CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Maven

When I was finally able to join Tasha for the evening, she was already fast asleep on her cot. I'd seen Larissa in the crowd earlier that morning and had tried to avoid her, but she'd found her opportunity and practically held me captive, asking for all the details on my recovery and "how I was doing after such a tragic event."

There was a small glow coming from inside Renn's tent as I passed by. For a moment, I thought of saying something, but decided to leave it till morning, quickly zipping my tent flap.

Breakfast today is a pouch of dehydrated sausage, eggs, and peppers. It honestly isn't as bad as the beef and vegetables from the night before, but as I watch Tasha take her first bite, she very painfully smiles through it. She'll never admit she's miserable.

Renn must have woken up much earlier than us, because by the time we emerged, his tent was already packed up. It doesn't surprise me that he's a morning person—laziness doesn"t seem to be in his character.

As we help clean up the rest of camp, I find him assisting a couple of women who had overheard our conversation yesterday. He's patiently instructing them how to store everything from their tent back into their bag, but I doubt they're as helpless as they're pretending to be.

However, not even that could distract me from this first, beautiful morning out in the wilderness. It's been years since I last went camping, and I forgot how special it is, waking up in peaceful nature. I love the cold, early morning air hitting my cheeks, the crisp air filling my lungs. Last night, we made camp near a grove of trees with bright-yellow leaves, and the first sun rays illuminate them so much that it looks like they will catch fire.

"Beautiful," Tasha says, coming to stand next to me.

"Yeah, you definitely weren't exaggerating about this part of the retreat."

Someone whistles loudly, and we turn to find one of the guides calling us over now that the rest of the group is ready to go.

"Ready for another day of fun?" Tasha asks with a hopeful smile.

"Not sure if I'd call it fun," I say, giving her a look.

"So far, it's nothing like I thought, but I'm still enjoying it. You know what I mean?" she asks, and we make our way over to the group where I see Renn shrugging on his backpack now that the not-so-helpless women are packed up.

"Yeah, I do," I say just as Renn catches me looking at him and gives me a wink.

My right knee and thigh start to ache with the constant incline about two miles after we stop for lunch. The left is managing it well enough, but the right—it hurts more and more with each step. The pain is unwelcome, but not unexpected. My right leg was injured worse than the left and didn't recover quite as well. At first, I hold back the groans and winces of pain, but soon, the release is the only thing that keeps me pushing forward.

"Mave, we can stop. It's not a big deal," Tasha says.

"No. If I stop, then I might not be able to get going again. The momentum helps."

She's unconvinced, cringing at the sound that escapes my mouth with the next step I take.

I sigh heavily in defeat. "Okay, fine. But just for a minute."

We step aside, letting people pass, and I pull out the bottle of pain relievers from my pack. I had hoped I wouldn't have to resort to them, but right now, I'm beyond glad with my decision to bring them. I ignore Tasha's worried look, pouring a couple into my palm and plopping them into my mouth.

People continue to pass us, some offering encouraging looks, others with sympathy, and both annoy me. I know people are trying to be nice, but it just makes me frustrated. We still have the rest of today and most of tomorrow before we reach the summit. The frustration spirals through me, and I hate myself for it, that I can't hold on just a little bit longer—that I'll let the broken part in me win again and again. I begin to wonder if coming back to Solitude Ridge was perhaps the worst decision I've made since the day my dad died, and the only thought in my mind is that I should have never come back.

What if I can't make it? I'll probably have to be carried down the mountain. Will Renn carry me like he did Talla? That thought makes my cheeks warm just in time to see that Renn is about to pass. I keep my head down, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes. I can handle anyone but him.

"Hey, guys. You good?"

I look up, meeting his cool, gray eyes, and I'm surprised by what I find. It's not pity—it's something else that I can't place. And then I notice he's holding what looks like a small, metal container.

He follows my gaze as he says, "I . . ." He clears his throat, almost as if he's nervous. "I noticed that your leg was bothering you." My cheeks flush again with embarrassment, but he offers an encouraging smile. "I have something that may help." He holds out the container. It doesn't have a label or any indication of what it is, so I look up at him, confused. "It's an ointment for injuries."

I glance over at Tasha, and she bites her lip, trying not to say something. I know whatever it is she wants to say would have my cheeks flushing redder.

"So, it's a numbing cream of some kind?" I ask.

He licks his bottom lip. "Yeah, something like that." I give him a skeptical look because I've tried other pain relief methods over the years and they've never done much. He picks up on my doubt and adds, "Trust me, you've never tried this before."

I curiously eye the container. "How do you know?" I ask.

He chuckles lightly. "Because it's very special."

"And you have it because . . . ?" I ask, squinting my eyes, head cocked.

"Isn't that already obvious? I'm special, hence the special ointment," he says, followed by a wide grin, like that alone can convince anyone of anything. To his credit, it does help a little bit. I'm suddenly at a loss for words, and I don't know if it's because of what he's offering, or because I'm worried about my knee. My eyes sting for a moment, unwanted tears brimming. I'm on the brink, my tears waiting for me to crack—the crack that is becoming deeper as I realize there's a chance that I'm physically too weak to make it through this retreat. But Renn's act of kindness is so pure that it lights a little spark of hope in me. I take a deep breath and look back at Renn, golden sunlight catching the edges of his frame, and I feel like I can read everything there in his eyes.

I don't want to see you hurting. I know this isn't much, but I want to help.

He makes everything better—he makes everything okay. Bearable.

"Or I can carry you, if that's what you prefer," he says, his grin somehow brighter than his eyes, and I can't resist the smile that appears on my face. Tasha covers her mouth, trying to suppress the giggle that wants to slip out.

"As nice as it would be to have my own pack mule"—he chuckles—"I'll try the ointment," I say.

Renn bends down to meet me at eye level, then unscrews the lid from the container.

"May I?" he says, motioning to my knee.

My cheeks aren't the only thing that suddenly goes hot. "Um, yeah. Go ahead."

Renn uses two fingers to scoop up a small dab of the clear ointment, then sets the container on the ground. He looks at me, his eyes seeming to say, "Are you sure?" and I nod for him to proceed. He tenderly places a hand on my calf to raise my leg slightly so my foot hovers above the ground, using the other to smooth the ointment onto my knee. I watch his fingers trace over the scars, his touch so soft, featherlike. My leg burns, and I can't tell if it's from the ointment or his touch—probably both.

He looks up at me. "You okay?" he asks.

I gulp. "Yep."

"It should start working fairly quickly," he says, then lets go of my leg, setting it back down.

"Renn, everything okay here?" The guide, whose name I don't remember, walks up, bringing the last of the group. I notice that Renn quickly places the tin back into his pack, almost as if he wants to hide it.

"Yeah, all good here. We just need a minute or two. My legs are pretty sore from the double hike to catch up with you guys yesterday," Renn says casually, sneaking a wink at me.

"If you don't mind bringing up the back in case anyone else needs a break, take all the time you need," the guide says.

"No problem at all. We"ve got it."

He gives Renn an appreciative nod and leaves the three of us behind.

We sit for a good twenty minutes before we get going again, and Renn wasn't kidding when he said I should start to feel the effects of the ointment quickly. Within minutes, the pain is completely gone, and once we start moving, I expect it to wear off, but it doesn't. For the next few miles, it's just the three of us, and time seems to go by quickly.

At some point, Renn starts rattling off facts about the area and points out different kinds of wildflowers and plants that we pass.

Eventually, I ask, "How do you know so much about all of this?"

Tasha pipes in with, "Yeah! I've lived here my whole life and don't know half of what you know. Show off!"

Renn grins with an innocent shrug. "I just like knowing my surroundings, I guess. I've read a lot about the area since arriving here."

Must be some of that military jargon that has lingered. But "arriving?" There's something about that choice of wording that sounds odd.

"Sounds like you didn't come here by choice." I don't realize I say this aloud until I almost run into the back of Tasha because Renn has stopped abruptly ahead of her.

"What the—" Tash stumbles to keep her balance, and I grab her arm to steady her.

"Renn, you okay?" I ask.

Renn turns around, realizing that the three of us nearly collided. "Sorry. I just . . . No. I didn't come here by choice."

I scrunch my eyebrows together, confused. He licks his bottom lip, and I wonder if it's a nervous habit of his, but why would he be nervous about this?

"I guess you could say it found me."

I open my mouth to say more, but Tasha doesn't see because she still has her back to me. "Right. You were looking for something small and quiet," she says very matter-of-factly. Like everyone knows that, even if he's never said it. My thoughts go back to what Valery said, that a lot of what people know about Renn are assumptions.

Renn starts moving up the trail again and says over his shoulder, "Yeah, something like that."

Tash follows without hesitation; like nothing out of the ordinary just happened. But I stay where I am, my mind going everywhere all at once. So he is running away from something. What it is remains a mystery, but I was right after all.

"Mave! Are you coming?" Tash is up ahead of me, further than I realized, and waits for me to catch up to her. "Everything okay?" she asks.

I think about saying something, but decide to let it go. "Yeah, I'm good."

We walk beside each other, Renn ahead of us. I keep my eyes on him, wondering what could ever cause him to run.