Andrews was clearly fine with the praise and any discussions about the accident. Much to Kate's annoyance, he was happy to continually discuss it with her father, as was Emily as well. The pride that she felt for her husband rolled off her tongue with every single word. She shined with the sort of requited love that Kate could only dream of.

Yes, she might have thought that she was in love with Douglas once upon a time, but that was not reciprocated. It could not have been. She would never have turned her back on him if things had occurred the other way around. So requited love was something that Kate did not understand, had not experienced, would probably not experience throughout her whole sorry life.

Yet Kate noticed she was not the only person who wished the conversation would change. William did not wish for it to be discussed either. He was one of the heroes in the discussion, yet he did not wish to hear about it. Perhaps they had more in common than she first realized.

That intrigued her more than she cared to admit. She wished that she could lean into Lord Moore, to speak with him quietly alone as everyone else gossiped in whichever way they saw fit, to ask him what he hated so much about that night.

Or perhaps even better, what he would like to discuss instead.

Her lips curled up, almost into a smile, as she thought about another conversation she could have with the man with those eyes. She already had much more to think about now, if he was going to feature in her dreams once more, so it would be rather nice to add more in.

What he liked, what he did for a living, what books he enjoyed reading...questions she had never even thought to ask Douglas, even when they were courting. Not that he ever gave her much time to talk and ask questions. He was always the one who took control of the conversation.

Not that talking too much was his biggest fault, of course. Kate could not see any of his faults at the time while they were courting; she had loved listening to him speak, whatever he had to say, but now that was just one of the things that she despised about him.

Most of all, she hated the way he let her down so easily and pushed her away as if she was worth nothing.

But Lord Moore was different. He seemed like a much quieter, more reserved man which intrigued Kate greatly. She could not stop flickering her eyes over to him all the time. Only for the briefest of moments, though. She could not get caught watching once more. Then her reputation would be even more affected.

Not that it mattered. It was not like she needed her reputation any longer. It meant nothing in her bedchambers...