Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Without access to Reynard's cars and drivers, we resorted to borrowing Ramone's purple minivan, which the demons at Razorsedge had affectionately named the Love Wagon . It wasn't subtle, but we were leaving it far from the chapel, so hopefully its garish, flaked paint and huge patches of rust wouldn't matter.

"What is that odor?" Victor asked from the front passenger seat, after we'd crossed the Golden Gate Bridge and headed toward the mountains.

"You do not wanna know." Zee said from behind the wheel.

I sat in the back, watching the city, then the trees roll by. We hadn't spoken about what had happened earlier that morning in the bar, and had spent much of the day dealing with hotel issues, chasing gremlins out of sight, and trying to pretend everything was normal and fine.

The hotel had two guests left.

Two.

And Madame Matase suspected one of them had left without even bothering to check out .

At least we wouldn't have to close the hotel anymore. It had kind of done that itself.

"Adam?" Victor asked.

"Huh?"

"I was explaining to Zodiac that we're going to observe, to begin with, which means being stealthy and quiet. We are not ready to face a vampire force."

"I was born ready." Zee gripped the wheel. "I killed my first vampire when I was two fucking years old. Tore out his heart and ate it in front of him. A great fucking day for demons everywhere."

Victor side-eyed him.

"Really?" I asked.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I wasn't two when that heart thing happened."

Victor continued to side-eye him.

Zee huffed. "It may have been a few months ago at Razorsedge, with a vampire sex doll, a gummy heart... and I was being filmed at the time, is all I'm saying."

"There are vampire sex dolls?" I asked.

"I can feel the intelligence leaching out of me," Victor muttered.

"Ew." Zee glanced over his shoulder. "If you wanna fuck it, there's a doll for that. Or, if you wanna see a demon fuck it, I probably have, and it's available on the internet for a subscription fee."

"Of course it is," Victor sighed.

"Don't yuck someone's yum, Daddy Spice. Like you don't have any kinks? I got a whole list of 'em from last night. Shall we count the ways Daddy Spice gets his rocks off?"

"Please don't," Victor warned.

"Or," I interrupted. "We focus on getting Jimmy's family back."

Zee smirked, his point made, and we drove a little further, riding along the smooth mountain road. A convenience store and gas stop came up on our left, then next up, a right hand turn took us onto a narrow fire-break track. The minivan bumped along, dropping in and out of potholes, until the track got so bad the van bottomed out.

"It's the end of the road, happy campers." Zee killed the engine and hopped out.

His wings immediately appeared and he gave himself a shake, briefly raining purple sparks, then he opened the back door and grabbed Shareen, his enormous, vampire-killing sword. He hadn't worn the armor, instead relying on swiftness and stealth. Reynard had made it clear we weren't here to start a war. This was just a recon trip.

I caught Reynard's gaze lingering on the naked strip of Zee's middle, with its provocative tattoo, and smiled as I climbed out too.

We may have hit a bit of a rough spot that morning, but there wasn't anyone else in this world who I'd want to steal back pixies with.

"Alright, Fancy Fangs, which way?"

Victor adjusted his jacket, having opted to stalk through the woods as though he was headed to the office later. "Have we not achieved a first name basis?"

Zee grinned. "Never gonna happen."

"The chapel is to the north west. Remember, we must proceed with stealth."

"Will there be guards?" I asked, falling into step beside Reynard, while Zee sliced Shareen into the brush ahead.

"Few. They won't be expecting company."

Zee vanished his wings so they didn't get hung up on bushes, then stopped dead in his tracks. "Are there frogs out here?"

I tensed. The forest suddenly seemed more dangerous.

"It's is unlikely you'll encounter a frog," Victor assured .

"Thank fuck." Zee strode on and we kept up.

"Why is he afraid of frogs?" Victor leaned into me, asking under his breath.

"You aren't?"

"No?" he replied, but his tone suggested he wasn't sure whether he should be.

We traipsed some way through the undergrowth, but it was slow going. After finally reaching a clearing, we stopped behind Zee who scanned the clouds. "This is taking too long. Imma take a look from above."

"There's no moon tonight," Victor said. "You should be fine. But do not linger. Some of the guards are war hardened and will attack demons on sight."

"Baby, I'm as fast and silent as lightning." Zee's wings popped out, flared, and he shot into the night sky.

After watching him vanish above our heads, Victor remarked, "It is an odd experience, being called baby."

We crouched, hidden in the brush. "Better than Fancy Fangs?" I whispered.

"Curiously, I'm rather fond of the names," he said quietly, and in the shadows, I could just make out his smile. "But please do not reveal that to him, or he'll stop."

My heart flip-flopped and I had an almost irresistible urge to crush him in a bear hug. Which of course, I would not do. As this was Victor, a health and safety form would need to be filled out and submitted first. "Oh my stars, Reyzee is adorable."

Victor's eyebrows arched. "Reyzee?" he whispered back.

"Just a thing the internet came up with."

"Ah. The fanfictions?"

"You've read them?"

"I may have enjoyed one or two. I'd have changed several plot points, and most are little more than pornography, but there are commendable efforts. "

Why was Zee never around when Victor admitted to important things, like reading their spicy fanfiction?

A sudden crack shattered the quiet woods.

I instinctively ducked. "Hunters?"

Victor's mercury eyes scanned the gloom through the trees. "Unlikely, in these woods."

If Zee wasn't back in fifteen seconds, screw stealth, I was going after him.

A flap from above, like the flick of sheets, and Zee gracefully landed in the clearing. Thankfully, unharmed.

"Did you hear the shot?" I asked, straightening alongside Victor.

"Yeah, no idea what that's about. The chapel is—" He turned, arm outstretched to indicate which way we should head, but as we all peered through the redwood trunks, a man sprinted between them. He crashed through the brush, then quickly vanished among the trees. He'd carried a rifle, but that wasn't the weirdest thing about him.

"You saw that, right?" Zee asked. "A guy just ran by with his junk out?"

"Indeed," Victor confirmed.

I had wondered if I'd dreamed the naked man too.

Another crash through the brush to our right, and a second naked man ran right by us. Another burst from a bush and sprinted off. Then a woman, also naked, darted in the same direction.

Zee turned around, then back again. "This is a thing that's happening, right? You definitely see them?"

"Yeah." They were all naked, and all had guns.

"Don't they see us?"

"They do," Victor said. "But they have more important things on their minds. Such as survival."

Victor's flat tone had Zee and me looking over. He was not surprised by any of this .

"This is a hunt," Victor said, starlight glittering in his mercury eyes.

"A what?"

"Blood sports," he elaborated, then cleared his throat. "Humans participate and agree to act as prey. Vampires chase them, and... well, the outcome is as you'd expect."

"Filthy fucking against a tree?" Zee asked.

"As people who are not Zodiac might expect."

"The vampires feed from them?" I suggested.

Victor gave a tight nod.

"Hold up." Zee planted the tip of his sword in the forest floor and leaned on the handle. "Have you chased naked men through the woods, Fancy Fangs?"

"On occasion." Victor lifted his chin and said, in a refined voice, "It's rather expected of guests of the estate."

Zee frowned. "Fuck, that is not supposed to be hot. Why am I turned on?"

"Why do they have to be naked?" I asked. As the hunt wasn't about sex, they could at least let them keep their clothes.

"Why wouldn't they be?" Victor asked, as though the question was absurd. "The timing is fortuitous." He went on. "There won't be any guards while a hunt is ongoing."

"What are the rifles for?" Zee asked, still hung up on the hunt.

"To give them the illusion of having a fair chance at escape."

Zee grimaced. "This is some fucked-up vampire shit, you realize that?"

"All participants are voluntary. Humans enjoy it, and they're paid. This is no more morally corrupt, demon, than you selling yourself by the hour."

"But demons don't eat their marks afterwards."

"But you do feed on their lust. "

"That's..." Zee's face turned thoughtful. "That's completely different. Also, I'm right and you're wrong."

I neatly slotted myself in between them. Again. "Alright, let's not stand here arguing the ethics of feeding on humans. We need to find the chapel?—"

A man around my age but with an Asian appearance burst into the clearing. Red cuts marked his arms and legs where he'd thrashed through the bushes. He saw us and his eyes blew wide. "He?—"

A vampire blurred from the woods, bent the man's head to one side and plunged his fangs into his neck, silencing whatever cry had been about to leave his lips.

Zee's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was a help me, and not a hello folks ."

"He signed a waiver," Victor said. "He knew the risks."

"That's such a fucking Victor Reynard thing to say."

The vampire happily chowing down on the naked guy lifted his gaze, saw me, and withdrew his fangs from the man's neck. He still clutched him close, but now the vampire glared at me, then Zee, then Victor.

"Must you watch while I'm in the middle of dinner?" he asked in a lofty British voice. Then his gaze switched back to me. "Are you human?"

"Erm . . . Maybe?"

The vampire shoved his prey aside and got that predatory look in his eyes.

"No. Nope." Zee raised his sword. "Don't you fucking think about hurting Adam. I'll slice your balls off and shove them up your asshole."

"Just a little taste." The Brit started forward.

"You do see my sword, right? Is it fucking invisible? Has my magnificently tight top distracted your limited vampire brain?"

"Continue on this course and suffer the consequences," Victor warned, but the Brit wasn't listening. With his fangs out, he was clearly coming for me. To be fair, I deliberately looked like easy prey. I could have told him I wasn't human, could have warned him that the next step would be his last. But experience had taught me, they never listened anyway.

Victor lunged, grabbed the Brit, and slammed him against the nearest tree, pinning him there by the throat. Zee thrust Shareen through the vampire's chest, skewering him to the redwood. Then he tore the blade free and in one vicious swing, severed the vampire's head from his neck.

"You sign a waiver for that?" Zee snarled, wiping Shareen clean across his thigh.

The entire execution was over in no more than three seconds. Not only had Victor and Zee worked flawlessly together, they'd looked hot doing it. Mercy. That had been unexpected.

"Oh my God!" the man on the ground whimpered. "He was going to kill me! They're not supposed to do that!"

I helped him up. "You okay?"

He wobbled on his bare feet and clung to my arm. "I'm naked, my neck hurts, my gun doesn't work, and I'm lost in a wood full of vampires? Who the fuck would be okay with this?"

"That's fair, I guess. Maybe take a few breaths, okay? You're safe now."

He gulped air and wheezed, "You saved me."

"Oh, I didn't—I mean, they did the saving part."

Zee saluted and Victor's expression didn't change. He continued to glare like an uninterested, suit-clad vampire statue.

"Thank you," the naked man gasped. "Thank you so much. I owe you my life!"

"You are welcome," Zee grinned. "All you gotta do is leave a five-star review for the SOS Hotel and tell all your friends to come sleep with us."

"The what hotel?" Now he was regaining his wits, he looked us over again. "Who are you people?"

It was probably best not to give out our names. "We came here to save some friends."

Zee spun his sword and rested the flat side of the blade on his shoulder. "Did you see a chapel while running for your life?"

"Yeah, back that way." Her jerked his head, indicating behind him. "But we should get out of here. There are vampires everywhere ."

"Will you show us the chapel, and we'll help you get to safety?" I asked.

"I dunno. I mean, no offense, but you guys seem kinda weird."

"We're weird?" Zee huffed. "You're naked."

"I guess I'm safer with you." He dropped his broken rifle and extended a grubby hand. "I'm Kenzo."

"Awesome name," Zee said, while I took Kenzo's hand a second time and gave it a polite shake. "I'm Zee," Zee continued, then poked his sword at Victor. "This is Daddy Fancy Pants, and that's Adam."

So much for not revealing who we were.

"I'd like to make clear, Daddy Fancy Pants is not my name," Victor said.

"As you can see..." Zee gestured at Reynard. "Fancy Pants is also a vampire, but we tamed him. Although, he stills likes to chase naked men through the woods, apparently. Which is definitely something we'll be pursuing later. I'll be pursuing. Not him chasing me. Whatever."

Victor sighed, shrugged off his jacket, and handed it to Kenzo. "Did you not sign up to this sport, aware and prepared for the risks? "

"No." Kenzo shrugged on the jacket and hugged it closed. "This was supposed to be a team-building retreat. HR organized it. You know, hiking, campfire making, that kind of thing."

"Naked?" Zee asked. "Hey, not judging. All the best activities happen naked. Naked volleyball, highly recommended."

"Honestly, I did think the naked part was weird. But nobody complained so I went along with it."

Zee dropped an arm around Kenzo's shoulders and we started off in the direction of the chapel.

"Adam, I fear Kenzo may not be the only victim here under false pretenses," Victor remarked, walking alongside me.

"Yeah, weekend retreats that turn out to be manhunts are bad," I agreed. Victor stared, as though waiting for me to say more. "Someone should put a stop to it," I added. He continued to stare. "Oh right, we should do something about that?"

"I fear, this hunt is not like those I've participated in, and the outcome for many may prove fatal."

"But the whole point of this is that we go in quiet, find Jimmy's family, and get out without being seen." Stopping the manhunt would definitely involve being seen.

"These woods are thick. The vampires are spread thin and unprepared for genuine resistance. As you saw, the three of us are a formidable force. There is an opportunity here to level the playing field somewhat. With some skill, our intervention could go unnoticed."

Zee turned, stopping in our path. "You mean, the hunters become the hunted? Ooh, I got chills. I am so fucking here for that. Adam, please say yes so I can bitch-slap some suckers."

They had a point. Kenzo would already be dead if we hadn't accidentally intervened, and there were others like him in the woods right now, with no hope of being saved. Unless someone stepped up. "Alright, but keep it quiet. Like we were never here. Maybe they'll just think the humans got real good and fought back? Nobody needs to know it was us."

"Stealthy motherfucking badasses." Zee saluted. "Got it."

Somehow, I wasn't entirely convinced Zee really did have it. "Zee, go with Victor. You're both faster than I am. Save as many people as you can in ten minutes. Kenzo and I will check out the chapel. Meet us there."

Kenzo frantically looked from me to Zee. "Can I go with them?"

Zee grinned. "Adam looks boring, but trust me, he fucks suckers for breakfast."

I cringed. "I don't . . . It's not . . . I don't actually do that."

"Own it, Kitten." Zee winked, then turned to Victor. "Wanna get your murder on, Your Highness?"

Victor's lips twitched, showing a glimpse of sharp fangs. "Indeed."