Chapter Twenty-Five

Andy

I took a shaky breath, then slowly let it out. I trembled as I thought about what I was going to say to my parents. I glanced over to find Dad's brows furrowed. His lips were pressed into a firm line, and his green eyes filled with worry. But it was Pop who broke me. The horror-filled look he wore on his face. His dark eyes shimmered with unshed tears. He reached over to gently squeeze my shoulder.

"We love you, Andy. So much. Whatever you need, we're here for you. You know that we would never judge you." Pop didn't let go of me, even when I leaned forward and hugged them both. His hand was still secure, comforting me.

Dad's finger combed through my hair. "It's okay, kiddo. It's okay."

"I feel like I'm screaming, and no one can hear me that," I confessed. "That I'm clawing at the walls of a house that has no doors or windows. There's no escape, and I'm going to suffocate because I can't breathe." I pulled back, surprised to find wetness on my face. "I want to die. I want to rid the world of my useless body so everyone can carry on without me. Everyone would be so much better if I wasn't here to fuck it up. Leo wouldn't have had to go through the shit I put him through. You'd have the perfect son. The twins and Lucas, the perfect brother. Because that's not me. It's never going to me. I can't be that person. I'm too screwed up."

Dad shook his head as fat tears slipped down his cheeks. "Is that what you think we want? Did we pressure you into doing something you didn't want to do? Andy, baby, we don't care if you're not a huge superstar. You could be anything you wanted, and we'd still love you. We only want you to be happy. Why aren't you happy?"

"I don't know!" I screamed. I jumped to my feet. "I don't know why I'm not happy! I don't know why I think about swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills or jumping off a bridge. But I do. Maybe slitting my wrists in a bathtub would be the way to go. Or walking in front of a bus. Anything to make all this fucking pain go away."

A soft sob had me turning back to my parents. I expected it to be Dad, and yeah, he was upset, but it was Pop who was crying, his face buried in Dad's snow-white hair. He shook his head, burying close to Dad, and I crumbled to the floor. I had seen Pop cry only a few times. When I graduated high school, when I left for the first official Princess Bungalow tour, and when I called him Pop for the first time. But right now, his shoulders shook, his arms wrapped tightly around Dad, and it broke my heart.

I'd done that to him. I'd made Pop ugly cry.

"Pop, don't..." I whispered. "I'm sorry I upset you."

He stood up, Dad wrapped around him. "We failed you."

"What? No, this isn't your fault. This me and my fucked-up head. You've been the best parents I could have asked for," I assured them, and when they sat down next to me, I pulled back. "I'm sorry."

Dad looked pained. "You didn't do anything wrong, baby."

"I love you both. You know that, right? I don't think you wanted me to be something I'm not. I just feel this weight on my shoulders. And I'm so fucking tired," I choked out. "I need help. Please, I need this all to stop, and I just want to be like I was. Normal, happy, and lucky."

This time, when Dad moved closer, I let him. His arms wrapped around me while Pop watched. He looked absolutely heartbroken. Dad cooed into my ear how much they loved me, and they would help me with whatever I needed.

"Pop?" I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat. "Are you all right?"

He nodded but kept his gaze on the wall behind me. But when tears began to slip down his cheeks again, I lost it. I threw myself at him, hugged him as tightly as I could, and held him as he sobbed into my shoulder.

"Jackson," Dad murmured. "Andy's with us. He's home, and he's safe. He's going to be okay."

Pop only sobbed harder, his arms squeezing me to the point where I almost couldn't breathe. "We're going to take care of you." He suddenly pulled back, brushing his cheeks. "Whatever it takes. The best therapists and medication. Nothing is too much for my son."

"I love you. Both of you. I didn't mean to scare or upset you. I just... Leo said I should talk to you. About everything. And well, I probably should have waited for him to be here with me, but I'm glad I told you." I hated to see them so upset. It was breaking my heart.

Dad brushed the hair from forehead. "Whatever you need, Andy. We'll make sure you have it."

***

I hadn't cried so much in years. Not since that day my mother sold me for drugs, and I had to live in that rat-infested trailer for two weeks before she came back for me. My eyes were red and swollen, my throat ached, and my head hurt. It felt almost like a mild hangover. I was currently sitting in the living room with my parents and brothers, picking at the Chinese takeout food Pop had ordered. Dad had been too concerned with me to cook dinner.

"So, are you and Leo officially back together?" Lucas asked as he shoveled his food into his mouth. He was a never-ending garbage disposable. It was disgusting.

I gave a quick nod. "Yeah, I mean, we didn't say it or anything, but he said he still loves me."

"Boo, that's so great." Felix clapped his hands together and then shot a look at Ford. "What? They're soulmates. It's romantic."

Ford grunted. "Awesome. I love that for them."

What was his deal? I mean, sure, he was the one who'd told me to break up with Leo in the first place, but Ford and Felix had both seen how miserable I was without him. Sure, they had tried to help me, pushed me to try to experience new things, but it hadn't felt right. Not without Leo.

"You'll find your person," Dad assured Ford and ruffled his hair playfully.

Felix turned around to face Dad and Pop. "What if our person is the same person?" He looked so serious, too.

"I'm... What?" Dad's eyes went wide. "Is there something you'd like to tell us, Felix?"

Felix nodded. "Someone asked us out. Both of us. And we're going to do it." He nudged his brother, who just scowled at his dinner.

Lucas coughed, nearly choking on his food. "Wait a second, Fe. Are you saying that you and Ford are going to like Flowers in the Attic some dude? Bro, that's kind of hot. I mean, not my thing, but hot otherwise."

"Lucas!" Pop hissed, and then barked out a laugh, which got Dad giggling.

Before I knew it, I had joined them. It felt good to let go, to enjoy this time with my family. I missed all the nights we sat here watching television, eating, and catching up on everything that had happened during the day.

Once we had all calmed down, Pop coughed softly. "Are you going to tell us who this boy is, Felix, or do we have to wait until he picks you up? Because he will be coming into this house so I can make sure he knows not to fuck with my children."

"Goose." Dad grinned. "I'm pretty sure we already know who it is."

Pop's brows dipped. "We do?"

"It's RJ Shepard," Ford blurted, and even though Leo had already told me, it was still a surprise to hear it. I knew Felix had had a crush on him when we were in school, but now RJ was willing to jump in with not one, but both twins?

Dad let out his signature giggle. "Well, I hope you two are careful. Not that you need the sex talk or anything because you're adults, but still... Your father and I are here if you need anything."

"Ew, Dad." Ford rolled his eyes, but Felix simply beamed before he scrambled up onto the couch. He leaned forward to whisper something in Dad's ear, then they both burst into laughter.

Pop shook his head, but he was smiling. He gave my shoulder a gentle pat, and when I met his eyes, he raised his brows. "Are you good?"

"Yeah, I'm good," I assured him. I hadn't heard from Leo yet, only a couple of texts, but I was patiently waiting for his call. I knew that talking to him and hearing his voice would help.

"We should go out and do something this week. Just the two of us. The Panthers have practice most mornings, but maybe after?" Pop looked worried, like I might say no.

I nodded. "I'd like that."

"Are you sure? Because if you have plans—"

I stopped him. "Pop, I'd love to spend some time with you. Maybe I could come to practice and watch the team? I haven't put on skates in a while."

He broke into an easy smile. "Of course."

"Cool." I felt a bit of relief washing over me. Maybe things with my parents would be okay and they wouldn't be worried about me. And maybe I wouldn't be so worried about myself.

My phones buzzed in my pocket, and when I slipped from my pants, I was more than excited to see it was a video call from Leo. "Excuse me for a minute." I stood up and hurried into the kitchen and then up to my room. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, hon." Leo's soft, feminine voice felt like sunshine on a cloudy day. He looked beautiful with his dark hair a ruffled mess. His blue eyes sparkled happily as he watched me, a smile spreading over his face. "How are you?"

My throat suddenly grew tight. "Better now." I choked out. I sat down on my bed, trying to catch my breath.

"What happened?" He sounded worried, and I guess he had a right to be. Just hearing the sound of his voice and seeing him was enough to comfort me. "Andy?"

I blinked away the tears that had formed behind my eyes. "Uh, so I told my dads."

"Told them what, exactly?"

"Everything."

Leo didn't even try to hide his surprise. "And how did they react?"

I slowly told Leo about what had happened. And when I was done, I was crying again and feeling like the worst son in the world. Leo cooed softly in my ear, telling me how strong I was, how much he loved me, and that he was proud of me. That my parents would do everything they could to make sure I got the help I needed. And he would be right by my side.

"I, uh... I'm going to see a therapist on Wednesday."

That had been all Dad's doing. He'd made a few calls and found someone who could see me as soon as possible.

Leo nodded. "I'm so proud of you, hon. I know this is all really scary, but you have so much support. So much love. This is a good thing."

"Will you come with me? To my appointment? I don't know if I can do it alone." I felt like I might start crying again at any moment. "I'm sorry. You probably already have plans, and you'll be exhausted from the race. The last thing you're going to want to do is go with me to see a shrink. Forget I said anything." I was such an idiot.

"Andy, of course I'll come with you. Are you sure you don't want Maverick and Jackson there?"

"I want all three of you there."

Leo gave me a big smile. "Then I'll be there."

"I love you, Ricky, so much, and I just... I'm sorry. I know that I've said that a million times, and you probably don't want to hear me say it again. But I am." I moved my body around so that my head was resting on my pillows, and the sweet, familiar cinnamon scent of Leo hit me.

Leo leaned toward the screen. "I love you, too. I know how terrible you feel about what happened, and if saying you're sorry over and over again helps, then I want you to keep saying it."

We stayed on the phone talking and laughing, whispering how much we loved and missed one another until Leo started yawning. When I insisted we should hang up, he simply shook his head and told me that he wanted to fall asleep with me on the phone.

And that's exactly what we did.