Chapter 4

Chapter 4

William could not believe that he had allowed himself to be talked into this dinner at Ridgebrook Manor. It had not even been hard for Tristan to talk him around. Since he had been suffering from a night of debauchery and drinking, he had not had the strength to say no. His friend had known what he was doing, by turning it into a challenge. By causing William to agree not to drink too much, Tristan had turned the dinner into a task that William needed to complete, so of course, he needed to prove himself.

It seemed such a good idea at the time, but now that he was in his carriage on the way to the event, he was not so sure. He wished it was not too late for him to cancel because he simply was not in the mood. A late cancellation, however, would be too rude. He could not be rude. Even for a man like him who did not put as much stock in his reputation as the ton, that was simply not done.

But Lady Katherine...he reminded himself, which kept him going. He did want to get to know her better. He could not deny it. She intrigued him, fascinated him actually, mostly because she had been on his mind for two long months. He could tell that there was a lot more to her than met the eye and William wished that he could find out what.

Those eyes...the sparkling green eyes. He absolutely loved the idea of looking into them once more and seeing more of what Lady Katherine had to offer. Perhaps they might even get some time to talk so he could learn more about who she really was. Even if she was nothing like the version of her he had created in his mind.

Yet, William could not forget that he was no longer the most eligible bachelor in London, not by a long shot. He no longer attended the Season of balls, where women would vie for a space on his dance card. Now, he was outside that life, looking in. All because of Gillian. Lady Gillian Thompson had utterly swept him off his feet the moment he met her. William had not been a big believer in love at first sight until he saw her. With her raven hair, her striking smile, her always-pristine attire. He supposed that it was obvious she was the daughter of one of London's wealthiest dukes, but that was not his first consideration. He was not looking for a woman who came from money and had a giant dowry. He was not the same as other men, for money in marriage did not matter. Perhaps the loss of his father had changed his perspective and made him want something so much more.

He always knew that he would marry for love, not for convenience, so the moment he spotted Lady Gillian, and the world shifted underneath him, he knew that this was the woman for him. She seemed to feel the same way also. Perhaps she was not instantly as struck, but she certainly did not show any awe around him, and they shared two dances that night and talked for a long while with a companionable admiration.

Perhaps William had been so madly in love with Lady Gillian that he saw feelings which weren't really there. He so badly wanted her to love him, he imagined it there and got caught up in the sheer romance he felt. He did not see the reality until afterward when he approached her father to ask for her hand in marriage, only to be cruelly turned down in the most humiliating way possible. It still chilled him now to remember that moment, even six years later. The embarrassment remained just the same. Just as icy cold and sharp as it was when he first heard the horrifying word ‘no'.

"My daughter would never lower herself to the rank of an earl's wife," the duke scoffed as if William were worthless, like a scrap of dirt stuck to his shoe which he simply could not clean off fast enough. "Do not humiliate yourself by imagining such a thing."

Foolishly, William had believed that there was so much love between them, that Lady Gillian would wish to rebel against her father's wishes and wed him anyway. He knew that it would be scandalous, but he was so swept away, William did not mind. He was head over heels and would have done anything for his bride-to-be, family permission or not...

That did not happen. Instead of loving him back like William thought she would, Lady Gillian Thompson denied ever having any romantic feelings for him at all. She stood with her father, abided by his wishes, and acted like William was nothing more than a nuisance who had pestered her and tried to make a fool out of the pair of them. The rumors spread and became public consumption, twisting and changing as they spread, taking on a life of their own.

Soon, the snippets that William overheard were nothing like the truth. There was nothing that he could do to correct the tales either because the words were wild and out of control. He could only wait until something else happened to draw attention away from himself. It had taken a long time, but eventually, people's attention had moved on. Everyone's but his. His thoughts would never move on from what had happened.

Lady Gillian turned him into a laughing stock, with London society against him. Instead of being an eligible bachelor, he had become a rejected man that no one could see a future with, which was how he ended up the man he was today. A cold-hearted man who did not let his walls down for anyone, and he had no intention of ever doing so again.

It was the first time that William had ever put his heart on the line, and the last time as well. This was why he only spent a night with a woman, and not any who would expect commitment from him. William was never going to be fooled with silly notions of love again. He did not see himself ever getting married, even if all his friends did. He had no desire to commit himself to a woman who would only break him later on. He did not want that experience again.

He might not have been happy as he was, like Robert claimed to be, but at least like this, his heart was not at risk. William would much rather contain himself and not get hurt. His life was just fine as it was, and he had no plans to change it.

So, perhaps it was not the best idea to waste Lady Katherine's time talking to her. Much as she intrigued him, he had no right to get to know her.

Just like Lady Gillian, it was unlikely that she would want him either.

William arrived at Ridgebrook Manor long before he was ready to. It was an extremely grand building, with reddish brown brick and large, elegant windows that sparkled in the sun light. But it was not the manor that impressed him the most. William loved the gardens. Instantly he was struck by the lush greenery of the grass and bushes, but he also enjoyed the bright colored flowers, too. He wished that he knew more about flowers because they always interested him. He sighed to himself before stepping out of the carriage and walking toward the door, all the while trying to prepare for the night of polite company he would have to endure without much alcohol. Maybe none at all. Why had he agreed to this again?

The butler greeted William in a very professional manner, instantly letting William see what sort of household this was: one of the best with every rule being followed no matter what, even if no one was present to see. William was even more convinced that he did not belong here and he never should have come. He would see Tristan soon, though, which would make it a little easier. His friend was much better at being in social situations than he was; the doctor could make small talk easily.

But Tristan was not in the dining room. It seemed that he had not yet arrived at Ridgebrook Manor, which was very problematic for William. He had not planned on communicating with the Duke and Duchess of Ridgebrook by himself.

The inside of the manor was just as grand as the outside. The parlor, all decorated in red and gold with a chandelier so huge it demanded attention, made William even more nervous than he was before.

"Lord Moore, it is so wonderful to have you here." The duke stepped forward to greet William first. "Thank you so much for gracing us with your presence this evening. We very much appreciate spending time with you again. Of course, we hope this meeting is nothing like the first time we met you. I do hope this will be more pleasant for all concerned."

"Thank you very much for having me," William replied. "It is wonderful to formally meet you under happier circumstances."

"You are a very kind man, a wonderful man. We might not be here anymore if it was not for you." The duke laughed. "My goodness, you and Doctor Andrews saved our lives. I often think about how we can possibly ever thank you."

William waved his hand dismissively. "No thanks needed. We only did what anyone else in our situation would do."

"Oh, and modest, too. How very interesting..."

William did not know how to take all the kindness. It was too much. Just because he helped the Langley family on the night of the carriage collision, he did not want to be thanked over and over for it. The direct attention made him uncomfortable. He preferred it when the duke turned the attention to his wife and the introductions took all eyes off of him. She had some kind words to say to him as well, but she seemed to sense his discomfort, so she held herself back.

Drinks were offered around by the footmen, and William did accept alcohol from the master of the house, but he told himself it would not matter because Tristan was not here to see it. He would only have one to take the edge off, a little drink to make him feel better. He would not forget himself and get carried away, even if he really wanted to.

"Ah, and this is our daughter." William's heart leaped into his throat as he finally caught sight of the woman who had been in his mind ever since he first saw her at the accident two months ago. Much as he had attempted to prepare for this moment, since first agreeing to come to this dinner, he had not prepared himself for her wan face. "I do not know if you remember her from the accident. Lady Katherine Langley."

"Yes, of course, I remember. How good it is to make your acquaintance once more."

He politely bowed low, but immediately regretted it when Lady Katherine felt compelled to curtsey back, despite the obvious strain it put on her body.

It was safe to say that she definitely had not moved on from the accident well.

"It is lovely to see you, too," she eventually replied through gritted teeth.

He did not feel welcomed by her, but not in a personal way. The idea of a dinner party did not seem to excite her just as much as him. At least they had that in common.

Tristan had mentioned she had spent a lot of time hiding away from the world, and William could see it.

It pained him.

Lady Katherine took a long time to join the rest of the dinner party because she was clearly struggling to walk with the cane. William could tell that every step was utterly agonizing, which broke his heart. But worse was the pain in her eyes. The poor lady did not look happy at all.

To be where she was now seemed a miracle. Yet she did not look proud of herself. She seemed emotionally hurt, as though carrying around a large weight pressing down upon her. William recognized that because he felt the same way. He had been feeling a similar weight resting on his shoulders for the last six years, which made him believe that it was not just the accident troubling her. He did not listen to London gossip because he knew exactly how it felt to be on the wrong side of that talk. Now, he almost wished he'd paid more attention, learning what troubled her, for he could practically feel the haunted look in her eyes.

He wanted to comfort her in the way that no one had done for him in his sorrow, but he could not.

Once Lady Katherine was near enough to meet his eyes, that was exactly what she did. It felt as though a magnet was drawing them together, fixing them in place, locking them into one another, and refusing to let either of them go. The rest of the world remained around them, but they could only focus on one another. William got lost in those piercing green eyes again, the same as he did that night, and he felt his heart skipping a beat the same way it had then.

Lady Katherine had an inexplicable effect on him that night, and now as well. Not that it was love at first sight. He would never believe in anything like that again. But there was a connection, that much was definite.

He thought he might have imagined the bond. In fact, he had spent the last few hours preparing himself for the nonexistent connection before he arrived at the manor, but it swept him off his feet once more.

Now, William was the one struggling to remain standing up right.

All of a sudden, he realized that he had been looking at Lady Katherine for a little too long. Just because she had been looking at him as well did not make it any less inappropriate. The last thing he wanted was to involve himself in another scandal, so he dragged his eyes away. But William had a feeling that would not be the last time he could not take his eyes off the honey-haired beauty.

With the drink shaking between his fingers, William realized that his heart was not just skipping a beat but pounding hard against his rib cage. So loudly he was surprised that everyone else around him could not hear it.

Tristan was definitely going to sense it if he arrived here soon. William did not want to deal with those sorts of questions.

Not again.

Not when he had already turned his back on love forever.

He was absolutely going to have to calm himself down soon so he could behave in a normal manner in front of the Langley family, and his friend also.