Chapter 26

26

A manda

The Next Day

I found myself smiling and humming as I walked around the grocery store. Elias’s random pop-up was needed more than I realized. Sharing something positive with him that I’d been wanting to do for years felt like a relief in a way. Knowing I had someone I could trust in my corner boosted my confidence to press forward with my goals.

I could have easily told Felicity or Tamar, but I was still working on sharing things with women. My mama had me kind of fucked up in that area. Thanks to her, I was always defensive and expecting someone to have something negative to say. Because of that, I was very careful about what I shared—especially if it was something good or that I was excited about.

“The fuck is the difference?” a deep voice grumbled.

I looked up, and the perplexed look on the man’s face made me laugh. He looked at me, which only made me laugh harder. “Sorry,” I muttered, walking over to him. “Do you need some help?”

He chuckled as his expression relaxed. “She told me to get the Ragu with onions, but I don’t see that. Is this the same thing?” I looked at the two jars of Ragu he had.

With a giggle, I pulled my hair behind my ears. “I mean…you can get the homestyle one. It’s not that big of a difference, depending on how you season it. To me, homemade is always better though.” As he stared at me, I burst into laughter. “Who sent you here? You look like you’re in distress.”

He laughed and licked his lips as his shoulders relaxed. “My damn mama. I was hoping she would cook for me this weekend, but she went to Memphis. She sent me the instructions and grocery list, but this shit is beyond me.”

“Oh, so you’re that type?” For the first time, I paid attention to how attractive he was.

“What type?”

“The type who can’t cook for himself.”

“Hey. I can cook.”

“What?”

“Mostly breakfast and sandwiches. I can make the best scrambled eggs you’ll ever have in your life.”

Another giggle escaped me. “Maybe you’ll have to sleep over one night so I can wake up and find out.”

He closed the space between us. “You free tonight?”

This whole flirting thing took a quick turn. Needing to slow things down, I took a step back. I was free, and he was fine as hell, but was I really about to have sex with him? It was liberating just thinking about it, seeing as Elias had been the only man I’d been with for the past five years. It was crazy how I had sex with other men while we were trying to be together, but when we broke up fully, I cut them all off.

I told myself dating was okay since he was in a whole relationship. I told myself if I wanted love and companionship I had to get back out there. I told myself I was single, and I could entertain whoever I wanted. But there was a small part of me that felt like I was cheating on Elias by even talking to this man. Needing to drown that voice out, I said, “I need a date first.”

“I got you. What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Amanda.”

He extended his hand for me to shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Amanda. I’m Ryan.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well.”

Physically, Ryan was definitely my type. Tall, muscular, dark brown skin, full beard. He was very nice to look at.

“I have a free weekend because my daughter is with her mom. If we can link tonight or tomorrow, that would be perfect.”

“I’m in the same boat, so that sounds good.”

We exchanged numbers and made plans to meet at JD’s , and I couldn’t lie, I was excited about it.

That Evening

Ryan was a marine. He was protective, masculine, and aggressive. I liked it, but I’d also gotten used to laid-back men, a laid-back man. Elias was about that life and capable of protecting me, but he didn’t walk around with an air of ready for whatever like Ryan did.

He had a five-year-old daughter, and her name was Riley. She was the cutest little chocolate drop. His coparenting relationship with her mom was up and down, depending on who she was dating, let Ryan tell it. As long as Candice was happy, she didn’t give Ryan a hard time, but if she was single or having issues with her man, he said she gave him hell.

Our time together at JD’s had been fun. We danced the night away. As we headed out, I saw West and David. Had EJ been with his grandparents, Elias would have been with them too.

“Hey, sis,” West spoke, eyes shifting from me to Ryan.

Ryan wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close, which I liked.

“What’s up, West? What y’all about to get into?” I asked since they were walking down the opposite side of the boardwalk as us.

“Probably grab a few drinks before we head to the lounge. E know you out?”

Chuckling, I shook my head. “He has our son, so I’m pretty sure he knows I’m doing my own thing—as usual.”

“Aight.” He eyed Ryan again. “I’ll let him know I saw you.”

“You can tell him we’ll be at the speakeasy if he wanna come through,” Ryan said, taking me by my hand and leading me away. “Y’all be easy.”

All I could do was smile. There was no doubt in my mind they were going to run gossiping to Elias. There was also no doubt in my mind that Elias would like the type of time Ryan was on with that response. I didn’t see him pulling up to the speakeasy since he had EJ, but he’d probably FaceTime me for sure.

“Sorry about that,” I said. “Our relationship has been up and down over the years. We’re officially done with each other though.”

“I trust your word,” he said, giving me a warm smile.

“What about you and Candice?”

“We don’t deal with each other like that no more. Not for the past three years or so, which is probably why we have the issues we do.”

“Does she want to be with you or something?”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t trust me. I cheated, plus with me being deployed as often as I am, she be paranoid about me fucking off.”

“I feel you. I cheated too. I know the damage that does to a relationship.”

“Did you want him back?”

Hell…I still wanted him back. It didn’t matter though. Not right now at least.

“I do but I don’t think he trusts me.”

“Oh, so this is a present thing? I meant in the past.”

Chuckling, I tried to release his hand, but he held mine tighter. “Slip of the tongue I guess.”

“Yeah, I hear you.” He laughed quietly. “On some real shit, though, if you really want him…I hope y’all can make it work.”

“Me too.”

Our time at the speakeasy was fun. We drank a little more and enjoyed the karaoke. I ended up singing two songs, and I couldn’t remember the last time I had fun with a man that wasn’t Elias. Still, he was on my mind and on my heart. As he walked me to my car, Ryan asked could he see me again this weekend. I told him that was cool. Sunday, I had to go and get EJ, so my Saturday was free. He asked me if I had an idea of what I wanted to do or if I wanted him to plan our day, and I told him I’d let him know in the morning. Making plans tonight would lead to overthinking in the morning, and that was something I didn’t want to do.

Saturday Evening

“You were right. Homemade is definitely better.”

I smiled as I watched Ryan fork another bite of spaghetti into his mouth. It was nothing for me to make him a pot of spaghetti. That was the easiest thing to cook in life. I made a salad and fried some fish and onions as well. It felt good catering to a man in this way since I hadn’t done it for Elias in a while. Since we’d been up and down, I hadn’t been meal prepping for him when he had EJ like I used to do. It was petty on my part, but I felt like he didn’t deserve it.

Ryan and I planned to go down to the country tonight to ride some ATVs, drink a little moonshine, and ride some horses if they were out. There would be line dancing as well, I was sure, so I knew it would be a time.

When I cooked, I went live. I wasn’t thinking about the background being different and all that. It wasn’t until Elias sent me Future’s “Throw Away” that I considered him watching and realizing I was with another man. I hadn’t replied yet because I honestly didn’t know what to say. It felt like he wanted me to really take things to the next level with whoever I was with, and I wondered if it was because he wanted me to move on or if he thought it was simply something I needed to get out of my system.

“I’m glad you like it. Now you’ll be able to make it yourself.”

“You ain’t gon’ be around to make it for me?” he asked with a charming smile.

“I’m not sure yet.”

He nodded and chuckled as he wiped his mouth. “Respect. Let me take full advantage of having you while I can.”

“That’s probably for the best.”

After dinner, we took a couple of shots before heading out. As we drove, I finally texted Elias back.

Me: What you send me that for?

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: You with another nigga Mandy?

Me: If I am?

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: Get what you want. What you deserve.

Me: That’s what I planned to do. Not sure why you think I need your permission.

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: I’m not about to argue with you.

Me: Who arguing?

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: You need a reminder of why you need my permission?

Before I could respond, he sent another text. But it wasn’t just a text… it was a video. A video of us. A video of him slutting me the hell out . I was glad I had the volume down because I would have been embarrassed if Ryan heard me moaning and calling my baby daddy’s name.

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: That’s STILL my pussy. So gone fuck that nigga and get it over with. Get that shit out yo system. You’ll be back where you’re supposed to be soon.

Me: Boy bye. Where is Fiona?

EJ CRAZY ASS DADDY ??: This ain’t about her with your deflecting ass. Like I said, get that shit out your system Mandy. Enjoy yourself.

Tossing my phone into my fanny pack, I shook my leg.

“You good?” Ryan asked, squeezing my thigh.

Nodding, I nibbled my trembling lip. I wasn’t sure why, but the casual way in which he gave me to this man irritated me. Why did I want him to be on the same type of time he was on with Demarcus? He had a whole girlfriend. Even with him alluding to the fact that we’d find our way to each other again, Elias was trying to accept me moving on and be on his best behavior. That should have made me happy. Instead, it hurt my feelings.

A Couple Hours Later

Our night ended quicker than I think either of us were expecting. The vibe was nice until a few young niggas tried to talk slick about me being a stripper and asking if they could get a private dance. Ryan was a shit talker, and with those types, it could go either way. They either would get their ass whupped or really be a threat.

He showed quickly just how much of a threat he was. I’d never seen a man beat three people up so quickly. He took that marines mercilessly protect the weak thing seriously. Though, in that instance, I wasn’t weak at all. I still appreciated him fighting for my honor and respect. It made me respect him more.

The ride back to my place was silent. I didn’t want him to think I was sad or anything, so I asked him if he wanted to come up. He said yes, as I expected he would. After locking the door, I began to undress.

“Uh…Amanda?”

“Come take a shower with me.”

That was all the direction he needed. He followed me into my bathroom, where we showered together, and he ate my pussy until my legs turned into noodles. His dick curved downward, so as soon as I climbed into bed, I was on all fours. Ryan sheathed himself with a condom before climbing behind me and giving me strokes that scratched the itch that had been nagging me ever since we met.

Sitting up, I pushed him back and rode him reverse cowgirl. The dick was medium length and heavy…a welcomed treat back to being a truly single woman. His moans and grunts sounded good and boosted my ego, but something didn’t feel right. Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on something else to keep my pussy from drying. Flashes of my last time with Elias replayed in my mind, making me wetter.

Ryan felt the difference because it wasn’t long before he came. Sex with him felt different in comparison to the last man outside of Elias. Back then, it was about the money and pleasure. It was solely a physical act—an exchange. With Elias, regardless of how nasty our sex was, it was sacred. It was intimate. It was emotional. It wasn’t just sex. It meant something.

This meant nothing, and that meant everything.

I took another shower and hoped Ryan would have been gone, but he wasn’t. He pulled me into his arms and held me, and for some reason, that almost made me cry.