CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Maven

"Okay, seriously. Tell me what happened!" Tasha semi shouts, sprawled out on her cot.

"Shhh! Keep it down, would you?" I pull off my beanie and run my fingers through my hair.

"Tell me!" she whispers loudly.

"Okay, first of all, that wasn't even remotely quiet. Second, nothing happened, we just . . . talked," I say flatly. Tasha rolls onto her side so she's facing me fully, her expression unconvinced. "We just talked, I promise. I would tell you if there was anything else." I mean it genuinely, and she knows it.

"Alright. Alright." She pauses for a moment, eyeing me. "Did you want something else to happen though?"

I roll my eyes at her. "You are ridiculous!" I say, throwing my hat at her.

"Hey!" She laughs, throwing it back. "Look, all I'm saying is that this is so unlike normal Renn behavior. And you have never been this nervous around a guy. I can tell he likes you and you like him."

I can tell you like me. There, I said it.

His laugh was deep and so very good. I can almost feel it reverberating through my body, a warmness pooling within me just thinking about that sound. It makes me feel things in places I don't dare admit, even to myself.

"Fine. You're not wrong. I like him probably a lot more than I should." I look down at my hands because it is the truth, and I didn't intend to share it, not even with Tasha. But I'm too timid to say more.

She scans my face, her expression suddenly serious. I wait for her to say something else, but instead, she only smiles and turns to lie on her back.

"By the way, I'm so proud of you," she says quietly, staring at the roof of the tent. My eyes prick at her words, especially because today wasn't my finest moment.

"Thank you for nudging me to come on this retreat. And I'm sorry about my grumpiness today."

She laughs lightly. "It's okay, and maybe thank me after. It's not over yet."

"Okay, deal."

I lie flat on my back, but I don't feel tired with the butterflies still fluttering in my stomach.

I meant what I said, Renn makes me feel safe. He calms me, enough to share more with him, allowing me to be myself. I haven't even been able to do that with Tash since everything happened. She's always been supportive of me, but with Renn . . . he compelled me to share more, and what's crazy is that I wanted to.

I close my eyes, trying to find sleep, but I hear Renn"s voice in my head, his words a song in my mind. One thing in particular I can't seem to shake from my consciousness is the look in his eyes when he spoke of space.

I think you're right. I think there is more out there. Worlds and stars without end.

The tone of his voice when he said it sent a chill through me. It touched me somewhere deep within, and when I gazed into his eyes, I could have sworn I truly saw worlds without end flashing across his face, like he was reliving something that he knew to be true—like he wasn't just satisfying my curiosity.

Eventually, the forest's soothing sounds help my mind rest. I need to sleep to help my legs recuperate. I made it to the camp, but I haven't been that sore in a long time, and like Tasha pointed out, the journey isn't over yet. I worry that, while I have come a long way, there is a chance I won"t make it to the end. As soon as the thought comes to mind, another one quickly follows. Even if I slip, fall, even if I need to rest a hundred times before we make it to the end, I know Renn will be there. That comforting thought swiftly takes away all my fears and doubts, and I fall into a deep sleep at last.

I hear the camp coming alive, long shadows of the trees from the morning light crossing over our tent. Excited chatter drifts throughout the camp, and I can't help the rousing feeling growing in me as well. Tasha stirs in her cot.

"Good morning," she says through a yawn.

"Morning!" I unzip my pack quickly, grab my toothbrush, and push through the tent flap, pulling on my dust- and dirt-coated hiking boots.

"Geez! How are you so awake already?" she groans into her pillow. I don't stop to respond. I use my canteen to brush my teeth, quickly stuff it back inside my pack, and make my way over to the center of the camp, scanning for him. Many have already packed up their tents and are eating a breakfast of dried fruit and oatmeal; I don't care nearly as much today that I have to eat the rubbery meal. Then, I spot Renn talking to a group of guys, his arms across his chest as he speaks. He's wearing the same black beanie from last night, but has changed into a white shirt under a black jacket with dark jeans. As if he can feel my gaze, he turns, and when he sees me, he puts a hand up to excuse himself from the group and makes his way over to where I stand.

"Good morning." His voice has a raspy, morning tenor to it, and I try to ignore the heated feeling it gives me.

"Hey. Did you sleep well?" I ask.

"I did. Very well, actually." He nods, putting his hands in his pocket.

"I did too," I say.

"Good."

We smile foolishly at each other. His bright smile is even more radiant in the morning sun. The stubble on his face is the longest I've ever seen it—more rugged. I decide that Renn in a beanie is my favorite look on him, and if he added that jean jacket, I would be a goner.

"So, last night. It was . . . nice," I say nervously. He steps a bit closer to me, and I feel my blood warming up.

"It was nice for me too."

It's undeniable that something is different between us now. If I had to attach a name to it, I'd call Renn a friend now, but is there more? While he's still intimidating in many ways, I feel like the relationship growing between us has come about fast and easy, maybe with a couple bumps, but now we're at a turning point. The more time we spend together, the stronger it grows, and last night, he made it clear he wanted to spend more time with me.

"So, are you ready for today?" he asks through a grin.

"I think so."

For a split second, he looks down to my leg then back to my eyes as he asks, "Feel okay?"

I reach down to rub it, stretching it a little to test the soreness. I was so focused on finding him, I didn't even register the tightness in my muscles until now.

My knee is a little tender.

"I feel good. I know the ointment helped a lot yesterday."

He inhales deeply. "I'm glad. Really, Maven. I'm happy it helped you. And if you need to take breaks today, don't feel bad about it. I'll be with you the whole way."

I assumed he would be hiking with Tasha and me today, but hearing him say it fills my heart with warmth, and the fluttering feeling in my stomach grows.

"Well, I better help Tasha pack up." My nerves get the better of me. "See you on the trail?" I ask.

He smiles wide, eyes crinkling. "See you on the trail, Maven."

My nerves only grow the closer we get to the ascent, and for some strange, but welcome reason, my knee is still holding up well. I really need to ask Renn more about that ointment.

The ascent is only half a mile, but it's the steepest section of the entire hike. The group as a whole seems to move at a faster pace in anticipation of finally getting to our sought-after destination, and even though Tasha, Renn, and I are at the back once again, we keep up well enough. Maybe it's the adrenaline that pushes me forward, helping me to ignore the burn in my muscles, or maybe Tasha and Renn's presence gives me motivation.

If I'm being honest, it's probably both, and I'm grateful for it.

The last ascent before the overlook is narrow and rocky, with sections of nothing but sheer drop-offs on either side. The guides instruct the group to go single file and to leave plenty of room between each other. Because of this, we have to wait for our turn to go one by one. I'm thankful for the extra time to rest and review everything I know about the ascent. The narrowest, most dangerous sections of the trail are guided with rope tied to metal stakes which are anchored into the rock. I've heard many stories about this part in particular over the years, and it's where people actually fall off the cliffside every few years.

"If people would just do what they're supposed to, they wouldn't fall." I hear my dad's voice in my mind.

"The key is to not look down, keep your bearings, and go slow," Trey says, giving the group tips. My knee starts to bounce nervously with anticipation.

"Do you want me to go before you, or after?" Tasha asks. I watch those already scaling the mountain, taking note of what's helping make it easier, and what to avoid.

"I'll go last."

The sun beats down on us. Trees are more scarce now that we're near the top of the mountain, which means less shade as we wait. Maybe going last isn't such a good idea. I can feel the heat stealing my strength little by little.

As we wait, Renn spends most of his time talking with the same group of guys from town, but at one point, the woman who said she wanted to take Renn into the woods for a hookup approaches him. She's pretty with short, blonde hair. She's bold, I'll give her that, but a pulse of jealousy pumps through my blood when I watch her put a hand on Renn's forearm. She had to touch him there, of course. He catches my eye as his expression says something like "help me." I shrug and flash him a wicked grin, the jealousy gone.

When our turn finally arrives, without a word, Tash pulls me into a tight hug and holds me for a long moment. I hold her back just as tight.

"You've got this," she says, pulling away. Her wide, hazel eyes are full of hope and worry as she looks at me, unblinking.

"I've got this, and so do you," I say, giving her an encouraging smile.

She gives one last squeeze, then tightens the straps on her pack and starts scaling up the rocky path. Her curly hair is pulled up high on her head, and she looks graceful as she moves onward and up. A beam of pride for my best friend burns in my chest.

Renn comes up next to me, watching her for a moment, then bends down to tighten his shoelaces and the straps on his pack. "Well, this is it," he says. His eyes are more green than I've ever seen them. I wait for him to give me the same encouraging sentiment as Tasha, but instead, he moves closer to me so I have to tilt my head back to look him in the eyes. "Keep looking forward, one step at a time," he says, low and calm. The sound of it grounds my nerves and thoughts of excitement. For a moment, I think about hugging him, but instead, I just nod. "I'll see you at the top," he adds, his eyes clear and captivating. I read it all there, the things left unsaid. The belief, not hope, that I will make it—and that is the final push I need.

"Don't worry about me. Just keep going. I'll catch up," I say.

He smiles wide and then turns to face the mountain. He takes a deep breath and starts to climb, his broad chest moving in and out, slowly. I try not to let my mind go wild as I take in every move he makes, his arms flexing as the muscles tighten across his back, his long fingers gripping on to the rock when he needs extra leverage. Even through his shirt, I can see the material moving against him, stretching against his muscles, leaving little to the imagination.

Stop thinking about Renn's muscles. Focus on the mountain,I tell myself, laughing lightly. Once he's several yards ahead of me, I close my eyes and take a collection of deep breaths.

Steady yourself. You've got this. They will be waiting for you.

I say the mantra to myself a few times, then open my eyes and begin. I don't think of the path as a whole; instead, I do as Renn said and take it one step at a time.

Make it to the bend. Now the rock ahead. I take the path in small stretches to get me to the end, little by little.

I can spot Renn from time to time up ahead of me, catching quick glimpses of his red backpack for a moment or two when the path isn't obstructed by trees or rocks, and every time I do, it gives me that extra motivation to keep moving. When I arrive at the first rope section, it becomes clear that people didn't exaggerate when they said it's narrow. It's so slim that I have to walk almost as if I'm on a tightrope, one foot in front of the other while clinging on to the rope, the roughness rubbing against my palm, almost burning from my tight grip. My heartbeat thumps in my ears, and my hands are sweaty, probably from a mixture of nervousness and exhaustion. I try to keep my eyes ahead, but steal a glance to the side at the sheer drop off, and all at once, my body goes stiff, my legs feeling like they weigh a ton. I try to step forward, but can't. I close my eyes, taking deep breaths, trying to control the fear building inside me.

Deep breaths. Just take a step. One step, that's all.

But no matter how many times I say it, I stand, frozen.

Not sure what to do, I do something I haven't done in a long time.

"Dad," I say aloud, the vibrations of my voice echoing off the rocks around me. "Dad, if you're there, if you're somewhere . . . anywhere, I need your help." I pray that maybe there's a part of him here—an imprint because of how much he loved this place. Maybe that's why I do it, but no matter the reason, it's comforting the more I speak.

"Dad, help me." I keep my eyes shut tight, waiting for a feeling, anything to give me a sign. I take long, deep breaths, trying to hone in on the mountains and nature surrounding me, focusing in on the soundscape until it becomes a soothing source of solace. It begins to call to me, igniting my soul.

Maven, you are not alone. You can do this. Don't give up now.

Then, almost as if I can feel a reassuring hand on my shoulder, I keep going. My legs are light but strong. I don't know what to make of what's happening on this mountain, but the closest thing I can call it is a spiritual awakening. Whatever it is, it gets me to the end. When I turn the final corner, I'm welcomed by the setting sun's rays. Most of the group has their backs turned, looking out toward the overlook.

The first person who spots me is Tasha, and I hear her before I see her. "Maven!" she yells. A few people look our way, but I don't care if we have an audience as she runs to me with tears in her eyes. My eyes fill with tears of their own. She pulls me into a tight embrace.

"Were you worried about me?" I ask through a chuckle.

She squeezes me tighter. "Maybe a little, but I knew you could do it," she says as she pulls away. My eyes dart ahead. "It's even better than I imagined," she says, following my gaze to the edge of the mountain. "Come on." She takes my hand and we walk side by side, arms linked together.

The vista slowly comes into view, step by step, and soon, all I see ahead of me is majesty and wonder.

I had an image in my head of what the overlook of Solitude Ridge would look like, but in person, it leaves me speechless. The sweeping, vibrant colors, ranging from deep red to bright yellow, cascade over the hills—the beautiful colors brilliant against the dark green of the evergreen trees.

I lean on a nearby rock, slowly lowering myself to sit. My eyes sting with tears. It's so beautiful, and I can't believe I made it.

It is overwhelming.

I don't know how long I sit, but suddenly, I remember who else I want to see. I stand, and the first person I notice when I turn around is Renn. Before I know what I'm doing . . . I run to him—my achy legs not nearly as sore as they were seconds before. He wears an expression somewhere between relief and joy, and the closer I come to him, the wider he smiles. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he lifts me off my feet and spins me before placing me back onto the ground.

"You did it, Maven. You did it," he says into my hair. I feel his broad chest move in and out, inhaling me, and I don't care if I smell of dirt and sweat. I can sense it on him too, but for some reason, the salt and earthiness adds to his already intoxicating scent. I let go of his neck and lean back to look into his shining, green eyes. I try to think of something to say—something equally profound that can match the feelings flowing through me, but I'm at a loss for words. Renn seems to be as well, because he just beams down at me, the brightness in his eyes lighting me up inside.

"Let's get a picture!" Tasha calls out to us, interrupting the moment as she pulls out her phone and hands it to someone nearby.

Renn moves to step away, but I pull on his arm, encouraging him to stand next to Tasha and me. He parts his lips to protest, but doesn't as Tasha pulls me to stand beside her so that I'm nestled between the two of them. The woman holding Tash's phone takes a few photos, rotating the phone to give us a variety, then hands it back to her.

"Thank you so much!" Tash says while I still have my arm looped around Renn's. I slowly let it drop to my side. "Ooo, these are so good!" Tasha exclaims, swiping through the pictures and handing the phone to me to look.

We all have huge smiles on our faces, the backdrop of the overview behind us breathtaking, but the only thing I focus on is the three of us—my best friend on one side of me and Renn on the other. At this moment, the word friend seems so small compared to what they both are to me. Tash is more like a sister, and Renn . . . I don't know exactly. I pray I can hold on to this feeling long after the day comes to end, but no matter what, I will always hold this memory close to my heart.