19. Chapter Nineteen
"You're both one hundred percent sure this is what you want?"
"Yes," they answer at the same time without any hesitation.
"You truly understand that if I'm killed, you will be too?"
"Yes." Em's deep tenor and Cas's slightly lighter voice meld together, swirling in my gut like the worst kind of illness.
I fight the severe urge to run from them and hide myself until they have no choice but to wait until the war is over, but I gave my word and I cannot back out of it.
I look them over, starting with my prince. He sits with his legs crossed in front of me, no indication on his features that the rocky cave floor is hurting his ass as much as it is mine. His nearly black, disheveled hair falls in many directions, as if the strands could not choose which way would suit him best today. Though I know it's from our joining earlier. Heat creeps up to my cheeks, Cas's forest eyes seeing everything. He smiles softly at me, giving me time to fully accept what we're about to do like the kind, selfless, incredible bond he is.
They will not be my bonds for much longer…they will be my bonded. I shiver at the thought.
My eyes slide to Em's, understanding swimming through their golden hue. He also sits with his legs crossed, his shoulder pressed against Cas's as he folds his hands over his lap patiently.
I forced us all to change into sweats and t-shirts, unsure of what this whole ceremony entails. In fact, I have no fucking clue what I'm doing since a bonding has never been completed before. I'm just hoping that instinct will override my apprehension and guide me through this curious process.
A light thwack brings my gaze to Xamira, who sits to my left. I'm unsure of how the connection between the three of them will work once the ceremony is over, but I thought it important that she be present for this. I reach over to scratch behind her ear, earning a faint pur as she stretches along the ground and flicks her tail, watching the three of us intently.
I close my eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. Facing my males, I steel my spine and accept our fate. "Are you both ready?"
They nod, Cas speaking more than a word for the first time since we arrived. "What do we do?" I huff a breath, shaking my head.
"Truthfully? I don't know." His brows furrow slightly, but smooth out before any real concern shows on his face. "I suppose just give me a moment to see if I feel anything?" They do not respond, remaining as handsome anchors amongst my chaotic thoughts.
I press my lids closed, digging so deep within myself I'm convinced I'll get lost.
I am Anellah, a daughter of the gods, and I wish to complete the bonding ceremony with my soul bonds.
I crack an eye open, earning questioning looks from the three beings watching me. Well, that was fucking stupid. Who do I think I'm even talking to? But after a few minutes of agonizing silence, I decide my internal monologue is the best idea I have.
I wish to bond with Casmir Vaintera, Prince of Anloria, and the most thoughtful individual I've ever met. He is the light I was missing, guiding my addled soul through every doubt that's ever tainted my mind.
I wish to bond with Emrys Vaintera, Captain of the Anlorian army, and the reason I'm still alive. He feels so deeply and uses those emotions to help me understand my own. To help me live with them instead of against them. He's the stable force I was searching for when I never felt quite able to sit in one place.
I wish to bond with both Casmir and Emrys Vaintera. The moment my eyes landed on them, I knew they were special. I didn't need my memories to understand that there was something so life-altering about our connection to one another. It scared me, how quickly I trusted them and how much I immediately wanted to fuse my soul to theirs. I didn't know what it meant, but I didn't need to. They are the only choice I've ever made for myself and the only thing I will ever choose again. I love them more than can be described with mere words.
They are mine. I am theirs. We are three parts of a soul that have been separated for too long.
Relief settles in my gut, as I know I've finally let go the last of the anxieties of my life on Europa. That place is a distant memory, and that's where it will stay. I am here and I choose them, wholly and forever.
My chest caves slightly, feeling like it's splitting down the center of the hollow pocket, opening itself to the world. I have the sudden, intense urge to complete its request. Opening my eyes, I reach for a dagger at my hip that I do not recall bringing and run it from the base of my throat to the bottom of my sternum. The cut is red, though no blood flows from the wound. Nor does it heal immediately, as it should.
Without thinking, I reach out and do the same to my males, Emrys hissing a little at the sting. No one speaks as I look between Cas and Em, blinking rapidly at the blinding light seeping through their wounds. My head tilts as whispers surround me, and it takes me a moment to realize it's them speaking. Not the males…but their chests?
I lean forward, much to the confusion of Emrys, and tear their shirts open the rest of the way, leaving them hanging from their arms. I press my ear to the prince's wound, desperate to hear what it's telling me.
Home.
I jerk back, admittedly startled at how clear and emotional the whispering voice was. My vision blurs, throat tightening at the pure longing I hear each time it repeats the same word: home. My eyes lift to Em, where I see the question he's holding back. The prince looks no different. They must not be hearing or seeing what I am.
A force lifts my hands, turning my palms up and running my fingers down each of the males" wounds before settling just under the end of their cuts. I almost pull away—feeling fucking crazy—when the lights in each of them brighten further. I squint, attempting to watch what's happening. My breathing hitches, lungs ceasing and jaw dropping when the lights seep out of the wounds and into my hand. Peaceful warmth fills my hands, the brightness of the lights becoming bearable. I struggle to not tremble as I guide the lights toward me. These are the most precious things I will ever hold: pieces of their souls.
I bite my lip hard, sweat streaming into my eyes, as I bring my palms to my wound one at a time. I watch in utter amazement as each of the lights seems to sigh deeply before sliding into my chest. The emptiness that has been present for as long as I can remember fills completely, and it's not until hands grip my shoulders that I realize I'm violently sobbing. My eyes find those of my bonded, who are also fiercely crying, but quickly look away when there's movement on their skin. Their wounds seal, leaving behind no blood as they close themselves completely.
Suddenly I feel dizzy, unsure of how long ago I fell to the ground. There's a familiar burning on my chest, though it's forgotten when darkness pulls me into its embrace.