Chapter 8

Chapter 8

William was sick. Really sick. Without even opening his eyes, he knew that he had gone overboard the night before. Almost as if he felt compelled to make up for his good behavior at the Langley household, he'd been more than excessive at Redfield's. Portions of the night, particularly toward the end, were a big black hole of nothingness...including how William got home.

He opened one eye, just a crack, but was immediately forced to snap it closed again when the streaming, bright white light hit his eye. That was far too much for him to handle on this terrible morning. He yearned for more sleep.

Unfortunately, he was too sick to gain anymore rest. Lying in bed had the world churning horribly around him. If he continued to lie where he was, then he would only get worse. Even if the light was painful, William needed to find a way to face it.

"Where am I?" He did not recognize this as his home. It was not the manor, nor his city lodgings. Since he made it his rule never to visit the home of any woman he spent the night with, no matter how much he had to drink, he knew it could not be that. No, this was another place entirely, but he had to work out where he had ended up.

The room was not familiar, yet not wholly unfamiliar either, so William had no need to worry. Chunks of his memory might not have been working, but this situation was not an unusual one for him. He did not feel troubled.

"Ah, Redfield's." As soon as he got up and perched on the edge of the bed, it became clear. He had no memory of making it home last night because that had not happened. He found himself in one of the rooms above, where he spent the majority of his night. Alone as well, at least that was how it seemed, for there was no sign of a female companion.

Then again, as William checked his pocket watch, he could understand why. Even if he had been graced with the presence of someone else the night before, they would not be here any longer. His pocket watch alerted him to the fact that it was almost noon, so any visitor would have vanished hours before in the dark shadows of early morning.

Yet, William still felt like he had been alone. He had no memories of bringing a woman to this place. Talking to women, he could recall vaguely, but nothing more than that. He could only assume that he had come here by himself to sleep off the night before. What a shame that it did not feel like he had slept a wink.

He staggered to his feet, accidentally kicking an empty brandy bottle lying on the floor as he did. He practically fell across the room due to being so unbalanced because of the drink, or due to the lack of sleep; he could not be certain. Probably a combination of everything, Including the general loss of control over his life.

What is happening to me? William raked his fingers through his hair nervously. What is becoming of my life?

He had become this excessive uncaring man six years ago, living life in his loutish ways, and it had never troubled him before. But he could not deny that something happened to him two months ago. Something shifted irrevocably inside of him. His excessive behavior had increased, but guilt had started to roll in with it. Shame. He no longer enjoyed who he was.

"What did you do to me?" he muttered as he thought about the moment he found Lady Katherine unconscious in the road. Or fluttering in and out of consciousness anyway. There had definitely been that intense moment where their eyes locked in on one another, and his entire universe changed. "What magic spell did you cast upon me with those green eyes of yours?"

Not that William was a man to believe in nonsense such as magic, but it had been so challenging to shake that beautiful woman from his mind for two long months that he could almost picture a love potion flowing through his veins.

Attending the dinner at Ridgebrook Manor had done nothing to make this any better, nothing at all. William might have attempted his very best to drink Lady Katherine Langley out of his brain last night, but still she remained.

"I might well be stuck with her," he said sadly, quietly. "Even if I never see her again."

He leaned back against the wall, using it for strength and support as he attempted to adjust to standing up. He really could have collapsed back under the sheets once more, but he thought it best not to. He would do much better to get himself back to his manor, where he could relax in peace, without having to worry about gracing the streets of London again.

"But what if I would like to see her again?" This was not a thought that William wanted to have, yet it came to him regardless, and so strongly that the words actually formed out loud. She was undeniably beautiful, captivating, and intriguing. There was no shying away from the intense magnetic pull that had them looking a little too closely at one another. She radiated sweetness, innocence, and a deep-seated intelligence as well. Even though her pain and sadness, William could see that.

She had not judged him either, which was wonderful to someone like him. She had not even researched him enough to know anything about his reputation. He had a clean slate with her, and the whole Langley family, which was something he had perceived as impossible beforehand. Maybe, if he were ever to change his mind about marriage in the future, there would be hope for him after all...not that he ever intended to change his mind about marriage. His heart was in a cage forever.

He needed to get dressed. William's thoughts had taken him to an incredibly scary place, a place he did not want to be in while delicate and hung over. Feelings for a woman, any woman, did not sit well in the pit of his stomach where the anxious butterflies flapped wildly. Particularly not feelings about the wonderful Lady Katherine.

Running his hands through his tousled hair, he thought, I need to get out of here.

His clothing did not sit right this morning after the night before; it did not seem to fit him as well and was not as comfortable. Yet he had not planned ahead and brought other clothing with him. It would have to be this until he climbed into his carriage and escaped. Why did he not do that last night? Why did he decide to sleep here and not at home? If he was going to keep up this wild lifestyle, then he needed to try and work out a better way to control himself at the end of the night.

Once dressed, William left his room and headed downstairs. Spotting a figure there filled him with dread, for he was not in the right mood or frame of mind to speak with anyone...until he spotted Nathaniel's smiling face.

"Good morning." Nathaniel chuckled with a playful wink. "Last night was certainly an interesting one, was it not?"

William did not want to ask for any details of what Nathaniel was referring to. The pair had shared many a night together, and Nathaniel was very aware of William's current lifestyle, so for him to suggest that last night was out of the ordinary troubled William. Perhaps it was best that his memory had not come back. He was sure he did not want to know.

"I certainly feel dreadful for it today." William smiled thinly instead. "My headaches, and I find myself craving something unusual to eat, but I am not too sure what yet. I hope I decide soon before I end up back at home..."

"Stay here for a while," Nathaniel offered. "We can work out together what you wish to eat."

William did not plan to stick around for a long time, but he did want a little break to gather himself up before he stepped into a carriage. William still was not feeling his best, and he did not wish to be sick in public. Even if he were sick in the confines of his carriage, it would be written in the scandal sheets for everyone to have yet another reason to criticize him.

Everyone aside from Lady Katherine, of course. She would never see it because she did not concern herself with silly little notions such as gossip. She focused on her own life, a little like William preferred to focus on what he was doing rather than other people. Not because his own life was much more interesting but because gossip did not entertain him.

Perhaps, like him, she had been on the wrong side of it. Her injuries and the carriage collision itself had likely gotten the attention of the haute ton. If there was nothing else to discuss at that moment than Lady Katherine's unfortunate accident, it would have easily become something for others to revel over, pleased that they were not in that position themselves.

It angered him actually, to consider the way the ton picked apart the misfortunes of others like lions tearing apart their prey. He knew from his own past that in that moment when the worst had happened and they relished it, it simply rubbed salt into the wound and harmed the suffering person even more. He might have recovered sooner had it not been for all the talk...

"You have not forgotten our plans in two days' time?" Nathaniel suddenly asked William. "With Marcus?"

"Marcus is returning to London?" Of course, William had forgotten. He could barely recall anything in his current state. He dragged his fingers through his hair once more, wishing that he could pull the pain from his brain. "In two days' time?"

"No, we shall be the ones going to visit him. I am sure he will want to discuss the progress on the construction of the seaside resort and to show us as well. I assume he is doing very well with his project. He is a very determined, hardworking man."

"Yes," William agreed. "I should like to know how his resort is coming along. That will be interesting."

Of course, Marcus was yet another one of William's friends who had settled into a very loving marriage not so long ago. Another reminder that the world was moving on without him, yet he was still in the same place. Nathaniel was in the same position as himself, but that did nothing to make William feel better. Nothing could help him with this.

He was dissatisfied. He might well have been dissatisfied for years, but this was the first time he could identify what the emotion was. But labeling it hadn't helped him either. What was he supposed to do to with his dissatisfaction?

Perhaps getting out of London, even for a short while, would assist him with that.

Lady Katherine entered his mind once more, almost as if out of nowhere. What could she possibly have to do with dissatisfaction? How could she fix it? She could not, since he had already made a determination that he would never see her again. He would not visit Ridgebrook Manor; he would not communicate with the duke and duchess anymore, however much they wanted to thank him for being there on that night. He would have nothing to do with the woman with the stunning green eyes again.

She was yet another woman who had affected him but had to be put behind him. He had successfully done it once before with Lady Gillian, whom he barely recalled at all anymore, so he could do so again. This should even be easier because he was not convinced that he was in love with Lady Katherine like he'd been with Lady Gillian. This was a different situation entirely.

"What is on the menu?" William groaned as yet another wave of sickness hurried through him. He was not sure that he would be going anywhere else today at all. "I need to settle myself."

"I do not know if we have anything that will settle the troubled William." Nathaniel laughed light-heartedly. Since William had not taken himself seriously in the last six years, jokes like this would often come his way. Not that they usually caused him any reason for concern until now. "But I will see what I can manage."

Once Nathaniel left William alone, he allowed his head to rest on the table in front of him to give himself a moment to recover. He spent this time trying his hardest to think about Marcus and what his friend might well wish to share with them, but nothing about Marcus was enough to take his mind fully off of Lady Katherine.

This was torture.

Had William not been tortured enough in the past? Had he not been made to suffer enough? How much was one man supposed to take upon his shoulders before he cracked?

Not that William was in a position to break down. He had too much riding on him for that. His mother and Imogen would never recover from losing the only male left in the family, so he had to keep going for them.

It was not the most pleasant situation to find himself in, but he supposed he had to merely accept the cards that he had been dealt. If he really thought about it then he was sure that others suffered worse than him, but with his head beating to a pace that William despised, he could not concentrate on anyone else's pain at all.

He thought this perhaps might be a sign to make some changes in his life, but truth be told, William was in too deep. He did not know where he should begin.