Chapter 7

* * *

COLTON

It had to be Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Colton thought in a wild panic at the thoughts running through his mind.

When Eris asked for her keys, the first thing that ran through his mind was to scream ‘no' and flatten her tires. She obviously didn't trust him before to tell him about the baby. He needed that trust – and it wouldn't happen by preventing her from leaving. Instead, he nearly begged her to give him a chance, and those unspoken chances had him completely coming unglued.

He wanted to put her up here— both of them. The other bedroom was a blank slate. He'd laid carpet, and that was it. He could paint it whatever color she wanted, make it a nursery and paint it light blue, or whatever her heart desired… so long as she stayed with Zane.

After waking up this morning and seeing both of their sleeping faces, it hit him exactly what he'd missed. He never got to cut the cord when she delivered their child. He never rocked Zane to sleep. There was no cheering his son to take his first steps or celebrating when he said his first word.

"I hope his first word was ‘da-da,'" he muttered, starting the coffee pot with a heavy sigh. Getting out a pancake bottle, he added water to it and shook it violently while putting a skillet on the stove. "I don't even know what Zane likes to eat…"

"He loves pancakes with sliced bananas," Eris said from behind him quietly, causing him to jump. "And yes – his first word was da-da no matter how hard I tried to get him to say ‘mama'…"

He smirked sheepishly, shaking his head because he'd been caught griping.

"'Nana?" Zane volunteered, scrambling to get down just as the dryer buzzer went off in the distance. Both he and Eris looked toward the noise, and he moved into action.

"Here," he said, grabbing a few raspberries and putting them on a paper plate. "I have some berries for you. If you want to grab his clothes out of the dryer, Eris, he will be able to run around without tripping on my shirt."

"Das berries?" Zane questioned.

"Raspberries," Colton corrected gently and noticed the little boy watching his mouth carefully. Kneeling, he smiled at his son and nodded. "Here, watch… say raspberries like this - ‘rasssspberries'. Can you say it for me?"

Zane's little mouth moved awkwardly, forming the word.

"Rasssspberries," he repeated to his son, who mimicked him… kinda.

"Wazzzberries?"

"Hey," Colton chuckled, giving him a thumbs up since he'd seen his son do that before – and Zane stuck out his fist with his pointer. Laughing easily, he tucked the tiny finger down and gingerly moved the thumb upward. "There you go, little man. Just like that, okay?"

"Wazzzberries and ‘nanas?"

"We'll get some bananas at the store today – I promise. First, we are going to have some pancakes. Oh," Colton started slightly as Eris walked up. "Here's your mama."

And Colton backed away, watching from a distance as she deftly undressed and dressed his son with a practiced hand. Obviously, she'd done that several times over the years, and to him, it was charming because it was new to him. He poured the batter into the skillet in several small round circles that might be easy for Zane to handle, flipping them moments later.

"Is the coffee ready?"

"Oh," he started. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was going to make you a cup but got distracted. Let me flip these so they don't burn and…"

"I can get my own cup of coffee," she replied, and he noticed that she'd changed back into her own clothing. It had been kind of nice to see her in his firefighter T-shirt, remembering the good ol' days when she used to take one occasionally, ‘claiming it' because she liked the design on the front. "Which cabinet are the coffee cups in?"

"Here," he said, pointing with the spatula. "I don't have much because it's just been me, but you are welcome to anything I have – and feel free to look around."

"Colton," she sighed heavily, and he braced himself for what was coming next. "Look, we have a lot of history, and yes – I need a minute to get back on my feet… but that's all this is."

"I know," he replied, the words tasting sour on his tongue because he wanted to scream out his denial immediately. "Take as long as you need…"

"Colton…"

"Hang on," he interrupted and fished out the pancakes for Zane easily, setting down the plate in front of him. "Hear me out and give me a moment, okay? I'm happy to watch Zane on Friday – and if you can get them to adjust your shift to mine, there will be no more daycare bills because I'll happily watch my son. It would give me time to get to know him – and you again."

Her eyes stared up at him, and he saw her lips were pressed together mulishly in that stubborn pride he remembered.

"Eris, it doesn't have to be complicated or hard between us because we were once the best of friends and more. I'd like that friendship back, for Zane's sake. If I had known about him or had my name on the birth certificate, I would have happily paid you child support… if you would have just told me," he whispered quietly. "I never intended for this – or to make you struggle."

And saw her turn away, hiding her face.

"I appreciate that," she whispered tearfully… and then turned to look at him, her brilliant eyes were so full of fear and pain. "I wish this had been the guy all those years ago because he seems to understand – where that other version of Colton said some really hurtful things."

"I know I did, especially from your point of view," he admitted, reaching out and touching her hand. "I was scared, and I have no excuse except that I was panicking…" and she jerked her hand away.

"You think I didn't?" And dashed a tear from her lovely face. "I was drowning in fear, and the one person I wanted to reach for and trust caused it - before washing his hands of me."

He stood there silently while she let everything out. He couldn't fight a phantom he couldn't see and was slowly starting to piece it all together the more she let him in.

"Mama, no cry?" Zane asked from the table, causing those already pressed together lips to turn white along the edges from the strain.

"Mama is done crying from now on," she said bitterly, staring at Colton. "I'm never going to let someone hurt me again."

"And I promise I won't," he said evenly. "If you are down, let me pick you up, and we'll figure this out with enough time… that's all I'm asking. You need help on Friday. Great. I go back to work on Saturday, and you can use the house for the three days I'm at the station. Let's figure out your schedule for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and talk about it together – as friends."

"You won't be here for three days?" she asked, stunned.

"Nope. My shift changed after we broke up, and I was assigned to a different engine. We are on a rotation now, and Reese Carpenter is now the fire chief. Remember he was my captain when I was a probie?"

"I remember you talking about him…"

"He's a great guy – most of the time."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I'm getting passed over for Captain – and while it stings a lot, after talking to him, I would have made the same decisions," he admitted, pouring batter into the skillet to make a pancake for Eris. "Man, it sucks to grow up and mature sometimes, because the hothead in me wanted to yell or stomp my feet saying it wasn't fair."

And heard her chuckle.

Glancing up, he saw her wary smile as she nodded.

"Yeah, maturing, growing up, and being an adult does indeed ‘suck' most of the time," she winced as Zane repeated the word with his mouth full, making it almost sound like an extremely foul word. Colton's eyes got huge as his mouth dropped open in shock.

"I am soooo sorry," he muttered.

"He's learning and always listening."

"I'll watch my mouth, I swear it."

"Wash ma mouff?" Zane repeated questioningly – and Colton chuckled, nodding.

"Yup. I need my mouth washed out for saying a bad word – so don't say what I did, okay? Lots of bad words… bad, bad."

Zane's face fell as he immediately looked at Eris, his little lip wobbling.

"Always learning," she repeated firmly – and it clicked in his head. She started to move toward Zane, but instead looked at Colton, who moved first. He melted, shoving the skillet off the burner quickly and kneeling beside the boy.

"Zane bad?" his son warbled as a fat tear streaked down his cheek just as his lower lip stuck out.

"Oh no. You are amazing…" he praised, feeling crushed that he'd nearly made his son cry by just trying to teach him. "Zane is such a good, sweet boy."

"Good boy?"

"A very good boy," he said tenderly, smoothing his dark hair that was so much like his. "I'm learning how to be your father, and I'm going to make mistakes, but you are a very good boy – okay?"

"Colton, we need to talk about the whole ‘father' thing…" Eris said from behind him – and something took hold within his soul that he couldn't explain. He stood and turned to look at her, having heard her words from earlier this morning and her relief that she was going to have him gone for three days, and it hit hard that even Zane wasn't enough to tie her to him or keep him here.

"I'm his father, and I want to be here," he said quietly. "I know things were a mess, and I've made mistakes – but I'm not about to make another one. We made a child, and I want to know him. You need help and support. Let's figure this out and do it together for Zane's sake."

"What do you mean?"

"Marry me. I'll give you both my name; you can live here, and I can get to know my son. If something happens where it's completely intolerable being nearby – then you can divorce me and take me to the cleaners for financial support. I never intended to make you struggle or for you to ever have to do this alone. I owe you everything for Zane, and honestly – even more in back child support. Let me step up and do the right thing by you both."

She stared at him like he'd grown two heads, and he didn't blame her. Proposing marriage to an ex-girlfriend wasn't on his To-Do list at all – but then again, neither was becoming a dad until twelve hours ago.

Now, his priorities had changed drastically.

"What's the catch?" she said shrewdly.

"No catch," he replied sincerely. "I want us to be friends. I don't want to be a parent to our son who is always fighting with his mother. Zane deserves better than that or a deadbeat dad. Do you know how bad it makes me feel to even say that aloud?"

Her eyes met his silently.

He was actually reaching her and knew it would take time to bridge the divide between them… but that was okay. If she was here, in his life, it could take a decade and he didn't care. They shouldn't have broken up before, and he had an inkling of how hurt she felt. He only hoped time would eventually mend those wounds.

"Let me pick up the slack and be a partner – and show that I'm sincere and willing to put everything on the line for you both. Let's get keys made for you today while we are out, and pick out some things for the other room so you can make it warm and welcoming. I won't demand or push for anything except your friendship. Spend time with me, and let me get to know you both."

"I need to think…" she whispered.

Colton grew silent, watching her expressive face as she looked away from him. Her eyes were darting. That little furrow between her eyebrows would get deep, then fade, before deepening again in concentration. He had no clue what was going through her mind, but the fact that she was considering it was already a plus in his book.

"Take your time," he said quietly and went back to making their breakfast. Glancing toward Zane, he saw he was on his last little pancake. "Zane, do you want another one, buddy?"

"Yeshhh…" His son's little smile as he held up part of his half-eaten pancake was priceless, and he felt his heart turn over. Nothing had prepared him for what it would feel like to meet his child, his son, his legacy; and no words could describe the sensation – except it was not one he was willing to let go of easily.

"What if I wanted to date someone or found someone else someday?" Eris said quietly from behind him, and Colton stiffened, not turning around. No, her words were like a knife to his heart, and she was waiting for a response.

"Well, I'd hope that maybe someday we could give this another try between us, or you might give me a chance," he said hoarsely, thinking. "But if the day came that you wanted out – I would still want us to manage to be friends."

"This isn't some ploy to get back into my pants?"

"Eris," he sighed heavily, sliding her pancake onto a plate and handing it to her. "We'll get you a bed for the other room so you can stay with Zane. I'm not pushing you for more, and I think we need a lot of healing before that ever happens…"

"It might not," she said bluntly.

"It might not," he conceded quietly, agreeing with her and realizing that things could actually be that broken between them. "But you are still the mother to my child – and I still want you both here… with me."

"But marriage?"

"I'm committed to trying this between us – and I want you to know that. I want Zane to have my name," he repeated and looked at Zane, giving him a thumbs-up. "I'm cooking your pancake now, buddy."

"M'kay," Zane replied easily, giving him the little thumbs-up – but with his first finger. Colton smiled because he just couldn't get that right, and it was adorable to him. He saw his son's face change slightly as he looked at him again. "What's yur name?"

Colton heard Eris's quickly drawn breath and looked at her, not bothering to his expression. Her eyes met his, and he saw the fear combined with warring doubts within her. Gosh, she was so stubborn sometimes, he thought, feeling the frustration build within him as she waited.

The silence hung in the air.

"'Cuse me…" Zane asked again. "What's yur name, man?"

"He's incredibly smart," Colton whispered to her and saw Eris close her eyes as her throat worked… and nodded.

She was agreeing to his offer! He turned to look at his son and felt tears sting his eyes as he said the words he never imagined he would utter aloud – nor the pride and joy that came with them.

"Zane, I'm your Daddy."

* * *

Two hours later,that joy was struggling to hang on with all its might.

Colton was trying not to pressure her but was absolutely convinced that the longer Eris had to think about things, the more likely she was to back out. No, he needed to get this done quickly and on the books so that they could begin again… as unromantic as that seemed.

"Let's run a few errands and pick out some necessities for you both. I'll leave you my card when I go to work if you need anything," he offered quietly to where she was sitting silently in the passenger seat, staring out the window.

They had taken her car because she had a car seat for Zane, and he'd offered to drive so she didn't have to sit in a seat that squished. Yeah, he put down a towel and covered the seat with a trash bag, vowing to take it to the dealership to get it fixed if he couldn't repair it himself. She wasn't ignoring him, but she was certainly lost in her own mind right now, and he was filled with doubts, struggling.

As they got to the courthouse, filled out the paperwork, and exchanged simple vows before the magistrate… he could see those same doubts in her eyes.

"You may kiss your bride, Mr. Fischer," the magistrate offered, finishing the brief ceremony that seemed so cold. They weren't smiling, didn't have rings, and barely spoke. Yeah, this was anything but ‘fun' for either of them.

Colton leaned forward and gently pressed a kiss to her pinched lips, fighting back a groan of awareness. She was clamming up just like she used to do. If anyone pushed her too hard, she would shut down, and she was doing that very thing right now with Zane standing beside them, not understanding what was going on.

"I swear I'll be good to you," he promised gently before backing away. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

Her tight nod was all the indication she gave that she was listening – but that was okay. The paperwork was filed, they were married, and Zane now had Fischer as his last name… and he was on the birth certificate. Oh yes, he'd been very firm with that last request. If something ever happened to either of them, he wanted his son taken care of.

Another gloomy hour passed on what should have been the happiest day of their lives, and it felt perfunctory. They were at Target, going through the aisles, and he was having to ask questions repeatedly to see if they needed an item because he genuinely didn't know.

"What about toilet latches?" he asked, holding up the safety item and looking at her. "Do these work? Is this an issue? Can he get the toilet open when he's potty trained or should we skip this? Eris? Hello?"

"Skip it."

"Okay, what about Pull-Ups? Does he wear Pull-Ups or diapers? How about we get Zane some cotton underwear, and he can try it? We can get a little potty seat for him and…"

"Pull-Ups are fine, and we can try the cotton underwear."

"Eris, please…"

"What, Colton?" she turned, looking at him. "Are you expecting me to be all excited and lovey-dovey now that it's binding on paper? That's not how this works. My apartment burned, I'm broke, and…" she drew herself up and looked away – and he knew. She was traumatized and had reached her limit.

"Hey," he said quietly, pulling her into his arms for a hug and ignored her struggles. "Listen to me as a friend, not a husband, but an old friend… you've been through a lot, and I'm trying to help in the only way I know how."

"You don't have to…"

"That's the thing – I want to," he offered quietly. "I want to get you settled, for you to feel like it is your home too, and I need your input – please. Our son needs some necessities, some toys, and childproofing items so he is safe when he runs around and plays. I'm clueless, Eris," he chuckled nervously, realizing it was true.

"I can put out a class three fire, know exactly what the foam ratio is on the truck, or can do a wicked stint of chest compressions if necessary… but other than plastic plugs and a thing that prevents the television from tipping – I've got nothing."

"It goes on dressers, too," she said quietly, nodding.

"See? I didn't even think about that because I have zero experience, nor have I read anything about children; but I want to learn. Will you help me?"

At that question, she looked up at him in surprise. He could still see the wary, jaded emotions in her eyes, but there was also confusion and hope. She was scared to trust, just like he was afraid she'd run again.

"Help me learn what you both need," he whispered softly, fighting the urge to touch her cheek or kiss her. "I don't even know what toys or things he likes – and I have a lot to learn."

Her eyes searched his, and he saw that crease appear between her eyebrows once more as she looked at him.

"I haven't potty trained him yet because I haven"t had the time," she whispered nervously. "I've taken so many overtime shifts in order to get by…"

"You could quit for all I care," he offered gently. "Take the time. I'm not judging you, but rather letting you know that you aren't alone. If you decide to go part-time, that works too. Enjoy him growing up, and let me help. I'm getting by on my check, and while I'm not rich by any means, we'll figure this out."

"Why are you doing all of this?"

"Why do I run into burning houses?" he countered, chuckling and shaking his head. "It's the right thing to do, and I'm able to do so. Does there have to be a nefarious reason behind it? Can't I be the good guy for a little bit?"

"Dadddeee," Zane called out excitedly, and Colton caught his breath at hearing the term. He turned immediately, looking at him and noticed he was pointing at the little underwear three-pack hanging on a peg. "A pooh! Wook, a pooh bear."

"Yeah, there is," he replied, feeling a lump in his throat, looking from his son to Eris and back again. "Do you like Winnie the Pooh, Zane?"

"Yesss. I wike Pooh."

"Then let's get you some Winnie the Pooh underwear… and maybe we can get you some more stuff with Pooh Bear on it? What do you think, Mama?"

He was deliberately asking her, trying to draw her into the conversation and wanting her to feel included in this family unit he was trying to draw together. Everything in him wanted to figure this out because he still cared and felt it every time he looked into her eyes.

"You win, Colton," she sighed heavily and crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "We'll do this your way."

She plucked some cabinet latches off a peg, a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom, and some little plastic utensils that were brightly colored. Tossing it into the cart, she looked at him almost like she was challenging him, and he just smiled.

"Keep going," he urged, and she seemed to relax a little bit. "Get whatever you both need."