Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

Felix sprawled on the cushion and watched Rainier’s shape under the blanket. He’d gone to bed almost as soon as they got in, and he was still in the same position even though Felix had taken the borrowed horse back into Rosewood to shop for food.

The whole time, Natalie’s words had gone around his head although he hadn’t been able to bring them up yet. She’d come to speak to him while Rainier had been bathing. The Queen’s cruel insults made him wonder too.

Natalie had said that Addy hadn’t died like the stories said. Felix had never dared to bring her up to Rainier, but he always thought she had died from a rare stomach ailment. He’d never questioned it before.

Natalie said Addy had died from vomiting, and the family knew the truth, but they covered it up. Natalie had been younger at the time, but she did remember Addy writing and once mentioning that she’d finally lost weight. She’d seemed far too pleased over it.

Betty said Addy had been trying to lose weight, and the Queen was too hard on her children. She figured Addy had been puking up her food to get rid of it.

Rainier had lost weight as a teenager and turned into what Felix was used to seeing, but since he always seemed fine in general, Natalie figured he wasn’t throwing up. Queen Eliza had always been strict on her children about not snacking, and she had also given things to Betty before so that she would lose weight, but they never seemed to work.

“You should talk to Rainier about this,” she had said. “I thought it could be stress and because he was heartbroken that you left, but I’m wondering if he’s concerned about losing weight, and that’s the real issue. If I ask him, he’ll deny everything.”

Felix jumped slightly as Rainier shifted in the bed and sat up. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Um, about three hours or so, I think.” Felix went to sit by him. “I went and bought food.”

Rainier looked toward the window. “I’m sorry about Mum acting like that. I didn’t want us to see her at all.”

“It’s not your fault.” Felix crossed his legs on the bed as Inky jumped up. “Natalie told me some stuff while you were in the bath. I never brought up your sister because I figured you wouldn’t want to talk about it, and Natalie said she threw up.”

Rainier kept his face turned away. “I’m not throwing up.”

“She’s afraid you’re trying to lose weight like Addy was. She wrote to Natalie and said she’d lost weight, and she was happy about it. Natalie told me you don’t seem to be vomiting, but you’ve been thin for years, and you don’t eat much.”

Rainier took a deep breath. “Addy was vomiting to lose weight, but I’m not doing that.”

“Natalie’s wondering if you’re trying to lose weight too. I don’t see why you would want to lose when you’re this thin.”

Rainier rubbed his face. “You heard my Mum.”

“I heard nasty insults and a lie.”

“I am fat,” mumbled Rainier.

Felix widened his eyes. “You’re about as far from that as possible.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I don’t see how you can think you’re fat!”

“Because I am. Mum can see it, and she’s not nice like you. She’s not afraid to say it.”

“Do you think I’m fat?!” asked Felix.

Rainier squinted at him. “No. You look perfect.”

“I’m thicker than you.”

“You’re not fat. I’m the one who’s overweight, and I’ve been fucking hearing about it for years. I’m sick of it and her, and I’m tired of her nagging and insults. She thinks my kink is sick, and quite frankly, I don’t want to see her, deal with it, or even be in that Castle anymore.”

“She thinks you’re fat?”

“I lack self-control.”

Felix wasn’t even sure what to say, and someone knocked on the door. Inky looked up from kneading the blanket and jumped down to slink under the bed. “Maybe that’s the physician. Let me check.”

He was right, and he let the physician see Rainier while he sat at the table in front of the fire and tried to make sense of everything. How could the Queen look at her son and think he was fat? How could Rainier possibly believe that? He barely knew how to organize what he’d learned today, and he hadn’t made much progress by the time the physician came out.

“I’m guessing you’ll be staying here and taking care of him?”

“Yeah.”

The physician pulled some jars from his leather case. “He doesn’t want either, but you need to make sure he has this before every meal.” He tapped the blue lid on one jar. “This is for appetite so he’ll be more inclined to eat. This one is for stress, and he should have a cup every morning. If you think he needs a second dose in the afternoon or before bed, you can make him another. No more than two teaspoons of each, and no more than two servings of the calming herbs.”

“Uh, okay. How do I make him gain weight? I’ll be cooking, and I got a bunch of stuff, but I’m not sure if there’s something I should give him in particular.”

The physician sat at the other table. “Give him regular meals, but make them a little smaller than usual. In the morning, afternoon, and evening, make him little ones too. It’d be better if he eats steadily throughout the day. As for what to make, I’d use lots of butter, norben, and oil. Lots of fat in food will make fat on the body, and he certainly needs that. Other than that, give him what he likes.”

Felix had no idea what Rainier liked. The food they ate on their trip had been what was available and not what the Prince picked. “He thinks he’s fat.”

The physician squinted. “He’s emaciated.”

“I know, but he thinks he’s fat. How do I fix that?”

“Erm…” The feathers on the side of the physician’s head twitched. “He didn’t tell me that. He’s stressed, and that’s why he’s not eating much.”

“He told me. I’m sure you know his sister was throwing up, and she died from that?”

“I’m not supposed to talk about that.”

“I already know, so let’s not dance around the truth. I need to know how to make him better!”

The fairy squirmed in his chair. “Yes, she supposedly was vomiting up her meals. The Queen found that out from His Majesty a while back. I’m not exactly sure how long that went on, but it seemed Princess Addy wanted to lose weight. I’m sure it was just a girlish thing that went too far, and the repeated vomiting most likely broke her stomach. It can rupture if it’s forced to contract too often, and people who constantly vomit from certain conditions are also at risk of heart issues. It’s a strain on the body.”

“He says he’s not vomiting, and I don’t see how this would be some girlish thing. Rainier’s definitely not a girl.”

“Women sometimes worry over their weight a bit. They grow more fat in certain places, and with things like childbirth, they may go through more bodily changes than a man normally does unless he’s an abundant male.”

“He thinks he’s fat.” Felix waved a hand. “He’s not some girl that went through puberty or gave birth, and he’s like a twig, but he doesn’t want to gain weight.”

The physician slowly shook his head. “I thought he was stressed.”

“He is, but I think it’s because he thinks he’s chubby.”

“I can go talk to him again, but he can’t possibly think he’s fat. That’s ridiculous. His eyes work fine.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Rainier probably hadn’t told him because he wasn’t as comfortable as he was with Felix. “I also don’t think this is an eye problem.”

“Maybe you got confused on something he said. Also, he’s probably not all quite right in the head at the moment since a lack of food can mess with a person’s mental abilities. It can become quite hard to think. Once his body has some nutrition to work with, he’ll start getting better. Don’t allow visitors unless it’s important or if he wishes to see them. He needs to remain in bed or at least sitting for the most part. No physical activity beyond the barest basics, and no sex. He can’t be spending himself when he has so little energy to start with, and sex is too vigorous. He doesn’t need to lose weight due to activity.”

Felix held back a scowl. Maybe Rainier did have trouble focusing, but he wasn’t stupid or babbling nonsense. He was tempted to say some help that was, but he kept his mouth shut. Once the physician left, Felix put water on to heat for tea.

Thank God Mum had taught him some cooking as a child, not that he could pretend to be as good as her. He’d wanted to know because it seemed like magic to him at a young age, and she’d shown him. Later, he’d done it to help around the house.

He brought the tea for Rainier who was sitting up in bed against the pillows.

“I don’t know how you like tea. Do you want honey in it?”

“No. Which one is that?”

“It’s for stress. Drink it.” Felix handed him the cup and sat on the bed. “I don’t really like your physician.”

“Why?” Rainier peered at the herbs floating in the water which had turned rather greenish.

“He thinks your brain’s a bit addled, and you must not actually think you’re fat,” Felix said as Rainier tasted the tea and made a slight face. “Are you sure you don’t want honey? I got a little sugar too.”

“No. I’ll deal with it.”

Felix bit his lip. “Can you tell me what happened with Addy and everything since then? I mean, you can summarize your life to some point after she passed, but I’m trying to understand.”

“Why? You can’t fix me.”

“You agreed to come here.”

“Yeah, so I can get away from home for a bit. Listen, if you want, you can go back to Pierced Pretties and not worry about me. This was probably a bad idea from the start, and you shouldn’t have to worry about my problems.”

“You agreed last night.”

“Because I like spending time with you,” said Rainier. “I missed you a lot, but it’s not fair to dump this on you. I’m supposed to take care of you, not the other way around.”

Felix folded his arms. “You can’t take care of me the way you are now.”

Guilt immediately pinched his gut when Rainier’s face tightened. “Then go.”

“Or maybe you could let me take care of you,” said Felix. “I missed you too, and I decided to come back because I wanted to. I could have said no to Natalie, and what was she going to do even if she is a Princess? Beat me up?”

Actually, she probably would have.

“She got me because she cares about you, and I came because I care about you. Even though I’m technically a whore you paid for six months of fun, you weren’t just some random fuck to me. I liked making you happy and just being with you.”

“I like taking care of you, and I should be the one doing that. A dominant should care for the submissive outside of bed too.”

“Where does it say the submissive can’t care for the dominant if they need it?” demanded Felix. “It doesn’t have to be one-sided, and even in bed, both are taking care of the needs of the other. If you’re not used to someone taking care of you, you could give it a try. I don’t entirely understand what’s going on or how to help you, but if you tell me what happened with Addy and you, I can try.”

***

The Queen was the main problem in Felix’s eyes.

No wonder Rainier never ate in front of Felix except for when he had no other choice. Felix wouldn’t enjoy it either if his Mother constantly nagged him about his weight and “lack” of self-control.

What he didn’t understand was how the Queen was so thin, and yet, she hounded her son who was now thinner. She had some warped view of others, and that led to a set of expectations that were impossible to live up to. She couldn’t even keep her mouth shut and butt out of his bedroom life since she believed he had a gross bestiality kink. That baffled Felix too because what they’d done was nothing like that.

Worse, she was responsible for Addy’s death. Felix was sure that if he had shown any signs of ill health as a teenager, Mother wouldn’t have simply asked him in private what was wrong and left him be if he said nothing. She’d have forced him to see a physician.

Rainier seemed to think Addy’s death was all his fault.

“Are you trying to punish yourself?” asked Felix.

“No…”

Maybe he didn’t think he was, but it rather seemed like that to Felix. He’d finally poured everything out, and Felix realized this was probably the first time he’d ever actually spoken of it.

He said Mum hadn’t talked to him for weeks after Addy’s death. She’d plopped the majority of the blame on him and didn’t seem to have taken much responsibility. Also, she must have forgotten that her son was young at the time. How could he have known Addy would die? He hadn’t had any life experience to compare the situation to and no one to talk to about it besides Addy herself. She hadn’t been willing to stop for Rainier and must have thought she’d be fine.

Even once Rainier and his Mum started speaking again, she’d already done the damage. He’d been carrying around that weight in his mind for years and blaming himself.

With the Queen having court once he was older, he must have spent a lot of time pretending everything was fine while he restricted his food. The servants kept to themselves, and Lance hadn’t cared. Some of his comments now made sense to Felix. Since the two had gone out together, Lance must have soon noticed that Rainier never ate food.

And once Rainier was thinner than typical for a man of his height and build, his Mum still wasn’t satisfied.

“You can’t win, can you?” asked Felix. “It doesn’t matter what you do.”

Rainier shrugged as he set his empty cup on the bedside table. “Perhaps if I was thin and was able to give up all kink while married to someone she approved of, maybe I could.”

That sounded miserable.

“She thinks I’ll get fat and die of a heart attack like Father,” said Rainier. “And then I’ll leave her entirely alone. She’d have Aunty and Natalie, but it’s not the same.”

“You can die from being too skinny,” said Felix.

“She doesn’t seem to think that.”

It was too early for dinner and too late for lunch, but Felix figured it was about time they both ate. Rainier probably needed a break from the past, and he needed food in him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Felix crawled up the bed to hug him. “You’re not any of that stuff she said. I’m going to make some food, so what do you like to eat? I have no idea what you like best.”

“Vegetables,” Rainier muttered as he squeezed Felix. “It’s too early to eat dinner.”

“I know, but you need more little meals in you.” Felix drew back and frowned at his miserable expression. “You know you need to gain weight, right? If I was skeletal, you’d expect me to eat.”

“Yes, but-”

“No buts. You always made sure I had enough to eat.”

Felix had a feeling this wasn’t something that could be fixed in a day. Too much had built up to this, and he’d still have to deal with Mum at some point. While Felix cooked and managed to not burn anything, he tried to think of how Rainier could cope with the future. There was some shit that dinner couldn’t fix.

“I was thinking of something,” he said once he got Rainier to sit at the table in front of the fire. He’d made fried vegetables, mashed potatoes, and warmed slices of smoked ham. “You could leave home and be a Duke.”

“I’m the Crown Prince. That’s for other children in line if they don’t want to stay at home.”

“Your Mum will likely be in good health for quite a while,” said Felix. “She could abdicate in five years if she felt like it, or she could do it in twenty. She could hold onto the crown until she’s old and passes. Either way, you need something for yourself in the meantime.”

Being a Duke meant Rainier would have an area of Glasswood, and the lords there would answer to him first. Rainier would pay taxes to his Mum based on what he made, and he’d take care of the general area. It would take work off of Mum’s plate in general, and it was usually something for lesser Princes who wanted something.

Occasionally, one would take a much smaller area and act as an Earl with rents and taxes paid to him, but not always. It was a good job for the children of a ruler who likely wouldn’t get the throne but wanted to do something useful and similar to ruling.

“I don’t really see the point,” Rainier said after a moment.

“You could live elsewhere, and you’d have something useful to do. Every day that you wake up, you wouldn’t have to see or hear things from her. Both of you could still communicate, and it would force her to lay off of you for a bit. With you living together, she can simply come right up to you and say anything. I’m not saying to cut her off completely, but I think you need distance for a time. Eat before it gets cold.”

Rainier picked up his fork and fidgeted with it. “She’d have to agree to it. A Prince or Princess can’t simply pick a spot and declare themselves as the Duke or Duchess.”

“I know, but if you can get her to agree, maybe with some distance, things could change, and it would be better for you. It’s something to think about, but you don’t have to figure it out right now.”

While he ate, he tried not to stare at Rainier’s plate. The Prince spent more time cutting his food than actually eating, and he chewed every bite far more than was needed. He avoided looking at Felix, and the strain on his face was evident.

That was probably why he’d often looked stressed after returning from meals.

“Do you hate food?” asked Felix.

Rainier shook his head. “I don’t hate food. I like it too much even though I try not to. I wish I could hate it and that everything tasted disgusting, but it doesn’t, so…” He put down his fork. “It was good, and thanks for making it, but I want to lay down.”

“Could you eat a bit more?” asked Felix. “That’s not even half.”

“I can’t.”

Felix’s appetite was gone, but he kept eating once Rainier was in the bedroom. How was he supposed to make sure the Prince ate multiple small meals a day? He hadn’t even put a lot on the plate since he was sure Rainier wouldn’t want big slabs of ham and piles of vegetables.”

He’d left the window by the door open for fresh air, and with the curtain pulled back, he noticed a carriage coming up the road. It wasn’t one for commoners either. Plenty of rich people had horseless ones that worked with magic, but some preferred horses. The two pulling the carriage were fine, white mounts that probably cost a lot.

His heart thumped as he scrambled to get up and head outside. This was the last thing Rainier needed. He hadn’t even been out of the Castle for a full day yet.

The driver guided the carriage to a stop alongside the gate surrounding the front yard, and as Felix approached, two guards exited. One held open the door for Queen Eliza to step out. Her black hair was twisted up, and her gold eyes narrowed while she looked down her nose as if Felix was dog shit.

“My son needs to come out so we can go home. Felix, you can go inside and tell him, but we won’t require your presence afterward.”

He gripped the top of the wooden gate with one hand. “I don’t think he wants your presence.”

Two pink spots appeared on her cheeks. “I know what my son’s come here to do with you.”

“He’s come to rest and have some peace because he’s sick and needs help,” he snapped despite talking to a Queen. “If you’d bothered to check on him instead of assuming he was pouting, even though he’s a grown man, maybe you’d notice he’s severely emaciated. He needs some peace so he can rest and try to put on some weight.”

“He doesn’t need to put on weight.”

“How would you fucking know?” Felix hissed as his face prickled with anger, and he grew hot all over. “I don’t see how you couldn’t notice he was so thin before, and he’s not healthy. You don’t let him eat in peace-”

“I never starved him!”

“You don’t have to! It’s the way you act. He told me what happened with his Father, and Addy, and-”

“You have no business barging into our family affairs!” She stepped closer to the gate, and even in the dying light of the day, her diamond jewelry twinkled accusingly. “You’re just a whore who does sick shit and sells your ass for coin.”

He lifted his chin. “My ass has earned me a decent savings, and my Mother and Grandmother will always have a roof over their heads no matter what happens. I take care of those close to me, and that goes for your son now too. You can go home or whatever, but I’m taking care of him, and if he wants to stay here, he can. He’s a grown man, he’s twenty-five, and he doesn’t need his prude Mummy breathing down his neck.”

The guard holding the door open scratched his face and seemed to be hiding a smirk at that.

“From what I’ve heard, you’ve been constantly on his back, and he’s damn near driven himself into the ground trying to be whatever you expect. You let out Lance even though he attacked me, and you dragged in some guy that you wanted him to marry because you approved. Why can’t you let him be and accept him for who he is instead of focusing on the stuff you don’t like? He doesn’t have to alter himself to make you happy, and he definitely shouldn’t have to hear the way you insulted him. You’re his Mother, and you’re supposed to love him and want what’s best for him!”

The Queen leaned over the gate. “I do want what’s best. My husband was overweight and died of a heart attack.”

“Rainier is nowhere near overweight.”

“Even if it doesn’t lead to a health issue, weight is a measure of self-control. Your appearance is noticed first by everyone before you even open your mouth. No one likes a ruler who sits in their home and gets fat off the backs of their people and lazes around.”

He wondered if she thought he was chubby. He knew what he looked like naked, and he was fine with his body, so her opinion wasn’t about to have him scrambling to lose weight or anything.

“No one likes a Queen who abuses her son either.”

The accusation slid out before he could tell himself to shut his mouth, but it was pure truth. Even if she didn’t beat Rainier, she had verbally abused him and tried to break him down.

The Queen’s face darkened, and her hand twitched like she wanted to reach out and slap him into next week. Her body grew rigid as she stepped back. With the daylight fading, he could still see the way her collarbones jutted out, and he wondered if she saw herself as overweight too. Natalie had mentioned her giving something to Betty to help with weight.

“Do you like trying to bust his mind or have you got some kind of insecurity that you think can be fixed? I really don’t see how a Mother can look at her bony kid and hound him to lose more weight. You even did it to your own daughter, and then you blamed him for her death. Maybe if you’d shut your mouth years ago, you’d still have Addy, and he wouldn’t be blaming himself for something that happened when he was a young teenager who didn’t know any bett-”

She stepped forward before her hand flashed out, and he barely stepped back in time to avoid the slap.

“How dare you make up such lies!” She pointed at him. “If you don’t get out-”

“I’m not going anywhere unless he wants to.”

“You’ve got a mouth and some guts to interrupt and disobey your Queen.”

“You might be my Queen, but he’s my Prince, and I’m not leaving him unless he truly wants me to go.”

The Queen whirled to the guards. “Arrest him! I’ve had enough of his mouth and lies.”

Felix took a shaky step back, and the guards simply stood there.

“Did you not hear me?” she demanded.

The carriage driver was watching everything and trying to make it look like he wasn’t. The guard still holding the door open scratched his head, and the other standing by the side rubbed his chin. “He didn’t do anything.”

“I said to arrest him.”

“But he didn’t break a law. There aren’t any laws against speaking your mind.”

“Did I stutter? Who knows what he’s doing to my son in private?”

The guard yawned. “There’s no rule against sucking a man’s dick either.”

“Or spending time with him,” said the other. “Seems like Felix is just trying to take care of him.”

“The last I saw him, I thought he wasn’t looking his best.”

“I might have heard some rumors from someone who knows the servants.”

“Yeah…something about the Queen being too harsh on her children,” said the first. “Isn’t that right?”

“Yep, and I heard His Majesty has been particularly ill-looking lately. I got a cousin who’s friends with someone at the Castle.”

The Queen turned crimson as she glared at them. “Who’s the Queen here? Who pays your wages and ensures you have food for your children?”

“Maybe you should have ensured His Majesty was eating enough food. I could get work elsewhere.” The first tugged up his belt. “Oh, yeah, I heard you let out a dangerous criminal too.”

The guards at the prison must have been talking, and if a couple of the servants had started gossiping since last night…rumors have a way of getting around like a fire that no one can control. Besides, someone must have noticed odd things over the years and whispered to friends here and there.

“Arrest him, or you can look for work elsewhere.” The Queen pointed at Felix. “If you think I’m lying-”

Both guards started undoing the straps on the side of their basic leather armor that had the crest stamped on the front. It must have been issued for work, and the Queen gaped when they threw the armor down at her feet.

“Have a good day, m’lady.”

They both went around the carriage and started down the road together. The driver’s eyes were enormous, but when the Queen glanced at him, he quickly looked ahead like he hadn’t been paying attention.

She turned to Felix who was fighting to keep his face placid. Without another word, she got into the carriage, slammed the door, and banged on the inside. The driver flicked the reins, and Felix hurried to go back inside.

“Holy shit,” he muttered to himself.