44. “How do you take your coffee?”

FORTY-FOUR

“HOW DO YOU TAKE YOUR COFFEE?”

HARLOW

When I wake up, it’s not being in my bed that surprises me. It’s the handsome lifeguard lying next to me, with an arm hooked around my waist. Even in his sleep, it’s like his default is to protect me.

I try to think back to last night and I’m not sure when I fell asleep but the last memory I do have is laying my head in Shep’s lap while I read my book. The thought of him carrying me to bed makes those damn butterflies erupt in my stomach again.

There’s a small flash of panic as the rest of the memories from last night flood my subconscious. I don’t regret anything I did with Shep, but I’m also worried that things are falling into place a little too easily. That doesn’t usually happen for me, so naturally my mind is already playing tricks on me.

Now that I’m not fighting my interest in Shep, I’m realizing how much I really do like him. I start thinking back to when he first approached me at the rec and, even then, I knew he had an effect on me. I just didn’t know how to process that when my mind was so warped from all the bullshit with Beckett.

As I lie next to him, I study his features and admire all the little things I never stopped to notice. The scar on his forehead sticks out to me the most, but I really need to get past that.

His eyelashes are ridiculously long, so long that it’s not fair. He has a lone freckle on the side of his neck by his ear and his hair curls at the ends, making me want to run my hands through it like usual.

“You’re staring at me,” his voice breaks through my thoughts and I pull my focus back to his face, having not noticed his eyes begin to peek open.

“I’m not staring. I’m observing,” I quip. “Observing and thinking.”

He groans and rolls away from me onto his stomach, pressing his face into my pillow. “Thinking? That’s a dangerous game with you.”

“Hey.” I smack him on the back. “I was actually thinking good things, thank you very much.”

He picks his head up and grins at me. “Oh? Wanna tell me?”

“Nope, not anymore.” I hop out of bed. “Lost your chance when you decided to be mean.”

“Oh c’mon, Harlow,” he calls after me, scrambling out of bed.

I wave my hand in the air dismissively and head into the kitchen to start some coffee.

Shep comes up behind me and wraps one arm around my waist and puts his other hand on my forehead to tilt my gaze back. “Don’t be like that,” he talks down in my direction then kisses my nose.

“I’m not being like anything,” I retort, pulling out of his hold. I turn around to face him and lean back on the counter, crossing my arms.

He squints his eyes, then rolls them before walking over to the couch and plops down. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, did you carry me to bed?” I ask with a hint of uncertainty in my voice because it’s still not registering in my mind that Shep and I are really hanging out like this.

“Sure did. You fell asleep reading and I dozed off on the couch too, but at about three in the morning I woke up and decided to move us to your bed.”

“Well, thanks. I appreciate you staying.” I turn around and get to work making the coffee.

“Do you want to meet me at the Chi Kappa house tonight or what was your plan? Are you going to swim?”

“No, we always take the day off after a meet. I’m just going to hang out here and wait for Lennon to get home so we can get ready, then I’ll drive us to the party. She wants to surprise you and Wes with our costumes.”

“About that,” Shep starts. “Care to elaborate on those?”

I spin on my heels. “If I knew, I would.”

He nods his head then pulls his phone out. “I can’t stay for long, there’s some stuff I need to take care of before tonight, but I wanted to talk to you about something.”

My stomach drops. “Okay,” my voice wavers.

“I really enjoyed last night. Like a lot, but I was also hoping maybe we could hang out more too? I know you’re close with my mom and it feels like I already know you pretty well because of the stuff that’s happened, but there’s also things about you that I don’t know. Like for example…” He gets up off the couch and walks towards me, motioning with his head towards the french press on the counter. “How do you take your coffee?”

“Since you’re asking, if I’m at home, I just drink it hot. If I’m at Boulder, I get their cold brew with honey, and cold foam on top.” A smile breaks out on my face and he rubs his thumb along the side of my cheek. “This might be my favorite thing about you,” he whispers.

“Huh?” My mind goes blank as he strokes the side of my face.

“Your smile. There was a period of time I didn’t know if I’d ever see one from you. You were so sad when you started showing up at the rec center and I wondered how long it would take for you to feel happy again. Granted, I didn’t know the extent of your circumstances…” His voice trails off, eyes hazy with emotion. “But then the day you had your evaluation, you smiled at me before diving into the pool and it meant the world to me.”

I lean into his touch, his words soothing an ache in me that I’ve been trying to mend for so long. “Thank you for seeing me, Shep. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but you didn’t give up. Robin and I talk about it, about you.”

He nods his head urging me to continue.

“She told me that not everything has to have some grand explanation. Sometimes two people are just drawn together and rather than question it, why not embrace it? I’m trying to slowly piece together my feelings and emotions with her help, because I mean…” I nervously draw my lip in my mouth and Shep smirks. “When you talked to me that first time, at the rec, it set off something in me,” I admit.

Shep’s eyebrows raise and he tilts his head as if confused.

“I know, that probably doesn’t make any sense because of the way I treated you in the beginning, but it’s true. You had an effect on me, and my head and my heart were at war with each other. My mind was telling me that I was supposed to be with Beckett, but my heart was telling me that I needed to give you a chance.”

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead in silent understanding.

“I need you to know that I’m working to not get in my head about this. I don’t think we’re moving too fast, because reality is, I think this was a long time coming.” I let out a big breath as the last few words leave my mouth. Learning to share my emotions has not come easy but damn, Robin would be proud of me.

Shep responds by giving me another soft kiss, this time on my lips. “Harlow, even if you did feel like we were moving too fast, that would be okay. You could tell me and I’d be happy to slow down. There’s no rush.”

I nod my head then kiss him back when a surprising thought comes to mind. “Can I teach you something?”

“Teach me?” Shep parrots my words with a confused look.

“Yeah, it’s something my dad used to do when I was younger and first started swimming butterfly.”

“Okay, yeah. Sure.” He steps back and studies me.

“No, I need you closer. Come here,” I whisper and Shep moves towards me. “Okay, now bend down some,” I continue and he leans his head towards me. “Perfect, stay still.”

I rise up on my tiptoes and put my face next to his, then flutter my eyelashes against his cheek. I can tell he’s uncertain of what I’m doing by the way his body is tensed up, but then he relaxes after a few more seconds.

I pull away then look up and meet his stare, “It’s called a butterfly kiss. Get it?”

Shep’s eyes widen and he goes to open his mouth, then closes it as if recanting the words he didn’t even say.

“Thank you,” he finally chokes out. “Can I do it back?”

“Mhm,” I chime.

He nuzzles his nose against my cheek, then bats his eyelash against it. “Butterfly kisses for my butterfly girl.” His voice is so quiet, I wouldn’t be able to hear him if his lips weren’t right next to my ear.

My heart knots up and emotions swell inside me. Sharing this with him feels like I’ve shared a piece of my soul, but even though I’ve made myself vulnerable to Shep, I feel secure. I feel like every little bit of me that I reveal to him, he handles with the utmost care.

“Thank you,” he says as he steps away from me.

I smile back at him, lost in the moment and the peace that's enveloping my heart. Maybe things will work out in my favor for once.