Chapter 8

* * *

ERIS

This hadto be the most insane thing she'd ever done – she married Colton Fischer today. Knocking on his door had been done in sheer desperation to get a warm, dry place to sleep and maybe twenty bucks to put gas in the car; but she never expected that he would step right up, offer her his home and marriage in record time. Sure they had a past, but he hadn't proposed back then – but one look at Zane obviously changed his mind.

Heaven help her, she was trying to be a bigger person too – agreeing with most everything he was saying or suggesting, but it was a struggle. Those memories and hurt feelings were buried so deep. Yet, every time she turned around, he was saying or doing something that kept striking a chord within her. If she was a banjo, he was plucking at that string repeatedly to get a response out of her using her ultimate weakness.

Zane.

While Eris didn't want to take advantage of his generosity, there were so many ‘basics' that she and Zane needed. Diapers, clothing, and toiletries, but then Colton started looking at baby beds, sheets, pillows, and other items.

"Does he need a crib or a regular bed?" he questioned, looking skeptically between the crib displayed on the shelf and their son. "He seems a little big for something like that."

"Zane shared a bed with me. I couldn't afford a crib."

"Oh," he paused, surprised and hesitated. She almost expected him to question or comment on it, but instead, he pointed at one of the Little Tykes beds on display that looked like a car. "Do you think he would like this? I mean, if I was a boy again – this would be right up my alley."

"It's expensive," she said simply, shaking her head. "We'll get by on the couch or…"

"I want the house to be a home for us," Colton said gently. "And I'd like to give our son a bedroom he wants to play in. So maybe we could get the bed and the toy box over there that looks like a castle – again – another thing that I would have been excited about. I could see my G.I. Joes scaling that thing…" his voice trailed off as he smiled at her. "It's a one-time purchase, so please don't worry."

"Are you sure? We don't even know if this is going to work out between us. I mean, we fell apart before and…"

"Eris," he said, touching her elbow. "I'm not the same guy, and you aren't the same girl. I think we've both hit low moments we'd rather not revisit. I'm not the greatest guy, but I'm going to give this my ‘all' – and if you aren't happy, talk to me instead of running away."

"You told me to leave," she whispered, pulling her elbow away and hearing his heavy sigh.

"I don't want to do this in the middle of Target – or at all," he murmured quietly. "You're right. I screwed up. It took me losing the best person in the world to realize just how badly I messed things up. I never expected you to show back up or to get a second chance. So, when I tell you that ‘I'm trying' or ‘I'm going to give my all' – I really mean it. I can't go through all of this again."

His eyes searched hers as they stared at each other. She was completely taken aback to hear that he'd been upset by her leaving or admitting it and apologizing. That was something the old Colton wouldn't have done easily, and it meant a lot to her.

"Crew up?" Zane parroted, drawing them out of the moment as Colton winced.

"Boy, I'm really going to have to watch my mouth," he muttered and gave her a wary smile. "Sorry?"

It was just so weirdly normal, combined with all of the feelings swirling in her, that she shrugged and nodded, blowing it off because she didn't know how to address any of this. Had she said worse things in front of her son – only for him to repeat it – sure. Could she fall back into a relationship with the man who had broken her heart once already? That wouldn't be so easy.

"You want us to set up a bedroom for him, huh…" she whispered quietly. "Then yes – he'll need a bed, and it is actually pretty adorable."

"Thank you, Eris. I can paint his walls if you want them to be something a little more childlike. I was intending to refurbish the room anyhow, knocking out things here and there on a list that I have for the house already. I really don't mind."

"This is already going to be expensive…" she began, and Colton stopped her once more, smiling.

"Look, if you bring up prices again – I'm going to buy one of everything on this aisle just to spite you," he teased. "I'm not loaded in the slightest, but I do want us to fix up our son's room, making it something any child would love. You can either help me pick out things, or I'm gonna go hog-wild and indulge in my own childish fantasies; and they might not be age-appropriate or child-friendly."

And without looking away from her, he grinned.

"Zane, what's your favorite color, buddy?"

"Green!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Green, boo, wed, yewwow, burple… orange!"

"Should we paint the walls ‘burple' or ‘boo'?"

It was such a strange statement from Colton that she couldn't help it – Eris chuckled nervously, and he joined her not a second later. Zane decided to join in happily, clapping his hands again and making a loud fake laugh that sounded more like a cough.

The three of them were there, shopping and looking around like any other family, and she realized that he was indeed trying and it was her own stubbornness holding him back.

"How about a really pale blue?" she conceded.

"You got it – and the car bed?"

"Yes. He'll need a crib mattress, too. It's a smaller frame and will fit right inside of it."

"Do you want to grab a set of sheets and a blanket for him? Maybe a nightlight? I'm going to get a second cart up front and will be right back because I'm getting our son that castle toy box."

"It's your wallet," she shrugged, chuckling nervously… and Colton winked at her before walking off, announcing ‘I'll be right back' – leaving her there with Zane.

An hour later, they were checking out and shoving bags into the back of the car while two boxes and a baby mattress hung out of her trunk, tied down with twine. As they got to the house, she got Zane out of the booster seat, setting him down so he could walk into the house. She wanted to be able to help carry things inside – only to have Colton stop her.

"I'll get it," he offered simply. "Go ahead and take him in."

"Do you want me to make something for lunch?"

"I'd love that if you are okay with it?" he replied, smiling. "I'm not expecting you to make something for lunch, but it does give me a chance to tackle a few other things. I can get started putting things together for Zane's room."

"My woom?" Zane questioned, looking at them both. "Where my woom?"

"Buddy, we are going to make this the best room ever," Colton said openly, his eyes so full of pride and admiration as he looked at their son, smiling… and for a moment, Eris felt slightly jealous. Sure, Colton was being nice to her, but it was obvious as to why.

Zane.

"Eris, why don't you make sure your new key works in the door, and I'll start hauling this in…"

Nodding, Eris once again felt dismissed slightly and walked away, heading toward the door with Zane. Maybe all of this was just another massive mistake on her part, but it wasn't the first time she'd rushed into something without plotting out all the benefits or problems. She was now so far entrenched in the quagmire that it was terrifying. It had seemed like a good idea for a little while, but the more she thought about things, the more wary she got. There would be no leaving Colton easily because they were now married.

He was spending all this money preparing a room for her and Zane… and not once had he truly shown interest in her again romantically. Even when they said their vows, it was a brief perfunctory kiss - and that was it. It was almost like he was keeping her at an arm's length, but then again, she really wasn't trying to encourage him either.

"Zane, why don't you climb onto the couch and watch as… Daddy," she choked out the foreign word nervously, "… brings in your things."

Her son was moving quickly, letting out a happy shriek as Colton carried in the first box containing the new plastic race car bed. He laughed softly at Zane before fetching more from the loaded-down trunk of her vehicle. The trunk of the car was completely full and Colton had reassured her they would ‘figure out' the sleeping arrangements once they could see how much available room was left over. The room didn't feel tiny, but once you started putting furniture inside, it had a way of shrinking space.

She made a simple lunch consisting of soup and grilled cheese, thickening Zane's slightly with some crushed up crackers just so it was easier to stick on the spoon for the little boy. As she finished making lunch, Colton was carrying in the last of the bags and a gallon of paint. Zane was already taking a bite of his sandwich, both joining him at the table.

"I'm going to get started in a few, but I was thinking…" Colton began between bites. "I don't want the room to smell like fumes from the paint, and I still need to get you a mattress."

Eris had to fight back the skeptic in her that immediately thought ‘uh huh, I see your ploy to get me back in the sack!' and listened instead to what he was saying.

"We can let the room air out and make do two more evenings like last night – because I'll be gone the next three evenings. You work tomorrow, and then I'll be gone at seven on Saturday morning. It really isn't a problem until Tuesday night, and we can tackle it then."

"That's fine," she said simply, feeling like an afterthought – and kicking herself for thinking that.

This was all so confusing, and a lot to be happening at once. Did she want him to be interested in her or did she want her space? And why was she even thinking about any of this?

Just because he is helping her doesn't mean that they will have a relationship at all… and paused. Looking away from him, she focused on her food that was suddenly tasteless and kept sticking in her throat.

Relationship?

Did she even want that?

* * *

Hours later,the bedroom was painted, the bed and toy box for Zane was put together, and she'd given her son a bath before bed. Lying down, she ignored the fact that Colton was lying there not three feet from her, with their son lying between them. He was staring at the ceiling, his fingers folded on his chest, and Zane began fussing, pulling at her in frustration.

"Shhh… I'm right here, sweetie," she crooned. "Shut your eyes, Zane."

"Wanna go home."

"This is our new home for a little while…"

"Eris…"

"Mama… Mama," Zane sobbed, flopping down bodily before arching his back, fighting off slumber. "I want my Pooh…"

"Has he got to go to the bathroom?" Colton asked, and she shushed him, giving him a look instinctively, only to realize he didn't know Zane's habits, and she'd just snapped at him.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm just trying to help."

"He wants his Winnie the Pooh bear."

"Why didn't we get him one today when we were out if he needs it to sleep?" Colton asked, obviously getting upset. "Eris, if he needs a Winnie the Pooh, we should have bought one."

"Don't snap at me."

"You keep snapping at me, and all I'm trying to do is help," he retorted – and got up. "I've been trying all day to help… and it's not good enough, is it?"

"Where are you going?"

"Walmart," he said hotly, grabbing his keys off the dresser. "I'm going to buy my son a Winnie the Pooh, and frankly – I need a breather."

"Running again?"

The moment the words were out of her mouth, she knew it was a mistake. Colton turned and looked at her, his eyes full of anger and betrayal. His entire form was tense, and he looked like he was teetering on the edge of snapping.

"Now that's ironic coming from you," he said tightly; his entire face had this obvious pinched look to it, like he was trying hard not to yell. "You left, changed jobs, moved away, and you kept the biggest joy that a couple could have between them a secret from me… and you are accusing me of running?"

She swallowed silently, letting him vent.

"No, Eris. I am not running," Colton snapped hotly, grabbing his keys and wallet off the old dresser beside the bedroom door. "This is what being an adult looks like. I may not know how to be a father, but if my son wants something to make him happy, then I'm going to get it because that is what feels right."

"Colton…" she began, feeling worse than ever – because he was right. She had done nothing but snap at him, argue, and withdraw every time he'd tried to do the right thing. He was trying to make an effort and had even married her today – all because it was the right thing to do in his mind and heart.

And she was throwing it in his face.

He didn't wait to see what she said, nor could she blame him. He walked out the bedroom door and slammed the front door of the house. No, she owed him an apology and had no idea where to begin or how to fix any of this.

"Daddy go bye-bye?" Zane announced, tearing up and fussing once more. "Zane go bye-bye, too?"

"No, we are going to wait here," she replied as he threw another tantrum. Sighing heavily, she got up and picked him up bodily, walking into the living room that held a couch, a small television on top of a cabinet, and a recliner.

"Please be a rocker…" she whispered aloud, not really wanting to tell Colton that was missing too. How would he ever understand that she was swimming in guilt for spending so much money… knowing darn well that she'd kept Zane away. He was being so nice, so tender, and she felt like the world's greatest monster.

Colton would flip his lid that she'd failed to mention that as well just to save money. Her rocker had been an old wooden one she bought at a yard sale for twenty dollars – and it had paid for itself in triplicate over the last three years. Sitting down, the chair gave, and she nearly sighed in relief.

Her son scrambled to get comfortable, propping himself on her shoulder, and she closed her eyes. She knew she was babying him, but he was her precious child growing up far too fast… and she would need to let him grow with Colton in his life, accepting that they might have differences in parenting.

She was still rocking Zane when the lights appeared in the front window, and Colton walked into the living room. He looked at her, his face terse but full of regret as Zane turned to look around at the noise.

"Here," he said simply, handing him the Winnie the Pooh and pointing toward the bedroom. "Go lie down with him and get some rest."

"Colton…"

"Zane first," he interrupted quietly. "We can talk later or tomorrow. I'll sleep out here and give you some privacy so I don't bother you both anymore."

"Give me five minutes, and I'll be right back," she murmured, hating this gulf between them. "Maybe we could have some hot tea together?"

"Or a beer?" he muttered, still upset.

"I could use a beer," she chuckled. "It's been four years since I've had one, and I need to relax a bit."

"Yeah, you do."

His eyes glanced up at the sharp retort that spilled from his lips – and she couldn't be upset when it was true.

"I do," she replied softly. "Five minutes?"

Colton nodded.

Eris walked into the other room and put Zane in the middle of the bed, repeating the process. She rubbed his back gently and sang softly to him.

"My Pooh?" Zane volunteered, holding it up for her.

"Yes, Daddy went and got you a Pooh bear."

"Das my Pooh," he agreed. "Das my daddy…"

"Yes, that's your Daddy."

"I wike my Daddy."

"I like your Daddy, too – he's a really nice guy sometimes. Now, go to sleep, okay? Mama will sing to you if you shut your eyes."

"M'kay…" Zane yawned. "Das my Pooh…"

"Yup, Pooh Bear loves you, now shhh…" she whispered again softly, rubbing his back and singing softly once more. It took less than a minute for him to let out a shuddering sigh as his little lips parted, and she smiled. It had been a big day for him, and it was exhausting to be in a new place with so many things to explore or take in.

"I love you," she whispered, kissing his forehead.

Eris got up gingerly, preparing to go apologize to the man who ran out into the night to get his son a Winnie the Pooh bear without prompting. Colton was a really nice guy and deserved so much better than how she was behaving or treating him.

As she walked into the living room, she saw him standing in the kitchen making two cups of hot tea and he barely looked over his shoulder, tensing immediately. She didn't even question why he'd picked tea over the beer and was glad. They both needed to keep their heads clear for whatever conversation they were about to have.

"He's asleep," she volunteered quietly.

"Your tea," he replied simply and handed her a cup – and she touched his forearm, causing him to stop immediately, but he wouldn't look at her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and saw the surprise on his face as he glanced at her for just the briefest moment before nodding and looking away. "Colton, the last few days have been awful… and I've never felt so low or scared."

"I know."

"I'm not trying to make things hard or be difficult, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop – afraid that this nightmare I seem to be stuck in isn't over yet."

"I'm sorry that staying with me or being here is a nightmare."

"It's not," she breathed, taking a deep breath, "but we are having trouble communicating because it's a lot for both of us. You didn't expect me to show up on your doorstep with a child – and I didn't expect you to be so…"

"What?" he said, looking at her now for the first time. "Go ahead and say it. Stubborn, pushy, overbearing because I want to be that kid's daddy. Go ahead and tell me how horrible I am, Eris. If you want a fight, then pick one, and let's get it all out in the open finally."

She shook her head, still looking at him and feeling tears sting her eyes because she had done him so wrong. He'd been nothing but giving and kind and tried to be a parent to Zane, stepping into a role she'd taken from him out of fear and frustration.

"You've been wonderful," she said tearfully, breaking down as everything seemed to hit at once. The fire, him, the kindness, everything. "And I'm so grateful that you've not lost your temper or thrown me out because I've been a complete and total…"

"Shhh…" Colton interrupted, pulling her close and hugging her. His hand smoothed her hair as she wept against his shoulder, feeling so lost yet so safe at the same time. "Shhh. I've got you, and you don't have to do this alone anymore – you never had to, Eris."

"Just don't give up on me or push me away again."

"Never," he murmured against her hair, holding her close.

Eris couldn't tell you how long they stood there in the kitchen hugging, but eventually, Colton walked her to the bedroom without protest. She was emotionally drained. There wasn't a second thought, not an ounce of hesitation, as he told her gently to lie down.

He treated her like she was fragile – and she was there for it. It was so nice to have someone reach out to take care of her for once, and she barely felt the mattress move as he climbed onto the other side of the bed, putting Zane between them once again.

"Good night," he said simply, and she replied back quickly, her voice so laced with exhaustion that she even heard it.

"Good night, Colton… and thank you."

"Always."