Chapter 2

"Oh my god, I need an ice bath for my lady bits," I sighed, sliding down the sofa until my legs were hanging off in a slightly ungainly manner, taking the weight off the achy parts. "We're not ever returning to the human realm, right? Can we make a pact or something? I miss Wi-Fi and I'd sell a kidney for some chicken nuggets and an icy soda, but the sex. I'm not going back to regular sex after that."

I fanned my face dramatically, reveling a little in the shocked looks I was getting from Ophelia, Verity, and Meera. Astrid had disappeared somewhere as she was wont to do, slinking off like an aloof house cat whenever she was in the vicinity of social interaction.

"Oh!" Ophelia said, trying to make a quick recovery. "Um, I didn't realize someone had caught your attention—"

"Who did you fuck?" Verity interrupted bluntly, dark eyes shining with interest. She didn't outright say, "I didn't think you had it in you," but her expression pretty clearly conveyed that sentiment. Not that she'd ever pressured me or Meera to keep up with her voracious appetites, or anything like that. It was more that Verity seemed slightly confused about why we wouldn't just want to sample all the goods on offer.

And now that I'd had Shade sex, I could sort of see why. Last night had been incredible. Evrin and I had the kind of chemistry that couldn't be replicated.

It wasn't like me to be dreamy and irresponsible and hope for something as permanent as a mating bite right away, but my dreams had been filled with visions of it last night.

"I'm not going to kiss and tell," I replied primly, though my motives were a little less respectful of Evrin's privacy than I was making out. Mostly, I just wanted to keep him to myself. He wasn't a name that had come up at court, and he hadn't been one of the Shades who had congregated around us like moths to a flame in the dining hall.

He was mine, and I wanted to keep him that way.

Verity grinned at me like we were in on the same joke, and Ophelia looked so excited for me that I couldn't help but flush with pride.

I was one of them. I was fitting in. We were bonding.

"Fair enough." Verity grinned. "Maybe you'll see him at dinner tonight?"

"Absolutely." I smiled back, filled with confidence. He'd come so hard that it had taken us close to an hour to leave our little hidden spot in the courtyard last night, and he'd seemed practically drunk on power after feeding from me.

Evrin had made me an even more elaborate shadow covering than the one I'd arrived in, and helped me discreetly get out of the palace and back to Elverston House through an exit only the Guard used. And he'd seemed super reluctant to say goodbye. I'd gone in for a hug, and I'd definitely had something very hard and eager pressing into my stomach.

Of course,I'd see him at dinner tonight.

There was a slightly niggly feeling in the back of my mind, reminding me that I didn't actually know that much about him. He was in the Guard, and he'd indicated that he had a unique role there, but he hadn't said what. And I'd never seen him in the dining hall or anywhere around the palace.

But that was all just regular getting-to-know-you stuff that we hadn't had a chance to get to last night because I'd been busy ripping his shadows off. We'd have time for those conversations later.

"What about you?" Verity asked Meera, leaning forward in her seat. "Did anyone catch your eye?"

"Nope." I could have sworn Meera's face looked a little flush, but no one pushed her for more information. It had been clear from the moment we met that Meera was intensely private, and I trusted she'd confide in us more when she was ready. Compared to Astrid—who straight up vanished half of the time—Meera was practically an open book.

The day was a lazy one as we lounged around, debriefing after last night, and Verity lamented the pitfalls of having more than one glass of wine at a time now that she was over thirty. Eventually, the sky darkened, and the jittery nerves that had been on a low simmer all day bubbled up to the surface as we went our separate ways to get ready for dinner.

How much effort was too much effort? I didn't want to be overdressed and embarrass myself, but I did want to look nice.

In the end, I opted to style my hair into an updo, leaving a few loose tendrils down to frame my face and hopefully draw attention to my neck. The swishy silk skirt I picked out was the same color as the dress I'd worn last night, and I paired it with impractically sparkly heels and a pale top for more neck-emphasis action.

I was totally overdressed. I attempted to keep my makeup on the more subtle side, but I wasn't even sure I pulled that off.

It was extra—I was extra—but I just wanted everything to be perfect. For the first time, I'd found someone that I actually liked. The pressure was dialed all the way up to eleven not to screw this up.

"Look at you." Verity whistled as I came down the stairs, dressed from head to toe in pale pink tulle, looking like a tall, sexy glass of whipped marshmallow. "You look gorgeous."

"So do you," I replied instantly because she did—as always. "Where's Meera?"

"Waiting outside."

"Ah, right." I didn't even know why I'd asked. Meera spent more time outdoors than indoors. I didn't even bother asking where Astrid was—if she wanted to be here, she would be.

We grabbed Meera on the way to the palace, filing into the crowded dining hall and taking our usual spot all together at the front of the room.

"I think your outfit is a hit," Verity whispered, grinning at me.

"It's definitely drawing attention," I mumbled, my face warm. Why had I worn the sparkly heels? I had no choice but to own it now, but the regret was potent on the inside.

The tables were long, with benches on either side, and we had a steady rotation of Shades vying to sit close to the three of us each night. There didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but I imagined there were some internal politics at play. Like it probably made some kind of difference who your family was, and how strong you were, as if those were things that we cared about.

There was some jostling around us as Shades debated who was going to get the prime spots, and I discreetly glanced up through my lashes, looking for Evrin. I couldn't imagine him debating with someone for the privilege of sitting next to me, not with the cool confidence he'd displayed last night.

He'd just claim his rightful spot, and then check that it was fine by me in the sexiest way possible afterward.

But he wasn't doing that. Because he wasn't here.

He could just be running late. Don't spiral.

I smiled like I didn't have a care in the world as Phileas sat down next to me, falling over himself to compliment my dress and how pretty my hair looked tied up like this, and had I done something different with my makeup? Based on the looks they were giving me, Verity and Meera both thought Phileas was the mystery guy from last night, and I held my tongue even though I was desperate to correct them.

Most impressively, I repressed the slithering, insidious chill of rejection so thoroughly that not one Shade present so much as hinted at a sour note to my scent.

I turned to Meera midway through the meal, my cheeks aching with the effort of holding my smile in place. "Would it be super rude if I snuck off, do you think? I'm not feeling great."

"Oh! No, I'm sure that would be fine. Here, I'll walk you back—"

"No, no, that's not necessary, I promise. Stay. Enjoy the meal. I just have a headache. I think I need a lie down."

"Did you have too much wine last night, too?" Verity asked from across the table. The knowing glint in her eye made me think she was giving me an easy out on purpose, though I didn't think she knew why. She probably thought I'd just changed my mind on Phileas.

"Yeah. It must have been that," I laughed, excusing myself. Phileas stood so I could climb off the bench, gently taking my elbow to steady me, since all the Shade furniture was designed for far-taller beings than myself. "I'm so sorry to run off like this. I'll see you all later."

I scurried off rather than hanging around to hear their answer. I was already going to have to do a walk of shame down the length of the dining hall. The sooner I could get it over and done with, the better.

"Here," a member of the Guard said quietly, waving me over to a side door. "You can leave this way. I'll walk you around to the front."

Thank you, universe.

"You don't have to do that," I assured him, practically leaping for the escape from all the eyes on me, and slipping out into a corridor.

On second thoughts, he might have to show me the way out. I didn't recognize this part of the palace at all.

"I kind of do," he said sheepishly. "You're not strictly allowed in this corridor, but I'm sure the queen would argue in your favor if anyone questioned it. I'm Verner, by the way. If you'll follow me?"

"Okay, thanks. I really appreciate you helping me out."

Verner inclined his head, his mouth tilting up in a small smile before he headed off down the hallway, leaving me to power walk in his wake in my stupid, embarrassing shoes.

"I hope you enjoyed the ball last night?" Verner said politely.

"I did, thank you. Did you attend?"

God, I hoped this was a short walk because I wasn't sure I had anything left in the tank to be charming with. The urge to ask Verner if he knew fellow member of the Guard, Evrin, was overwhelming, but I managed to tamp down the impulse in an attempt to preserve the last few shreds of my dignity.

"I did," Verner replied, looking straight ahead, his tone not particularly inviting further conversation, which was just fine by me.

Maybe Evrin is working right now. Not all members of the Guard were stationed at the palace, and I'd never seen him around the place.

Or maybe he was tired after the ball and didn't feel up to socializing again so soon. He wasn't a social guy, he'd said as much.

Or maybe, Tallulah, he's just not that into you.

But no one wanted to admit that to themselves, right? The utterly despairing level of rejection that came with the thought was almost too much to bear.

Especially because I'd only met him last night. God, it was so like me to get hung up on a guy I'd literally just met, who'd probably forgotten my name by now.

My face burned hot at the memory of how cocky I'd been this morning. Why hadn't I just kept my stupid mouth shut? If I hadn't blathered on about what a great night I'd had with a great Shade, the others would be none the wiser. They'd be tactful because they always were, but the humiliation was going to haunt me in the early hours of the morning for the rest of my life.

Verner left me at the border of Elverston House with another discreet nod before heading back to the palace, and I grabbed my stuff from my bedroom before making a beeline for the thermal pools under the house.

It was a whole bathroom complex down here, with private water closets built into the walls around the edges, and enormous steaming pools in the middle, with only just enough orb light to illuminate the space.

I wanted this outfit off me. I wanted to scrub the makeup off my face and pretend this stupid updo had never existed. I wanted to wallow in the hot pool and my shame.

Maybe I wanted to cry a little bit, too.

Notover a guy I'd only met twenty-four hours ago. That would be stupid.

Right?

Right.

I was crying for other, unrelated reasons. Probably.

By the time I emerged from the bathing chamber, Verity was already back from dinner and on her way down to wash.

"There you are! How are you feeling?" she asked, pulling me into a hug on the landing.

"Much better, thank you. Maybe I was just feeling overstimulated or something."

She nodded sagely. "Was the guy from last night at dinner? I thought at first it was Phileas, but you didn't seem that jazzed to be talking to him."

"Didn't I?" Shoot, I'd probably offended him as well, and Phileas was perfectly nice.

"No, I mean, you were your usual bubbly self," Verity said hurriedly. "You just didn't seem into him."

If only. If only I could like someone as straightforward and readily available as Phileas.

"Unfortunately not. The guy from last night wasn't there." I laughed brightly, batting my eyelashes playfully at her. "Guess I was just too much for him to handle."

Meera wouldn't have been convinced by my bravado, but it worked a treat on Verity. Probably because she was a bright, bubbly force of nature, and undoubtedly had been considered too much to handle by lesser mortals plenty of times in her life.

She wore that like armor, though. I wore it like a hair shirt.

Verity grinned. "Then, no great loss, right?"

"Right," I agreed, impressed that my voice didn't waver. "No great loss."