CHAPTER 26

mateo

T he photoshoot had gone late into the night so I'd missed going out to dinner with the boys and had collapsed into bed before they were even home. So much for a weekend away with my friends. I'd seen them for all of five minutes.

I still had a lot to think about, plenty of thoughts running through my mind but I was exhausted and had no trouble falling into a deep sleep.

I slept in late the next morning but I couldn't hear anything from the other side of the door as I slowly made my way out to the living room. I heard another door opening at the same time and glanced up in alarm to see Ajay stepping out of his room in just a pair of loose boxers, his curls mussed from sleep. I saw the matching alarm flicker over his face as we both glanced around to find no sign of Rob or Nick. Had they really left me here alone with Ajay? And had Nick really left Ajay alone to deal with me? I wasn't sure which was worse.

"Morning," I said, scrambling to make this less awkward than it already was.

"Morning," Ajay replied. "Any idea where the guys are?"

"No clue," I said as I followed him to the kitchen where we found a note hastily written in Nick's messy scrawl telling us that he and Rob had gone to get breakfast for everyone.

"Well. That was nice of them," Ajay muttered in a tone which made me think Nick might be getting an earful of his boyfriend's thoughts when he came back home. Hopefully soon. Ajay glanced at me uncertainly, hand rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. He really was cute and I was starting to see why Nick had fallen so hard and so fast for him. Not that I was any threat. Ajay would never be my type but I could still appreciate a cute guy when I saw one.

"Coffee?" he asked and I felt a smile tug at my lips.

"Please," I said. He moved to the coffee machine on the back bench of the kitchen, a fancy one from the looks of it as he poured fresh coffee beans into the grinder and hit the grind button.

"You look like you know your way around a coffee machine," I mentioned, if only for words to fill the space between us.

Ajay smiled. "I've been working as a part-time barista for over a year so I hope I know what I'm doing by now."

"As long as you don't let Nick …" I started to say before pulling up short. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to be talking about Nick like that with his boyfriend. Knowing that he knew about my past with Nick. I felt Ajay's eyes on me, an appraising glint to them.

"As long as I don't let Nick near the coffee machine?" he guessed with a laugh. "Don't worry about that. It actually belongs to Dane and he won't let Nick within ten feet of it."

I laughed, the sound so foreign I could see the momentary confusion flit across Ajay's face. "Probably for the best. Guy's a great surfer but should seriously not be allowed near a coffee machine," I hedged, hoping we could share this very mild quirk about the man we had both possibly loved.

"So impatient," Ajay agreed, lips quirked in a smile. "It's like he thinks the coffee beans are going to expire before he lets them do their thing."

"Yep," I laughed. "I'm lucky I take my coffee black but Rob's always rolling his eyes when Nick just throws the milk in the microwave because he can't be bothered holding it for the steam wand."

"Oh, the microwaved milk," Ajay laughed right along with me. We shared a smile, realised how awkward it still was and then promptly looked away. I waited as Ajay patiently tamped down the ground coffee beans and then ran it through the machine, finally setting down a perfect looking espresso in front of me.

"Oh that's good," I said enthusiastically, taking a long sip and savouring the flavour with my eyes closed. I could see Ajay's pleased expression at my praise as he finished making himself a coffee. He stood with his cup in hand and his back against the kitchen cabinet, both of us clearly at another loss about how to move through this freshly established détente.

"How was your photoshoot yesterday?" Ajay asked, clearly grappling for some point of common ground.

"It was good actually," I told him. "It was for this relatively new brand called DNR. They're actually an offshoot of a big fashion house so they had a healthy budget behind them. Pretty edgy clothes and a really fun shoot."

"Oh I've heard of them," Ajay perked up. "I've seen a few guys wearing their clothes on campus. Always liked the look of them but they're way outside my current budget."

"I have a couple bags of samples in my room if you'd like," I said, mouth working before my mind shifted into gear. Would Ajay even want something like that from me? From the guy who had been nothing but an asshole to him when he was nothing but rainbows and unicorns.

"Really?" he asked, not hiding the interest in his eyes.

"Yeah. You would be about the same size as me, right?" I said, sizing him up. "I always walk away with so many clothes from shoots I honestly don't have any more room in my closet. And Rob and Nick are way too broad in the shoulders to fit the sample sizes."

"Well if you're intent on giving them away I certainly won't say no," Ajay replied.

"All right, let me show you what I've got," I said.

And that was why Rob and Nick returned to the house with bags full of chocolate croissants and apple cinnamon muffins to find me and Ajay gushing over the bag of samples I'd been given from the set yesterday. As anticipated, Ajay fit into all of them so I'd given him the lot and I could see how much that meant to him. I guess he maybe didn't have as much as I'd thought but I suppose I'd never really given him a chance to get to know him before either.

Rob and Nick watched on warily as Ajay and I came out of Dane's bedroom together, Ajay wearing one of the charcoal long sleeved tops I'd modelled yesterday.

"Hello," Rob said cautiously, eyes pinging between us.

"Hi," I said cheerfully as Ajay walked over to Nick and pressed a kiss to his mouth. And guess what? Nothing, not a flicker of reaction from me. Not a sigh, not a hint. Certainly not any pangs of longing or grief or loss. Nothing but a very, very recently acquired sense of happiness that my best friend had found the person his soul loved the most.

I had never felt freer in all my life than I did right then, standing in Ajay's kitchen and eating chocolate croissants with my best friends at my side, Nick carefully brushing cinnamon from Ajay's lips, me watching on with a detached smile.

And later that afternoon, as Rob and I stepped out of the apartment to give Nick and Ajay a moment to say goodbye, I knew I was completely set free.

"I'm free of him," I told Rob as we waited out on the street.

"Free of who? Nick?" Rob asked, surprise lighting his features.

"Uh huh," I said. I felt Rob grip my elbow, a huge smile on his face.

"I never thought I'd see the day," he smiled. "I am so happy for you. Is it because of Jamie?"

"Yeah. It's because of Jamie," I agreed. "I love him, Rob."

"Course you do," he grinned. "It was obvious to us all."

"Then you should know I've managed to royally fuck things up with him," I told him.

"Ah. I thought something was up with you but you were also giving out your very strong don't talk to me vibes," Rob said. "Is it salvageable?"

"I don't know," I admitted just as Nick trudged down onto the street, a heavy sadness on his shoulders.

"Hey, man," Rob said, drawing him in for a hug. I hesitated for a second before I wrapped my arms around Nick too, feeling the sadness coming off him in waves.

"This is the part I hate the most," he murmured.

"Where's Ajay?" I asked.

"He doesn't come down when we say goodbye. Too hard," Nick sighed. I knew my friend was in love with Ajay but I honestly could never have known how deep that love went until I'd let myself see it with my own eyes. It was the real deal for them. For both of them. I could see that now.

"I'm sorry," I offered.

Nick sighed heavily. "Just so you both know, I'm going to be moving up here as soon as I finish my building apprenticeship. I can't live without Ajay for much longer."

"We get it," Rob said, patting Nick on the back.

"Yeah, we do," I agreed. We stood in our sweet little friendship huddle out on the street below Ajay's apartment as we tried to offer our friend the comfort he needed. But I was also growing in desperation to be on the road. I had something I desperately needed to do.

"Do you think we could hit the road? I have a relationship with the man I love to try and salvage."

"Really?" Nick asked, looking up at me with so much hope and happiness for me in his eyes that it almost bowled me over. He wanted this for me too. He wanted me to know love like the one he had found with Ajay. And for the first time in my life, I was ready for it too.

"Yes, really," I told them, watching as he and Rob shared the biggest grin with each other.

"Fucking finally. Well, come on then. Let's go get you your man," Nick announced, smiling as he moved to the driver's seat and we all piled in for the long trek home, my heart wedged somewhere up near my throat.