Chapter 14

FOURTEEN

It would have been absolutelybeautiful if Sawyer could have snuggled away the morning with Casper after sleeping safe in his arms through the night. He could have forgotten all about the swirl of sudden interest in every little thing he did, both on social media and at the Chameleon Club itself. He’d been a little shocked by how readily the members of The Brotherhood had flocked to him and hung on his every word the night before, especially as it hadn’t been his first time dining at the club and he’d hardly been noticed the last time.

But as wonderful as it would have been to forget the rest of the world and just be with Casper, by the time Casper’s phone started beeping with his morning alarm the next day, Sawyer was already running late.

“Shit!” he hissed groggily as he rolled away from Casper to find the clock on the bedside table happily announcing it was past eight. “Shit, shit!”

Sawyer scrambled out of bed, and with only a vague instruction from Casper, stumbled into the en suite for a shower. His meeting with Rebecca had been rescheduled for nine o’clock sharp, and since Rebecca was already furious at him for any number of things, he absolutely needed to get there on time.

“Take this tea,” Casper said, thrusting a travel mug into his hands as Sawyer hurried out of the bedroom, fully dressed, but hair still damp, his shoes in his hands. “And if you can, stop for something to eat once your meeting is finished. You can’t go all the way until lunch without eating something.”

“Not sure there’s time,” Sawyer said, taking the tea, but plopping into one of Casper’s chairs so he could put his shoes on. “The reason the meeting is so early this morning is because I have a photo shoot and interview at eleven. Publicity for Start at the Beginning has already started for the rest of the cast. I need to catch up before the premiere next week.”

“Understood,” Casper said, stepping over to the mirror to check his appearance. “I’d drive you to the meeting myself, but I have my interview with the Royal University of London today.”

Sawyer nearly dropped his second shoe. No wonder Casper was looking so charmingly academic in his tweed jacket and nice trousers. Guilt smacked him as he realized how much air he’d been sucking up in the last two days without sparing anything for Casper.

“I’m so sorry I forgot about your interview,” he said, wincing. As soon as his shoes were on, he stood and moved over to Casper, glancing at his reflection in the mirror from just behind him. He rested his chin on Casper’s shoulder and slipped his arms around him. “I am a shameless attention hog, but you are every bit as important as me, if not more so.”

Casper laughed. Sawyer loved the feeling of the vibrations. “It’s nothing, really,” he said. “And you’re a great deal more important than me.”

“I am not,” Sawyer said, straightening. He pretended to be affronted by the very idea that he was important. “All I do is make funny faces at a camera. You’re the one doing important work. You’re educating young minds and reminding them where we all came from.”

He could feel the tension in Casper’s body, even though he was smiling as he pivoted to face him. “I don’t educate young minds yet,” he said. “This could just be another interview where I sit down, answer some questions, and make no impression at all. They’ll pick someone more bombastic than me, I know.”

“What rubbish,” Sawyer said, resting his hand on the side of Casper’s face. “You’re brilliant. Any university would be happy to have you.”

Casper smiled bashfully, and Sawyer was overcome with the need to kiss him. Feeling that need was as new and exciting as the actual kissing, and he got completely sidetracked reveling in the emotions of actually wanting someone that he forgot about the actual kissing part until Casper said, “Don’t you have a meeting you’re about to be late for?”

Sawyer jumped a little and squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes. Right. Meeting.” He leaned in and bussed Casper’s lips then, as if the two of them had been together for decades instead of weeks, turned and grabbed the tea Casper had prepared for him. “Break a leg, love,” he said, rushing in to kiss Casper’s cheek one more time before heading for the door.

“You, too,” Casper called after him.

Sawyer loved everything about the sweet, domestic scene he’d just played out. Everything but the fact that he’d had to leave it. Growing up with the family he had, he’d only ever had the garish sitcom version of a family. With Casper, he felt like he had a chance at the sweet, romcom version of a relationship.

His family was definitely on his mind as he made his way downstairs and called a cab to take him to Rebecca’s office. He hadn’t expected his mum or dad to contact him, and they hadn’t, but he did expect Kenny to text him with everything under the sun to attempt to make him feel bad.

He was not disappointed. Kenny had sent him almost a running commentary of texts about the awful things his dad had been stomping around the house saying about him and Casper after he’d left. He’d shared a few more, salacious articles as well. But at least Kenny had the decency to say that their mum was okay, she’d spent the day praying, mostly, and that he would keep an eye on her and make certain she got enough sleep.

As awful as his family was for the most part, they did care about each other. Kenny was a giant, useless nob most of the time, but he did look after their mum. Even the most dysfunctional families out there were capable of caring sometimes.

Dealing with his family drama took up most of Sawyer’s time on the way to Rebecca’s office. So when he finally did make it to her building and up to her floor, he had no idea what further horrors had unfolded in the night.

“The debate about who you’re fucking is still raging,” Rebecca told him almost right off the bat as she paced in front of her desk once Sawyer was seen into her office. “It’s split about even between people thinking you’re as queer as a duck and people who think you’re faking the whole thing as publicity.”

“First off,” Sawyer said, thinking of Casper in his tweed and how he would react to the situation, “I’m not fucking anyone. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m some sort of man-whore with a permanent erection.”

Rebecca turned to him, incredulous at that statement for some reason.

“Second, I am gay. Always have been. Inasmuch as I’ve been anything,” he said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Rebecca asked, pausing her pacing to lean against her desk. “Of course you’re something.”

“I’ve never dated anyone, until now,” Sawyer admitted.

“What, never?” Rebecca stared at him. “Is it because your mum is some sort of religious nutter?”

Sawyer pursed his lips together and blew out through his nose. “Please keep my wonderful, deeply religious mother out of any discussion about my sexuality. I would rather not have any discussion about my sexuality at all, thank you very much. I’ve been living my life instead of dating.”

“Life is dating,” Rebecca said. “Especially when you’re a celebrity.”

“Does it really have to be?” Sawyer argued. “I’ve been working hard to build this career, this acting career. I know that being a star is more than the parts you book, I know it’s all about the designers you wear and the places you’re seen as well, but does the public have to make such an issue out of what I do in my own bed?”

“You’re not one of those weird people who has something like a life-sized stuffed sheep with a fleshlight in it, are you?” Rebecca asked, her expression suddenly horrified.

“God, no!” Sawyer snapped, recoiling. “If anything, I’m demisexual.”

Rebecca shook her head, but whether to clear away the image she’d created for herself or over Sawyer’s statement wasn’t clear until she said, “There’s no such thing as demisexual. It’s just an excuse for being picked last on the dating playground.”

“I beg your pardon, but it is not,” Sawyer said, more offended by the moment.

“Either you like sex and have it or you don’t,” Rebecca said impatiently.

“Not true,” Sawyer pushed himself to stand. “I could see myself having sex with Casper.”

He blinked as soon as the words had passed his lips. Maybe he could after all. It would be terrifying, but it would also be Casper. The two of them could go at their own pace, and he knew beyond any doubt that Casper wouldn’t judge him or push him for more too fast.

“So what do you want me to do about the social media mess you’ve created?” Rebecca asked, interrupting Sawyer’s sweet thoughts.

Sawyer frowned at her. He hadn’t created anything, but that was beside the point. “Isn’t it your job to answer that question?”

“My job is to make certain whatever you say or do is heard by the right people at the right time,” Rebecca replied.

Sawyer sucked in a breath, almost laughing. It was so much like his conversation with Casper the night before. So much came down to whether someone was seen or not. He’d taken attention away from Casper that should have been his, and now Rebecca was trying to tell him to take even more attention.

“I don’t want to say anything,” he said, suddenly feeling stronger than he had in days. “Who I’m with is nobody’s business but my own. You can tell people I’m gay and I’m dating historian Casper Penhurst, who I met on the set of After the War, but that’s it. I won’t make any further public statements about it. People can draw their own conclusions from there.”

Rebecca made an impatient sound and shook her head. “That’s not enough to go on. You know people are hungry for gossip. Just look at the conspiracy theories that swirled around the princess because the royal family refused to spill the entire story of her time-out.”

“Being famous does not mean everyone on the planet has a right to know what goes on in my bed,” Sawyer argued.

For the second time that morning, he caught sight of a clock and realized he was running late, but this time, he was glad for it.

“I have to go,” he said, standing and stepping toward the door. “I have a photo shoot and interview for Start at the Beginning in Marylebone in half an hour and I can’t be late. Make whatever statement on my behalf that you’d like as long as it makes clear that I’m not trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes for publicity and I won’t be talking about my love life in public.”

“It’s not going to be enough,” Rebecca said as Sawyer walked away. She then shocked him by saying, “I’m proud of you for growing a backbone, at least,” as he headed out the door.

That final statement had Sawyer smiling as he left the office, nodding to Rebecca’s assistant as he went. The world might not have liked that he wanted to keep himself to himself, but in the end, they didn’t really have much choice in the matter.

His confidence in that regard lasted until he was almost all the way to Marylebone. He’d taken a cab again, which meant he could scroll through his phone, catching up on what people were saying about him, before arriving at the shoot.

It was all horribly expected. The faction that thought he was queerbaiting hadn’t believed his post from the day before about being gay and were demanding his head on a platter. Fortunately, their numbers were shrinking, but they were still loud. The fans who believed him were arguing back passionately, and someone had apparently dug up every stolen pic of him and Casper that had ever been posted and were now reposting them with heart emojis all over them.

That reminded Sawyer to send Casper a text wishing him the best of luck at his interview that morning. He may have added a bunch of heart emojis to the text himself.

He had almost reached the shoot when his phone started blowing up again. Apparently, Rebecca had wasted no time in posting everything he’d told her about him and Casper. He grimaced with embarrassment when he noted that she’d also mentioned he was demi in her press release. He should have been more specific about what he wanted her to post.

It was too late now. Everything was too late.

“So. Sawyer Kingston is really gay,” the male make-up artist prepping him for the photo shoot said with a bit too much charm and entirely too much touching. “I always knew you played for our side, honey.”

“It was never a secret,” Sawyer told him with a tight smile.

“I wish I’d’ve known earlier,” the man said, lingering a little too long as he applied a touch of color to his lips using his pinky finger instead of a brush. “We could have gotten cozy.”

Prickles raced down Sawyer’s back. It was probably a huge violation of the man’s job for him to use his finger instead of a brush, especially since his intention was clear. It was also Sawyer’s worst nightmare in terms of everything that a celebrity was meant to put up with. There were more threats than the casting couch for celebrities to navigate.

“You didn’t happen to see all the reports about how I’m dating someone,” he told the make-up artist, staring seriously at the man. “Or that I’m demisexual?”

God. Five minutes ago, he’d been frustrated that Rebecca had spilled those beans, and now here he was, using it as a shield. Maybe Rebecca knew her job better than he’d thought.

“I don’t see a ring on that finger, honey,” the make-up artist flirted. “And you only think you’re demi because you haven’t met the right man yet.”

Sawyer was so angered by the comments and the assumptions behind them that he could feel himself heating. Whether they were done with make-up or not, he stood, forcing the make-up artist to take a large step back.

“I have met the right man, thank you very much,” he snapped. “But even if I hadn’t, hitting on me is neither appropriate nor welcome.”

He turned to march off, not really knowing where he was going, and caught the eye of a female assistant as he did. She smiled at him like she was proud of him for standing his ground. He grinned back and made a mental note to ask for her name so that he could request her specifically the next time he had a shoot like this.

Those thoughts distracted him as he left the make-up room and headed to the room where the photographer was set up, causing him to nearly run headlong into a man walking in the other direction.

“Oh, sorry,” he said as he and the other man reached out to stop each other from falling.

He was relieved to find that the man was Ellis Dixon, who he’d met at an industry event not that long ago, and who he also remembered from the party he’d gone to at the Chameleon Club last year.

“Sawyer Kingston,” Ellis said, his expression filled with genuine happiness. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I could say the same for you, Ellis.” He extended a hand, and Ellis shook it.

“God, you’ve been having an interesting last couple days, haven’t you,” Ellis said, turning to walk with Sawyer down the hall to his shoot.

“Interesting doesn’t begin to cover it,” Sawyer said with a wary look.

Ellis laughed. “It reminds me of when the press got wind of me and Rae.”

Sawyer nearly gasped. He’d entirely forgotten that little social media storm from last year. Come to think of it, Ellis had been in a situation similar to the one he and Casper were in now.

“How did you make it through?” he asked, pausing just outside of the room he was supposed to be in. “It’s only been a couple days, but I’m just about ready to throw in the towel and give up acting altogether to go, I don’t know, teach at a theater camp or something.”

Ellis gave him a sympathetic look and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “The only way out is through, mate,” he said. “If you give it enough time, the mad hordes will find something else to get their knickers in a twist about.”

“And what if they don’t give it up and move on?” Sawyer asked.

“They will,” Ellis said with a smile of camaraderie. “And in the meantime, the best thing you can do is protect your relationship. You’re dating Casper Penhurst, right?”

“I am.” Sawyer frowned slightly. “How do I protect our relationship?”

Ellis straightened and shrugged. “Make time for each other. Don’t let anyone or anything come between you. At the end of the day, all this will go away,” he gestured to the hallway, “but if you’re meant to be together, Casper will still be there.”

“I do think we were meant to be,” Sawyer said, smiling and letting some of his tension go.

“Then focus on that and don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks,” Ellis said, smiling. “That’s what Rae and I do.”

“It sounds like a good policy,” Sawyer said. He thumped Ellis’s arm, then turned to head into the room where the photographer and journalist were waiting for him. “Thanks, Ellis. You’ve been a big help.”

Sawyer wished he’d had longer to sit and talk with Ellis. It was reassuring to know someone else had been in a similar situation and that he was fine now. He’d brought things into focus as well. Everything that swirled around Sawyer in the middle of the storm where he found himself now was just temporary. Once it was all gone, Casper would still be there.