15. Maddison

Maddison

“ M addy, you need to listen to me, okay?” my aunt Ellie whispers. “One day, you’re going to figure out some stuff that may make you question who I am as a person. Just know that I love you, kiddo. Always.” She kisses my forehead.

I’m lying in bed, awake, but pretending I’m asleep. I’m upset with her because she’s leaving again, and I hate when she goes. It makes me feel abandoned. She’s the only person in my life who’s ever cared about me, and I want to go with her, but she won’t take me. I even begged, something I rarely do.

“Maddy, I’m sorry, honey,” she tells me as she smooths her hand across my head. “Please don’t be mad at me. I’d take you if I could.”

I stare at my bedroom window. The curtain is open, and the moon is like a crystal ball in the sky, giving the illusion that the night is magical.

It never is.

“I’m sorry,” she says again. “I have to go.”

The mattress rises as she gets off my bed to leave. I tell myself to stay angry with her, but knowing I’ll miss her, I turn and call out, “Wait.”

But all alone.

Always alone ? —

My eyelids snap open, and I engulf huge breaths of air into my lungs. Confusion fogs my brain as I frantically peer around, struggling to grasp where I am. A few gasping breaths later, I put the puzzle pieces together.

I’m in River’s room, sitting up in his bed. Sunlight is trickling through the crack between the curtains, and the air carries a stillness to it that conveys River and Finn are still sleeping or left.

I rub my hand over my aching chest. Those types of nightmares are nothing new. I know I’ve had abandonment issues for a while, stemming from every time my aunt left. I wanted her to stay—she was my only constant—and now I can’t even get a hold of her.

In a hopeless dumb manner, I collect my phone and check my messages to see if she’s messaged me back. Nope. I only have messages from my mother and Drew that state the same old bullshit. Although, my mother wants to know why I snuck into the house last night, like she believes I’ll just reply to her.

Heaving an exhale out of my lungs, I set my phone down and scoot to the edge of the bed, preparing to get up. River and I should be meeting up for practice in about an hour, but since I’m in his room, I’m unsure if I should wait for him here.

Before I can figure out what I want to do, I hear a door close from inside the dorm. It’s followed by a soft clinking noise.

With the threat of the society looming over me like a dark cloud, I quietly get up, tiptoe over to the door, and gently crack it open to peer out.

Standing on the other side is River. He has his fist raised as if he’s about to knock, and we both startle each other.

“Holy crap.” He presses his hand to his chest as I swing the door open the rest of the way. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“You scared the hell out of me,” I reply while catching my breath.

He has on a pair of running shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. His hair is pulled back, and he’s holding a brown paper bag. He smells sweaty, making me question … “Did you run already?” I aim for a neutral tone, but hurt seeps through.

I’m unsure why I’m even hurt, other than I have this inkling perhaps he went running to avoid spending time with me after what happened last night.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a jog, but we’re still working out.” He pauses. “You still want to, right?”

“Yeah …” I’m so perplexed. He’s acting so offish. “You don’t have to train me if you don’t want to. I get it if last night made things too weird between us.”

Loose locks of his hair fall into his eyes as he shakes his head. “No, not all.” He rubs the back of his hand across his forehead. “I’m sorry I’m acting weird. I’m just … There’s something I need to talk to you about. It’s important but might make things awkward between us … I don’t know.”

Tired of this discomfort between us, I step back and motion for him to come inside. “How about we talk, and then try to get rid of the awkwardness?”

He enters, nodding, but doubt weighs in his expression. “You might want to sit down. It’s a lot.”

I take a seat on the bed, tucking a leg under my butt. He hesitantly sits down beside me, leaving space between us.

He sets the bag he’s holding down then stares at his hands for a maddening amount of time. “Finn and I came up with an idea on how to keep the society from targeting you,” he starts, his gaze finding mine. Worry is stirring in his features. “I’m not sure how you’re going to react to it, though.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” I gesture at him to spit it out.

His cheeks puff as he exhales then rests his hand on the bed, close to my hip but not quite touching. “There’s a rule within the society that if you’re dating a member, they’re protected from getting targeted.”

“Wait …” I slant back in surprise. “You want me to date Finn?”

He slowly shakes his head, and his worry is replaced by nervousness. “No, I want you to date me.”

“But you’re not part of the society,” I say then pause. “Unless you’ve been lying to me.”

“I haven’t,” he assures me while scooting closer. “I’m going to join. Finn actually told Eli this morning that I was going to, and initiation happens tonight.”

A slow blink from me. “Why would you do that? You said you hated the society.”

“I do.” The truth scorches through his voice. “But I don’t want them to touch you, and this is the best way to make it happen.”

“I could just date Finn.” Although I don’t want to.

Sure, he’s hot, but the idea of dating him, especially after I messed around with River, seems like it would be a disaster.

“Oh.” He leans away from me. “You want to date him?”

“What? No. I mean, I like him as a friend, but I don’t want to date him. But I don’t want you to have to join the society simply to protect me. I …” I stare at him in astonishment. “Why would you even consider doing that?”

His response doesn’t come immediately, but when it does, it knocks the air out of me.

“I think it’s pretty clear that I like you,” he says quietly while fiddling with his watch band. “I’m not sure how you feel about me—maybe you just want to be friends. I’d understand, considering my situation …” He trails off, closing his eyes. “I wish my future weren’t what it is, but it is. And I get if you don’t want to get mixed up in that, especially since you told me you don’t date.” He opens his pretty eyes. “We can pretend, if you want—if that makes it easier.”

“Pretend to date?” I repeat in an even tone that is falsely misleading.

The harsh truth is that, inside, I’m a wreck of skipping heartbeats, and my lungs feel tight as I struggle to breathe evenly. I’ve had guys tell me that they like me, but typically, my reaction is indifferent, minus a few times. But never have I felt this way about someone. And that is more terrifying than walking through northside at midnight on a Saturday night alone.

He brushes wisps of his hair out of his eyes. “If that’s what you want.”

I’m conflicted. Deep inside, a need is whispering, one tempting me to actually date him. But then what? We date until the society moves on from me, and then we break up? I can visualize myself actually falling for River, with his sweet smiles and beautiful eyes. Not to mention he treats me so sweetly that I sometimes don’t even know how to deal with it.

“Yeah, I think fake dating is the better idea.” As soon as I say it, I sigh. “Are you sure you want to do this? I can handle it on my own.” I think.

That might be a lie. I can barely handle my northside problems, let alone this royal drama.

“Okay.” Disappointment flashes in his eyes, but he hastily blinks it away. “I’m still not entirely sure how this will work with the society, but for now, we can maybe walk around the hallway, holding hands, and let the gossip spread on its own.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” I cannot believe I’m doing this. “It’s going to suck lying to Lily. She’s so nice to me.”

“I think it’s for the better. That way, she won’t have to lie about what we’re doing.” He collects the bag he brought with him.

“That’s true,” I say. “So, only you, me, and Finn will know?”

He nods, opening the bag. “And you can trust Finn. I promise.” He sticks his hand into the bag. “Now, I have two things for you, one of which sort of has to do with what we’re discussing.”

“What? Do you have a fake promise ring in there?” I joke, eliciting a crack of a smile from him.

“Nope. No promise ring. But I think you’ll like it as long as you don’t consider it a gift but a necessity.” He pulls out a small box that has a watch in it.

“No, I’m not accepting that.” I shake my head and slide away from him. “I can time myself manually like I’ve always done.”

“Maddy,” he starts with a pressing tone. “It’s not only about you being able to time yourself. I mean, it’s partly about that, but this watch also has a tracker built into it, so if something bad did happen to you, I could find your location.”

I drag my fingers through my hair. This is getting so complicated. “I don’t like this.”

“Like what?”

“That you’re getting so wrapped up in my problems. I never wanted to put any of this on anyone.”

“I know you don’t, and that’s what makes you so amazing.” He moves closer to me and opens the box. Then he removes the watch and softly takes a hold of my wrist. “I’ve spent a lot of my life drifting through events, complying, obeying, doing everything for other people, so I’m well aware when I’m doing things I don’t want to. And this isn’t one of those times.” He places my hand on his leg and wraps the watch band around my wrist.

I should fight him—protest—do something other than watch him secure the watch onto my wrist like some lovestruck idiot. But that’s what I do.

Once he’s finished, a smile materializes on his lips as he looks at me again. “I have one more thing.” He sticks his hand into the bag and pulls out a chocolate muffin.

I scowl at him. “I said no more buying me food.”

“It’s healthy, and it’ll help you run better.” He hands me the muffin.

I stare down at it like it’s the devil. Maybe it is. Maybe falling for him is my first step toward plummeting to a hellish end. I should step back—run. I’m good at it. Instead, I take a bite of the muffin.

“You need to stop with the gifts and giving me food,” I insist around a mouthful of chocolatey goodness.

“Okay.” But the way he says it reveals he probably won’t.

I shake my head, but before I can argue, he rises to his feet. “We should go get our practice in because there’s a meeting later for people who want to join the cross-country team.”

“What? How did I not know about this?”

“Did you sign up for the newsletter?”

“No. But I will now.” I stand up, stuffing another chunk of muffin into my mouth. “I’ll hurry and get changed.”

He leaves then, appearing more upbeat than when he first wandered in. I make a grand effort to convince myself his shift in behavior has nothing to do with me agreeing to fake date him. But it did coincide with the agreement.

I hurry and get dressed in shorts and a tank top, then pull my hair into a ponytail. I pick up my phone but pause to look at the watch. Do I really need my phone if I have this? Probably not, so I abandon it, slip on my sneakers, and endeavor into the living room, where River is waiting for me.

He’s sitting at the kitchen table with a water bottle in front of him. He has his phone out, and his arms are resting on his legs as he drags his thumb along the screen. He doesn’t notice me entering the room so I pad over to him as softly as I can and tap him on the shoulder.

He startles so badly he drops his phone onto the floor. “Shit,” he curses his wide eyes zeroing in on me.

I slap my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, I didn’t mean to scare you that badly.”

He leans over to collect his phone then turns it over to inspect the screen. “Just sort of badly, huh?” he jokes.

“Basically.” I lower my hand from my mouth. “Please tell me the screen didn’t crack.”

“Nah, it’s good.” He holds it up for me to see. “I have a pretty good cover on it that softens the impact.”

“Mine would’ve broken.” I bend over to retie one of my undone laces.

When I straighten, his gaze is skating up and down my legs, as if he’s checking me out. He’s clearly attracted to me and vice versa. Hopefully, that won’t complicate this fake dating thing.

“Are you ready to get this show on the road?” I ask as he rises to his feet.

“Yep.” He grabs the water bottle.

We start toward the door, silence encasing us.

When he reaches the door, he grabs the doorknob, but then withdraws and faces me.

“The moment we walk out of here together, the rumors will fly.” He tucks the water bottle under his arm. “So, I want to double-check that you’re all in for this?”

No, but I’ve had to do worse to protect myself.

“Are you?” I counter. “Because you can still back out.”

With his gaze locked on mine, he lowers his water bottle to carry it at his side then offers me his free hand. His answer, I guess.

I open and flex my hand before placing it in his. He offers me one of his small, pretty smiles that gets my pulse racing then opens the door and we step out into the wild.

We’ve held hands before, but that was different because it was just him and me. Now, as we walk down the corridor dotted with people here and there, we’re the center of attention. Heads turn. People gape. A few women glare at me.

“Good hell,” I mutter under my breath as River and I approach the exit doors. “I knew there’d be staring, but this is so intense.”

“It’ll get better once we get outside.” He reassures me with a gentle hand squeeze.

I latch on to him, threading our fingers together, which seems even more intimate. I may be holding my breath, and that’s confirmed the instant we step outside and I breathe in the crisp fall air.

“Ah, emptiness,” I state at the sight of the mostly vacant quad.

“Yeah, that was a lot,” River agrees, still grasping my hand as he leads me across the grass, and toward the gate in front of the track, where we always start our running sessions.

My attention roams to the spot of grass in the center of the field where we saw the society running around in cloaks while carrying torches and tormenting some poor pledge.

“You good?” he asks, sketching his thumb along the back of my hand.

I nod, dragging my gaze off the field and to him. “I was just thinking about last night. It was like straight out of a horror movie, and … I just … Are you sure you want to join that? It’s creepy.”

He releases my hand and sets his water bottle down on the grass. “I know what I’m getting into. The society is something I’ve heard about since I was a kid. Because of my name, I should have some power in it, so I can protect myself from having to do things that are …”

“Terrible,” I offer. “Because from everything I’ve heard and seen, it sounds awful. And you’ll be stuck in it, like a cult.”

He’s mildly amused. “It’s not like a cult. I’m not getting brainwashed into their ideologies. I’m joining simply to make sure they leave you alone. Plus, I’ll know what they’re up to, so if they decide to go after, let’s say Lily, I’ll know and can stop it.”

“Finn would already know that since he’s in it.”

“I know, but we’ll be more in the loop with both of us working it.”

He’s reaching, but his mind is set—that much I can tell.

The wind picks up then, blowing strands of his hair away from his forehead. Clouds are rolling in, and thunder is booming in the distance, a warning that a storm is about to come. To add to the eeriness, lightning flashes from the trees …

Wait …

“River,” I murmur under my breath.

“Hmm …” He’s distracted, lost in thought.

“Look over there.” I discreetly nod my head toward where I saw the flash. “Something’s flashing.”

“What?” He looks over to where I nodded at the exact moment a light sharply flashes from the trees. “Crap.” His fingers encompass my arm, and he hurriedly steers me toward the bleachers.

“What’re you doing?” My sneakers kick up dirt as we duck underneath the benches.

“It’s probably the paparazzi,” he mumbles, edginess radiating off him like the lightning dancing across the sky.

The air smells like rain and is buzzing with electricity, a warning of how badly the storm could be.

I gape at him. “On school grounds?”

“It’s been known to happen.” He releases my arm and lowers his head against a metal beam. “Dammit.”

“Is it really that bad that they saw you with me?” I question, my tone biting with irritation.

He bobs his head up and down then lifts his head to look at me. “It’s not because I don’t want to be seen with you. But if they can figure out who you are, they’ll dig into your past.”

“So?” I exasperatedly throw my hands into the air. “What’re they going to do? Plaster all over their headlines that I’m the northside trash that got arrested? I don’t care, but clearly, you do.”

He swiftly shakes his head as he inches toward me. “They’ll do more than that. And if there’s something more to this necklace, they’ll figure it out.”

I fight a sigh. “River, I’m not from royal blood. And even if there was a tiny chance I was, who cares?”

Fear consumes his expression. “Maddy, this bloodline is allegedly deceased. The probability of it completely dying out on its own is low.”

I’m not following him. “How else would it die out?” A thought hits. “Wait—you think someone killed off this Everfords’ bloodline?”

He doesn’t immediately respond, but his silence says enough.

“No, there’s no way.” I shake my head in denial. “That’s like murder.”

“People get away with murder,” he stresses. “Especially in the royal world. Think about Grey and what you said about him once you started looking into his cliental.”

For a lightning bolt of a second, fear pours through me. But I quickly douse the feelings.

“I’m not worried. I’m not a royal,” I insist, knowing I have to be right.

How could I? All I’ve ever known is poverty. If I was, I was adopted, which I look too much like my mother for that. The other alternative is one of my parents had an affair with a royal, and if they did, we wouldn’t be poor because my parents are the kind of people who’d use that info as blackmail.

Rain begins to shower down from the sky and splatter against the ground.

“Are we going to run in this?” I change the subject. “Or use the treadmills?”

River stares at me, clearly wanting to say more but decides against it.

“Since it’s lightning, let’s use the treadmills,” he answers.

I’m uncertain if he’s being truthful or if this is his way of keeping me away from the paparazzi. Whether for his sake or mine, I’m not entirely certain.