Chapter 37

She’d had a good night with the women, and they’d even gotten to a place where they’d laughed. But even though she’d caught a glimpse of happiness hanging out with Ava, Jessica, and Ingrid, she knew she couldn’t ruin their lives with her shit.

When Harry came to pick her up, she’d told him she wanted to return to her hotel. She hadn’t. She wanted to crawl into his king-sized bed and curl up by his side, but she’d decided that she had been through too much to be with him. He deserved more than she could ever give him. Her life was too damaged, her body and spirit broken, and he deserved someone whole.

Making plans to leave California felt totally wrong, but she was going down a path, even if it felt wrong. Her mind kept spinning over the terrible things she’d experienced. She didn’t know how to stop the spiral.

A part of her felt that no matter where she went or how fast she ran, she would never escape the pain. She could go to the ends of the earth, but even that wouldn’t be enough to leave it behind .

No matter what she did or where she went, the echoes of what she’d endured would be there, hiding in her mind. She didn’t want to live with the horrors forever replaying. She’d lived through it once and didn’t want to live through the pain over and over again. Maybe she was weak, but she couldn’t keep going through it.

She didn’t leave her hotel room for a few days, and was surprised when a knock sounded at her door. Fear whipped through her, paralyzing her. Was someone coming for her? She couldn’t go back.

“Rory, it’s Harry, open up.”

The words sifted through the haze of fear. She scrambled off the bed and tripped her way to the door, checking to make sure it was really Harry. She yanked the door open, almost falling because she’d misjudged the weight of the door.

Harry moved fast, catching her and pulling her close. He stepped her back out of the way of the door, then the door shut behind him with a loud thud.

“Rory,” Harry said as he smoothed his hand over her hair.

Tears ran down her cheeks, and her body shook with the swirl of emotions running through her. She clung to Harry, needing his strength to keep her upright.

“Hey, love. We’re getting your things, and you’re moving in with me.”

She shook her head. “I’ll just drag you down.”

“No, you won’t. Have you gone to counseling in the last few days?”

She couldn’t lie to him. “No.”

“Come on, sit here, and I’ll pack your bags. I’ll make sure you get to counseling.”

“How? ”

“Ava, Jessica, and Ingrid have agreed to help. They’ll drop you off and pick you up.”

She shook her head, hating what she’d become. Every time she took a step forward, memories of that awful man and what he’d done hit hard, pushing her back two or three steps. She felt like she would never make progress. “What if it doesn’t help?”

“We’ll find something that does help. You aren’t going to be left behind. You’re going to live in my condo with me. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No!” She might have screamed the word because Harry’s eyes grew wide. She had to make him understand that she needed him. “I-I don’t want to sleep alone. I need something to hold on to.”

“Okay, we’ll sleep in my bed together. But I want you to understand we’re not having sex.”

Her worst fears whipped through her. No one would ever want her again. “Oh.”

Harry moved to stand in front of her and cupped her face, bending his legs and at the waist so he was at eye level with her. “I’m not having sex with you because you need to heal. I want you. I want you right now. If you were emotionally healthy, I would push you to the bed and rip your clothes off before I sank into you. But I’m not going to be a bastard and force you into a physical relationship until you are in an emotionally secure place.”

His words were like water in a parched desert. “What if I’m never back to what I was before?”

His expression grew even more serious than it had been before. “Darling, I believe you’re strong enough to heal. That doesn’t mean you’ll be where you were before. You’ll grow as you heal, and it will be a new place, a new understanding of who you are.”

She missed her past, missed who she was. It was why Harry had been attracted to her. If she wasn’t the kickass woman, who was she? “But you admired me because I was strong.”

“And I fell in love with you because you are you.”

She shook her head. “You love me?”

“Yes. And that won’t change even if you aren’t strong like you were before. I’ll love you because you are you. I do have faith that you’ll heal and be strong again, but it’s not only your strength that attracts me. It’s you, the whole package, not one aspect of your personality.”

“I don’t know how to respond.”

“You don’t have to. Just accept that I care very deeply about you, and we will navigate this together.”

She nodded and watched as he packed away her things, then carried them out to his car. Her thoughts kept tumbling, but her words were few. It amazed her that Harry could care for her even though she was broken. She didn’t want to be weak, but fighting the weakness how she’d been doing it wasn’t working. Her mind kept spiraling, and she was falling deeper into depression. She needed a way out, and Harry might just be the thing that helped her crawl up from the deep hole she’d found herself in.