Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Jonathan?" Kate could not believe her eyes. She was a little convinced that she must still be dreaming because she certainly did not expect to find her brother at the breakfast table, looking like he had never left. She even rubbed her eyes a couple of times, assuming that the image of him was sleep stuck between her lashes, but he did not go anywhere. "Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" Jonathan chuckled in that deep throaty manner of his. "Is that any way to greet me?"

"I did not mean..." The words trailed away. She knew that her brother was only teasing her. "It is so good to see you."

Jonathan smiled warmly at Kate, allowing the chill deep within her to thaw a little bit. Even more so when he rose to his feet and gathered her up in a loving and protective embrace. With his arms wrapped around her, Kate found her lips turning up into a little smile. She had not looked or felt happy like this in an incredibly long time, yet two moments in her brother's presence and she felt more like herself once more. She could almost forget that her life was in a shambles.

When she was a young girl, Kate had seen her older brother as her protector, as the man who would always make life a warm and sunny place for her. It was heartbreaking for him to travel overseas. Even understanding that he was needed to run the family business abroad did not make his presence any less missed. She thought of him always, more so in recent days.

Kate finally pulled back to look into his eyes, to witness the love she had been yearning for. "Are you working?"

"I am always working." Jonathan chuckled. "But I have really come to see you all. It is not easy being away from my family, you know. I think about you all the time and wonder how everyone is doing."

He did not finish that sentence with ‘especially you' but Kate heard it regardless. All of a sudden, the delightful arrival of her brother did not feel quite as pleasant as it had done moments before. Now, it had an edge to it. Kate was convinced that her parents had brought him back here in another attempt to draw her out from her sadness. Since the dinner party last night had been such an obvious failure, doomed from the start, they were likely now putting all of their faith into this.

Jonathan was much more likely to have success though, since he was about the only person in the world who could make Kate see things a different way. He had a unique, amiable presence that was impossible to ignore. Everyone found that of him, and even her years growing up with him had done nothing to dampen his effect on her.

"You must be incredibly hungry, look how thin you have gotten!" Jonathan spoke quickly so Kate could not question him further on why he was there. "Mother and Father will be here soon, but there is no reason for us to wait."

Jonathan talked a lot as they ate, mostly about his own business dealings. The fact that he had not yet mentioned the carriage collision or the broken engagement seemed deliberate, as though he were being careful of her brokenness. Kate was sure he had many opinions that he wished to express on both subjects, but he had decided to ease her in gently with other conversation topics.

Despite knowing this with utter certainty, Kate still allowed her guard to slip down ever so slightly. She relaxed and listened to everything being spoken about with great interest, enjoying the time to daydream about another area of the world where she would not be under the scrutinizing watchful eye of the haute ton. Now, that sounded wonderful...

Kate did not need to know what Jonathan's life really looked like; she could concoct a beautiful vision of it in her mind. A freer life where she could survive with no expectations and no need of a marriage proposal. If only her brother could take her with him, to a place where she could live out the happy, easy-going existence flooding her mind.

Just as she was about to question her brother on this, the duke and duchess finally arrived to eat with their children. This was probably for the best because Kate's dangerous questions about sea voyages and faraway places could only lead to equally troublesome answers. She would not come away from that conversation with an agreement from Jonathon so it was very much a waste of time. She did, however, notice that some very pointed looks were now being shared around the table. Silent communication about her, not with her...

"Kate..." Her brother coughed, now sounding a little awkward. Immediately, her spine stiffened in anticipation. Whatever he had really come home for was about to be revealed. Kate was not going to like it. "I wanted to ask you about the Season." Ah, Kate had noticed there was a lot of pointed discussion about this very topic last night as well. That was a nasty joke, for there was no way she could get involved with the Season now. "Have you thought about taking part in it?"

"I cannot dance," she bit back, but with no anger in her words. Just pain, which was somehow a whole lot worse. "It is troublesome for me to walk. I do not think that taking part in the Season will be good for me at this present time."

She could not look up, for she did not want to see the faces of anyone. Of course, she was a disappointment to them all. Did they not think she already knew that? Yet that altered nothing. She had no magic spell or potion to heal her ruined leg.

"That does not mean you should miss out," Jonathan tried his best to reassure her. "The ton will understand. Accidents are an unavoidable part of life. It should not change your desire to be seen. I can even escort you to any event while I am here."

Kate did not say a thing, but she did not need to. The look she gave her brother was enough. He could act how he wanted in front of their parents and pretend he agreed with what the duke and duchess wanted for their children, but Kate knew that deep down, he would always want what was best for her. He would understand how she was feeling even if it wasn't shown.

"Let us not worry about things like that now," he declared, rather than pushing her further away. "I would love to take you to an Egyptian Hall today. Would that be something you can handle?" Kate nodded eagerly, so keen to spend time with her brother out of the manor that she almost forgot she had not left the house in two months. "Followed by fruit ices and Gunter's."

The initial excitement wore off just as rapidly as it came on. The moment it hit Kate that she would have to be outside in public with her leg still as injured as it was, she felt the color drain from her cheeks, her stomach twist in painful knots, her breaths get a little shorter and sharper. Jonathan would not be able to hide her from the ton, nor would he prevent the gossiping from getting worse. As far as Kate knew, she was still the center of focus, and this jaunt would not change that.

"I shall call Nancy now." Her mother must have sensed her hesitation and wanted to speed things along before Kate found a way to retire to her room once more, never to emerge. If Johnathan could not get her back out in public, then no one could. "She will pick you out a beautiful dress for the day and you can go with Johnathan to see the Egyptian Hall. I am sure there are lots of lovely things for you to see and experience there. Jonathan will be able to teach you a lot."

Kate wished to reject them all, to rush back to her bedchambers where she felt comfortable and could hide from prying eyes, but the decision had clearly already been made on her behalf. There was not a thing she could do to stop it. Her brother had traveled so far simply to assist her in getting out of the house and it would be dreadfully rude of her not to go with him.

Jonathan was much more important to Kate than the haute ton. She valued his opinion most of all. She simply wished that he would not need to leave her again so he could protect her just as he did when she was younger. Two months ago she assumed herself ready to be an adult at last, able to take on the world and everything a grown-up needed to do. Yet now, she had reverted back to someone unable to take care of herself. Either the accident changed her or it simply reminded her that she was not ready for anything. No fairy tale dream could come true for her. Either way, she was here...dreadfully stuck...

***

The next hour or so passed in a blur. As soon as Nancy was given instructions to dress her, Kate was taken away from the breakfast table and enveloped in material. A sky- blue walking dress reminded her a little too much of the pale blue worn on that fateful night, but this dress came with a matching bonnet and gloves. Kate was in the gown and ready to face the world before she could take a moment to dispute the color at all. Clearly, this was something everyone else needed her to do.

Since no one was readily considering her needs, Kate figured she might as well do what was expected of her. Better for someone to be happy, even if it turned out not to be her.

"You will want to take this with you," Nancy offered while handing Kate the walking cane, but she recoiled in horror.

That thing was a source of humiliation to her. When she attempted to use it in the garden, it had proved painful and uncomfortable. As she walked to the dinner party, balancing upon it, it drew far too much attention for her liking. She could not even begin to imagine walking with it through the streets of London, where everyone could see her and judge her.

"I will not need it," she replied tautly, almost as if Nancy were the one offending her rather than the walking cane. "I shall be with Jonathan. He will be able to assist me if need be. The cane is wholly unnecessary, thank you very much."

Nancy shot Kate a shrewd look but said nothing. As Kate's maid, she was not in a position to force the lady to do anything she did not want.

Kate's heart pounded nervously. She was perfectly aware that it was a dangerous idea to go out anywhere without the walking cane. However much she despised it, she needed it to keep herself balanced and to prevent her right leg from growing too tired. But what Douglas had done to her had destroyed a large piece of her; the wound was still wide open, and having people point at her and talk about her simply because she could not walk because of an accident that was not her fault was utterly inconceivable. Plus, she would have Jonathan with her. She had not been lying when she said he would protect her. He always had done and he always would do as much as he could. Even if he needed to protect her from herself.

"Let us go downstairs," Kate continued in a slightly bitter tone. "I am ready to leave now. I do not wish to keep Jonathan waiting any longer than he already has done."

Nancy nodded, but Kate could still see the hesitation in her maid's eyes. She was just going to have to prove to her and everyone else that this was something she could do.

She could, and she would.

"Oh my, you do look so beautiful." The duchess waited at the bottom of the stairs for Kate to descend, really putting an unnecessary spotlight upon her. "That dress is quite lovely."

Kate glowered and refused to meet her mother's eyes. Could the duchess really have forgotten so many details about the accident that Kate's dress inspired no memories within her?

That irritated Kate to no end. It was purely another unwelcome reminder that everyone else could pretend the carriage accident had not happened.

Everyone but her.

"You do not have..." the duchess started, before the words trailed off. Not that it mattered, Kate knew exactly what her mother intended to say.

"I am quite ready as I am," she replied tightly. "I do not need anything else."

The duchess opened her mouth ever so slightly, but decided against whatever she was going to say. Thank goodness. Kate did not need a lecture about the walking cane. In fact, she had already half made up her mind that if such a lecture were to come she would not leave the house at all. It would not matter to her how much everyone else complained about all the effort they had put into getting her ready for the morning, it would not happen.

But no such comment was made, so Kate could not back out now.

"You look ready to go." It was a relief when Jonathan appeared with his normal warm smile. "The carriage is waiting outside for us already. Is there anything else you need?"

This was a much more open-ended question and did not seem to refer to the walking cane at all, which allowed the tension flooding Kate's body to subside somewhat.

"I am quite ready," she assured her brother. "Let us leave."

Of course, it was not until she stepped out of the manor and she spotted the carriage waiting for her that reality hit.

She was about to put herself in a similar situation which left her out of control of her own fate once more. This was something that she used to do with such ease, before she had experienced the reality of where this could leave her.

Her blood ran cold. Two months was not long enough for her to recover. Would she ever be able to set foot in a carriage again?

"It is all right," Jonathan reassured her warmly. He held onto her arm and smiled at his sister, like he understood the mess of thoughts getting all tangled up in Kate's brain. "I am here for you. I will not let a thing happen to you. You must not worry."

His reassurance could not fully assist her though, because in the first carriage accident she was with her parents who were also supposed to be able to help her, to protect her no matter what, but Kate knew if she did not take this step now then she never would.

Her life would always be on hold.

She had to at least try and her brother was the only one she would ever be able to make that attempt with.

"Yes." She smiled right back at him. "I am fine. I shall not worry."

With that, it was time, and with Jonathan's assistance, she would climb into the carriage at long last...