21. All my cards on the table

TWENTY-ONE

ALL MY CARDS ON THE TABLE

SHEP

“I don’t know, man. I don’t really love the idea of giving you the number of the girl I’m interested in.” Wes leans against my door frame and crosses his arms.

I’ve been home for maybe two minutes and I’ve already decided that I need to do something to stop this bullshit between Harlow and Beckett. I spent the entire drive home talking to Dahlia about all the possible ways I could run interference. Poor girl looked at me like she would rather go back to the shelter than listen to another second of my mindless rambling.

It was through those ramblings, though, that the same realization I had in the office earlier in the day hit me again. Trying to convince Harlow that she needs to open up about what’s going on is never going to work. I have to continue to try and meet her where she is while she figures it out on her own. No matter how hard it might be to watch.

Involving Lennon is going to be a gamble, but I heard it in her voice on the call when I was in the car with Harlow. She cares, and if she knew what was going on, she would probably be devastated. Is it right for me to try and involve myself with her best friend? Again, I’m not entirely sure. At this point though, I’ll try just about anything.

“Wes, something is going on with Harlow and I’m pretty sure Beckett is involved. I don’t know what to say, really, it all unfolded over the last few hours.” I drag my hand through my hair and pull on the ends of it. Not knowing if Harlow is okay while knowing that someone is hurting her is really doing a number on me.

I know I can trust him, but I worry it could ruin any trust I’ve built with Harlow if I told him and she found out—not that Wes would tell anyone… God, I’m so sick to my stomach over this.

I think about the conversations I had with Harlow, her presence at dinner, and the way she floated around my house like she belonged there. I’ve always held on to this idea that there was something deeper going on with her. I could sense it from the first few times she swam at the rec center, I just had no idea it could be as serious as carrying the secret that someone is physically abusing her. Even thinking about it now, I can’t fully wrap my mind around it.

“Is Harlow okay?” He steps forward and puts a hand on my shoulder, his concern and care grounding me. We may be best friends in this life, but I’m almost positive we are brothers in another.

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. There are things that have happened to certainly raise some red flags, but she hasn’t admitted to anything actually going on. I tried to ask her about some stuff earlier and she shut me down. I was able to convince her to come with me to pick up Dahlia from my parents’ though.”

Wes’s eyes widen. “No shit, brother, that’s where you’ve been? At home, with Harlow? Well what was that like?”

Thinking about the night makes my heart pound. There’s no better way to explain how it felt to exist in the same space as Harlow other than to say it was intoxicating. I don’t know what Mom said to her when I left them in the hall, but Harlow came back into the dining room looking and acting like a weight had just been lifted off her shoulders. The lightness of her radiated onto me and drew me to her like a moth to a flame.

I clear my throat before answering. “Good. It was really good. But, that brings me to my request.”

Wes exhales and then walks out of my doorway into the living room. “I’m listening.” He plops down on the couch.

“Beckett and Harlow are going to the fall formal together and I know that she won’t change her mind about that. However, it doesn’t mean that I can’t still go with someone who also cares about Harlow as much as I do.” Wincing as the words leave my mouth, I know this is a huge ask. Plus, Wes and I usually go to all my events together and I hate the idea that he’ll be left out of this one. Maybe one of our coworkers who is also in Chi Kap can bring him.

“So, let me get this straight. You don’t just want Lennon’s number, you want to take her to your formal? You’ve gotta be kidding.” His chest rumbles with a chuckle that I know is from disbelief more than it is humor. “You can’t just go alone and still keep an eye on her?”

“I think having Lennon there will be helpful. I know, this is shitty, but hear me out okay? I have a plan that you could benefit from.”

Wes looks at me with curiosity, but now isn’t the time for the rest of the details. It’ll only be a matter of minutes before Harlow gets home and I need to intercept Lennon before Harlow does.

“Wes, please. Her number.” My eyes are filled with desperation.

“Fine, hold on.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and mine buzzes shortly after. “There you go.”

I pull it out of my pocket and press the number right away. “Seriously, Wes, you’re the best.” I start to close the door and he shouts out his agreement with me on the matter.

A few rings go by before I hear the bubbly voice of Harlow’s best friend on the other end.

“This is Lennon!”

“Hey, Lennon, it’s uh…Shep.” I hold my breath.

“Oh. Well, hi.” Her voice sounds deflated.

“Not who you were expecting?”

“No, actually, I was hoping since it was an Everson number that maybe it was one of the businesses I’ve pitched myself to lately for social media work, but this…this seems like it will be much more interesting. But first off, how’d you ? —”

I cut her off, wanting to get straight to the point. “Wes gave it to me. But listen, we don’t have a lot of time before Harlow gets to the apartment and I need to talk to you about what I said in the car before she does.”

“I’m listening.”

I spend the next few minutes giving her the cliff notes about my suspicions of Beckett, careful not to mention the bruises again out of respect for Harlow. She gives me a “hm” and gasps every so often, but then cuts me off mid-sentence.

“Oh shit! I think she’s home, hold on.”

I hear a scuffling, then what sounds like a door shutting.

“Sorry, I was in our living room. I think she’s walking in the apartment now.”

“That’s okay. You can still talk though?”

“Yeah,” she says in a hushed tone.

I close my eyes. It’s time to put all my cards on the table. “Lennon, I want you to come with me to the Chi Kappa formal.”

Before I can even explain my idea, she hisses into the phone. “Are you crazy?”

“Funny, Wes had a similar reaction.” Even though she can’t see me, I raise my eyebrows with anticipation for what will come out of her mouth next.

“You talked to Wes about this? About me?” Now her voice is really low.

“Yeah, remember? Who do you think I got your number from?”

“Huh, well yeah. I guess it couldn’t have been Harlow given the, uh, circumstances.”

“Yeah, so here are my thoughts. And just hear me out, please?”

“You’ve got just a few minutes before I need to go check on her. I’m sure she’s freaking out right now.”

I go right into it. “We go to the formal together to keep an eye on Harlow. I know she isn’t going to change her mind about going with Beckett. And Lennon, I know she’s your best friend and I’m sure you guys tell each other everything like most girls do,” I pause, considering my choice of words for what I’m about to say next. “I’m probably really out of my depth here, but I don’t think she’s told you about whatever is going on with Beckett for a reason. Whether she’s scared or doesn’t think anyone will believe her, I’m not sure. What I am sure of though, is if either of us want to try and get through to Harlow, we have to meet her where she’s at right now. And right now, she isn’t in a place where she wants to talk to anyone about what’s happening, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still keep an eye out without her knowing.”

A few seconds pass and I worry maybe she hung up on me. Lennon’s voice breaks through the silence, quiet and small. “You said something about bruises in the car. Do you really think Beckett is hurting her?”

An invisible force punches me in the stomach as another realization hits me. While I’m trying to be there for Harlow during whatever is going on, I’ve most definitely just rocked her best friend's world with the news of all this. Damn, I really am out of my depth here.

“I’m so sorry, Lennon. I can’t imagine how this must hurt you too. But yes, I really do think Beckett is hurting her. So please, just trust me with this. Don’t ask her any questions, especially about any bruises, and just let her know you’re there for her when she’s ready.”

A sniffle echoes through the line and I’m ready to get Wes in here for back up once this call is over.

“Okay, yes. I trust you, Shep. I don’t know you very well, but it’s clear that you have our girl’s best interest at heart. We can talk more about the formal stuff later, but I’m in.”

A flood of relief washes over me. I can’t believe this actually worked.

“Thank you, Lennon. Also, would you do me a small favor?”

“There’s more?” She laughs quietly.

“Give Wes a chance, but don’t tell him I said that. Deal?”

“Deal. Alright, I’ve gotta go check on Harlow. I’ll text you now that I have your number.”

“Sounds good. Be gentle with her for me.”

“Of course. Oh hey, quick—what’s your favorite color?”

“Yellow, why?”

“No reason, thanks. Bye!”

She hangs up and leaves me with a confused look on my face. I look over at Dahlia who’s been laying in her crate the entire time and she cocks her head at me. “Women, huh?” She huffs as if rebuking that comment. “I know, Dahlia. You’re the perfect girl.” Her tail wags in agreement.

After a few seconds, Wes knocks on my door. I turn the knob and it slowly swings open.

“Well?” He looks me up and down, a glint of hurt in his eyes.

“She said yes, but listen.”

He lets his head hang and I can’t put my finger on why this bothers him when it’s clear I’m involving Lennon only to be with Harlow.

“Talk to me, what’s going on? Why’s this bothering you?”

We stand there for a few minutes, a quietness hanging in the few feet between us.

“Just me being in my head.” He turns to walk away and I stop him.

“What do you mean?”

Wes and I are pretty open with each other about our emotions. I think it’s from all the time he’s spent around my mom. She raised me to be transparent and always wear my heart on my sleeve. My dad loves my mom so much, he trusted her to raise me accordingly, with no questions or concerns that I might become too soft or whatever narrative the world is spinning these days.

“If I didn’t have to come to Everson on scholarship, I would’ve been able to rush. I would’ve been able to take Lennon to the formal myself and then we all could’ve done this together. But, no. I’m probably just some poor schmuck in her eyes.” He idles in the kitchen to distract from the weightiness of his confession by opening the fridge and focusing his attention there.

“Wes. Brother. C’mon. Do you really think that?” It hurts me that he would see himself that way. If anything, the fact he’s even at Everson on scholarship despite everything he went through should be what makes girls want him. He’s driven. He worked to get into college and not have to pay a dime. Why is being on scholarship suddenly a bad thing?

He walks over to the couch with a protein shake in his hand. Dahlia makes her way out of the room and hops up next to him.

“I don’t know. I just can't help but feel a little left out.” He pets Dahlia and sips on his shake.

I walk over and sit next to him with Dahlia in the middle of us. “Well you’re not. In fact, I have another idea, if you’ll trust me?”

He squints at me, showing his skepticism. “Alright, fine.”

I slap his shoulder and grip it a little to show him my appreciation. “Good. Now, I think you need to call and check on Lennon in a little. I didn’t think about how everything might affect her and she sounded upset by the end of the call.”

A twinkle takes over Wes’s eyes and he’s back. There’s my best friend.

“Dude, that’s such a good idea. Thank you.”

We both relax into the couch and I turn the TV on to find a crime show to watch. Wes is messing with his phone and Dahlia has rolled over onto her back. I turn my attention back to the screen but can’t focus on it for the life of me.

All I can think about is the last few minutes I was in Harlow’s car and what I said to her before I left. I thought about kissing her, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. She smelled so good that close to me. Thinking about it now makes me need to adjust myself. I get up once I realize this feeling isn’t going away and tell Wes I’m going to rinse off.

Once I’m in my room, I shed my clothes and hop in the shower. The water runs over my body and I lean forward to rest my forearm on the wall. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t get her scent out of my mind.

Everything about her drives me wild. I know she’s worked hard for her body. The commitment to her sport and fitness is an even bigger turn on. I’m sure she’s noticed the way guys look at her. I hope she realizes I don’t see her as just some piece of ass.

She’s so much more to me than that. I meant what I said to her. She deserves to be worshiped. She deserves to be touched with desire and affection, not man-handled by some prick who doesn’t know how lucky he is to even breathe the same air as her.

Images of my girl flash through my mind and it’s not just her body. It’s her smile. It’s how her blonde hair falls over her shoulder and cascades around her when she’s in the pool. It’s how she glides through the water when she swims.

I don’t even realize I’ve closed my eyes until a groan emanates throughout me and I almost lose my footing in the shower.

I open my eyes and steady myself, then look down to see just how aroused I am. I can’t help how I feel about Harlow. I use my hand to relieve some of the pressure building inside me. Thinking about her again makes me quicken my pace. I’m climbing higher and higher, then my abs clench as I finish.

I have no idea how I’m supposed to be around her now that I’ve allowed myself to envision her like this. In the same breath, my stomach drops. I’m still playing this huge game of “what if” with no confirmation that all my efforts aren’t going to end up with no results.

I’ve been operating off the idea that this will work. Harlow will come around. She and I will end up together, then reality crashes back onto me.

I towel off and throw a pair of sweatpants on before falling onto my bed. Dahlia jumps up and lays down next to me. I choose to go back to my optimistic mindset, believing things will be okay. Turning my head, I look at Dahlia.

“What do you think about having a mom?”