11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

Penn

Age Sixteen

“Grab that hammer and come over here.” My father motions to the tool with his free hand, and as soon as I retrieve it, he points to where he wants me to place the nail. “That’s it. Secure right here too.” He points to the next spot.

As soon as the nails are in place, he stands up again and brushes the sweat from his brow. “Well done, Penn.”

“Thanks. It looks good,” I reply, surveying our last few hours of work even though the last thing I wanted to do was come out here and help him with this today.

“Looks a hell of a lot better than it did before now, doesn’t it?”

While most teenage boys are sleeping in on Saturdays, my father drug me out of bed to spend the last six hours repairing a wheelchair ramp to one of the buildings at the Carrington Cove Veteran’s Center. Ever since my father was honorably discharged from the Marines when I was little, this has been his home away from home, the place he dedicates his time to and the job he works now to help pay our bills. And when he commissions my help, I spend a lot of time here too .

“Sheppard.” Hank Lyle, one of the staff sergeants here, comes up to me and my father, shaking my dad’s hand. “Thanks for getting this done on such short notice.”

“It’s the least we could do.”

“Once a Marine, always a Marine, right?” Hank says.

My father nods, his face almost stoic. “Yes, sir.”

“Now I know this is just about finished, but I have a few more projects that need some attention as well. Care to stop by my office before you leave so we can figure out a timeline to get those things done?”

“Of course. Penn and I just need to finish up here. We’ll save the painting for tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. See you in a bit.” Hank saunters off and my father motions for me to start picking up our tools.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Let’s get this done, see what else Hank needs, and then grab some lunch. My treat.”

A little over an hour later, I’m sitting across from my father at Deedee’s Sandwich Shop, a local spot in town that always has a line out the door. “Are you going to make me get up at six again tomorrow?” I ask him, already dreading his answer.

“I need your help, Penn.”

“Why can’t Parker help, or one of the other guys at the center?” I groan as I toss a chip in my mouth.

My father takes a moment to consider this before responding. “Well, if Dallas were here, he’d be helping us. But your brother chose to leave, and that means that I need your help the most now, especially since Parker’s not quite old enough yet.”

Dallas left just a few months ago for basic training for the Marines. It’s been weird without him at home, and for the first time in my life, I feel like most of the attention is on me, and I don’t fucking like it .

“Why is it so important? What do you get out of helping around the center? Or helping Mrs. Hansen fix her pipes?” I shake my head. “I just don’t get it.”

My father leans back in his chair and stares at me. “Penn, not everything we do in life has to be about us.” I watch his throat bob up and down as he swallows. “In fact, there’s so much that we do that affects more people than just ourselves, son. Giving back, putting others before our own selfish needs, is one of the greatest energies you can put out in the world. Trust me on that.”

“I guess.”

He leans forward now. “Let me ask you something. If Brandon needed something from you, would you be there for him?”

His question catches me off guard. “Well, yeah. He’s my best friend.”

“Right. So if he asked you to help his mom, or sister, or his wife one day…would you hesitate?”

“Not at all.”

“Because Brandon is your brother, Penn.”

My brow furrows. “Uh, no he’s not.”

My father grins. “Not literally, Penn. But by choice. My Marines, the men I work with, the men that I’ve served with? They’re my brothers too, and you should always honor and help your brothers when they need you, even when they’re not around.”

My mind starts to reel back over the years—how many times random guys would show up to the house to help our dad with a project, how often he would do the same, how many funerals my father attended for men that died while serving. I know all about the sacrifice that it is to give your life to your country. I mean, hell—Dallas wanted to do it, and my father tried to talk him out of it, which tells me he knows the possibility of what awaits him .

“Why are you telling me this?” I ask him, taking a drink from my soda.

“So that you have something to aspire to, Penn. Your brother wanted to serve, and I couldn’t stop him, even though I tried. But you? You have the ability to serve without ever putting your life on the line. You can serve your brothers at home—be someone they can depend on, someone loyal and trustworthy. You honor your brothers, Penn, even the ones not related to you by blood. Trust is something you never want to lose between men. And always remember that those relationships are the ones you should never turn your back on because those are the people who will be there for you no matter what.”

***

Present Day

I slam the tailgate shut on my truck, grab my tool bag from the ground, and head for the front door of the rental house. The chill in the air nips at my skin, and when I unlock the front door, a blast of cold air from inside the house hits me too. I’d turn on the heater, but once I start swinging a hammer and moving shit around, I’ll warm right up.

Placing my tool bag on the ground, I reach up to pull down my beanie. My eyes land on the pile of rubble from the night I brought Bentley here. It feels like a lifetime ago, but in reality, it’s only been four days.

Four days and everything has changed.

For the millionth time since Friday night, the memory of Astrid and I fucking in the bakery enters my mind. I can’t stop seeing it, reminiscing about it, replaying it over and over in my head—not just because it was the most erotic sexual experience of my life, but because it blew every one of my fantasies out of the water.

I know she felt what I did too. She had to have. There’s no way our chemistry was surface level. But I could tell that she was having trouble processing what it meant. The look in her eyes before she left the bakery told me everything that I needed to know—she’s scared.

But tonight, I want to assure her that nothing’s changed. In fact, I want her to see the possibility of what could be if we gave this a real shot. I just really need to know where her head is at so mine isn’t still such a fucking mess, but that’s hard given that we haven’t talked about it yet because, again, timing hasn’t been on our side.

I know what I want, despite what my head has told me for the past three years. I know that us dating will invite questions and opinions, but after experiencing that night with her, I know that she’s worth all of the bullshit we might endure. She’s worth the guilt.

She’s worth everything.

The woman who has been my friend for nearly my entire life just may be the person I’m meant to be with. That reality makes my stomach churn and my heart have palpitations. There are other things to consider too—her brother, the kids, and how fast this could move given how close we already are. But the biggest issue to address is Brandon. I have to know where her head is at in regard to him because mine’s been plaguing me with memories that won’t let up—and I’m not sure what to do about it.

I have a full day ahead, though—a few hours working on this house, then a half shift at Hansen’s Hardware. Every minute of every day in my life feels like it’s packed with work and obligations, which normally I don’t mind. But now I have something to look forward to beyond work, making resentment build in my chest since I have such limited time to focus on that .

A knock at the front door startles me from my thoughts. When I turn toward the sound, Grady barges in, not bothering to wait to be invited in.

Fuck. What the hell is he doing here?

Maybe he knows you fucked his sister the other night.

Jesus Christ. There’s no way. Right?

Astrid wouldn’t tell him that…would she?

“Hey, man.” Grady steps into the house, surveying the mess, looking normal and not pissed off, so that’s probably a good sign.

“What’s up?”

“I saw your truck outside and I was on my way to the gym, so I just decided to stop by to say hello. We didn’t get a chance to talk at the game.”

Grady showed up during the second half of the soccer game yesterday and watched us clench the championship, but then he had to get back to the garage to work on a customer’s car. I barely got to say two words to him the entire time he was there, but based on how casual he’s being right now, I’m guessing he doesn’t know what transpired between me and his sister.

“Well, I was kind of busy.”

He nods. “I know, but I wanted to congratulate you in person. That was a hell of a game and season. I bet you’re glad to have a break.”

“Thanks, man. Unfortunately, work was still calling this morning, so not much of a break.”

“Just more time to work now, right?” He casts his hands out to the side.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What are you doing here? I thought the Nelsons sold it.”

Fuck. Here we go.

Just tell him. You can’t keep this from everyone forever.

I mean, hell… Pam already told Astrid, who will eventually say something to Grady and then he’ll be pissed he didn’t hear it from you.

“This house is mine now.”

Grady’s eyebrows pop up. “You’re moving?”

“No.” I take a deep breath and say, “I’m gonna turn this place into a rental and start my own contracting business.”

“Shut the fuck up.” I roll my eyes. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah. Is that so hard to believe?”

“No. I’m just surprised. I know you’ve talked about this here and there, but you’re actually doing it? You’re actually starting your business?”

“I couldn’t pass up the price on this place.” My eyes move around the room. “It’s a mess now, and I still have a lot of money and time to put into it, but yeah. I’m doing it.”

Grady closes the distance between us and reaches out to shake my hand. I meet him halfway. “Then congratulations, man. This is huge.”

“It’s not that big of deal,” I say, turning away from him to grab some work gloves from my bag and sliding them over my fingers, feeling his eyes on me as I do.

“Yeah, it is. It’s you moving forward, finally taking control. Hell, did Astrid put you up to this?”

Fuck. Just him mentioning her has my spine stiffening, among other things. “No. She didn’t find out about it until the other night. Why do you ask?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. You know how she can be pushy about things.”

“Pretty sure you’re the one that’s been pushy with me about this topic.”

He grins. “True, but hey, you finally did something about it, didn’t you? ”

The timing was serendipitous for me, much like her, but part of me doing this is so I have something for myself, and something to offer her. She deserves a hardworking man who can take initiative.

She deserves a man like her husband.

“I never told her about this plan.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why is that a surprise?”

Grady eyes me wearily. “Uh, because you two spend every waking minute together and I assumed she’d know.”

“Well, she didn’t.”

“Grumpy today, huh?” He grins at me. “Shouldn’t you be in a better mood after your championship win?” Then he snaps his fingers and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what comes out of his mouth next. “I know what it is. You need to get laid, don’t you?”

I nearly choke on my own saliva.

If you only knew, Grady. If you only knew.

“My sex life is none of your concern,” I reply, wanting him to drop this topic before it gets really awkward, really fast. I know I’m going to have to talk to him eventually about how I feel about his sister, but now is not the time, especially since Astrid and I haven’t even defined our relationship yet.

Fuck. Are we in a relationship now?

“I’m just looking out for you. I mean, maybe Astrid was right.” He takes his beanie off his head, runs his hand through his hair, and then replaces it, sighing out loud. “Maybe we should start dating.”

I eye him wearily. “Each other?”

He flips me off and I laugh. “You know what I mean.”

“If that’s what you feel like you need to do, then by all means, do it. But I’m not interested. ”

“Yeah, I guess you do have your hands full with this place now, huh?”

“Exactly.”

“Does this mean you’re quitting the hardware store and the restaurant?”

“Not yet.”

“Why not? You’re telling me that you’re going to continue working at the hardware store, helping out at the restaurant, chasing my sister around, and renovate a rental property?” Grady shakes his head.

“Yeah, I am. I can handle it.” I choose to ignore the comment about his sister.

He blows out a breath. “You’re fucking crazy, man.”

“Well, this is the only option I have right now.” It’s the only option that’s going to keep me from flipping out entirely over the risk I’m taking, that is. Can I keep up with it all? Is this how my life will always be? Chaos wrapped up in duty? The feeling of having to be there for everyone else because that’s what I’ve always done—what my father taught me to do?

I just wish I felt more secure, more confident that the choices I’m making won’t come back and bite me in the ass. My anxiety is through the roof and my adrenaline is fueling me because otherwise I’d probably collapse from the exhaustion of it all. Life has been crazy—coaching soccer, renovating Astrid’s bakery, balancing two jobs and now this place, plus trying to start something with the woman I want more than anything.

Will being selfish for once ruin the relationships I’ve made in my life and the reputation I’ve built for myself? Will going after what I want actually make me happy? Or will the foundation of my comfortable life shatter completely and leave me standing on nothing but fragments of who I was and what I wanted ?

“I’m gonna get out of here. The gym gets too crowded if I get there after nine,” Grady announces, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Have fun. My workout is here.” I motion to the mess beside me.

Grady laughs. “I can’t wait to see the place when it’s done.”

“Let’s just hope I can find some tourists to book it.”

“In Carrington Cove? That shouldn’t be a problem at all. But I’ll wish you luck, nonetheless.” Grady shakes my hand and leaves, granting me silence again. But the silence only makes my thoughts spin more, so I turn on my music, strip my coat off, slide my safety goggles on, and get to work, trying not to think too hard about what I’m going to say to Astrid later tonight, but eager to see her nonetheless.

***

“I’m fairly certain this is where my childhood anxiety came from,” Astrid says as she slowly lowers the tweezers to the Operation game board, trying to extract the wishbone, which is the hardest one to grab, in my opinion.

“It was either from this or Perfection,” I reply, watching her jump as soon as the buzzer goes off because the tweezers touched the board.

She tosses the tweezers down and slides the game to Lilly. “That one definitely added to it.”

While I was working on my house earlier, I envisioned our reunion going a lot differently than this. She’d open the door, our eyes would lock, I’d slam my lips to hers, and pin her up against the wall, showing her how much I want her so she doesn’t question whether this was a one-time thing or not.

But scenarios like that don’t happen in real life when kids are involved, especially given that Lilly and Bentley have absolutely no idea anything is going on between us. I mean, fuck. We haven’t had a chance to say two words to each other since I walked through the door and Lilly shoved Operation in my face.

Our Thursday night game ritual was interrupted last week because of Bentley’s fight and Astrid’s date with Dick that never happened, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned about little seven-year-old girls, they don’t forget a damn thing that you promise them.

Lilly screams as the buzzer goes off, making us all laugh. “This game is scary!”

“You’re the one that chose it,” Bentley says.

Lilly glares at him before sliding the game over to me. We’re down to two pieces, the Adam’s apple and the wishbone, and with my big ass fingers, I already know I’m going to lose. Sure enough, it only takes a few seconds and the game fucking buzzes. “Shit,” I mutter.

“Ooooo, Uncle Penn said a bad word!” Lilly giggles.

Astrid motions for Lilly to sit down in her chair since the kid is practically lying on the table right now. “Lilly, Uncle Penn is an adult. He’s allowed to.”

“Can I have kisses from Daddy again?” she asks, changing the subject. But just like she did earlier, Astrid meets my eyes as soon as Brandon is mentioned.

Fuck, these kids need to go to bed. Now .

“No, sweetie. You already had three.”

Lilly leans back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest, pouting. “Not fair. You’ve had more than three chocolates.”

I brought over Ferrero Rocher for Astrid like I always do, and she’s practically eaten the entire package, which means she’s nervous. She always eats when she’s got a lot on her mind, and the image of her licking her lips while eating said chocolate has been on my mind all evening as well .

Lucky for us, Bentley finishes up the game on his turn and then, because it’s Sunday and the kids have school tomorrow, they go to bed early. As soon as Astrid comes back from the hallway to say good night to them, our eyes lock across the living room.

“Hey,” I say as I hear my heart beating in my ears.

“Hey,” she replies softly.

And then I move toward her, grabbing her hand and leading her into the kitchen, out of sight in case one of the kids comes out of their rooms. Spinning her around, I press her back to the pantry door, pin her hands above her head, and slam my lips to hers just like I wanted to, immediately feeling her melt beneath my touch.

Kissing now. Talking later. That’s what my dick decided about ten minutes ago.

Astrid pushes her hips against mine as we kiss, so I reach down, hoist one of her legs up to wrap around my waist, and push my cock into her, letting her know how much I want her, how much I fucking need her.

“Penn…”

“Astrid…”

Our tongues tangle again and she lets out a soft moan. I release her arms and lift her up, wrapping both of her legs around my waist and pushing her against the door. She digs her nails into the hair on the back of my head, rubbing her pussy against my stomach, searching out friction.

We’re supposed to be talking, using our words like adults. But it looks like we’re desperate to talk with our bodies instead.

I rear back and take a moment to look at her. Her lips are wet and plump from the assault I just gave her mouth. Her hair is falling from her clip, framing her face. And her eyes—they’re more golden than their usual green .

God, she’s so fucking gorgeous.

I rest my forehead on hers and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my dick. “Fuck, Astrid. God, I want you so much…”

She leans forward and kisses me again, deeply, intensely, before breaking our kiss and whispering, “I guess we could talk later then.”

“I like the way you think.” Smiling against her mouth, I hoist her up and carry her down the hallway to her room.

I lower her to the ground and shut the door softly, locking it for good measure. But that’s when it hits me—I’m in her room, her room that she shared with Brandon. My eyes scour the space, taking in every detail that’s hers and not finding much of my best friend anywhere.

“Penn?”

I look back over at Astrid, concern etched on her face. And then I wonder what my face must look like right now. “Sorry, I just…”

“I know.” She fiddles with the bottom of her shirt but keeps her eyes locked on mine. “We can stop…”

“Fuck no,” I declare, closing the distance between us and framing her face in my hands before kissing her again.

We might have our ghosts, but there’s also the spirit of something new, something meant to be, something that we’ve been fighting for so long that it’s finally developing into an energy that is overwhelming us both.

I lift Astrid’s shirt from her body, finding her in a pink lace bra, the fabric so sheer I can see her nipples through it.

“I found something a little sexier than last time,” she says, a shy smile on her face.

“You wore this for me?” She nods, chewing on her bottom lip. “Fuck. You know you don’t need this, right? That I think you’re so fucking sexy in anything… ”

She runs her fingernails through the hair at my nape. “I know that now .”

I back us up to the bed and then reach down to untie the drawstring on her pants, watching them fall to the ground to reveal matching pink lace underwear.

Jesus Christ. She’s stunning. Perfect.

And right now, she’s all fucking mine.

Astrid reaches for the bottom of my shirt, sliding it up my torso so I can pull it off. And then she leans forward and presses her mouth to my stomach, kissing my abs, licking between the muscles.

“Fuck, baby.”

“I love your body, Penn.”

I pull her up to look into her eyes. “Not as much as I love yours.”

Our lips meet again, and Astrid pops the button on my jeans, shoving them down so I can step out of them. And then we tumble to the bed, taking our time exploring each other with our hands since we didn’t get to do much of that the other night.

When she dips her hand below the waistband of my boxer briefs and wraps her fingers around my cock, I nearly come apart.

“Fuck, Astrid.”

“I want you inside of me. Now.”

I lean down and press a kiss to each of her breasts still covered by the lace, reaching behind her to unhook the clasp before peeling the bra from her body and tossing it to the floor. She slides her underwear down her legs as I do the same and then I rest my body between her legs, cupping her face with my hand.

“You’re so fucking beautiful. For years, I’ve just wanted you to know that, to be able to say that to you.”

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine as she draws in a shaky breath. “Fuck me, Penn. Please.” She pulls me down to her and claws at my back, shifting the tender moment between us to a carnal one in an instant. I can feel her desperation. Hell, I’ve felt the same way. I haven’t been with a woman since we kissed three years ago. It’s like my heart and body knew she was it for me in that moment.

And now I know for certain that it’s true.

I run the tip of my cock through her slit, coating myself in her arousal. She’s fucking drenched already, needy and desperate for me. In one smooth motion, I slide in.

“Oh God!” she moans a little too loudly. “Shit. God, you feel so good.”

“Shhh. You don’t want to wake the kids,” I whisper in her ear as I start moving my hips.

“I know, but…”

I cover her mouth with mine, swallowing her moans as I thrust harder and deeper, shaking the bed and showing her how much I fucking want her, how crazy she makes me, how now that we’ve crossed this line, there’s no way I’m going back.

When I release my mouth from hers, she sucks in a breath. “Oh God…” Her eyes are closed and her head is turned to the side, but she looks so fucking perfect—coming apart at the seams because of me. I drop my mouth to her exposed neck, kissing and licking her there, feeling her shudder in my arms.

“Yes, Penn. Yes…”

“Fuck, Astrid.” I set a relentless pace, pinning her to the mattress with my hand on her hip as I thrust deep inside of her over and over, fucking her like I want to—like I need to—like I’m never going to stop.

Reaching between us, I find her clit and move my fingers in soft circles. She tightens around me, digs her nails into my back, and takes in labored breaths until I feel the flutter of her cunt grip me. “Oh, God! I’m gonna come…” And then she sucks in a breath and shudders beneath me, clenching my cock with her pussy, nearly pulling me over the edge with her, but I hold off and watch her ride out her orgasm, completely enraptured by the sight.

Jesus. I’ve never seen something so fucking exquisite.

“Shit,” she breathes out as she comes down from the high, but my hips are still moving, still thrusting inside of her.

“I love seeing you like this,” I whisper in her ear, turning us on our sides and wrapping her leg over my hip so I can stay rooted inside of her.

Her eyes pop open and meet mine, staring at me as if she can see right through me. “I can’t believe you’re inside of me right now.”

I lean my forehead against hers again and shift her legs so they’re folded up against my chest, her knees in line with my shoulders, changing the angle to make her feel good. And fuck, like this, her curled up against me, she feels so fucking tight and wet. I’m not going to last much longer.

“We could have been doing this for a while now if you weren’t so stubborn.”

“Are you seriously lecturing me during sex?”

I slam my hips against her ass, penetrating her deeper. “I am. Now stop talking and let me make you come again.”

Her eyes roll in the back of her head as I swivel my hips, circling them around before thrusting deeper again. “Oh God, Penn…”

I reach up and cover her mouth with my hand. “I love hearing you, but if Lilly comes to that door, she’s going to be scarred for life.”

Astrid smiles beneath my hand and then I gently lift it off and replace it with my mouth. As my pace quickens, I can feel her tightening around me again and that familiar tingle at my spine builds. With our foreheads pressed together, my hands cradling her head, eyes locked on one another, her knees and legs still pressed against my chest, I bring us closer to the edge together.

“I’m there, Astrid.” She nods. “Are you gonna come for me again?”

“Yes. Oh God. Right there…” she whispers and then gasps as her orgasm slams into her.

And then I let mine go as well. “Fuck. Fuck …” I feel like my soul leaves my body for a moment as my release fills her, my hips pulsing and slamming into her until she has every last drop.

Our bodies unclench and Astrid rolls to the side as I fall flat on my stomach, catching my breath. We lie there, still and frozen with our eyes locked on one another. And then her brows draw together right before she stands from the bed and heads to the bathroom to clean up.

When she returns, she has a robe wrapped around her body as she sits down on the bed, staring off into a corner.

“What are you doing?” I ask, propping my head up on my arm as I lay on my side, still naked.

“What do you mean?”

“Why do you have clothes on?”

She glances down at her robe. “Uh…”

“Take that thing off and get under the covers with me. We need to talk still.”

“Penn…” She bites her bottom lip, still not looking at me.

I launch myself from the bed and round the bottom of the mattress, grabbing my briefs from the floor and sliding them on as I make my way to her. I take a knee in front of her and her eyes go wide. I shake my head, grab her hands in mine and bring them to my lips to kiss softly, trying to comfort her. “Talk to me.”

“So…we just had sex. Again,” she says shakily.

“Yes, we did.”

“It was…great. ”

I arch a brow at her. “Just great?”

Her gaze turns icy. “Is there something wrong with great?”

“I mean, I feel like there are better adjectives you could use. Stupendous, transcendent, mind-blowing…”

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt your fragile male ego?” She scoffs. “Forgive me, please.”

I find her ribs beneath her robe and tickle her, making her squeal. “Stop!”

“Shhh. You’re so loud.”

“Ha! That’s funny. You didn’t seem to be complaining when you were inside me.”

I press a finger over her lips, rise to sit on the bed next to her now, and stare down into her eyes. “I loved every minute of it, every noise and every time you said my name, Astrid.” She relaxes. “But I really wanna know where your head is at right now.”

When I lift my finger from her mouth, she stares up at me. “I…I don’t know.”

“You’ve got to give me more than that, sweetheart.”

“I mean…we had sex, Penn. You said things the other night…”

“Like what?”

“That you’ve wanted me for a long time, that you wondered how it would be when we were together…”

“Did you think I was just saying that in the heat of the moment?”

“No, but it was a lot. And I haven’t really heard much from you since…”

I take her hand and place it on my chest, holding it there. “I meant every word of what I said, Astrid. That night three years ago wasn’t just the tequila talking. My feelings for you are real. They always have been. And I’m tired of pretending like this isn’t something that we both fucking want. ”

“There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t though, Penn.”

“But do you want me?”

God, please say yes. Please don’t leave this magic between us to die.

Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine. “Yes, I want you. I did that night too…”

“Then let us explore this. I can’t go back, Astrid.” I lean down and give her a soft kiss. “And I don’t want to. Everything is different now and I know what I want.”

Chewing on her bottom lip, she says, “I’m scared of what people may think.”

“About us?”

“Yeah. And not because I’m ashamed of you, but because of Brandon, and now the bakery.” Her throat bobs as she swallows roughly. “I’m starting a business and I don’t want to tarnish my reputation.”

“So what are you saying?”

She brushes a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “I’m saying, if we do this, I think we should keep it quiet for a while.”

My gut instantly protests the idea. I want to claim her in front of everyone, show her affection in public, take her out and spoil her the way she deserves. But I also get where she’s coming from, and as someone who’s also starting a new business, it might be smart for us to lie low for a while.

“I understand.”

“Not forever, obviously. But just until our lives smooth out a bit.”

“Do you think that will ever happen, babe?”

The corner of her mouth lifts. “You called me babe.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No. Not at all. It’s just going to take some getting used to.” She reaches down and strokes my cock with her hand. I’ve been half-hard throughout this conversation, but her touch is bringing me to full mast in seconds. “Like this. Touching you like this is…”

“Fucking perfect,” I finish for her, twisting us so she’s flat on her back again, staring up at me.

“Yeah, it is.” Our lips meet and then we languidly kiss, exploring each other’s bodies. Part of me wants to take her again, but I don’t want to push her. And I don’t want this to just be about sex.

When we finally come up for air, I get dressed, knowing that staying the night is out of the question with the kids. I quietly unlock and open her bedroom door, and then Astrid follows me back out to the kitchen where I left my keys.

“So when do we tell them?” I jerk my chin in the direction of the hallway, keeping my voice low as we talk.

“I can’t give you a timeline, Penn.” She takes in a shaky breath. “I just know that I need some time to wrap my head around this.”

Pulling her into my chest, I rest my forehead on hers. “I know. And I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m so nervous about this changing our friendship.”

“It won’t. If anything, I think it’s going to make it stronger.”

“Aren’t you scared? That something will happen…”

I lean back and stare at her, feeling like pieces of my heart are snapping into place, the fragments that have been floating around lost all finally coming together because all I’ve wanted for years is to be with this woman.

I can sense that she has doubts, that she’s terrified of this shift in our relationship. But all I can do is show up for her and keep proving to her that it only means good things for us. I can’t push for too much right now. I just have to accept that at least where we’re at is a far cry from where we were .

“The only thing I’m scared of is going back to a life where I don’t get to hold you like this,” I say, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “And kiss you like this,” I continue, kissing her more deeply this time. “And tell you that you’re gorgeous, incredible, and the only woman that I want.”

Her eyes widen. “Wow.”

“Just give this a chance, Astrid. Please?” My heart is thrashing because I can sense how uncertain she still is. And I wonder if I’m the only one that’s truly worried about being hurt in this situation.

What if this doesn’t work out?

I don’t even want to entertain that thought.

“Okay.” Her voice is unsteady, but she inhales deeply and then pulls my mouth to hers again.

When we part, I grab my keys from the counter and notice a few pieces of paper strewn about. “What’s this?” I ask, lifting the papers from the counter to get a better look.

“Oh, sketches for the new name. I’m not sold on either option, though.”

“Cooper’s Creations or Whisk Me Away Bakery?” I wrinkle my nose. “Neither of these fits you.”

“I know, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything else.”

When our eyes meet, the same sweet smell I take in every time I’m around this woman hits my nose. And then I grin over at her. “Smells Like Sugar,” I say.

“What?”

I drop the papers to the counter and pull her into my chest again, dropping my nose to her neck and dragging it up the column until I get to her ear, watching how her skin pebbles right before my eyes. “Smells Like Sugar. That’s what you should name the bakery.”

She gasps as I lick and nibble on her skin. “Penn… ”

“It’s perfect.” My voice is gravelly as I hold back, trying not to pounce on her before I leave. But my dick isn’t getting the memo.

When I pull back, she’s staring at me with wonder in her eyes. “Smells Like Sugar…” she echoes as her smile grows wider.

“I think it’s the obvious choice.” I press one more kiss to her lips and then head for the door.

“Good night, Penn.”

“Good night, babe,” I say as I leave and then head back to my own home, wishing I could spend the night wrapped up with this woman instead. But all in good time. Good things come to those who wait, right? And I’ve waited a long fucking time, but God—is she worth it.

Now I just need to get her to see that we’re worth all the shit we still have to face together, including the memories and guilt that continue to haunt me at night.