52. My worst nightmare

FIFTY-TWO

MY WORST NIGHTMARE

SHEP

After getting stopped by Tom to talk about my schedule for next semester, I’m finally leaving work. I send Harlow a text that I’m heading her way and when I don’t get a response, I assume she’s lost track of time swimming. It wouldn’t surprise me.

I call Wes, letting him know I’m picking her up then will head home and start driving towards the student athlete center. It’s not very far from the rec, so after only a few minutes I’m pulling in. An unsettling feeling immediately hits me though when I realize there’s basically no one here. I see a truck parked in the faculty spot, Harlow’s Bronco, and another car I don’t recognize.

As I shut my truck off and get out, I break into a light jog, wanting to get inside sooner than later. As I push through the doors and turn towards the direction of the pool, I hear faint yelling and everything in that moment stops.

I run towards the pool deck and when I push into the arena, my heart drops. On the other side of the pool, Beckett is holding Harlow’s head under water and she isn’t moving.

I immediately yell and when he looks over and sees me, he lets go and takes off. I don’t even have time to think about going after him. I race over to where Harlow is, stopping to pull the fire alarm to try to alert anyone else who’s in the building and knowing it’ll automatically call for emergency services.

I yell out for help a few times wondering if Coach Bradford is still here somewhere before getting to Harlow. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial 911 before setting it on the diving block to jump in after her.

She’s floating face down in the water and by the time I swim to her and get her in my arms, I can hear the dispatcher calling out from the speaker of my phone.

I try to respond while also trying to bring Harlow to the pool deck. My voice shakes as I attempt to tell them someone has drowned and we need an ambulance right away.

In the middle of all this chaos, Coach Bradford runs in. The blood leaves his face as he watches me cradle Harlow in my arms, before laying her on the pool deck and checking for her pulse. There isn’t one .

“Call my dad! Call the sheriff’s office!” I yell to him, panic setting in but knowing I have to calm down. This is literally what I’ve trained for as a lifeguard so I immediately start CPR.

After giving her compressions and mouth to mouth, the dispatcher asks me to check again for a pulse, but I’m too scared to stop. She isn’t breathing and the ambulance still isn’t here.

“I couldn’t get through,” Coach Bradford chokes. I’d forgotten he was here. “Did you pull the alarms?”

“I was hoping someone would be here and it would get their attention,” I speak through labored breaths.

Coach Bradford walks over. “Let me take over for a second. I’m trained too, son. Try calling your father again.” He hands me his phone before quickly switching with me to continue giving Harlow CPR.

I call his personal number and he picks up after the second ring. “Dad,” I cry out. “Harlow. She drowned. He drowned her. Beckett.” My words are broken up by my sobs.

I watch Coach Bradford continually press with his whole weight onto Harlow’s lifeless body. I don’t even want to think about how long it’s been since we started, but I know we can’t stop until the EMTs arrive.

“I sent a BOLO out to all my officers. We’ll find him, Shep. The ambulance should be there soon and I’ll meet you at the hospital. Call her friends, I’ll notify her parents.”

He hangs up and by the time I go to pick up my phone, the EMTs rush through the doors. Coach Bradford quickly moves out of the way and I watch with shock and horror as they immediately pull out the AED and hook Harlow up to it.

Disconnecting with 911 now that they’re here, I call Wes, who’s with Lennon waiting on Harlow and I to come home. We were supposed to have a double date. We were supposed to figure things out. How the fuck did this happen!

Explaining to him what’s going on feels like I’m trapped in my worst nightmare. I hear Lennon in the background crying and asking me questions that I don’t have answers for. I hang up feeling more lost than I ever have.

When I turn back around, Harlow is being lifted onto a stretcher and wheeled out of the athletic center. I stand there dazed with my phone in my hand. It vibrates and Mom texts me that she spoke with Dad and she’ll also meet me at the hospital.

I start to walk towards my truck, but now that the adrenaline has left my body, I collapse and let out a pained scream. Coach Bradford walks over to me and tries to help me up.

“C’mon, son. I’ll drive you to the hospital.” I don’t argue with him and follow him out to his truck.

The minutes after arriving at the hospital are a blur. Everyone starts to ask me questions about what happened but all I can think about is getting to Harlow.

Mom stops me and pulls me into her. I stand there motionless for a second, before wrapping my arms around her, crying.

“She wasn’t breathing, Mom. She wasn’t breathing.” I sob into her shoulder and I feel her body start to shake, realizing she’s crying too.

“You did everything you could,” she reassures me as we both stand there and cry together.

“I didn’t get to…I didn’t tell her I love?—”

“She knew,” Mom fills in my words and squeezes me tighter.

A hand grips my shoulder and I turn around to see Harlow’s father, his face covered in tears.

“Mr. Sutherland, I’m so sorry.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand and I feel Mom rubbing my back before she turns and walks over to speak with Lennon and Wes who’ve just walked in.

“Thank you for being there.” His voice is hoarse and he reaches out, pulling me into a hug. While I’d hoped I’d eventually get closer to Harlow’s parents, I didn’t ever want it to because of something like this.

He steps away and shakes his head. “This Beckett guy, why would he do this?”

I open my mouth to speak when Margot walks up to us. “I got this,” she says to me before taking her father’s hand and walking him over to sit down next to their mother, who’s sobbing into her hands.

For a moment, I’m left alone standing in the middle of confusion, grief, chaos, and panic. I search everyone’s faces and there isn’t one person whose eyes are dry. Even Wes has tear-stained cheeks and I’m sure it’s because of the brunette he’s clinging to who’s bawling.

The wails and cries are stopped for a brief moment when someone walks out in the waiting room and calls out, “For Harlow Sutherland?”

I want to move but I can’t, terrified of what this person will say. I watch her parents quickly get up and when they get closer, I try to make out the words being spoken to them.

It doesn’t matter though, because when Harlow’s mom turns to her husband and starts wailing, that tells me enough. Every ounce of happiness I felt over the last few months leaves my body along with my ability to stand and I collapse onto the cold tile of the hospital floor.

She’s gone. I lost her.