12. Charity case

TWELVE

CHARITY CASE

HARLOW

I’m looking at Shep across the pool and I can’t help how exposed I feel in my swimsuit. I know my bruises are visible and his eyes are tracking me like a hawk surveying its prey. I try to avoid his gaze and make a beeline for the locker room but he’s off his stand faster than I can make it to the door and barricades me against the wall.

“Where are you going, Harlow?” His voice is husky and the sheer fabric of my one piece does nothing to protect me from the heat I feel radiating from his body. “Turn around and let me see your back.”

I gulp and shake my head no. I can’t do this. I can’t have this confrontation right now. Shep nods his head to counter my response and I find my feet turning as if they’re not connected to me.

“That’s a good girl,” he praises in a voice that makes me shiver. “Now, who did this to you?” As the last word leaves his mouth, I feel his breath tickling my lower back where I know my skin’s marred with purple and red splotches.

“I-I’m okay.” I try to speak but the heat building inside of me is becoming too much. I’m at a loss for words and I can’t stop him. The softest touch graces my back and I realize he’s kissing where Beckett’s hands left daunting traces. “Oh, Shep,” I mumble.

“That’s right, Harlow. Let me take care of you?—”

BAM! BAM! BAM!

I startle awake as I hear a pounding on my bedroom door. “Low, are you coming to get coffee with me or not? I’ve been listening to your alarm go off for like the last thirty minutes.” Lennon’s voice adds to my disorientation and I look around my room in a panic. It’s not real. It’s just a dream. Since when do I have dreams about Shep?

“Yep, uh, just give me a minute! Sorry, deep sleep,” I shout back through my door.

“Uh huh,” Lennon responds, opening it. “Well let’s go! Up and at ‘em!”

I freeze, realizing I’m in a sports bra and Lennon might be able to see the bruises from Tuesday night. I've been hiding out in the apartment, telling everyone I've had food poisoning but it’s Friday now and Lennon clearly thinks I’m recovered. Hardly. The marks on my lower back have only settled deeper, becoming even more noticeable.

“Okay, will you get me my Docs? They’re by the door.” If I can get her out of my room, I can throw a sweatshirt on before she notices.

“Only because I love you and you said you’d buy this round since I got the last trip to Boulder.” She turns and marches out of my room, sighing dramatically.

I jump out of bed and grab my Everson sweatshirt from a pile of laundry on the floor, pulling it over my head carefully as it brushes past my shoulder then shimmy into a pair of jean shorts as Lennon walks back in, dropping my boots in front of me.

“Here you go, princess.” She blows me a kiss then sits on my bed. As I slip into my Docs, I chuckle to myself at the stark difference between her and me. My typical wardrobe consists of shorts, my EU sweatshirt, and my boots. Whereas Lennon, being the fashion queen she is, always looks put together, even if she didn’t try.

Her chestnut hair is slicked back into a bun, showing off her prominent cheekbones. Her tan skin causes her signature gold hoops to glow. She’s sporting a matching black workout set and looks like she walked straight out of an athletic magazine. Anyone who doesn’t know we are best friends and sees us having coffee together might assume I’m some sort of charity case or volunteer project that Lennon is helping out. It works though, and I love that about us.

“So,” she starts. “Do you want to talk about Tuesday night yet?” She fidgets with the edges of my comforter. We still haven’t really discussed where I went at the date party. I ended up slipping out and coming home, sending her a text that something upset my stomach and that I was sorry. The Uber ride back was like being in the twilight zone. Nothing that happened in those few hours felt real.

“What about it?” I ask casually while pulling my hair up into a ponytail and turning to go brush my teeth.

“Well, I had an interesting conversation with Shep while you were MIA.” She stands up and walks over to me. As she leans against the door frame, she continues, “He told me what Coach Bradford did.”

I freeze and wish she didn’t wait to bring this up. My mind immediately starts to spin and panic wells up in my stomach. “What did he say?” I deadpan with my toothbrush half in my mouth.

Lennon sidesteps me and hops up on the counter. “Well, for starters, you could’ve told me about the evaluation. Why didn’t you?”

I lean forward, spit into the sink then rinse my mouth out. Standing up to meet Lennon’s face, I can tell she’s asking out of concern, but recalling the event feels intrusive and like I’m being probed.

“Because it was a shit show, Len. I didn’t know what to say about it.” I turn to walk out and she uses the end of her shoe to nudge me in my back. It prods one of the bruised parts of my skin and I immediately gasp from the pain. “Don’t just walk out,” she says, having no idea what she’s done.

Tears are welling up from the dull ache now radiating through my body. I can’t risk her knowing something’s wrong so I leave my room entirely and head for the living room.

“Harlow? What’s wrong?” Her voice follows me.

I plop down on the couch. “Nothing. I just don’t want to bring it back up. Why did Shep feel the need to talk to you about it, though?” I press.

“Oh, right. So, basically, okay don’t freak out,” she starts to say as she sits opposite me on a chair. My eyes feel like they might pop out of my head with how wide I’m opening them. “Shep might’ve admitted to having feelings for you.” She bites down on her lip and looks around the room knowing she just opened the world's largest can of worms.

“I’m sorry, he what ?!” I jump off the couch and start pacing. “Why on earth would he say that? He hardly even knows me!”

Lennon squeals out a laugh before slapping her hand over her mouth.

“Yes?” I urge her to continue.

“Nothing, just, he knows you well enough.” She stands up and walks over to the counter where her purse is. Grabbing it, she walks towards our door. “Can we continue this over coffee? I’m going to need more caffeine to brace myself for your reactions from here on out.”

As we pull into a spot on the street outside Boulder Brewing Co., I can feel Lennon’s eyes boring into me. I know she’s dying to tell me everything Shep said but I’ve also found lately that sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

We walk into Boulder and immediately see people we know. Being the social butterfly she is, Lennon darts over to them and waves at me to go ahead and order. I’m buying after all.

“Hi, yeah can I get one cold brew with some honey and your cold foam on top, please?” I scan the coffee shop to see who exactly is here and hope by some miracle Shep or Beckett is not lurking in the shadows. I don’t have the patience for either of them right now. The barista clears her throat and I realize she’s been waiting on me to finish my order. “Sorry, and can I please get an iced coffee with a splash of sweet cream?”

I pay and walk over to meet Lennon who has disbanded the group that was in the corner by the couches and is smiling eagerly at me. “Guess what I just found out?” Tapping her fingers on her knees as if playing an imaginary piano, she doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Chi Kappa is finally hosting a fall formal in two weeks!” She squeals while I feel the color drain from my face.

“What?” She scrunches her eyebrows at my lack of enthusiasm. “This means we get to go dress shopping soon! You know that’s like my love language. Speaking of shopping, we need to figure out what we’re going to wear to their Halloween party too.”

The barista saves me from the conversation, calling out our order. I stand up to walk over to the counter when the bell rings at the door and I hear a voice that I know all too well. I spin around and see Coach Bradford with Pierce walking in, my heart rate now skyrocketing. Before I can grab my drinks and run, I’m spotted.

“Hey! Sutherland! What’s going on?” Pierce smiles and reaches out a hand to rub my good arm. I know my face right now is probably screaming “what the fuck,” but I choose to force out a smile and look past him to Coach Bradford.

“Hi, Coach. I wanted to talk to you after my evaluation… Didn’t expect it to be here at the coffee shop but,” I look down at my feet, wanting to stand up for myself but instead two words that seem to weigh me down in all areas of my life spill out of me instead. “I’m sorry.”

Coach raises an eyebrow before looking at Pierce, nodding him off to go order, then looks back at me. “Things have not been great for the team, Harlow. While I know I shouldn’t have pushed so hard for you to swim butterfly, I let the losses cloud my vision. I pushed too far and I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”

My jaw falls open and I blink a few times trying to come back to the present moment. “Wait, what?” My words stumble out of my mouth, filtered through shock and disbelief.

Pierce walks back over with two hot black coffees and hands one to Coach. He takes it and smiles at me again. “A few more weeks, Sutherland. Pierce said you’ll be cleared for meets. You may not be able to swim butterfly but at least we can throw you into the freestyle events again. Something is better than nothing. So keep up the good work and take care.” He lifts up his fist and I awkwardly bump it with mine.

I follow him with wide eyes as he walks over to a chair and sits down before looking back at Pierce who has a shy look on his face. “Um, I’m sorry,” I start, “Did I miss something?”

“I talked to him after what happened. It seriously pissed me off because I work just as hard to make sure my athletes are trained well. And, not just to recover, but to not re-injure themselves. He compromised our plan that I put a shit ton of time and effort into, so I told him that.” He sips his coffee, giving me a moment to think.

“Huh. Well, I wasn’t expecting that, to say the least.” A genuine smile spreads across my face and for the first time since I got hurt, a glimmer of hope warms my soul.

“Yeah, I mean, Fords was really helpful. It meant a lot for him to come back?—”

“I’m sorry, Shep was involved with this?” Another wave of disbelief knocks me over.

“Yeah, I mean he came with me to meet with Coach the next day, attesting to your practices, as well as the progress you’ve been making, and how the plan I wrote out for you seems to actually be helping.”

“I can’t believe it.” Shaking my head, I glance over at Lennon who’s watching the entire interaction like it’s a new reality TV show. “Thank you, seriously. I’m here with my friend so I should probably get back to her.”

“Alright, well I’m glad to see you out. Guess that means you’re feeling better?”

I nod my head sheepishly, realizing I can’t keep up the food poisoning ruse much longer.

“Good. Text me when you’re back in the pool, but hey, don’t go too long without practicing.” Pierce may be all work no play, but at least I can trust he wants me to get better.

“I’m still doing my PT stretches, but yeah I’ll keep you updated. See you, Pierce.” I walk past him over to Lennon and slowly sit down, worried the second my ass touches the cushion there will be another reason for me to jump up and sprint out the door.

“So that looked juicy. Spill.” Lennon grabs her iced coffee from my hand and takes a big gulp. “Ugh, sweet nectar. I’m alive again.”

I snort out a laugh. At least I know Lennon will always be here to bring me joy even when life feels like one big cluster fuck. “Coach apologized for what happened at my evaluation.”

“Oh?” Lennon’s eyes widen. “And what did Hottie McTrainer have to say?”

“Good lord, Lennon. He’s not even that hot.” I look cautiously in the direction of Coach and Pierce then back to face Lennon. “Okay, he’s kinda hot, but that’s beside the point. He told me that the one and only thorn in my side, Shep Fords, went to Coach Bradford with him to talk about what happened.” I roll my eyes and take a huge gulp of my cold brew.

Lennon chokes on her drink, “Wait, what? Shep was involved?”

“Do you understand now? He seriously can’t stop inserting himself into my life. It’s getting weird.” I let out a loud sigh. Part of me did feel truly annoyed by his persistence but another part of me feels softened by his obvious care for me. It’s a strange feeling, one that I don’t have room for.

“Okay, so this is great because I can now marry what I wanted to say with what you’ve just told me. Yes, the boy has it bad for you. I mean, B-A-D. Which, typically I’d be coming at you with an all hands on deck attitude, but I know you’re with Beckett. However…”

My stomach knots at the mention of his name and the handprints on my back start to burn like fresh brands. Maybe this will be my moment. I consider telling Lennon what’s been going on but she cuts off my thought.

“At the date party, Shep mentioned that you ‘let him in’ for a moment after your evaluation went south.” Her use of air quotes makes me flush with embarrassment. He told her? Who am I kidding? Of course he did.

Logic flies out the door and I blurt out, “I think everyone needs to mind their own business when it comes to me, my swimming, and my relationships.”

A flash of hurt flickers in her brown eyes. “Harlow, that’s not fair. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on since you don’t talk to me anymore.”

“Lennon, what do you want me to say? I’m the punchline of most jokes when we go out together. Our team thinks I’m some irresponsible drunk. Shep continues to cause problems for me. Beckett…” I pause and think over my next few words. “I don’t think it’s going to work out. Once I graduate, I know he and I will go our separate ways.”

Do I really want to stay with Beckett for the rest of my senior year, though? Blips of Shep course through my mind and, once again, my chest tightens. This is all too much. I need to focus on what’s always been the goal: get better and compete again.

Lennon still hasn’t said anything and quietly sips on her coffee. I decide to remedy my harshness by flipping the girl-talk on her. “You and Wes looked pretty cozy on Tuesday.”

Her face turns the deepest shade of red, which I’ve never seen happen to her before.

Bingo .