Chapter 38

Rory sat across from Dr. Collins, unsure that she’d heard right. “So you think it’s normal that I hide in Harry’s closet when he’s not home?”

Dr. Collins sat back, and her lips tilted up a little before she answered. “Rory, you had an exceptional experience that few ever have to live through. You are putting your life back together. If you feel safe in Harry’s closet, it’s okay. Hiding in Harry’s closet isn’t harmful. You can gain your equilibrium in the closet and work on the exercises I gave you to help you understand what is real and in the here and now and what is in your mind, making you think something bad will happen.”

“So I’m not going crazy.”

Dr. Collins’s lips tipped down. “No, Rory, your mind is working through what you know and what happened. You need to give yourself some time to heal.”

“And you don’t think I need to be locked up?”

“Do you feel like you’re a danger to yourself?”

She shook her head. “No, not right now. Before Harry picked me up from the hotel and made me move in with him, I thought it would be better if I wasn’t around.”

“But now you don’t feel that way?”

“No.” Deep inside, she knew those thoughts were from the failures she felt. But the thoughts were wrong. Dr. Collins was helping her work through the terrible things that happened and how to reframe them and see that it wasn’t her fault. She had gained an appreciation for recovering from pain, and honestly, it felt good. But she felt guilty for feeling good. It was a weird cycle of internalized hate, fear, unworthiness, and guilt. Dr. Collins tried to help her work through everything, but it would take time.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips. “I wish I could flip a switch and make it all disappear.”

Dr. Collins smiled at that. “Some people think they can, but it comes back to hurt them in the end. Though it’s hard, it’s better to work through the problems and find a good solution for you. You are getting better. You could hardly talk to me about what happened the first time you came in. Now, you can state what happened and not break down.”

She swallowed, trying to get rid of all the memories. Not that swallowing would make the memories go away, but doing a physical action helped get rid of the bad thoughts. It helped her reframe her experience. She wasn’t bad, and no one, not even her, deserved what had happened. Recovery would take time, and she was learning that it taking time wasn’t a failure on her part.

They finished their session, and she headed out, seeing Ava pulling up outside. She appreciated her friends helping her so much. She wasn’t sure if she would have kept up with therapy if she hadn’t had help.

Ava started talking the second she opened the passenger side door. “So Wild called. He said Harry is coming over after work and that you should just come home with me if you’re comfortable with that.”

Rory nodded. “Sure. That would be good.”

“Awesome. The kids will be getting out of school in about two hours, and we can sit in the backyard and chill before they get home.”

“Oh, I could help you clean if you needed help.”

Ava chuckled as she pulled into traffic. “Wild is really a neat freak. We work together to keep the place clean. At first, it was frustrating, but then I realized how great it was that he picked up after himself.”

“Huh, Harry does that, too. His place is always so clean. At first, I thought it was because I was there, but then I realized he just likes to keep the place clean. I think it’s a military thing.”

“They are funny that way. They do a lot of stuff that I think is just a military thing. I’m sure with your training, you also keep stuff clean.”

She nodded. “I try. I’m not as much of a neatnik as Harry. I mean, I do keep things clean, but having longer hair, I’ve learned to keep hair ties on my bedside table, in the kitchen, and next to the couch.”

“Exactly,” Ava said. “It took Wild a few months to realize I needed all those hair ties.”

Rory laughed. It felt good to laugh with Ava. She sighed and sat back, closing her eyes. She was safe. There wasn’t anyone after her. She could relax with Ava and her friends.

They chatted about clothes, makeup, cleaning supplies, and the kids before they got to Ava’s house. After Lila and Emma came home, they made snacks and then played a board game both kids wanted to play. They were in the middle of the game when Wild and Harry came in.

Seeing Harry’s smile made her heart swell. Having a normal time with Ava and the girls and then seeing Harry smile at her like that made her afternoon. Ava had chicken she popped into the oven, and they played with the girls until it was time to eat dinner.

Rory excused herself to the restroom to freshen up before dinner, and when she stepped out of the bathroom, Harry was right there in the hall with her.

“Hey, you look good,” Harry said before she could get past him.

She paused and met his gaze. “So do you.”

His lips quirked up. “It’s nice seeing you happy.”

She nodded. “I am happy. I like spending time with Ava.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re friends with her.”

“Me, too. And I’m glad I have you.”

He reached up and ran his thumb over her cheek. “I’m glad you have me, too. I want to be in your life for a long time.”

She thought about moving to the den but needed to feel closer to him. When she leaned in, Harry froze. She almost pulled back, but the need to feel close to him grew, and she brushed her lips over his.

She could feel him quiver at her touch. It was excitement and love all poured into one place. Their gaze met, and the heat was almost too much. Harry cleared his throat and stepped back. She didn’t want him to stop.

“Wait,” she whispered.

He froze, and she placed her hand on his chest. Her fingers trailed over his pecs, then his collarbone. It had been so long since she’d wanted to touch a man. They were at Wild and Ava’s house, but she couldn’t stop this slow exploration.

One of the kids shrieked with laughter, and she pulled her hand back. Harry caught her hand and brought it to his lips.

“Later, we’ll explore more later. That is, if you want to.”

She nodded. “I don’t know what I’ll be able to do, but that was nice.”

He smiled. “It was. I like having you touch me.”

She bit her lip, her gaze flicking to the ground as embarrassment filled her. He cupped her cheek, and she glanced up, meeting his gaze.

“Do you think you could let me be in charge?”

He nodded. “You could tie me down. That way, you would be in control.”

Heat filled her face, and she gasped as one of the kids came running down the hall. This wasn’t the place to have that conversation.

“We’ll talk about that later,” Harry said before reaching down and flattening the front of his pants, then he untucked his shirt.

She guessed he had gotten hot and bothered just like her. She wanted to explore Harry. She just hoped she was brave enough to go through with it.