Chapter 13

THIRTEEN

Whatever Casper had imaginedthe life and troubles of a rising star might be, the realities of Sawyer’s world were entirely different. He’d heard of dysfunctional families before, of course. His own family wasn’t precisely normal. But Sawyer seemed to have every possible twist and conflict that a family could have living under his own roof.

Well, not his roof anymore, though he apparently owned his family’s house. Casper would have been lying if he said he wasn’t happy to get Sawyer away from that collection of human trainwrecks. As they drove back into London, to the private parking garage that members of The Brotherhood used under the Chameleon Club, he was beyond grateful that he had a place he could whisk Sawyer off to where he knew he’d be safe.

“It all makes sense now,” he commented as he handed his keys over to the smiling, young parking attendant, then walked around to help Sawyer lift their suitcases from the boot.

“What makes sense?” Sawyer asked, lifting his heavy bag as if it were a feather. “Or do I want to know?” he added with a wry, exhausted smile.

Casper laughed sympathetically and took his own suitcase. “Everything, really,” he said. “Why we ran and hid that night Harry almost caught us in the kitchen, how you’re able to deal with even the most annoying fans without losing your smile, why you still live at home.” He paused as Sawyer shut the boot and they started into the club’s basement entrance. “Why you love cuddles so much,” he added quietly, hoping the man who held the door for them didn’t hear.

Sawyer sent him a sideways, pink-faced look as they waited for the elevator. “I’m shocked that you still want me around,” he said. “I’d’ve gotten rid of me ages ago.”

“I would never do that,” Casper said earnestly. “You aren’t your family any more than I am my parents. People, regardless of who they are, are a messed up, embarrassing horror. All we can do in life is try to navigate through the horror and make it out on the other side.”

The elevator arrived, the doors slid open, and the two of them stepped inside to head up to the main floor.

“And look at you,” Casper went on, his smile widening. “You bring so much joy to so many people, despite what you’ve gone through.”

Sawyer laughed. “So you’re saying that my trauma brings joy to other people?”

Casper nudged his arm. “Not like that and you know it.”

As the elevator dinged and the doors slid open into the large front lobby of the Chameleon Club, Sawyer sighed and said, “I know what you mean. I suppose I wouldn’t change my life, even if I could.”

“I wouldn’t,” Casper said as they stepped out, rolling their suitcases with them. “Your life led you to me, and I’m rather fond of having you around.”

The smile Sawyer sent him was everything Casper needed. It was filled with gratitude and affection. It was a sign that the two of them were on the same page, and that they were committed to figuring out the crazy together.

They made it across the lobby and halfway down the hall to the desk at the bottom of the stairs, where a middle-aged man sat reading a book, leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the desk. The ray of late-afternoon sunlight that slanted down on his cozy space made him look like exactly the sort of aging queen who would make the perfect hero in a detective novel of his own.

“Afternoon, Bernard,” Casper greeted him as they rolled up to the desk. “Do we have a spare room for my friend?”

Bernard flinched to attention, pulling his feet off the desk and sitting straight. He turned his book face down on the desk to mark his place, something that made Casper cringe, then pulled his rolling chair into the desk and glanced up at him.

When he saw Sawyer standing there with Casper, he did a double-take. “Sawyer Kingston?” He blinked, then smiled. “So I guess the gossip being splashed all over the internet today really is true. You’re one of us.”

“Um, er, I’m not a member of The Brotherhood, if that’s what you’re asking,” Sawyer said, his face going pink.

“That can be remedied forthwith,” Bernard said, smiling. “And you say you’d like a room here at the club?”

An itch of something familiar but uncomfortable had Casper shifting his shoulders and peeking at Sawyer, then at Bernard. It wasn’t like Bernard to be star-struck, not with all the people he saw coming through the Chameleon Club. He was the official Keeper of Rooms, so he knew more gossip than anyone else in The Brotherhood.

What bothered Casper was the way Bernard gave all his attention to Sawyer, as if Casper wasn’t there at all.

Before Casper had a chance to answer Bernard, a call of “Was that Sawyer Kingston I saw passing by just a moment ago?”

Casper and Sawyer both turned to find Gerry Tyburn striding down the hall toward them. Gerry spared only a fleeting glance for Casper before smiling at Sawyer.

“Gerry,” Sawyer greeted him anxiously, sending Casper a quick, worried look.

Casper smiled at him to let him know it would be alright, but he didn’t have a chance to say anything.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Gerry said, shaking Sawyer’s hand once he’d reached them. “But then, I suppose the Chameleon Club is the perfect place for you to be, what with all the ridiculous chatter that’s all over the internet right now. Come into the dining room and have tea. You’re amongst your own kind now, and we’ll take care of you.” Almost as an afterthought, he glanced to Casper and said, “Hello, Casper.”

That was it. With a light touch to Sawyer’s back, Gerry nudged him forward and on toward the dining room.

Sawyer glanced back over his shoulder, but Casper said, “Go on. I’ll just sort the room.”

Sawyer looked uncertain and overwhelmed, but he nodded, then walked on as Gerry said, “I bet everyone in the dining room will jump to support you in whatever way they can.”

Casper watched them go, shifting restlessly and reminding himself to breathe. He’d felt so confident and sure of himself on the drive back from the pub, but all that certainty vanished as Sawyer and Gerry disappeared around the corner into the dining room.

Once again, he was invisible. Once again, he felt alone in a world that he neither liked nor understood most of the time. Only now, he couldn’t slip away into the library or bury himself in the lives and troubles of men who had lived and died over a hundred years ago. He cared too much about Sawyer to leave him to everyone else.

“So you and Sawyer Kingston, eh?” Bernard asked when Casper turned back to the desk, trying not to let his nerves get the better of him. “I mean, I saw pictures of the two of you looking rather chummy up in Whitby. I also saw pictures of him looking chummy with an attractive red-head.”

That had been Vanessa. Casper’s heart sank. It hadn’t dawned on him that the sneaky picture of Sawyer and Vanessa together could negate whatever pictures of him and Sawyer existed out there. No wonder there weren’t more rumors about the two of them.

Then again, that could just be because Casper was and always had been beneath people’s notice.

“Is there a spare room for Sawyer?” he asked Bernard, hoping to stay on track.

Bernard smiled sympathetically at him. “We’ve got plenty of rooms right now.” He pulled out his room ledger, opened it, then sent Casper an even more understanding smile. “If you’d like, the room across the hall from yours is empty. It’s very discreet. Just a quick slip across the hall when no one is looking and you’ll be open to a world of possibilities.”

Casper blushed, but he was grateful for the gesture.

He sorted things with Bernard as quickly as he could, then left their suitcases in Bernard’s care so he could head into the dining room in search of Sawyer.

Unsurprisingly, he found Sawyer seated at one of the larger tables in the middle of the room, about a dozen members of The Brotherhood surrounding him. Sawyer was seated, and just as Casper entered the room, one of the servers was placing a plate filled with what looked like a Sunday roast, even though it was Thursday, in front of him. Sawyer was speaking, and as soon as he stopped, most of the men around him laughed.

It hit Casper hard, right in his gut. In the ten years he’d been a member of The Brotherhood and in all the time he’d been living there, he hadn’t once been given the sort of attention Sawyer was getting the moment he’d arrived. Granted, Casper wasn’t certain he actually wanted that sort of attention, and other than the fact that the last thing Sawyer needed just then was to be the focal point of everyone’s evening, the whole thing struck Casper wrong.

That was what visibility was all about. Some men just drew focus wherever they went. Casper had always wished he was that sort, and he’d been convinced that his attempts to secure a position at a university would have been successful long before now if he were that sort. But watching Sawyer now, seeing the tension in his smile and the way his shoulders were bunched as he twisted his head this way and that as he was asked question after question, made Casper wonder if being noticed was worth the fuss.

“Casper. It’s good to see you back.”

Casper turned to find his old friend, Jamie Croft, heading his way. The man looked happier than Casper had ever seen him, which was entirely because of his thriving relationship with Aled Dawson, and just shaking hands with him eased some of Casper’s tension.

“Jamie. You’re looking well,” he greeted his friend.

More laughter from the table stole Casper’s attention. The conversation there was apparently flowing, but to Casper’s eyes, it looked like Sawyer just wanted to eat his supper in peace.

“So the rumors are true, then,” Jamie said, pulling Casper’s attention back to him.

“Depends on which rumors you’ve been listening to,” Casper said. He was surprised at how bitter he sounded and immediately added, “Sorry. It’s been a very long day.”

“Sorry to hear it,” Jamie said. He then surprised Casper by asking, “Are you ready for your interview tomorrow?”

Casper had started to peek at Sawyer again, but he turned his full attention back to Jamie instead. In all the fuss and drama surrounding Sawyer and his family, he’d almost forgotten that the interview of his lifetime was less than twenty-four hours off.

“Do you know, I’d almost forgotten about it,” he told Jamie, more alarmed than he expected to be. “I’ve been so caught up in getting Sawyer back to London and dealing with his family, which is enough drama to last a lifetime, and then making sure he has a place here.”

Jamie smiled in surprise. “You? Dr. Casper Penhurst? Forgetting that you have an interview for Professor of History at my university tomorrow?”

Casper let out a self-effacing laugh and relaxed. “Everything else seems to go out the window when your boyfriend is about to become a major celebrity.”

Casper fully expected Jamie to shift the conversation around to Sawyer and to point out that he’d admitted the two of them were dating. Instead, he said, “If you need some tips on how to impress Professor Morrow and Professor Addison, I’d be more than happy to give those to you. Both of them are tough, but they were also mightily impressed with your application and your credentials.”

“Thanks,” Casper said. “I’d like that.”

“I know how much you want the job,” Jamie said, patting Casper on the back. “I happen to think you’re the ideal candidate for the position, and if it were up to me, they’d offer you the post right away.”

“Thanks, Jamie. I really appreciate it.” Casper smiled.

It was just a small conversation and not about anything particularly important, but it set Casper back on an even keel. He wasn’t quite so invisible after all. At least, he didn’t have to be. Not to everyone.

Sawyer confirmed that a minute later, when Casper joined him at the table. Sawyer made everyone shift around so Casper could sit next to him. He then proceeded to tell everyone what a help Casper had been and how he couldn’t have gotten through the growing scandal without him.

It was sweet and wonderful, but it also brought the audience with Sawyer to a close. Most of the men wandered off to return to their own suppers, and those who were seated at the table with Sawyer seemed to lose intensity as conversation returned to normal levels.

“Thank you for rescuing me,” Sawyer said an hour or so later, once they were finally able to carry their suitcases up to their rooms. “I was barely holding on by a thread there for a second. It never ceases to amaze me how even the most serious of men turn into teenage superfans when they meet a celebrity they’re certain they have something in common with.”

Casper laughed. “I feel like I’ve learned a lesson today about the value of being invisible.”

They’d reached the doors to Casper’s suite and the room Bernard had given to Sawyer, and Sawyer stopped.

“God, I’m sorry,” he said, pushing his suitcase aside and drawing Casper into a half embrace. “I didn’t even think that you were being pushed aside.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Casper insisted. Even as he said it, his insides pinched and twisted with old resentments and the sadness of being ignored. “I was glad I was able to step in and rescue you.”

“Me too.” He met Casper’s eyes, hesitated for a moment, then held his breath and leaned in to touch his lips to Casper’s.

Casper needed the kiss far more than he imagined he would. It was as if he’d been a balloon drifting slowly up into a vast emptiness, and Sawyer had caught his string and brought him back down to earth and stability.

At the same time, it worried him.

“You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to,” he said softly once Sawyer had leaned back again. “If you’re not comfortable.”

“I am comfortable,” Sawyer said, just as softly. “That’s what surprises me every time.”

The two of them stood there smiling at each other. Casper could have stayed there, loosely enfolded in Sawyer’s arms, but footsteps and talking at the other end of the hall told them they were about to be interrupted.

“Let’s get everything settled,” Casper said, pulling away and searching his pocket for his keys.

He was glad to be home. His suite in the Chameleon Club had been his home for the past three years, and after all the turmoil of the past few weeks, it was good to be back. He wheeled his suitcase into his bedroom then left it there so he could take Sawyer across the hall to show him the room where he would be staying.

“This is a nice room,” Sawyer said hesitantly, glancing around the cozy, Victorian-themed guest room with its view out to Hyde Park. “But I like your suite better.” He sent Casper a significant look.

Casper laughed, warming from the inside. “Sawyer Kingston,” he said, stepping into Sawyer and pulling him into his arms. “Are you saying that you want to move in with your boyfriend?”

Sawyer rested his forehead against Casper’s shoulder for a moment. When he glanced up and met Casper’s eyes, he wore the most charming, bashful smile Casper had ever seen. There was no acting or artifice in it, just pure, real affection.

“It’s been one of the most stressful days of my entire life,” he said, sliding his arms tighter around Casper. “I’m exhausted, and now I’m confused.”

“Confused?” Casper asked, his brow pinching.

Sawyer nodded. “I thought I would never want to move in with a boyfriend. I never thought I’d want a boyfriend to begin with. But here I am, standing in a veritable institution of the gay world, feeling more at home than I’ve felt anywhere.”

“Yes, well, the Chameleon Club has a long history of giving men like us a safe place to rest in a tumultuous world that was often set against them,” Casper said.

“No.” Sawyer shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I feel more at home in your arms, no matter where we are, than I’ve ever felt.”

A slow smile spread over Casper’s face, even as his heart raced. “I can’t decide if that’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me or a ridiculous Hollywood cliché.”

Sawyer met his smile, then dropped his gaze to Casper’s lips. “It’s a little of both,” he said.

He moved in and slanted his mouth over Casper’s. His kiss was tentative at first, like he couldn’t believe what he was doing, or that he actually wanted to do it. But Casper could feel the ardor in the way their mouths melded together. He could feel the want in the heat and tension of Sawyer’s body as they grasped at each other, wanting to be even closer than they were.

Most of all, he could tell by how relaxed and accepting Sawyer was that things had changed. Things had changed for both of them. As their kiss went on, softly and sweetly, but insistently as well, Casper didn’t think he would ever be the same. He’d worried for so long about being seen, but he’d also forgotten that everything he’d ever wanted was right at his fingertips. He’d been more concerned with taking Sawyer away from the things that wanted to hurt him and giving him peace.

Eventually, Sawyer inched back with a breath of contentment and met Casper’s eyes again. All he could say was, “Wow.”

“Perfect,” Casper echoed, brushing his hand over the side of Sawyer’s face. “Now, how about you bring your suitcase over to my place and we’ll tidy up and go to bed.”

“That sounds like a brilliant plan,” Sawyer said, taking Casper’s hand with one of his and reaching for his suitcase with the other. “I tell you, at this point, I’ll probably sleep until next week, I’m so exhausted.”

“I don’t blame you,” Casper laughed as they walked across the hall.

If only they could sleep until next week. It would have been nice, but too many things were about to happen for both of them that would make rest a luxury in the coming days.