22. They’re all yellow

TWENTY-TWO

THEY’RE ALL YELLOW

HARLOW

Another week passes and thankfully Shep and I don’t interact much at the rec center. I’m not ready to face him after what happened. Surprisingly, he keeps out of my way too. He still smiled at me, but it was sheepish instead of confident like before.

I couldn’t let myself think about it too much, because then it sent me into a spiral of thinking about him. I’ve had enough dreams about him and nightmares about Beckett that my mind just needs a break. Thankfully, Lennon and I agreed to go look at dresses this weekend at one of the shops downtown so it’ll be the perfect distraction.

I don’t love shopping the way Lennon does, but getting to spend time with her and talk about something that she loves will be exactly what I need.

We head into the store together and Lennon is already gushing about all the choices. I head towards the rack with all the black dresses, my obvious choice.

“Nuh uh!” Lennon calls out across the shop. “I’m picking dresses for you this time.”

I don’t have it in me to argue with her so I decide to just pick up two black dresses that I think are pretty and let her know I’m going to try those on and she can bring me whatever she wants. “Just no pink,” I clarify with her before closing the curtain for the fitting room.

I start to undress and am immediately grateful for two things. First, lifting my shirt over my head no longer causes me to flinch. I’m sure it has to do with the fact that I’ve been putting in extra time with my rehab to keep my mind off a certain lifeguard. And second, I don't have to stress about how much skin Lennon's choices show.

I step into the first dress and shimmy it up. It’s just a simple black satin dress with thin straps, a cowl neck, and a slit pretty far up the thigh. I turn and look at myself in the mirror and a soft smile forms. I made the right choice by actually doing my hair and makeup today so I can see the look all together.

I pop out of the dressing room and Lennon’s nowhere to be found. I’m about to start looking for her when I hear her voice in between a rack, asking a stylist if they have anyone currently running social media for their store. I shake my head and snicker.

Turning to head back into the fitting room, a voice I was not expecting to hear catches me off guard.

“Is that my sweet girl?”

Laura Fords pops her head around the corner from the back room and my jaw drops a little. Call it divine appointment or the stars aligning, but this is the exact person I’ve wanted to run into lately.

“Laur—” She cuts her eyes at me. “Momma Fords!” I respond before walking towards her. She smiles and pulls me into a hug. She doesn’t squeeze as tight this time, which makes me laugh recalling the other night.

“You look stunning! Do a spin for me, let me see!” She waves her finger around in the air, making a circle as I twirl around for her.

The childlike laugh that bubbles out of me feels foreign but refreshing. I’ve never shared a moment like this with my own mom. She couldn’t really be bothered to make time for shopping trips with me.

What she was happy to show up for were my swim meets once she realized I wasn’t that bad. When I was younger, I’d drink up her praise after my meets and she’d show off my medals to the other parents. Then I got to high school and realized she was just showing me off for her own gain.

My mom isn’t a bad mom, but there’s definitely a lack there.

“Thank you,” I smile. “I’m looking for my formal dress. What’re you doing here?”

“My friend owns the store and every so often I’ll pop down here to help, but I’m so glad I ran into you!” She walks back around the cash wrap with me trailing behind like a little kid.

“Oh! That’s nice. There’s actually something I was hoping to talk to you about,” I start to say before getting interrupted by another customer who walks over to ask Laura something.

She turns back to me when she’s done helping. “You were saying?”

“Right, yes. I was actually thinking about what you said at dinner the other night and I was wondering if there was anyone you knew that I could talk to?” I nibble on my lip, hoping this won’t be a failed attempt at finally trying to get help.

Her eyes soften and she pulls out a sticky note from behind the counter. Scribbling on it, she passes it to me and smiles. “This is my friend, Robin. She’s a licensed therapist but also does a lot of work with different support groups, should you find yourself looking for community. I should tell you though, Robin likes to meet several times the first week when taking a new client, in case that might not work with your schedule. Actually,” she takes the sticky note back and writes another number on it, “here is mine as well. If you need anything, I’m just a call away.”

I can’t help myself as a laugh escapes. “I’m sorry, this isn’t funny. I’m really grateful. It’s just, I never thought I’d get your number before I got Shep’s.”

She shakes her head and chuckles. We continue some small talk when Lennon finally sees me. The look she casts between Laura and I tells me everything I need to know without her having to talk.

“This is Shep’s mom, Laura.” I answer her unspoken question.

Lennon walks over to us and introduces herself before striking up small talk with Laura. I take the opportunity to run into the dressing and stow away the sticky note with some of the most valuable phone numbers I could have. Well, sub one…

Heading back over to the counter, Lennon and Laura look deep in conversation, which strikes me as odd since they just met. What could they have to talk about? As I get closer, they both pop their heads up, looking flustered.

“Did I miss something?” I ask with a weary tone. I really hope Laura didn’t tell Lennon about my bruises, but then a shocking voice of reason pierces through my doubts and tells me that I can trust Laura.

“I was just telling Laur—Momma Fords about all my social media stuff!” Lennon beams and it cracks me up that she got the same Mom talk.

“Very talented best friend you’ve got here. You know, Shep has a best friend who I think you’d get along with really well.”

I let out some ungodly snort-slash-squeal before slapping a hand over my mouth. Lennon’s face has turned the signature color of red I’ve become very familiar with over the last few weeks, as Laura just looks at the both of us, stunned.

“Was it something I said?” She glances between Lenny and I.

“You just have great intuition, that’s all,” I respond, smirking at Lennon.

“Well this was lovely, but we’ve got loads of dresses that won’t try on themselves!” Then she flits away to the dressing room, leaving me alone with Laura again.

“I really hope I didn’t upset her,” she starts.

“No, it’s just funny you say that because we both recently met Wes. Well, at least that’s who I’m assuming you’re referring to.”

“Yes! My sweet Wesley. Are he and Lennon already an item?”

“No, but I think they’ve got something secretly going on.” I smile at her again and realize it’s been so long since I’ve felt this content. “Thank you again. I’ll make sure to reach out to Robin on Monday, and I’ll check in with you if that’s okay?”

“Of course, sweet girl. Now go try on those dresses! I’ll pop my head out from the back here and there but make sure you let me know before you girls leave.”

I agree to her request then head back to the fitting room. As I pull open the curtain, Lennon steps out from her room in a dress that looks like sin. She walks to the middle of the floor where there’s a small platform surrounded by mirrors. She steps up and turns side to side, then faces me.

“What do you think?”

“I think that dress was made for you. Wow.” I mean it too. The red silk dress hugs every curve of her body and features an open back that stops right above her waist. “You are a vision, Lenny. Wow.”

She does a small dance before stepping down, remarking how easy this was and now she can focus all her attention on me, shooing me back into my dressing room.

As I shimmy out of the black dress, Lennon’s hand pushes through the side of the curtain with a few dresses.

What the?

It’s not the act that surprises me, it’s the dresses themselves. None of them are ones I’d pick for myself and I’m at a loss for why she would even think I’d want to try them. They’re all…yellow…

“Lenny, I love you, but what are these?” I say, grabbing the dresses to hang up on the rack inside the room.

“Just some other options! I’m tired of black, it’s so bleh!”

“Well it may be bleh, but it never fails me!” I shoot back.

“Just try one, please!” she whines.

And I do just that. I try on all the dresses she’s brought me. So many that I think I’m starting to become a dress. Just as I’m about to call it quits and fight her on letting me get the first black dress, she pokes her head in my room.

“I found one more. Please, just this last one. Even Momma Fords wants to see you in it!” she pleads with me.

Well now I really can’t say no. “Okay, hand it over.”

She squeals and claps her hands in delight before reaching and grabbing the dress, passing it through the small opening between the wall and curtain.

A small gasp leaves my lips as I take in the dress before me. It’s once again yellow, but much softer and pale in color than the rest of the ones I tried on that were more sunshine and daisies.

I turn it around and I can’t deny it’s maybe one of the most beautiful dresses I’ve ever seen. While the back is open like Lennon’s dress, it’s not as low. What really takes my breath away though is, instead of thin fabric connecting the front to the back, the straps are made of pearls strung together. It’s stunning.

I run my hand over the soft silk and step in. It fits me like a glove. I look at myself in the mirror, doing a small turn to look at the back of the dress. I can’t believe the girl in the mirror is me.

Pushing back the curtain, I’m met with misty eyes from Laura. Then there’s Lennon whose mouth is hanging wide open. They both gasp at the same time.

“Harlow,” Lennon says breathlessly.

I walk towards them and step up onto the platform. I replicate the twirl I did for Laura earlier and both of them squeal. This was definitely not what I imagined the day would look like, but somehow, standing here in this pale yellow dress with two people who have made it so clear they care about me, it feels perfect. I can’t help but let my mind wander to how similar this might be to another day in the future where maybe I’m trying on other types of dresses with them.

My heart jumps at the sudden hope I feel and I’m not sure what’s happened inside of me over the last week, but I know for certain it has something to do with the son of a very incredible mom that’s standing in front of me.

My stomach sours though as I turn and head back into the dressing room remembering who I agreed to go to this formal with. This beautiful dress for Beckett?

I hang the pale yellow dress back up and stare at it. It shocks me that the entire time I had it on, I was thinking about Shep seeing me in it, before reality smashed that dream to nothingness.

I come out of the dressing room with the yellow dress and the black dress. Lennon juts out her head with a look of confusion on her face.

“Why am I trying this hard for Beckett?” I whisper.

Lennon’s shoulders drop and she slowly nods her head. “You told me this week you were still going with him.”

“I know what I said but I guess the more I’ve thought about everything, the more my mind is changing. I can’t back out now though, formal’s next weekend.” My familiar look of displeasure returns to my face.

“Shep will still see it,” Lennon blurts out. “So get the damn yellow dress.”

I think it over and realize Lennon’s right. Just because I’m going with Beckett, doesn’t mean I can’t still dress for Shep. The idea fills me with butterflies that are instantly chased away the second another realization hits me.

“Wait, does that mean he’s going with someone?” I don’t miss Lennon’s wide eyes before she quickly changes the subject.

“Momma Fords!” she calls out, as Laura’s head pops out from the back again.

She looks at me with the two dresses in my hands, then speaks in a high pitched voice. “Please tell me you’re going to do what I think you’re going to do!”

With a sudden burst of excitement, nerves, and the feeling you get when you start to have a crush on someone, I squeal, “I’m getting the yellow dress!”

The entire boutique cheers and it’s in this moment another piece of my soul that I didn’t even know was broken starts to heal.