Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Even with Tristan and Emily at Ridgebrook Manor, William did not feel any better about the dinner party. It could not have been more obvious that he did not belong, was out of place, on the outside looking in, and there was no escape. Not until the evening came to a natural conclusion. He was stuck, even though it felt like his lungs could not breathe. He could not run.

The duke could not stop thanking him and Tristan for saving them the night of the carriage collision, which made William uncomfortable. He did not like being the center of attention, even when it was positive. He had spent such a long time hiding himself away from the eyes of interested parties as much as he could, so this was too much to handle. All eyes upon him was an experience that felt too intense. His instincts were to run out of the room, out of the house as well, to forget this night ever happened.

It was almost a relief once the conversation shifted to another clearly captivating topic. It was the current Season, which might not have been something that held William's interest at all, yet it took attention away from him. He could eat in peace. However, this did leave him thinking about his poor younger sister, Imogen, with two failed London Seasons plaguing her. William could not understand why, although he suspected his father's death and lack of a substantial dowry did not help. He was also a little worried that his own negative reputation had impacted her, which was not pleasant to consider...

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Before he even glanced over to Lady Katherine, he knew with utter certainty that she would be looking at him. He had been experiencing the same sensation on and off throughout the evening and he did not know how to react to it. There was such an intense pull that forced him and the beautiful young lady to continually look at one another. He could not resist the temptation however hard he tried, and it seemed neither could she.

But this time, as he met her inquisitive gaze, he could not help but wonder if this was not because of their connection, inexplicably built on that night, but perhaps because she knew everything about him. Not only his failed engagement with Lady Gillian, but the things the scandal sheets wrote about him as well. He could almost see Lady Katherine devouring the writings as if they were gospel, and learning that women in the ton considered him a lecherous rogue.

Of course, this did not stop women from falling into bed with him, so as a general rule, he did not care what was written about him, but having this lovely lady thinking such things without even knowing him made him even more uncomfortable.

She would not understand that there was a reason he had built a fort around his heart. She would only see what was discussed about him, not what had taken him to that place. Nor would Lady Katherine care to know that any woman in William's company was made well aware of his no-strings policy in advance. It was an arrangement to please both of them, not just him. But, of course, the scandal sheets preferred to paint a picture of a heartless, cruel monster.

The urge to pull Lady Katherine to one side, to explain everything to her, was almost overwhelming, but he had to resist. Not only because she did not look like someone who wished to know the truth of him, but because hurried whispers exchanged between the two of them would be scandalous. So as not to ruin her reputation, he would then have to court her and go on to marry her. But William Moore was never going to consider marriage again. He did not need that stress.

The dinner party learned the romantic story of Tristan and Emily and their happy marriage, which thankfully took up a lot of time, meaning William could say nothing. The Duke and Duchess of Ridgebrook took great interest in the tale. Lady Katherine seemed as disinterested as him in the idea of a love story. Either that or she was distracted, barely in the room at all. He wondered where her mind had gone, what she was thinking about, whether she had been thinking of him just as he had her ever since that fateful night two months ago when she lay in the road, damaged by the accident, in a ripped, powder-blue dress and with her hair strewn all around her beautiful, injured face.

Never had he been as affected by the mere sight of someone before. At the time, he assumed it was the drama of the accident that made Lady Katherine so compelling and vivid in his mind, but now he was not so sure. Perhaps it was her...

No, of course, she has not been thinking of me, he scolded himself as he realized just how ridiculous that sounded. She has had too much else to worry about. The fact that she had not been able to walk quite normally had to have been horrible. He supposed that she could not even consider dancing and social events, which during the Season was a horrible restraint for a lady of her age. No man would be able to see her, court her, and propose marriage while she was struggling to move.

The fact that everyone was discussing the Season and love stories around Lady Katherine was in fact quite terrible. Yet he had been the one warned to tread carefully, to move with caution, yet Tristan was now the one acting with absolutely no sensitivity.

William might have felt smug about this, had he not been feeling such an empathetic pull toward Lady Katherine.

She caught him looking. Again. He was forced to drag his eyes off her. Again. This was starting to get very complicated. If he was not careful she would scream for her father to rescue her from the lecherous rogue who would not stop staring in her direction. Even if she wanted to examine him as well, he was the one who needed to be much more careful.

"Lord Moore." The duchess spoke a little sharply, probably not on purpose but it certainly did the trick of dragging his attention back into the room and to the conversation he really needed to start taking part in. He tried to focus, but everything around him was a little blurry and dreamlike because he'd been distracted for such a long period of time. He could practically feel Tristan silently glaring at him, begging him to behave better. "I must ask, are you seeking a bride this Season?"

William felt a vice-like pressure around his lungs. He tugged at his cravat, trying to move it away from his throat so he could get air through his windpipe, but he could not loosen it. At some point during the wording of that question, the cravat had become inexplicably far too tight. All eyes lay upon William as every single member of the table waited for his answer. Even Lady Katherine had stopped herself from drifting off to find out what he was about to say with regard to his position...

They do not know. In that moment, it dawned upon him in a glaringly obvious way that everyone seemed to be wholly unaware of his roughish reputation. Not even the young lady. Clearly, he had been very judgmental and wrong to assume that she read the scandal sheets. Again, she had too much else to worry about at the present time.

Yet even as William sensed all of this, he could not find the right words to speak. Or any words at all. It was as if his voice box had been closed off completely. He did not wish to tell a lie to the Duke and Duchess of Ridgebrook, especially after they had been so kind to him, but he was also not willing to be honest about himself. He wanted no one to know.

"My friend simply has not met the right lady yet." Sensing the tension, and William's inability to give a straightforward answer, Tristan stepped in on his behalf. William could not have been more grateful to his friend. He tried to shoot him a grateful glance, but Tristan was far too busy looking at Emily as if she had been gifted to him by the grace of God.

Their love was obvious; it radiated through the entire room, and for one horrifying moment, William wished that he could be the one with a beautiful woman by his side, showing him all the love in the world. He wanted more for himself rather than encounters with no strings attached. It might not have been possible because he had his heart locked away in a fort so tight that no key could unlock it, but just for a second, the loneliness of his life affected him very deeply.

He needed this night to end. The intensity was far too much. Even more so since he had to behave himself and drink very little. But he knew that once he had escaped this house, he would take his carriage straight to Redfield's. He did not need to behave himself once he left the manor. Any promise that he had made to himself and Tristan would be over by then.

The duke and duchess also shared an inquisitive look, one that was not missed by William, and Lady Katherine seemed to spot it as well. Her cheeks shone with a beetroot redness, leaving William convinced that she would not be darting any more curious looks his way. Thank goodness, the pressure of everyone seemingly wanting something from him was too much to bear. He had nothing to give, nothing to offer anyone, not even a decent conversation. Not even answers to questions fired directly at him. Of course, people who knew nothing about him would wonder if he was searching for a bride; that was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, but there was no reasonable response. Even Tristan's answer had not really been enough. It might have spoken volumes, but at the same time, it had not given anything away. The sooner this dinner at Ridgebrook Manor was over, the better as far as William was concerned. Even as the conversation turned away from him, he could not settle...

***

It was very much a relief for William to join Nathaniel at the betting table at Redfield's, where he could let loose and finally be himself. He had been quiet and reserved all evening long at Ridgebrook Manor so now was the time to throw all the rules out of the window. He wanted to drink to his heart's content and see if there were any women around who did not mind the truth of who he was. Women who actually enjoyed being around a gentleman without needing to know about his marriage plans.

Nathaniel asked him how his dinner had been, but William found himself completely unable to discuss it. He barely wanted to remember any of it. All he knew for sure was that he would not allow Tristan to talk him into anything like that again. If he wished to attend a dinner party with the Langley family, then that was up to him.

Tristan was the real hero of the accident anyway. William simply wanted to forget that he was even there.

If William wanted to forget about the beauty with the piercing green eyes, then he could not be around her anymore. He could not look upon her lovely face. Whether he wanted to or not hardly mattered, he could not. He would never be able to forget about her if forced to see her socially. It would take a great deal of alcohol and debauchery tonight to push her from his brain.

Since he had not managed to forget her in two long months, he was not convinced that one night, with her fresh again in his mind, would help, but he was going to have to try. He had no choice in the matter.

"Dinner was as any dinner is." He offered his friend a one-shouldered blasé shrug. "You know how I feel about a dinner party."

"Oh, we all know." Nathaniel laughed loudly. "And I bet it was a particularly riveting time. I do not know much about the Langley family, but I cannot imagine an evening in their company is as enjoyable as being here."

Just as William was about to make a smart-mouthed reply, he was struck by the sadness in Lady Katherine's eyes all night long. He could almost feel her pain as she attempted to curtsey at the end of the evening, even though it gave her obvious agony. He even felt sorry for her as Tristan quietly gave her some medical advice. He did not need to hear the words spoken to recognize what they were. He could see it in Lady Katherine's eyes.

A dinner party where a young lady was trying to hide her destroyed leg as much as she could, was certainly not the time for the doctor to begin talking of it.

But who was he to know? After all, he was not a medical professional. Merely a man in the textiles industry.

"Let us drink and have some real fun." William shook his head hard, attempting to rid his brain of the intrusive thoughts. "Are there any interesting parties at Redfield's tonight?"

Nathaniel's eyes sparkled with the knowledge of what his friend really meant. "Some lovely women have been just shown to one of the tables to have some drinks. I believe they would be very pleased to make your acquaintance."

William forced a smile onto his face, even if it was not something he truly felt inside. The only woman he wanted to meet at a table in Redfield's tonight was Lady Katherine, but of course, she was not the sort of woman to be found in a place like this.

He could picture her being horrified the moment she stepped through the door.

Their worlds might have collided for just one moment, and perhaps there was even a bond for that second, but it did not mean anything. Their paths were unlikely to cross again now, they were in very different worlds. She was an upper class lady who one day would find an equally well to do man to be her husband once her leg had recovered, and he would always be...this.

The man ignoring the rules of society and spending the majority of his time in Redfield's, having...fun.