CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Renn

When the three of us finally arrive at camp for the evening, most of the group already has their tents up and fires going for the night. I glance over at Maven as I hear her walk up beside me, her troubled expression taking in the campsite.

"We made it!" Tasha exclaims with a huff, coming up on the other side. She quickly scans the scene. "It looks pretty flat over there. Should we set up the tent, Mave?" she asks.

Maven places her hands on her hips and takes a deep breath, and with a sharp tone replies, "Sure."

"If you need to rest, I can set it . . ."

"No. I'm fine," Maven snaps, cutting her off. Tasha is taken aback, so she adds, "Sorry. Yes, I'm good. Let's go." She walks past me without giving me a glance or goodbye.

Tash shrugs with wide eyes, and she mouths I don't know. "See you later, Renn," she says out loud,then follows her.

"Later," I say, raising a hand in goodbye. I watch them for a moment as they begin to pull out the supplies from their packs. Tasha watches Maven carefully, as a concerned friend would, but they don't speak.

There's a clearing a little further off from the group, beside two large spruce trees, and I decide to unpack there. It takes me longer than normal to get my space set up and secured—I'm distracted, playing through the day in my head. I change into a dark green sweatshirt and grab a beanie from my pack before I make my way over to the larger fire set up in the middle of camp. The sun is almost completely gone as the heaviness of darkness in the forest sinks in for the night.

The voices surrounding the fire become more clear as I inch closer. Maven and Tasha are already eating dinner, which is some sort of a beef stew. Tasha is engaged in conversation with a few other people sitting around them, but Maven stares blankly into the fire as she holds her bowl of food in her hands, untouched. She changed into a gray hoodie and black beanie, looking cozy but not content. She looks up, her eyes immediately finding mine over the flames. Her eyebrows knit together, her mouth parting slightly. I give her a small smile, and she smiles back, but it doesn't reach her eyes. We study each other for a few seconds, and then she rises from her seat, sets down the bowl, and wanders toward the trees.

My gaze follows her until she disappears into the dense forest, and without a second thought, I grab a lantern nearby and follow her. I have a feeling she wants me to follow her, but I still feel my heart make a nervous jump in my chest as I navigate through the maze of trees. The air is chilly as it touches my skin; every step gets darker and colder, but I chase her, knowing where it will lead me. After a few more yards, I see her in a clearing, sitting on a fallen log and looking up into the night sky. The moonlight illuminates a perfect spotlight around her, and she doesn't turn to face me as I set the lantern down and sit beside her. I gaze up to the sky too.

"Do you want to be alone?"

She sighs heavily. "No."

There's a sad smile on her lips as she gazes up into the firmament above. I want her to go on, but I don't want to push her while she's clearly working through something. The stillness of the forest around us invokes a calming essence.

"Sorry about earlier," she says, finally looking at me. "It's been a hard day. I didn't mean to take it out on you and Tash. It was very kind of you to stay back with us."

"I was happy to."

She scoffs lightly at this.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just my wounded pride, I guess."

I mull over her words for a beat or two. "What do you mean?" I ask, cocking my head.

She looks at me with an intense gaze. "I didn't want you to see me struggle today. It's . . . embarrassing, and even with that magic ointment stuff . . . What is that exactly?" I shrug to play it off like it's no big deal. "Well, whatever it is, it helped a lot, but I still fell so far behind. I didn't realize how far we really were until I saw camp was already completely set up."

I'm surprised by her response, not only for the fact that she thought it was an inconvenience to me to stay behind with her, but also because that wasn't what I saw at all. I feel a sharpness in my chest.

"Maven. You have it all wrong."

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, and I search her eyes like I'm still looking into the never-ending night sky.

"I watched you overcome something difficult. Which you handled with grace, by the way." She swallows nervously. "You were fighting, not struggling."

She takes a sharp inhale of breath, looking down at her feet, then shakes her head, chuckling. "Renn. You don't have to say that."

I scoot closer to her, the movement causing her to bring her eyes back to mine. "I"m serious. I'm glad I got to experience it with you."

"Why?" Her voice is soft, almost a whisper.

The lantern light casts a soft glow across her face. She's beautiful. Her blue eyes sparkling in the darkness as she searches mine. My heart beats fast in my chest, and I don't remember ever having this nervous, exhilarating feeling with anyone. I get the overwhelming urge to lean over and kiss her, but I won't.

"Surely I haven't been hiding it that well," I say, looking at my hands, locking my fingers together. I feel her eyes on me, but she still doesn't say anything. I take a deep breath before looking back at her. "I came on this retreat to be close to you, Maven."

I lick my bottom lip as she shyly grins at me. "Then you should know how happy I was when you showed up. Even though it made me nervous, I felt safe knowing you would be here."

My body instantly relaxes a bit.

"Why were you nervous?"

She hesitates for a moment. "I'm always nervous around you, Renn." She blushes and looks up to the sky, biting her bottom lip. Heat rushes through me at the sight, and I can't help but smile wider. She turns to see my smirk and hits me lightly on the arm. "Don't look smug!" she says, laughing, and I only laugh back.

"You don't need to be nervous around me. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."

She rolls her eyes.

"What?"

"You would have to be blind if you don't see the effect you have on people." I can't help but chuckle, and she hits my arm playfully again. "Renn!"

"Okay, fine. Yes, to an extent. But you have an effect on people too, and I know I haven't been hiding the effect you have on me." I can see her cheeks blush even in the lantern light.

"Okay, fine. Yes, to an extent," she says, using my words. "I can tell you like me. There, I said it."

"Thank you!" I say loudly, and we both chuckle.

Maven's laugh is infectious, and just like the first time I heard it, I can't help the reaction of my body to the sound of it, the warmth singing through my body.

After a few moments, we both go quiet again. She leans her head back to look up to the night sky once again, but I keep my eyes on her. Her dark hair cascades down her back and shoulders, her neck more exposed the more she leans, taking in the stars above. I see sadness creep into her eyes just as it did on Firefly Night.

"My dad and I loved to stargaze." Her voice is steady but mournful. "We were always fascinated with space. I guess you could say it was a hobby, in a way. He always had a random fact or two to share. We read books, watched movies. He even bought a little telescope for us one year." I get the feeling she hasn't spoken about him with anyone for some time, based on her reverent tone. "It made me feel so small in comparison to everything we could see up there, and it always left me in awe. From our little spot on the ground, with so many stars shining right in front of us, it was almost like we could reach out and touch them."

I follow her gaze. "And what about now?"

She is quiet for a few beats, then turns to face me again. "Do you think there's life beyond this world?"

I stop breathing. The question shakes me to my core. I try to keep my face as neutral as possible, my mind racing, thinking about what to say, what to do. This is the second time today she's caught me completely off guard. Or maybe I've been letting my guard down around her without even noticing.

"What do you mean?" My voice sounds off, but I hope she won't notice. Maven leans back further, placing her hands on the log as she arches her back and rolls out her shoulders. The casualness tells me she meant it as an innocent question. Of course she did.

"There has to be something else out there, right?"

I wish I could tell her how right she is. That I've seen things beyond her wildest imagination. I'm compelled to tell her everything, but if I do, she will look at me like I'm crazy and most likely run in the opposite direction. And even if I tell her the truth, how would I go about that exactly?

Yes, Maven. There is life beyond this world. How do I know? Because I'm from another planet.

So, instead, I try to validate her wandering thoughts with a half-truth.

"I think you're right. I think there is more out there." I inhale. "Worlds and stars without end." She doesn"t respond, her gaze only intensifying on the sky as she contemplates my words. "I actually know a thing or two about space myself," I add, ashamed to play it off, but I don't know what else to do.

"Really? Tell me something about space, Renn." She swings a leg to the other side of the log, straddling it to face me full on. I try to keep my breath even.

I squint my eyes in thought. "Hmm, let me think." Maven smiles, waiting patiently. "What do you know about nebulas?"

She shakes her head. Here goes nothing.

"Nebulas are common throughout the galaxy, but they can only illuminate by reflecting off nearby stars. The more starlight they capture, the more colorful they appear. Most reflect shades of blue."

She ponders this for a moment. "What are they exactly?"

I'm pleased by her curiosity. "They're remnants of stars that have died, or new stars forming—star dust that is gathered together."

She hums in response, glancing up to the starlit sky again.

"They don't always appear that way though. They can also be incredibly menacing. Without light, a nebula can become so dark, that it appears as an endless void of blackness. Both are beautiful in their own way."

"Goodness." Her body shivers at the words, and we both chuckle. If I were braver, I would tell her that her eyes remind me of a nebula. I've witnessed so many, ranging in intensity and brightness, but the color of her eyes is one of a kind, even in comparison to the universe. Her eyes look like they encapsulate millions of stars, making them truly stellar, but it isn't just the vividness that hits me, it's also the fact that they contain a darkness—something inside that she wants to keep hidden. That kind of darkness recognizes itself, and when it comes to Maven, I see it as clear as day—light and dark coming together to create a devastatingly beautiful thing.

We remain quiet for a while, the constellations glittering above us.

Maven's smooth voice breaks the silence as she asks, "How do you know so much about space?"

I stare at her face again, one side illuminated by the moonlight, the other by the lantern glow. The light and the dark. "I guess you could say it's a hobby of mine, too."

She glances back at me, a small smile on her lips. Then she does something I wasn't expecting. She reaches out and places a hand on my knee. "Thank you, Renn."

I'm not sure if she's thanking me for reassuring her, or distracting her. Maybe both. I hope I was able to comfort her in some way, and I let my thoughts wander, wishing I could do more for her—to her, if I'm being honest. Because as I look at her lips, I want to know what they would feel like against mine. How her dark hair would feel on my fingertips. The sensation of having her bare skin against mine. The heat in me blazes brighter just from her touch. Before I can dare to touch her back, she removes her hand.

"We should probably get back to camp." She stands, wiping off the bark sticking to her palms before wrapping her arms around herself. I didn't realize how much the temperature had dropped as we sat here, side by side in the twilight.

"Yeah. Probably a good idea." We stroll back to camp in silence, the glow of the fire and lantern light guiding us.

"There you guys are!" Tasha shouts, running up to us—a look of relief on her face. "I was about to come look for you two."

Maven clears her throat. "Sorry. We didn't mean to scare you."

Tasha's eyes move to Maven, then to me, looking us up and down. "What were you guys doing out there anyway?" She crosses her arms, giving us a suspicious look.

"Nothing. Just talking," Maven says, moving forward and grabbing Tasha's arm to lead her away. "Let's get to bed." Tasha winks at me and follows Maven toward their tent. "It was nice talking with you, Renn. See you tomorrow," she says, looking over her shoulder while continuing to pull Tasha along.

"See you tomorrow."

Maven and Tasha start to speak in low whispers as they move further away. I watch them walk into their tent, still watching as it illuminates from the inside. The camp is quiet now; the low light of the glowing tents and lucent embers in the fire pits are the only signs of life. I try to be as quiet as I can, climbing into my tent and unwrapping a granola bar from my pack after I realize how hungry I am. I scramble into my sleeping bag, chewing on the bar. I had been worried that coming on this trip may have been a mistake, that maybe I was intruding on what was clearly much more than a hiking retreat to Maven. The look of determination and sheer will she possessed today made that evident. But after tonight, my mind is free of doubt. That conversation under the stars with her was worth the risk of leaving the transmitter behind, worth giving her the ointment. It was worth everything. Perhaps this was the first indication that a true friendship has grown between Maven and me, and maybe that was my intention all along. If Maven sees me as a friend, that will be enough . . . for now. But the final thought that enters my mind before I sleep is that the real truth is, Maven is quickly becoming so much more than just my friend, and I want that more than I care to admit.