Chapter Twenty-Four

Andy

Now that Leo had left, it felt like something was missing. There was a hole in my heart that I couldn't fill without him. I had promised to call, to text, to reach out in every single way if I needed him, and the second he was gone, I had to stop myself from texting him. I didn't want to come across as too clingy or needy. Who wanted that?

I do.

Leo had never been overly clinging. We spent a lot of time together but had our own friends, did our own thing. Yet now he was the only one I wanted to spend time with. The one who grounded me.

"Andrew, a word." The sound of Ezra's voice had me jumping back and turning around. He flashed a devious smile as he looked up at me, his gaze hard.

Where had he even come from? I hadn't heard any footsteps, but then again, I had been lost in thought.

"Did you just Spiderman your way into the house? Shouldn't you be at the race with your husband?" I tried to calm my racing heart.

"Mm, yeah, CC is fine without me this weekend. He's a big boy. I told him I wanted to spend some quality time with my bestie, Maverick." Ezra's dark eyes narrowed. "And his eldest son."

What was happening right now? Was Ezra going to burn me at the stake or tie me up and waterboard me? For such a small man, he could be terrifying. He had that in common with my dad.

"I thought you were okay with Leo and me getting back together."

"Oh, was I?" He stalked toward me, grabbed my hands, and squeezed them lightly. "Leo is like a child to me. I love him fiercely. And what you did?" Ezra shook his head. "It was unacceptable."

My stomach lurched. "I know it was wrong."

"Do you, boo, because you're sliding back into Leo's life like nothing changed. Like he's still that boy who looked at you like you hung the moon and stars. Spoiler alert, he's not," Ezra warned.

Tears stung my eyes. "I love him."

"Doesn't mean you won't hurt him again. You did it once, and you claimed to have loved him then, too." Ezra tightened his grip on my fingers. "Leo deserves the world, Andrew. He needs someone who will put him on a pedestal, cherish him, and treat him like the beautiful princess he is. You said that person was you, but then you changed your mind. I won't let it happen again."

I untangled myself from Ezra. "I'm sorry. I fucked up. I took the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I destroyed him. I shouldn't have done it. I've spent the last three years regretting my choices. Thinking that maybe I never should have asked Leo out. Then he wouldn't have fallen in love with me and let me destroy him. I know it was wrong. I know Leo deserves so much better. Someone who won't hurt him, but I need him. Ezra, I can't... I love...I should...I need..." I dropped to the kitchen floor as sobs wracked my body.

"Oh, boo," Ezra cooed softly. He was suddenly next to me, his arm around my shoulders, and he used his free hand to tilt my face up. "I didn't mean to make you so upset. You sweet boy. I was only trying to knock some sense into you." He brushed the tears from my face.

I sniffed. "I'm kind of a hot mess right now." Ezra's lips twitched. "I know you hate me—"

He placed a finger over my mouth. "First off, that's a lie. And second, I don't hate anyone. Look at me, huh? I'm best friends with my husband's ex-boyfriend. Do you really think I'm capable of hating someone? Wait, scratch that. I hate my ex, but that's another story."

The worry in his eyes had me trying to pull away, but Ezra stuck like Velcro. "I would hate me."

"I'm not you, boo. I'm Ezra, and I believe that nearly everyone deserves a second chance." He plopped down on the floor next to me. "What's troubling you? Your eyes have dulled. The shine they once held is gone. You've changed, Andy. Talk to Uncle Ezra."

I snorted and shook my head. "Did Dad put you up to this?"

My gut twisted at the thought of Dad knowing. I didn't want to burden him with my problems when he worked so hard to fix the ones he had. Even though I had promised Leo I would talk to my parents, I wasn't sure I could.

"You should know me better than that." Ezra patted my arm and brushed the curls from his forehead before he winked at me. "I hope the two of you are practicing safe sex."

"Ezra!" Dad exclaimed as he walked into the room. "Why are you having this conversation with my son on the kitchen floor?" His face went crimson. "He's an adult now. We don't have to talk to them about these things. He's careful."

I huffed out a laugh. "Not like you wanted to have them before. Those were some of the most awkward parts of my teenager years." But I had appreciated them. Talking with Seth and Ezra was easier. The two of them never held back about anything. They had answered a lot of my questions.

"Why are we sitting on the floor?" Dad sank down next to me.

"Girl talk." Ezra winked.

Dad giggled. "Am I crashing your party?" He rested his head on my shoulder.

"No, you're not. Not ever," I assured him. I leaned back to wrap both my arms around Ezra and my father, which only made them snuggle closer. "You're like tapeworms."

Ezra snorted. "CC doesn't mind."

"CC is your husband," Dad reminded him. "But Jax doesn't mind when I get like this, either."

I thought back to the stories they had told me. How Dad and Pop had that secret summer relationship. When Dad realized he wasn't straight. Only to ruin everything. I knew Dad had struggled after that with being close to anyone. He was angry all the time, lashing out and drinking too much. Maybe he would understand what I was going through.

"I'm not even going to ask." Pop chuckled as he walked into the kitchen and over to the fridge.

"Come join the cuddle party, Goose." Dad's voice always took on this tone to it when he spoke to Pop. It was filled with years of loving someone. Knowing them inside and out. His soulmate.

Pop raised a brow. "You want me to get on the floor with you, Ezra, and our son?"

"Uh, duh. I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't." Dad's voice shook with laughter as Pop leaned forward to scoop him up into his arms.

Pop smirked. "I'd rather have you all to myself, sweetheart." He winked at me. "No offense, Ez."

"Oh, boo, no offense taken." Ezra started to stand up, but I beat him and helped him to his feet. He brushed himself off before he turned to me. I thought he was about to give me another lecture but instead, he moved in to hug me. "Such a gentlemen. I'm always a text or phone call away."

"Ezra, you don't have to leave," Dad said, still clinging to Pop like a baby sloth.

He waved his hand in the air. "This feels like a family thing."

"You are family, Ezra," Pop said.

Ezra gasped. "Oh, Jackson, that is the sweetest thing to say to me. I consider you my family, too, but this just feels like something the three of you need to do alone. And you know that's a big deal for me to say because I do love all the tea."

"We'll talk later," Dad assured him, then waved his hand for Pop to put him down. "Text me later, boo. I know you'll be bored without Carson around. We'll grab lunch tomorrow."

Ezra nodded. "Says you. I have ways to keep myself busy, and that includes all the phone sex with my husband. But lunch sounds great. Bye, boos!"

I waited until Ezra had closed the door behind him and could no longer overhear what I might have to say. It wasn't that I thought he was going to gossip about it, tell the WAGs all of my business... Well, maybe just a little, but I wanted to tell my parents first. Give them a heads up about what was inside of my fucked-up brain.

"I need to tell you both something." I kept my gaze on my hands as I twisted my fingers together in my lap.

This was going to hurt. They would probably hate me and kick me out. Regret ever calling me their son and loving me like they had. I should pack my shit and leave.

Dad leaned his smaller frame against mine. "Whatever it is, Andy, we love you. We'll stand behind you no matter." He placed a hand on my arm.

"You're our son, our first child, and we're here for you, no matter what," Pop added. "Even if you think it might be the worst thing you've ever done. We care. We love you so much."

I tasted the bile in my throat, and my vision blurred. "You might change your mind once you've heard what I have to say."

Dad forced my head up, and worry tightened his green eyes. "Baby boy." He brushed the hair from my forehead,his calloused hand cool against my skin. "We are so proud of you and the man you've become. You've accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. There is nothing you can say or do that will ever change how we feel about you. We love you so much."

Here goes nothing.

"I've been drinking. A lot. And I've been having these thoughts that scare me." I took a shaky breath."And I know... I know what you said. You warned me to stay from the booze and any drugs, but the temptation was just there in front of me. I didn't want anyone to think that I wasn't cool or whatever. I tried to resist, but I felt like everyone was judging and laughing at me when I declined. I told myself it would be one drink, just one time. I'm sorry. I know that I messed everything up."

Tears blurred my vision. I tried to blink them away, but a couple traitorous tears slipped down my cheeks, and I turned away. Embarrassment and shame riddled my body like a second skin. Dad and Pop had been so good to me. They had given me the chance at a future that I was currently tossing in the trash.

One of them squeezed my shoulder tightly. "Son." Pop's deep voice was soft and soothing. "You didn't mess anything up. We're incredibly proud of you and everything that you have achieved. You try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You need to let it go. Let someone else carry that around."

I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat. "Yeah, maybe."

I was just so exhausted. I might have only been twenty-one years old, but my body ached in places it shouldn't. I loved my career, but drumming hadn't been kind to me. I wanted to climb into bed and sleep for the next week. Or month.

"Take some time off." Dad forked his fingers through my hair. "We can fix the guesthouse up for you. Take all the time you need to rest and gather yourself together."

"I agree, sweetheart. Andy should come home," Pop murmured.

I had expected yelling. Shouts and screams about how horrible I was. That I had this huge opportunity land in my lap and was now ruining it. Not my fathers being so...understanding. I began to cry silently. I covered my face with the palms of both my hands, trying to keep it inside. And much to my surprise, they both wrapped their arms around and simply held me.

Loud, angry sobs ripped from my throat. Everything had been perfect and then I had to go and mess it all up. I broke up with Leo. I pretended to be someone I wasn't because my brother said it was a good idea. I wasn't that guy. I was just a guy who liked music and hockey. Who loved his boyfriend and his beautiful blue eyes. The sound of laughter and the way he smiled. The sweet scent of his skin.

"I...I want... Could you... Please." I couldn't breathe. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest and squeezing my lungs in a vise.

Dad scrambled around in front of me, his hands gripped my head. "Tell me three things you can see, kiddo."

"You and Pop." My body trembled. "The window.

Dad nodded. "What about three things you can hear?" He leaned his forehead against mine.

"The television in the living room." The one Pop had on ESPN. "Your voice and mine."

Dad gave me a tight smile. "And three things you can smell."

My heart rate started to return to normal. "The roses on the counter." I knew that Pop had bought those for Dad. They were arranged beautifully in the vase. "The laundry detergent you use. And the rink. Pop always smells like ice."

"How do you feel now, Andy? Better?" Pop asked. He gripped the back of my neck gently.

I did feel better. "Where did you learn how to do that?" I asked.

"Therapy," Dad answered and then crawled up into Pop's lap as he sat down. He reached for my hand and linked our fingers together. "I think it's time you think about talking to one of your own. Someone who can teach you what to do and not to do in a situation like that. And Leo."

I hugged him, my arms wrapping around both my parents. "I think you're right." I didn't want to talk to a stranger about my personal problems, but it had done a lot for Dad over the years.

"What kind of thoughts?" Dad's voice was barely a whisper. "You said you were having horrible thoughts."

Shit, I had hoped he hadn't heard that one. I managed to take a deep breath and told them what I had yet to tell Leo.