43. Mending Me

FORTY-THREE

MENDING ME

SHEP

Three words is all it takes for a fire to ignite in me that I’ve never felt before.

“You trust me?” I echo her words, wanting to hear them again.

“Yes, Shep. I trust you.” Her eyelashes flutter as she takes a deep breath and reaches for me.

“And you’re sure you want me to stay the night?” I stroke her hair with my hand.

“Yes, I…” her voice trails off.

“What is it?” I nuzzle the side of her cheek with my nose, soaking up the warmth radiating from the pinkish flush.

“I haven’t really been by myself since everything went down at formal, and I guess it just makes me a little nervous to be alone at the apartment.” I can see worry swimming in her eyes and I make a mental note to check in with my dad on Beckett’s whereabouts as of late.

“I understand, and if that’s the case, I’d be happy to take the couch,” I offer, secretly hoping that she asks me to sleep with her.

“I’ll think about it,” she responds before leaning up and pressing a kiss along my jaw. I can’t help myself as a low growl rips through me. Having Harlow be with me like this satisfies needs and desires I didn’t even know I had. Every act of affection from her, every physical touch, I don’t take for granted. I know it means something deeper to her and I hope I never cause her to withhold it from me.

When our lips connect again, I lose myself in her taste. Her scent ensnares me and the longer we kiss, the more my heart clings to the idea of a future with her. Of a life that’s similar to today. One where I watch her swim, we kiss in the stands, we eat dinner together, and maybe we go on walks with Dahlia. A life where we continually exist together, settling down in Everson. It’s all I want.

Finding the lace of her bra, I lightly trace my fingers on the edge. Goosebumps cover the soft flesh of her cleavage as I slip my hand under and palm her breast. Her breaths become shallow while I roll my hand around the sensitive skin. I do my best to be aware of any changes in her body language, but when she bucks her hips against me in response to me squeezing a little harder, the need for pleasure takes over.

Grinding my hips down into her, I align myself between her legs. A breathy moan slips out from her lips when I must hit just right the spot. So I do it over and over again, until our bodies rock together in a messy but satisfying rhythm.

Harlow wraps her legs around my waist and I don’t even care that we’re basically acting like two horny teenagers dry humping. Knowing that she’s getting pleasure from this and clearly isn’t feeling like I’m pushing her into anything only gets me more worked up. So much so that out of nowhere the sensation that I’m going to finish takes over my body.

I peel myself away from her, looking down at my sweatpants that are clearly tented. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable either. She must not realize what’s happening because she grabs for me to come back to her level, but I stop her.

“Harlow, I’m going to finish and we aren’t even having sex. I’m sorry, this has never happened but I think it’s just been a while and I’m so attr?—”

“What if I told you I want that?” Her gaze is heated with a gleam of curiosity as she draws her lip into her mouth.

“You want me to…”

“Mhm,” she purrs.

Lying above her, my mouth gapes open. Her words aren’t processing in my brain. I never doubted there was compatibility between us, but I didn’t expect the sexual chemistry to be this intense.

“I’ve thought about it before, maybe even had a few dreams,” she confesses. “You finishing because of me, and I don’t know why but it excites me.”

“Shit, Harlow. That’s really sexy.” Her cheeks flush deeper, but she doesn’t break eye contact with me. If she’s embarrassed or feeling shy, she’s doing a damn good job of hiding it.

“If it’s what you want, then I won’t stop it. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not, I promise. And I’d tell you if I was. I think we both know by now that I speak my mind with you.” She smirks.

“Do you care if I take my sweatpants off then? Just so after, I uh…shit sorry, I’m not trying to make this awkward.” A laugh escapes my mouth.

“Shep, take your pants off.”

“Yes ma’am,” I move quickly to hop off the bed and slide down the gray fabric. “It’s just so after I still have something to wear.”

She nods her head in understanding, as I climb back into her bed and lower myself into the same position I was before.

“Wait,” she says, putting two hands on my chest.

My stomach drops, but then she moves her hands to the side of her leggings and starts shimmying them down her thighs.

“Wait, wait, wait. What’re you doing?” I lean back to rest on my calves, watching her work the tight clothing off her legs.

“Leveling the playing field.” She grabs the ends, tugging them off, then throws them to the side.

She lays back on her elbows, “It is okay?”

Okay? She’s fucking perfect.

Her underwear is black lace, just like her bra. I feel my mouth going dry while my eyes rake over her body. I’ve seen her figure before in her tight swimsuits, but this is different.

She’s choosing to show herself to me and that drives me absolutely wild.

I hook my thumbs on the edge of the lace by her hips and toy with it. I’m not going to take this any farther, but it can’t hurt to tease her a little.

I watch her sharply inhale, but she doesn’t let the breath out. She just studies my hands as they travel along the edge of her thong, scraping the soft flesh that's right above it.

When I drag my hands down to her thighs, she finally lets out the breath she’s holding. I dig my nails in gently before slowly moving one finger towards her center.

Our eyes stay locked as my movements become slow and I can tell she’s getting worked up. When my finger finally makes it to the spot I desperately want to touch, I decide to torment her by letting my fingertip hover just above.

She whimpers and groans, and I almost concede to her sounds and press down on the sensitive spot. But there’s no need for me to rush this with her, so I withdraw my hands and quickly move to entangle them with her hair, pushing myself back down onto her.

Her kisses become needy and as we align again, I thrust harder, hoping to give her the pressure she needs. It only takes a few minutes for me to reach the same high I was at only moments ago.

“Harlow,” I groan in between kisses as the sensation builds.

I catch a glimpse of her, and the way her hair is fanned out behind her, a look of desire filling her emerald eyes, is all I need to lose myself.

Harlow senses what’s happening and latches onto me even tighter with her lips, wrapping her legs around me to keep us together.

“Please,” she moans out. “Please.”

And that’s it. Her words have me finishing into my boxers and while some people might find that embarrassing, I’m levitating on the fact that Harlow derived some sort of pleasure from me doing that.

As I come down from the moment, Harlow doesn’t seem bothered by the wetness starting to seep through and writhes underneath me. When we finally break apart, she rolls over and grabs the shirt she took off of me earlier, slipping it over her head.

She watches as I slowly stand, then blushes when she sees the stain between my legs. “I’m gonna go, uh…take care of this.” I grab my sweatpants before quickly moving inside her bathroom.

As I shut the door, I hear a giggle behind me and the confidence I was feeling about three minutes ago has vanished. Looking at myself in the mirror, I shake my head. C’mon dude, you couldn’t even handle a little makeout session without blowing a load in your fucking boxers.

There’s a light tap on the door and then Harlow peers inside.

“Everything okay? I didn’t hear the water start.” Her eyes don’t stray from mine and relief floods me that she’s not looking at me any differently.

“Yeah, just getting my thoughts together,” a soft laugh rumbles from my chest.

“Okay, well there are towels under the cabinet. Take your time.” She bridges the gap between us and presses up on her toes to give me a soft kiss. “I’ll be in the living room.”

By the time I rinse off and walk out to find Harlow, she’s curled up with a blanket on the couch, holding a book. My heart hammers in my chest when I see she’s still wearing my T-shirt. Her hair is messy, her eyebrows drawn together while she reads. I stand in the doorway for a few seconds just observing her. For the short amount of time I’ve been in her space tonight, I’ve learned a lot about her.

She’s playful, and not in the way I expected. I thought that if there came a time when I was fortunate enough to get to be intimate with her that she might play hard to get and make me work for it. Which she has, to an extent, and I’d gladly do it all over again. But this playfulness was one laced with curiosity. I could see in her face that she was trying to work out the desires between her head and her heart. Ultimately, she held the upperhand the entire time and I’m absolutely fine with that.

“Whatcha reading, pretty girl?” I call out, leaning against the door frame.

Her head pops up and she draws that bottom lip that I love so much between her teeth. “Mending Me by Rebecca Wrights.” She smiles. “It’s about a girl who works through trauma to ultimately end up with her soulmate.”

“Is that so?” I walk over to her, leaning down and pressing a kiss onto the crown of her head.

“Mhm,” she nods, giving me a knowing look.

“Well, I like it then.” I sit down next to her, drawing her under my arm and pulling her into my side. “Do you care if I turn something on the TV? I’ll keep the volume down so you can read.”

“That’s fine with me.” She slides down the couch, then leans back to rest her head on my lap.

I run my fingers through her hair absentmindedly while the TV plays in the background and she holds her book up to read. The simplicity of this moment lulls me into a state of comfort that I’ve never known. I could spend every night like this and never get tired of it, never get tired of her.

After some time, I notice the book has fallen onto her stomach and her eyes are closed. They flutter in her sleep and I try to steady my breathing to avoid waking her up. This is the most content I’ve ever seen her since we’ve met and my heart swells with pride that I could have something to do with that.

I gently move the book off her lap and grab the edges of the blanket that’s started to fall off, slowly dragging it back over her body. She stirs lightly and I freeze. Once she settles again, I turn off the lamp next to the couch and lean my head back. For a few seconds, I just lay there staring at the ceiling, listening to the soft breaths coming from my girl.

The rhythm of her breathing becomes hypnotic and my eyes slowly start to close. “Goodnight, my angel girl,” I whisper into the darkness before letting sleep take me.