50. Out the window

FIFTY

OUT THE WINDOW

SHEP

I would consider myself a level-headed person. I would like to think that most of the time, I react calmly to situations that most people would lose their heads over. However, the second I hear three words that I never expected to hear leave Harlow’s mouth, all sense of logic flies out the window.

“I’m sorry, what?” I turn around and face her. She’s chewing on her bottom lip and avoiding my gaze. “What do you mean he texted you?”

She doesn’t respond for a few seconds and walks over to sit down on the edge of my bed. “Halloween night. He messaged me from an unknown number.” Her voice is hushed.

“Halloween? He texted you on Halloween and you’re just now telling me? Harlow, that was almost two weeks ago!” My stomach drops.

“I know! I’m sorry!” Her voice comes out strangled with emotion.

I run my hands over my face and shake my head. I have to calm down. This is not going to end well if I don’t.

“Well, what did he say?” is all I manage to get out in response.

She holds her phone out to me, her green eyes watery.

Staring at the screen in front of me, reading and seeing exactly what he sent her, I can’t hold in my emotions anymore.

“You’re kidding me.” My tone is harsh but this is insane. He was there and she didn’t tell me. He was close enough to take a picture of her and she didn’t mention it. “Do you even understand how bad this is? Harlow, you’ve put yourself in danger by not telling anyone. What was your plan?”

“I-I…” She stammers over her words. “I’ve just been making sure I’m not alone.”

My chest tightens. All this time I thought she was wanting to stay with me and spend more time with me because her feelings for me were growing—because she was letting me in.. She was just hiding out in my apartment? And Halloween night, that’s why she called me and said she wanted to come over? While a small piece of me is glad she felt she could do that, there’s also an overlapping wave of betrayal that knocks me out.

“So all this time we’ve been spending together was just to give yourself a sense of protection?” I scoff in disbelief. “I thought you and I were actually getting closer.”

She flinches at my words. “We have been getting closer,” her voice barely audible.

I recognize what I’m saying is probably coming across as hurtful, but I’m hurt. This really fucking hurts. I try to shift gears, not wanting to make this about me.

“We need to tell my dad. You need to file a restraining order or something,” I insist.

“No!” She rises to her feet. “That’s the last thing I want. It would only make things worse. Shep, listen. He hasn’t texted me again,” she continues. “I think he did it to mess with me and it’s not that serious.”

I widen my eyes. “It’s not that serious? You’re joking right?”

“I’m sorry,” she repeats again. “I just felt like if I had to deal with anything related to him again, I’d be losing progress! I want to keep moving on. With you!” Her voice rises with emotion.

“You can move on and still be smart about things, Harlow.” I cross my arms and her lip wobbles before a tear runs down her cheek. It takes everything in me not to walk over and wipe it away.

“I wasn’t using you, Shep. I have been wanting to spend time with you and get closer to you. The guilt of keeping this from you was killing me. Especially the more I realized that my feelings for you are growing.” She sits down on my bed again and pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt. “I really like you, Shep,” she whispers, staring down at the floor.

I close my eyes and sigh. Everything she’s saying is what I’ve been wanting to hear for so long. There’s a flash of self-doubt and I wonder if I did something to make her feel like she couldn’t tell me.

“I still think you need to tell my dad and let him give you his opinion.” I walk over and sit down next to her, giving in and placing a hand on her leg. “This scares me, Harlow. How can I look out for you and take care of you when I don’t know everything going on?”

“I didn’t want it to turn into a big deal and cause any issues between us. I know how much you don’t like him and I didn’t want things between us to go back to being about Beckett. But, surprise, he’s found a way to weasel himself back into my life, messing things up for me.” She hangs her head in defeat.

I chew on her words because part of me understands, but I still can’t seem to process that she was keeping this secret from me.

“This sucks,” I finally say, letting out a breath of defeat.

“Yeah. I’ll go back to my apartment tonight. Lennon’s home so I’ll be fine.” She starts to stand up and grab her things.

I should stop her, but I don’t know how we’re supposed to continue the night after this. Maybe the space could be good for both of us to think about things. I sit there frozen on the edge of bed while she mindlessly packs up her bag before tossing it over her shoulder.

“I really am sorry, Shep. I had a feeling too that once I did tell you, things would change, which only made me want to ignore it even more.” She walks towards me and kisses my cheek. “I meant what I said. I really do like you. I even think maybe…” Her voice trails off.

“What?” I search her face but she shakes her head and turns to walk out my door.

“I’ll give you some space. I’m sorry again.”

I listen as she leaves out the front door and then I lie back on my bed. Staring up at my ceiling, I feel all my thoughts and feelings compound into one big mess.

I don’t know if I should have let her leave, but we weren’t going to agree on what to do. Maybe it’s not even my place to tell her how to handle this, but I still wish I would’ve known. I consider everything she said about her progress and being happy, and my stomach drops. I shouldn’t have let her leave.

I roll over and grab my phone, sending her a text.

I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. We can figure this out.

After a few minutes, she responds letting me know she’s safely home and with Lennon, but doesn’t acknowledge what I’ve said.

I don’t want to push her any more so I set my phone down and hope maybe a good night’s rest will clear both of our minds.

The following day, I feel like I’m operating on autopilot. I haven’t heard from Harlow, and sure, I could easily text her but in the past her silence has meant she needed space which leaves me conflicted about what to do.

I thought about reaching out to my dad anyways but if Harlow found out I did that, shit would really go south.

I only had one class today and now that I’m at work, a numbness has taken over me as I watch the various people swimming. All it does is make me think of Harlow and I wish I could have a do-over of last night. I see Wes walking my way and try to perk up some.

“You and Harlow want to go out with Lennon and I tonight? I think we’re going to grab something from Summit and then take it back to the house.”

While I’m glad that he and Lennon seem to be on a better note, my stomach sours that things between Harlow and I are off right now. I’m not sure she’d want to see me.

“I’ll ask her, but we kind of had a fight last night.”

He frowns then runs a hand through his hair. “I thought I heard the door shut, but shrugged it off to you taking Dahlia out. I realized it might have been Harlow when nobody came back in. Damn, I’m sorry. What happened?”

I hesitate, but fuck it. “Beckett texted her after the Halloween party and she didn’t tell me until last night.”

His jaw drops and his eyebrows shoot up. “She must have not told Lennon either because she’d have told me and you know I would have told you.”

“Yeah, she didn’t tell anyone. She said she’s tired of him ruining shit for her so she wanted to ignore it. But it’s not like he just sent her a text. It was pictures of her and I, meaning he was at the party that night.”

“Okay, that’s actually a big deal.” Wes states and a serious look takes over his face. “You need to tell your dad.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said but she freaked out.” I roll my eyes, feeling overwhelmed and like I really am too young to be trying to handle this.

“Well as your best friend, I’m telling you that you need to tell your dad. I don’t care what Harlow says, she can be upset about it later, but that’s not okay. That guy’s like seriously fucked in the head.”

I don’t know what got into Wes but he seems genuinely concerned. Maybe it’s because he’s my best friend and knows how much Harlow means to me. Whatever his reasons, there’s truth to his words and they mean something to me.

“You’re right. I’m going to ask Harlow about coming over tonight. We’ll talk about everything and I’ll see if I can reason with her about meeting with my dad.”

Wes nods his head then reaches up and smacks the side of my leg. “You got it. Let me know if I can help at all.”

“Just don’t say anything to Lennon,” I rush out.

“Of course.” Wes turns around and heads back to the office.

After a few minutes, I take a break and go get my phone to text Harlow about tonight. She tells me that she’s going to stay late after practice to try and swim off all the over thinking, and asks if I’ll pick her up around eight since she rode with Lennon.

My heart hurts that she’s clearly having a hard time with this and I feel responsible for a lot of it, but I’m hopeful things will be okay since she asked me to pick her up. Responding that I’ll be there, I put my phone away, feeling a little more at ease that I’ll see her tonight and hopefully we can put this all behind us.