CHAPTER 27

jamie

T he afternoon had blended into the evening and I still wasn't sure whether I was regretting jumping at this offer to work the Sunday swing shift. I mean sure, it was decidedly better sitting around at the base with the other guys waiting for the calls that had so far not eventuated, watching as the seconds ticked by at snail's pace. We were already into our tenth round of cards but I knew this was better than what I would have been doing otherwise.

I knew because I had been doing that for the past two days, moping around my apartment and feeling as though my world had crashed all around me. Because it kind of had.

Ah, Mateo. How my heart was aching for him. How it hurt to have walked away.

How had I let him burrow so deep inside me that I no longer knew how to breathe without him? How had I let myself fall so deeply for a guy who had never been emotionally available to me? And how I had I let myself walk away from him?

I still wasn't sure whether I'd made the right decision on Thursday morning when I had impulsively pulled the pin and ended things with him. I still wasn't sure this hopeless, aching heartache was better than just accepting our relationship for what it was.

Maybe I could have learned to live with that. Maybe I could have just settled for loving Mateo enough for the both of us while quietly crying myself to sleep at night knowing I wasn't his first choice.

But no. Why would I do that to myself? I deserved better than that, didn't I? I deserved to have someone who could love me back as much as I loved Mateo.

Bill had just wiped the table clean for the third game in a row as I folded and threw my cards on the table.

"Bluffing again, Waverly?" Bill chirped at me. He wore that teasing grin on his face but I could see how hard he was trying to conceal the deep concern behind his eyes. I knew he was worried about me because I'd never been all that great at hiding my feelings. It was the reason for my troubles in the first place.

"What can I say?" I shrugged, trying to engage my head in the game.

"All I can say is I'm glad we're only trading for undesirable jobs. If it was for money you would have bled us all dry by now," Frank groaned while Mickey laughed.

"I really appreciate you doing all my crap cleaning jobs," Bill chuffed, taking his winnings with his usual teasing nature.

"Another round?" Mickey asked.

"Ah, I don't know if I have another round left in me," I admitted, glancing at the clock on the wall. I had thirty minutes left in my shift and I was ready to clock off now. I had a comfy bed and a warm blanket to cry under with my name on it, and though I had tried to swear myself off it, I also knew I had a night ahead of doom scrolling Mateo Amaretto's name.

"Oh come on, just one more," Bill pleaded.

"All right, fine," I agreed, watching as his mouth split into a wide grin. That was until he glanced over my shoulder and his mouth dropped open, eyes almost bugging out of his head.

"Oh shit," he muttered. Frank and Mickey looked up too, confusion crossing their faces before their mouths dropped comically open too. I knew of only one person who garnered that type of reaction and my heart started pounding hard in my chest just before I heard his soft, " Jamie ?"

The sound of his voice had my mind clicking into gear, breath catching in my throat as I slowly turned in my seat, finding Mateo standing there in our breakout room. He looked completely out of place in this sterile medical environment, too pretty, too beautiful but also too heartachingly divided from me.

Rob and Nick were there too, peering in from the open doorway as they watched Mateo come to a stop. Mateo's eyes pinged around the room, his face paling but resolute, noting the deep interest from the other guys as I climbed unsteadily to my feet.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm here, fighting for you," he replied, lifting his chin as though daring me to question him. But I had no words, my mind still reeling to catch up with the fact Mateo was standing here at the station, looking like he had plenty he wanted to say.

"What?" I asked, wanting to hope but not daring to let myself.

"I'm here to fight for you, Jamie," Mateo replied, voice lifting as he spoke. "Because you were right about everything. You are worth it. You are worth having someone who is prepared to fight for you. You are worth having someone love you back as fiercely as you love him. And I'm here, standing in front of you … and all your slightly scary looking work colleagues, to tell you that I'm the one who is going to make you feel worthy. I'm the one who is going to love you back."

"Mateo," I heard myself say, heart lifting, pulse pounding as some of the meaning in his words filtered their way into my brain.

"I'm sorry I was so dumb, Jamie," Mateo continued, eyes solely focused on me now. "I may be pretty but I can also be very stupid. Because it took me so long to realise what I think I'd known all along which is that I'm crazy in love with you. Everything about you. You're the complete package. You're so kind and generous and such an amazing person who always manages to see the best in me. Even when you sometimes have to dig pretty deep. I know I'm not the easiest person to love but you never gave up on me. You lift me up in the best way when very few other people have bothered trying."

He stopped and paused, taking a deep, shaky breath before his smile turned sly. "You're also insanely hot and terrific in bed."

He stopped and grinned at me as the guys behind me whooped and hollered and banged on the table and I felt my lips tug up at the sides. I knew I'd be paying for that comment big time from the boys behind me but I found I couldn't care less right then. Mateo could keep talking like that forevermore if I had my say in it.

"I should have known from the start really," Mateo continued, eyes focused back on me. "I've broken every single rule I ever had for you. Kissing you like some crazed person out in public. Inviting you into my house and into my bed which I've never done for anyone before. I let you hold my hand while taking walks on the beach. I spent entire weekends with you, letting you hold me and wishing I never had to leave. I met you in public places for coffees. I introduced you to my aunt and uncle. I came out to my parents. I declared my love for you to a room full of people. No one has ever made me want to break all my rules. No one except you, Jamie."

My racing heart had stalled in my chest as Mateo spoke, just a dull thud in my ears letting me know I was still alive as he said everything I had ever wanted to hear from him. I could just make out the guys behind me, could just make out Rob and Nick in the distance as they grinned at us, all of them watching as Mateo orchestrated the most romantic gesture anyone had ever done for me.

I had asked for someone who would fight for me and Mateo had done that spectacularly. Mateo, who used to get skittish at any lingering look in public, who shied away from any physical touch, even the most innocent. Who had hidden who he was from his family and community for so long I didn't think he'd ever fully embrace who he was. He'd come out to his parents.

And he'd done that for me. Not for Nick, not for anyone else, but for me.

I sucked in a jagged breath of air, recentering myself as Mateo watched my every move, wearing that heart he hid from the world on full display for everyone to see. And I loved him so very much in that moment as I took the few steps that brought us together, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Mateo," I rasped, reaching out to cup his cheek and take his hand in mine. He was trembling and I could see how hard this had been for him even though he'd spoken so clearly and without hesitation.

"You are right about one thing. You are very, very beautiful." The guys behind me chuffed out laughs and I was pretty sure there was another catcall but I hadn't finished yet. "But you are not stupid. Far from it in fact. Maybe a little slow on the uptake but you are far from stupid."

"Can you forgive me? For being so slow on the uptake? For taking so long to realise what we have?" he asked, vulnerability in his gaze as that hand still shook in mine.

"There is nothing to forgive," I assured him, smoothing my thumb across his cheekbone. He leaned into my touch as he let out a breath of relief, those shoulders of his sighing as the tension he had been holding onto released.

"I love you, Mateo. I don't know when and I don't know why but somewhere in the mix I fell for you too. I never thought I'd love someone so challenging, someone who made me so crazy for just those few scraps of attention you'd throw my way. Those smiles of yours which were so hard won which just made them all the more worthwhile when I finally got them. I love that kindness I've found within you and I love how dedicated and loyal you are. I even love how obtuse you are. You have so much passion within you and I am so glad you have somewhere to direct it now. I've loved seeing you embrace your identity and the freedom and liberty that came with that. And I want to fight for you too and make sure you know how worthy of love you truly are, Mateo."

He said nothing as those eyes of his filled with tears, his hand coming up to clasp onto mine as my thumb traced the cutglass line of his cheekbone.

"Hey fellas, anyone want to get a cup of tea in the kitchen with me?" Bill announced from behind me. I could hear the rushed agreements and hasty retreats of the other guys as Bill cleared the room to leave me alone with the love of my life, our eyes never wavering from each other.

"You love me?" I asked, a smile tugging at my lips as I wiped the tear from Mateo's cheeks.

"What part of that very public declaration wasn't clear to you?" Mateo replied, just refraining from rolling his eyes like the man I knew and loved.

"It was all perfectly clear. I just want to hear you say it again."

Mateo sighed dramatically but I saw the smile on his face and in his eyes. "I love you, Jamie," he said.

"Good. Because I love you too, Mateo," I promised, seeing the way his eyes lit up at my words.

I kissed him then, leaned down and took those perfect, pink, cupid bow lips I was obsessed with and melded them with mine. He tasted like vanilla and cocoa beans and perfection and love. I wanted more as I pressed my tongue forward, finding a welcome entrance into his mouth as he let me in, his hands drifting to my hair and mine still clasping his face.

I broke the kiss, aware there was a station full of guys in the room next door and not wanting to push this freshly out guy too far into the realms of public displays of affection. I knew how hard this would have been for him and I loved him all the more for it.

"I want to do this your way," Mateo sighed, forehead pressed to mine.

"My way?" I asked.

"Yes, your way with the flowers and the wooing and the dates and all that stuff," he said, making me chuckle.

"The wooing and stuff, huh?" I laughed.

"Yeah. All of that."

"You want me to romance you, Mateo?" I asked, feeling a little swoony at the thought.

"Yeah. That's what I want," he said and yep, I definitely swooned a little there.

"Oh, darling. I am going to romance you so hard you won't ever want to let me go," I promised him, waiting for his reliable eyeroll at my over the top words. "But I want to do it your way too."

"What's my way?" he asked, confusion in those pretty eyes.

"With all the hot sex," I said, dropping my voice. "Because I don't think I could easily walk away from that now that I've tasted you and I don't have the patience to wait. You're not the only one who thinks we're terrific in bed."

"Oh is that what you think you're going to get from me, huh?" Mateo laughed, eyes dancing.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I think."

"Well look at us, compromising already. You know, I think I'm going to be amazing at all this relationship stuff," Mateo grinned.

"Yeah, I think you will, darling, because we've basically been doing it for the past few months," I told him. "But I'll meet you half way. Romance and sex. What could be more perfect?"

"Absolutely nothing, Jamie," he sighed, that smile I had come to treasure out in full force. "Nothing could be more perfect at all."

"Want me to see if I can duck out a few minutes early from my shift?" I grinned, pulling his hips in close to me. "Maybe we can start on one of those things right now."

"You took the words right out of my mouth," he grinned back.