14. River

River

I can’t sleep. The sofa is comfortable enough, but I’m stuck in a cycle of tossing and turning, thoughts of Maddy haunting my mind like the relentless bastard of a ghost. The thing needs to fizzle away into nothing, return to its grave and never come out again. But no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about her.

It starts with me attempting to solve the mysteries that surround her, but once I’ve exhausted that, it drifts to forbidden places, ones where she’s underneath me again. Only, this time, I’ll take her clothes off, strip her bare …

“Stop,” I mumble aloud as I roll onto my back.

The blanket is now balled at my feet, thanks to how overly hot I am. I’d swear I have a fever, but I know the real reason. It’s not like I haven’t been turned on before, but I’ve never messed around with someone, so those feelings I can usually keep a rein on have slipped away from me. It doesn’t help that she’s sleeping in my room, in my bed, her long legs tucked underneath my blanket?—

“Goddammit.” I’m rock-hard as I sit up and lower my feet to the floor.

It’s barely five o’clock, but knowing I’m not going to fall asleep again, I decide to borrow some clothes from Finn and go for a run. I’m not about to go into my room and wake Maddy up.

When I arrive at Finn’s shut bedroom door, light flows from underneath it, indicating he’s already awake. I lightly knock, and he opens the door shortly after. He’s dressed in workout shorts and a Royal Academy Football T-shirt.

“Why are you awake?” he wonders as he wanders to his bed.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I enter his room, watching as he stuffs a pair of socks into a bag. “Do you have practice?”

“Yeah, and I won’t have time to come back here and change before class starts.” He adds a shirt to the bag then zips it up. Then he slings it over his shoulder as he faces me. “Why can’t you sleep? Because Maddy’s sleeping in your bed and it’s getting you all hot and bothered?” he teases, but apparently, my expression confirms his joke. “You like her.”

Shaking my head, I cross his room and open his dresser. “Obviously, considering what happened between the two of us last night.” I rummage around through his clothes. “You know I don’t mess around with women.”

He snorts a laugh. “Yeah, brother, I know.” A short pause follows that statement. “What’re you doing?”

“I want to go for a run, but I don’t want to wake Maddy up, so I’m borrowing some of your clothes.” I grab a pair of shorts, shut the drawer, then face him. “What are your ideas for getting the society to stop targeting her? I know you briefly mentioned that if she dated someone from the society, they can’t touch her, but …” I trail off as a revelation smacks me in the gut. “Wait—are you going to date her?” I’ve speculated that Finn likes Maddy, but he’s never been one for commitment. I guess there’s a first for everything.

His gaze dissects me in a way that I loathe because I know he can see what I’m feeling written all over my face. “You’d be upset if I did.”

I want to lie, but I can’t get the words to leave my mouth, so I stand there idiotically.

“Your silence says it all,” he states, adjusting his bag. “If you want her, just say so. Fuck this betrothed shit. Fuck our dad. Just fucking do what you want for once.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” I mumble. He doesn’t understand, and he never will. Part of me is grateful for that, but part of me wishes I could be him. “Besides, I’m not in the society, so dating her wouldn’t protect her.”

“Join it then,” he states, something we’ve discussed a ton of times and I always decline. But after what I learned last night, about how the society is targeting Maddy, maybe I need to.

“If I joined,” I start, the words thick in my mouth, like glue, “I wouldn’t really be into it. I’d be doing it to protect her until we can find another solution. And get to the bottom of why she has that necklace.”

His eyelids lift as his eyes marginally widen. “You’re seriously considering joining the society, which need I remind you is something you’ve talked about hating for years? And you’re doing it to protect a girl you met a couple of weeks ago?”

I open and flex my hands. “I like her.”

“Clearly.” He’s gaping at me like he doesn’t even recognize me. “I get it, though. She’s something else entirely, isn’t she?”

I want to ask him if he likes her, too, yet I fear the answer. If he did, it’d make more sense for him to date her since, if they fell for one another, it could lead to a future, unlike with me and Maddy. But I selfishly want her for as long as I can have her. I’m not sure what that says about me.

“She really is,” I agree, releasing a breath as I seal my fate. “So, you’ll set up a meeting with Eli so I can join?”

Finn gives a nod. “You’re going to have to talk to Maddy about this.”

“I know.” And I have no clue how to approach the idea.

And should I date her?

Can I simply fake it?

The latter seems better and less likely to end in heartbreak, but the first makes my body pulsate in ways I’ve never felt before.

I am so royally fucked.