Chapter 25

25

E lias

The Weekend Before Halloween

Massaging my beard, I looked over at EJ. I wanted to ask him about his mama but was unsure if I actually wanted the answer. We’d just finished getting his Halloween costume and decorations for the party. Even though he’d be with Amanda the week of Halloween, the party would still be at my home like it was every year. This had been our tradition since he was four.

Halloween was his favorite holiday, unlike Christmas for a lot of kids. I think EJ loved the fact that he could dress like his favorite character or superhero at the moment, go trick or treating in my neighborhood, Amanda’s, and our parents’, then have a party with his friends. He would always have enough candy to last him well into the new year.

This year, Amanda had convinced him to be SpongeBob. I was supposed to be Patrick, and she was going to be Sandy. Her corny ass loved when we could dress like a family of characters. For the party, though, I would be the Joker, she would be Harley Quinn, and EJ wanted to be Batman. He’d been a different version of Batman for the last three years. Every time I thought he was about to phase out of it, they’d come out with a new movie, and he would get obsessed all over again.

Now, we were watching The Batman and The Penguin since I had him for the weekend. I needed my son more than usual. I missed him and his mama, so I was glad his grandparents didn’t give me a hard time about keeping him.

“What’s uh…what’s going on with your mom?” I asked. “Has she been talking about anything new lately?”

He looked over at me briefly before exiting out of whatever he was looking at on his phone. I felt like ten was too young to have a phone, but he was allowed to have it in case of emergencies and when he was around us to play games and shit. When he turned thirteen, he’d be able to have it permanently.

“Well, when we were talking about me going to middle school next year, she said she’d be going to school too. I said it was pretty cool, but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”

My mouth opened, but I was literally speechless. A clipped laugh erupted as I squeezed the steering wheel.

“She’s going back to school? That’s dope. Do you know what she’s going for?”

His head shook. “No, sir. You know Mama doesn’t like to talk about herself. All she said was we can do our homework together.”

We shared a quiet laugh. My girl was going back to school? Why didn’t she tell me? I felt a little offended, but realistically, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Amanda was already a closed book, but with the static that had been between us, when would she have had the chance?

As I pulled into my driveway, I noticed a town car by the mailbox. A slow sigh escaped me. It was Fiona. I didn’t go into the office today, so I was sure that was why she was here. She’d been calling and texting, and I told her I needed some time… I guessed that answer wasn’t good enough. Her pulling up was why I didn’t like telling women where I lived, but it also made me feel good that she cared enough to pop up on me. I respected and appreciated the fact that she remained in the car and didn’t risk my little man seeing her.

After EJ went inside, I headed out to the car. Leaning down, I motioned for her to roll the window down.

“Is it safe for me to get out?”

I nodded but didn’t move so she could. “Yeah, but what’s up?”

“I just…wanted to check on you. You didn’t come in today, and you’ve been very short. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” was what I said, but that wasn’t really the truth. What I was dealing with wasn’t worth discussing. Things had been off between us. I didn’t like that she still hadn’t told her parents about us, even after she met mine. It made me feel like she was hiding something.

Plus, Mama said there was something off about her, and I trusted my mama’s intuition more than my own. She liked Fiona and said she was a nice person but that something seemed off, and that was the same way I described it. I wasn’t sure what it was, but until I figured it out, I didn’t feel like it was wise to open myself up to Fiona completely.

On top of that, there was the static with Amanda. I showed my ass the last time we saw each other, and we didn’t do family day because of it last week. We agreed to put our differences aside this week to ensure EJ was able to enjoy his favorite holiday. It was crazy how this had become our normal. We went from being the perfect coparents to this toxic ass shit, and I had no one to blame but myself. If only I would have let her call things off when she tried…

But she told me she loved me.

After twelve fucking years.

How was I supposed to walk away from that?

I told myself I had every right to pursue the family I’d always wanted, but damn if a twisted future with Amanda didn’t have me wanting to change my mind.

“Will you be in tomorrow?”

“Until my son gets out of school. I’ll have him all weekend, so we won’t be able to kick it.”

“Oh.” Her expression saddened as she looked away briefly. “Well…maybe we can do dinner or something Monday?”

“Yeah, that’s cool.” Testing the waters, I said, “I actually have a meeting with your father next week. Maybe we all can do dinner.” She swallowed hard and rubbed her hands up and down her thighs. “The last two meetings we had were mysteriously cancelled. You know anything about that?”

“Um…” Clearing her throat, she shook her head. “N-No. Daddy’s been flying Mommy back and forth hōme. Her daidí is sick.” That Irish in her came out, which was often the case when she talked about her mom’s side of the family, or she was nervous.

“Mhm. Well, I talked to him this morning, and he said there’s nothing on his calendar for that day, so there’s no reason I should get an email canceling the meeting.”

“F-Fine. I’m gonna let you go. Like I said, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Chuckling, I stood upright. “Aight, baby. I’ll call you later.”

She gave me a forced smile before lowering her shades over her eyes. As she rolled up the window, I tapped the top of the car. Shortly after, her driver pulled off. Fiona was definitely hiding something, and now, I was sure it was me.

Did Declan know we were together?

Amanda hesitantly stepped to the side to let me in. She was dressed in an oversized shirt— my shirt. I didn’t want to let that affect me…but it did. Unable to resist, I pulled her into my arms as soon as she closed the door. I buried my face in her neck and inhaled her scent. Her scent was crisp and clean, like always. She smelled like she’d just taken a bath with the purest soap, and I loved that scent.

“Hey, Ma! I gotta go. Hakeem is waiting for me on the game.”

Amanda chuckled as I released her.

“We won’t be here long,” I told him as he walked down the hall. “One game.”

It was my plan to talk to her tomorrow while he was at school, but all I’d been able to think about was her being in school. Before it was time for him to start getting ready for bed, I decided to pull up on her real quick.

“Is everything okay?” she asked as we headed toward the couch. Amanda had put her old living room furniture from the penthouse here after the Hermes set arrived. She ended up taking the rest of the money and fixing up EJ’s room, then used the rest to take him shopping. I loved how even when I tried to spoil her, she spoiled him. That gave me the confidence to know my son would always be taken care of when with her.

“You’re going back to school?”

Her smile was small as we sat on opposite sides of the couch. “Yes,” she almost whispered, lowering her head bashfully.

“Mandy…” I took her hands into mine as I smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me, bae?”

“It’s online and part time. It’s not a big de—”

“Nah, we not about to downplay this. You’re going back to school.”

She giggled, chest opening up a bit as she relaxed. “I was going to tell you…about all my dreams and plans actually.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“That was the day you were raving about Fiona at the country club. You were so happy I just…didn’t want to make it seem like I was competing or boasting.”

“Would that have been such a bad thing?” Her head tilted and mouth opened partially. “I was sharing my happiness with you. That was the perfect time for you to do the same.”

“Hmm…I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

Standing, I went to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. “I want to know everything. What you’re going for, what you plan to do with the degree. Share it all.”

She remained silent as I poured the wine. When I looked up, she was staring at the side of my face.

“What?” I asked through my chuckle.

“You actually care?”

Cupping her cheek, I caressed it with my thumb. “Of course I care. I care about everything concerning you.”

Her eyes rolled. “You only care because it’s something you can be proud of from your stripper baby mama.”

“Is that a bad thing? You say that like it’s negative, but it’s actually positive. My sexy, intelligent, beautiful, kind, stripper baby mama did whatever she had to do to survive after her parents kicked her out when she graduated high school. She couldn’t afford to go to college, so she danced to provide for herself. Not only did she provide for herself, but she became a millionaire and retired before the age of thirty.

“So yeah, I am proud of you, Amanda Renae Jones, and I’m not gon’ let you keep talking down on yourself. Whatever the fuck Tammy been putting in your head, you need to purge and get that shit out. Your mama a real one, but she’s a pessimist, and I’ve never liked how that rubbed off on you.”

Had I not seen her quickly wipe away a tear before it fell, I wouldn’t have believed it was about to fall.

“Thank you,” she whispered. After sniffling, she licked her lips and took a sip of the wine I handed her. “So…yeah. It’s an online, part-time program. I didn’t want to put too much on myself next year since the team will be back with me when school starts.”

“What are you majoring in?”

“Business. I um…I had an idea that I wanted to run by you. That I needed your help with. But you don’t have to feel obligated to—”

“What is it, Mandy?” She had no idea. Whatever she needed, I would gladly do. I loved being of service to any woman as a man, but when it was my woman, it hit different. Well…my ex-woman. The mother of my child.

“Okay.” She gave me a small, innocent smile as she sat up in her seat. “We both know I have a love-hate relationship with my past. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished, but there are moments where people’s perception, especially my mother, affects me. I know it’s worse for other women who don’t have the success story I have, or the confidence and awareness I have. My dream is to create a community for women to embrace their womanhood and sexuality.

“We’ll place an emphasis on building confidence and self-love and respect. Not on some women’s empowerment shit because most times, those bitches are mean girls and bullies. But a real community. Whether she’s a stripper, sex worker, or Christian stay-at-home mom—I want every woman who joins the community to learn their value, increase their confidence, and command respect.”

She continued her spiel, telling me about the classes, events, and services she wanted to offer. Amanda was currently taking a self-love coaching class, which no one knew about. The more she talked, the more I felt like the Grinch when his heart expanded in size. I’d always known Amanda had potential, and now, it sounded like she knew it too.

“What can I do? How can I help?”

“Well…when I came over that day, I was going to ask if you could mentor me and be my business coach, but—”

“I would love to be your business coach. C’mere.” I couldn’t resist bringing her into my arms. “I’m so proud of you, Mandy. For real. This is amazing, and I’m honored to be a part of this. Whatever capacity you need me, I’ll be there.” Cupping her cheek, I kissed her forehead. “I’m really, really proud of you.”

“Ah, man! Come on ! I’m going to somebody else lobby. Y’all some freaking losers ! You don’t even know what it means to be a winner! Is that a big word for Elmo ?”

We both laughed at the sound of EJ yelling and taunting whoever he was playing on the game with.

“That’s your crazy ass child,” she said.

“Damn right, but let me get him out of here before he has too much energy to go to sleep.”

We stood, and I had to resist the urge to take her into my arms.

“Thanks, E.”

“Always. We’ll talk soon, okay? But I am so proud of you. You’re going to do something amazing with this.”

I gave her hand a squeeze before quickly making my way down the hall to get EJ before his crazy ass started another game.