11. Mr. Confidence

ELEVEN

MR. CONFIDENCE

SHEP

I’ve been at the date party for less than thirty minutes and I already want to leave.

Talking to Harlow was a shit show. I knew Beckett would be here, but I didn’t expect her to disappear with him in the middle of a simple conversation. That alone pisses me off because he was already slurring his words. No surprise there though, the guy might actually be a functioning alcoholic.

I didn’t think for one second that she might actually be into him. Could I really have been that naive? Or was I ignorant to think she might be interested in me? Either way, I’m done with this night, especially after her confusing silent apology. Whatever.

I look around for Wes only to see him cuddling up to Harlow’s best friend. She looks absolutely delighted with whatever he’s telling her and for a brief second, envy flares up in me.

Why can’t I have that? If not with Harlow, why not with anyone? Maybe I just need to move past this crush or infatuation. I wish I knew how it even started and maybe that would help me squash it.

Approaching Wes and Lennon, I notice her hand resting on his but she quickly moves it away when she realizes I’m walking up to them. I glance at Wes who’s radiating a sheepish red glow but is also smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen.

“So what’s been going on between you two?” I signal to the barback for a beer while Wes and Lennon both look around like teenagers who’ve been caught in the basement.

“Lennon was just telling me about how she started swimming and oh, hey, where’s Harlow?” I see it clicking in Wes’s mind that he’s the only one who successfully won over his interest of the evening.

Her friend straightens up as if she’s also interested in my answer, so I decide to ignore Wes and see what that’s about.

“Not sure. But, Lennon, right?”

She nods her head slightly and a wave from her brown hair falls over her shoulder. Wes brushes it out of the way for her and once again my mind is all over the place.

Focus, Shep. Fucking focus.

“Right, so, Lennon. Tell me, you seem to know who I am, but we’ve never officially met.” Her cheeks flush as she sets down her wine glass. The barback hands me my beer over the counter, allowing her a few seconds to gather her thoughts. As I take a sip, the smooth liquid moves around in my mouth and cools me down from the events before this.

“Can we go over there?” She points to an area where there’s high top tables and people engaging in casual conversation around various ones.

“Sure. Wes, you coming?” Wes is already grabbing Lennon’s wine glass for her and following us over to one of the open tables. I really feel like I missed something between these two but that conversation is for another time.

“So, before we talk, I’d also like to know where Harlow is?” Lennon looks around the back of the house before making eye contact with me again.

“Oh, you didn’t see her push me away and tell me to leave her alone?” I roll my eyes and take another sip of my beer. I may be acting childish about this but I know for a fact I didn’t do anything to deserve that. The look of shock on both their faces urges me to continue on before they can get a word in. “Yeah, told me to leave her alone, then went off somewhere with Beckett.”

“Oh,” Lennon deadpans. “Well, I mean they did come together. You know they’re basically dating, right? You have to. You and Beckett are fraternity brothers and I’m sure you’ve seen Harlow with him plenty of times.” Yeah, her and a handful of other girls , is what I want to say. She offers her words with a politeness that tells me she obviously likes Beckett and is friends with him or something.

“Yeah, I know. Everyone knows. And how that asshole maintains a relationship with Harlow is beyond me.” A possessiveness burns in my chest again similar to the one I felt at the pool when Coach Bradford was making an example out of Harlow. “You know, I don’t think I’ve seen him once at the rec center while she’s been doing her practices—not dropping her off, not picking her up, sure as hell not checking on her.”

Wes’s eyes grow big and he shakes his head at me. Maybe I’m being over the top but the guy’s a grade A dick. Nothing about him and Harlow being together makes sense.

“Well, I guess you’re right about that.” Lennon affirms, and for Harlow’s best friend to agree feels like a small win. “But, it’s been like this for over a year now. On and off, but in Beckett’s eyes, always on.”

I look at Wes again and hope that he will understand my silent plea for a moment alone with Lennon and he picks up on it. “I’m going to go grab a water, need anything?” I shake my head in sync with Lennon and Wes trails away from the high top towards the bar.

“Lennon, I’m going to be very honest with you. I’m interested in your best friend and judging by the way you’ve been acting since I walked up behind Harlow about thirty minutes ago, you know something, and I just need a little help here.” As the words leave my mouth, regret nips at me, but being honest about the way I feel about Harlow also feels liberating.

“I know nothing,” she quips. “But you’re interested in my best friend, huh?” Lennon repeats my words with a smirk, then narrows her eyes. “Tell me, what do you even know about Harlow besides the fact you watch her swim every day?”

Fair question, but little does she know I’m prepared with an answer.

“I know she drives a Bronco and parks in almost the same place every day at the rec center which tells me she likes her routines. I know she keeps a blanket of some sort in her car because I’ve seen it on the passenger seat multiple times when I’ve parked near her. I know that she’s disciplined because she always gets to the pool ten minutes before she starts swimming. I know she ends her practices by taking her cap and goggles off, then goes underwater and lets her hair out. It’s one of the few moments I ever see her at peace. I know she works harder than anyone I’ve ever met. I know she always leaves the rec center in a sweatshirt with her hair in a bun and will always be wearing her black boots—which for some reason I really like. But most importantly, I know she deserves far more than Beckett could ever give her.”

Lennon’s jaw is slack and her eyes wide. The exact reaction I was hoping for. I take another sip of my beer before setting it down.

“I—wow. Harlow wasn’t kidding.” She shakes her head as if trying to come back to the present moment, lost in a thought.

“What do you mean?” I press.

“She told me she confronted you at the pool because you were staring at her. Is she right? Are you, like, obsessed with her or something?” Lennon steps away from me like suddenly I’ve done something very wrong. My confidence is diminishing now and I didn’t think about the way saying all of that out loud might sound.

“Fuck me. No. I just thought maybe things changed a little today.” I blurt out, frustrated now that this isn't going to plan. Lennon’s look of confusion leads me to my next question. “She hasn’t told you, has she?”

“Told me what?” Lennon leans in now and relief floods me that she doesn’t know about Harlow and I’s interaction and all this makes that much more sense.

“Coach Bradford sabotaged her today at the pool during her check-in.” I pocket my hands and try to not let the memory of earlier work me up.

“He what?!” Lennon’s voice shakes and Wes is walking back over to the table.

“Oookay, bad timing.” Wes pivots on his heel and turns back around to wait out the conversation.

“Speak!” Lennon shouts.

I’m so stunned by the sudden change in her demeanor, I forget what we’re talking about. “Huh?”

“Oh my gosh. Coach Bradford! What happened today?” She’s tapping her high heel now, crossing her arms.

“Oh, yeah. My shift got switched today for some reason. Harlow had her first check in?—”

“I’m aware,” she cuts in, “get to the point!”

“Damn, okay. Your coach told her to swim butterfly.”

“That’s insane!” she yells as if I’m at fault.

“Lennon, please.” I place my hand on her arm. “Harlow told him she couldn’t. Even her athletic trainer?—”

“Pierce.”

“Yes, Pierce. He was there and even he was shocked.” I shake my head recalling the incident. “Harlow was so defeated, she sank to the bottom of the pool and for a second I didn’t know if she was going to come back up to the surface.”

Lennon’s eyes well up and she moves a hand over her mouth.

“I could tell something was wrong when I got to the rec because I ran into Harlow in the parking lot. She was really flustered and when I put it together she was having an evaluation, I tried to talk to her beforehand but she assured me she was fine.”

“Well, that’s Harlow for you,” Lennon interjects.

“So I’ve learned. When I realized what was going on, I got off my stand and confronted Coach Bradford.” I take a step back from Lennon and put my hands in my pockets again. “I told him whatever program he was running was unacceptable and as I spoke to him, Harlow came out of the water, so I went to help her out. For a split second, she let me in. She told me she wasn’t okay.”

“Oh my gosh.” A single tear runs down Lennon’s cheek and Wes seems to notice because he quickly returns to the table.

“Is everything okay?” He looks between Lennon and me.

“I have to go find Harlow. Shep, I’m sorry I assumed the worst. Thank you. Genuinely.” She places a hand on my cheek before turning towards the house, but stops and turns back around. “You know, I’ve always been team Beckett but maybe I’ll consider team Shep.”

My heart lightens as she disappears into the house.

“What the hell was all that?” Wes leans on the high top table and I don’t know if I should fill him in or let him stay in his bubble of having a good night with Lennon.

“Nothing, man. Just realized Lennon and I needed to talk about a few things.”

He nods his head in understanding. Before we can continue the conversation, a few of our coworkers walk over and start talking about the weekend coming up. I scan the crowd for Lennon, in hopes she might return with Harlow but it’s been about fifteen minutes and neither of them are in sight.

A few more minutes pass and Lennon emerges from the house and finds Wes and I. An expression of concern is all over her face. “I can’t find her.” She sighs and puts her face in her hands. “I don’t typically worry about her but after the day she had and being back at the fraternity house since the party in August. I didn’t think about how all of this might make her feel.”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s fine. You didn’t know about the evaluation.” Wes rubs a hand along her back. She smiles at him, but then steps away.

“Yeah, which bothers me even more. I’m sorry, this has been lovely but I need to find my friend. I’ll see you in lecture tomorrow, Wes?” She smiles softly but I can tell things are getting awkward real fast.

“Yeah, sure. Of course. I hope everything works out.” Wes nods his head at her and I wish I could yell at him to hug the girl or something but after another second, she frowns a little then walks away.

“Dude, a head nod?” I raise my eyebrows at Wes and his face loses all emotion. “What happened to Mr. Confidence I saw over by the bar?”

“I don’t know. She makes me nervous and I can’t really tell if she’s into me or not. She was giving off that hot and cold flirting vibe. I don’t know, it’s all good really.” He looks around the crowd. “Still no sign of Harlow?”

“No,” I reply. “I guess I could go look for her but I also get the feeling that I would only be causing her more trouble.” The thought hurts but maybe there’s some truth to Lennon’s first impression of me being obsessed with Harlow. Maybe it couldn’t hurt to reel it in a little, let her do her own thing.

I signal to Wes that I’m going inside and notice he’s found Lennon again and he’s going after her. Good on him. I head towards the main dining room and there aren’t many people inside. Ducking off into one of the side rooms by the kitchen, I happen to catch sight of Beckett. I move behind one of the pillars, hoping he will lead me to Harlow, but he just walks back outside and rejoins everyone else.

I’m ready to give up and go home. I would love to be in bed with my dog and not worrying about anything else today.

I start to head down the hall when I hear a faint sniffling. Slowing my pace, I approach a bathroom where the sounds of soft cries leak out from under the door. I go to knock but hesitate, my fist hovering over the door. I’ve done my fair share of bathroom rescues at this fraternity house and more often than not, I’m shooed away by a friend. I decide to let this one go and keep walking towards the front door.

I get to my truck and pull out the breathalyzer my dad has me keep in my glovebox. I’ve only had one beer tonight but with my dad being in law enforcement and my desire to not ruin my life and someone else's, I know I can never be too careful. I use it and see that I’m more than okay to drive so I shoot Wes a text that I’m heading home but I can come back out and grab him if needed. He ‘thumbs up’ my text so with that, I start up my Tacoma and head home to the one girl I know will always love me and be there for me. My sweet, Dahlia.