Chapter 6

* * *

ERIS

Eris hatedthe way her hands were trembling as she changed Zane quickly into one of Colton's shirts – and the guy was right – her son was swimming in the material and giggling.

"Bwankie?"

"No, it's not a blankie," she whispered, rushing and changing while he was moving her car into the garage. That was a sweet gesture from him that was quite unexpected. He was trying to prevent more damage from the water intrusion and taking them in for the night calmly.

She had honestly expected him to flip out, yell or get angry, or demand for them to talk immediately; yet he was concerned about their comfort. Her head popped up hearing the door close in the distance and then hearing the garage door rumbling softly, indicating it was closing behind him.

Like a deer in headlights, she froze, waiting, and remained where she was until she heard Colton humming quietly in the kitchen, shutting the microwave door and warming up something. Looking at Zane where he was swallowed by the t-shirt, she scooped him up.

"C'mon, little man," she whispered sweetly, kissing him on the temple and listening to him question her.

"Was dis pwace, Mama?"

"A friend's house," she whispered back, kissing him once more as she opened the bedroom door and peered out.

"Hungry?" Colton said simply with his back to her in the distance. "I'm not good with kids, but I saw he had a few teeth. Can he have some cheese toast or something? We'll need to get something better for him…"

"Toast? I wike toast," Zane volunteered before she could say anything, causing Colton to toss her an easy look as he grinned at the little boy.

"I like toast, too. In fact, I think I'm going to have some with you before I go back to bed. Is that okay?"

"So'kay," her son answered – and stuck out his fist with his pointer finger sticking out.

"Like this, buddy," Eris volunteered, holding up her own thumbs up and heard Colton chuckle again, looking at him. The man looked a little intimidated and completely fascinated as he stared at them, and she swallowed in awareness.

This was the same man who ran into burning houses because he liked the thrill of it? His face used to light up with excitement when he would talk about how a particular call went. It was always ‘the fire' and never referred to it as ‘the house' because he had to keep that separated in his mind, whether he realized it or not.

"Eris, do you want some toast with Cheez Whiz spread on it, too?" he asked easily. "It's a good thing I ran to the grocery store last night. My last loaf of bread molded because I didn't eat it fast enough. Zane, do you like raspberries?"

Her son's face scrunched up at the word, and he looked at her curiously.

"Berries are expensive," she whispered, feeling ashamed. They were horrifically expensive now, and she could get an entire jar of preserves or a package of baby wipes for the same price or less.

"Ah," Colton acknowledged and nodded. "Yeah, they are – and they go bad quickly, but they're my favorite. I bought a package yesterday and thought you both might like some on your plate. It's not a healthy meal, but filling."

"You don't have to explain," she replied quietly, still feeling weirdly out of place and nervous, waiting for the ‘why didn't you tell me' comments that were sure to come eventually.

"I figured one of us should…"

And there it was,she thought, flinching.

"Maybe we can go to the store in the morning together and…"

"I needed a safe place for us to sleep that was dry," Eris said candidly, feeling like she was being criticized for that single statement said so quietly by Colton. "Don't mistake this for something else."

He walked over with two plates and set them down on the small table beside her before meeting her eyes – hard.

"We're going to talk about this," Colton began quietly. "I think this talk is about four years overdue, and I don't want to argue right now. Let's eat something, get some sleep, and we can discuss this tomorrow like adults."

"There's nothing to discuss."

Colton's whole face frowned as he pressed his lips together and scrunched up his nose – almost in the adult version of Zane, pointing at the child silently, and she practically heard his unspoken retort.

Zane? You had a baby, remember?!

Just seeing that look she knew so well, realizing just how similar they were, and how much he was trying to keep calm about it, well, it really hit home. He could have yelled, flipped his lid, started snapping at her – like the old Colton she once knew but life had obviously changed them both.

"You're right," she sighed, putting Zane in the wooden chair, realizing that none of them really matched around the round table. There were four different wooden chairs, and she smiled sadly. Classic Colton, she mused, so long as it functioned, it worked – just like his truck.

"I'm right?"

The surprise in his voice caused her to look up at him. Had she once been so hardheaded about things? He looked so shocked standing there that she rolled her eyes, unsure how to respond or if she needed to say something about it.

"Zane, be careful in the chair and chew slowly," she instructed, but her son was already picking up one of the raspberries and staring at it in awe. It was perched on his finger and, not a second later, in his mouth.

"Mmmm is good, Mama…"

Colton sat down on the other side of Zane, her son, watching him as he shoveled another mauled raspberry into his mouth. Watching the two of them really hit her in the gut because it was so glaringly obvious seeing them together.

"They're good," Colton said softly. "Aren't they, buddy?"

Her son must really like the raspberries, she mused, holding back a smile. Usually, Zane would ask her if she wanted a ‘bite' – but instead, he was devouring the small pile of berries in record time. Not a second later, she looked up to see Colton's eyes on her.

"Eat, Eris," he invited quietly, and she nodded, picking up her slice of toast.

It was so weird to think of them like this, and it felt almost familial to have the three of them here, together. Colton seemed so fascinated with Zane. He was currently rolling a few raspberries off the edge of his plate onto Zane's – making her son chuckle as he picked them up and held them for inspection before popping them in his mouth with a happy sound of contentment.

She didn't want to think of him like this because she'd held onto that particular night in her mind for so long. Each word was a dagger to her soul. The one time that things had gotten so far out of control and she'd given in, despite her wanting to wait for marriage. He'd been so sweet, so loving, having asked her, ‘are you sure' at least twenty times… only to have it all fall apart not seconds afterward.

Colton had jumped out of the bed and away from her, cursing angrily as he ran from the bedroom. His words echoed off the bathroom walls, embedding themselves like daggers in her mind.

The condom broke?! Oh my gosh! This can't be happening to me! I can't be some kid's daddy. I don't even want kids. What am I gonna do? She's gonna flip out. Heck, I'm flipping out! I don't wanna get married yet or deal with any of this.

Oh yes, each word hurt – especially the unspoken ones. Eris had shared of herself, thought it was something beyond beautiful between them… yet he leaped away from her like she was some monster. She felt such shame lying there, feeling used and betrayed. Those moments when he was in the bathroom alone, having his little mental freakout… she had been having her own.

He doesn't love me? He lied to me just to be able to fool around and sleep with me? We should have talked about things like this if we were in a true relationship and now – after all of this - I'm finding out that he doesn't want to get married? He doesn't want children in his future, and I do. What happens now? What if we made a baby? What am I going to do? Why is he being like this?

Colton had exited the bathroom, looking like a ghost with a towel wrapped around his hips – and she immediately gathered the sheet to her, covering herself from him.

"You should go," he'd said hoarsely, nearly in tears. "I need to think and be alone."

Eris had dressed quickly, feeling such regret, shame, disappointment, and betrayal at his words. He hadn't even thought of her or her feelings at that moment. No, he'd been concerned with what would happen to him. In that moment, her life and mindset changed immediately.

Colton didn't call her for almost two weeks. When he finally did, she ignored it. She was upset, angry, hurt, and then she missed her period. He'd shown up at her work, asking her bluntly if she was pregnant – and she lied.

She lied directly to his face.

"No," she'd told him – and saw the relief on his face combined with a fervently whispered ‘Thank you, God' that hurt so much.

"I'll call you later when I get off work at the station," he volunteered, looking like his old self… but she wasn't the same. No, she was indeed pregnant and had scheduled her first checkup during her lunch break, not two hours earlier.

When he left, she stood there silently watching him. She needed space, distance, and a fresh start because while he might have given up on being a part of her life when things got tough, she was about to buckle down and deal with things like an adult.

No, she wasn't the same girl that would follow him adoringly because having witnessed him at his worst had given her new insight into their relationship – or lack thereof.

A pregnancy was not something she could hide – and not something he wanted. She had lied to him to protect him, to give him a sense of relief while taking the unknown burden on herself. If he didn't want a child or children in his future, and she did. She'd just been gifted one by the man who owned her heart and always would, no matter how much she didn't like him at that moment.

At twenty-four years old, she had been an adult and made decisions that affected her life and her future and would deal with them… however at twenty-five, Colton had not been mature in the slightest – and that much was evident now.

The man before her did not act nor react the same. He was looking at her son, her son, with avid curiosity and wonder as they played with their food together… and saw the differences in his eyes, his face from years ago. But that jaded young woman kept whispering in the back of her mind...

How long is it going to take to see Colton at his worst once again?

Getting up, Eris picked up the kitchen rag draped over the faucet over the sink and wet it, wiping down Zane's face and fingers with practiced ease. Colton stood up immediately, getting the plates and joining her in the kitchen, and she sighed despondently.

Colton had left a toddler alone in the kitchen chair and didn't even realize that he could fall. He didn't know. He hadn't learned over the years, and it was just another sign that things were broken. Biting her tongue, she immediately dropped the rag to get Zane as he was already trying to stand up in the seat, the T-shirt tucked under his foot.

"Mama, Mama…" he whimpered, immediately leaning onto her shoulder, completely ‘tuckered out' like her mother used to say when she was a little girl. It was funny how often she thought of her mom, wishing she could be here to meet Zane, and how many questions she had about raising a child. Life seemed so unfair sometimes – and so fragile. One day, you are rushing to work and then never come home again. Reality was a cruel mistress and her outlook had changed so much over the last few years.

"I'll clean this up in the morning," she offered nervously, feeling completely out of place. "I need to get Zane down for bed and…"

"We're all going," he interrupted. "I'm beat, too. We have a big day tomorrow."

"It's a normal day – and no we don't."

"I'm not arguing with you."

"Nope," she said simply. "There's no argument to be had."

"Eris, don't shut me down before we talk."

"Colton, I'm tired, and I need actual sleep in a horizontal position, not semi-inclined in my driver's seat," she said openly, looking at him. "I don't care where we sleep – I just need sleep. The couch, the floor, whatever…"

"We already talked about this, and you aren't sleeping on either."

Eris stopped and sighed, looking at him.

"I'm not doing this…"

"Neither am I…"

"Go lie down in the bed and put Zane in the middle so we can make sure he doesn't get up," Colton said firmly. "I need to get plug covers and who knows what else to make sure things are safe."

Only to hear Zane's whimper.

Colton's eyes shot to her son's face in an instant. That raw, unsure, confused look in his gaze was obvious — right before it blossomed into something so beautiful her stomach clenched in awareness. There, on his face, was a gentle smile and longing that she never anticipated seeing. His hand reached out, and she saw it tremble as she touched Zane's hair before he put his hand down.

"He sucks his thumb?"

"Just when he's exhausted."

"Oh… come on," he urged, opening the bedroom door for her once again. It felt so weird to walk in there – and she saw him yank down their clothing from the bathroom shower bar where she'd put it to dry. "I'm going to start a load of laundry really quickly. Go ahead and lie down."

Nodding, Eris lay down on the king-sized mattress awkwardly, putting her son at the center. She wouldn't have to worry about Zane rolling off the side because the mattress and box spring set were on the floor. Looking around, she saw that Colton's house was extremely sparse – just like her place had been. It was hard carving out a life for yourself, and she knew that struggle only too well… and now it was gone.

Running her finger down Zane's face, she marveled at how easy it was for him to fall asleep and pulled the sheet up over them both. Closing her eyes for just a second, she barely acknowledged that suddenly a coverlet was being laid on them both and struggled to hold up her sleepy head.

"Get some rest, Eris," Colton urged softly, brushing back her hair… and she sighed, letting her mind sink into that oblivion that called so sweetly to her. This had to be a dream, all of it.

* * *

Opening her tired eyes,the last thing she expected was to see Colton lying there, watching her. His hazel eyes had a guarded, firm look to them that she recognized so well, and she immediately felt her hackles rising.

"Shhh," he whispered softly, pointing at Zane and holding his fingers to his lips. She nodded, yet he was still watching her. Silently, she braced herself, already knowing what was coming, as Zane let out a loud sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Colton questioned in a nearly non-existent voice, obviously trying not to wake their son but unable to hold back anymore.

"He's not yours."

"Don't kid yourself," he retorted and winced as Zane sighed again, stirring slightly, and then lowered his voice to continue. "We both know that's my son."

"No, he's my son…"

"On paper – which we are going to fix. He's my son, too."

"I'm not doing this before coffee."

"After you have a cup, then we'll talk?"

"There's nothing to discuss."

"There's everything to discuss, Eris… we have a child. A child that I missed out on three years of his life. You told me you weren't pregnant – remember?"

"You didn't want to get married or have children – remember?" she retorted in a hot whisper, not holding back. "Or did you forget? Here, let me refresh your memory."

And yanked up the sheets pointedly, glaring downward at her legs.

"Oh no," she mocked angrily, slapping both hands against her cheeks and staring at him with wide-eyed theatrical horror. "The condom broke, and I don't want to marry you or have kids – so get out."

"That's not how it went!" he hissed, sitting up and getting out of the bed.

"Are you doing the walk of shame now – because I sure know what that feels like," she continued whispering at his back… only to have Colton walk to her side and yank her up bodily from the mattress. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not waking up my son," he growled, walking out of the bedroom and carrying her into the other bedroom, shutting the door.

"No!" she hissed, looking at him. "He's going to wake up in a strange place and be looking for me."

"See – that's the thing!" Colton snapped hotly, looking at her. "If you'd have given me a freakin' chance, this would be his home. I could have been his father this whole time, and you stole that from me."

"You didn't want a baby!"

"Yet! I didn't want a baby yet, but we made one."

"Wrong. I did."

"No. I'm pretty sure it takes two to make a child," he chuckled angrily, folding his arms over his chest and looking at her.

"Quit laughing at me," she retorted, shoving at his shoulder. "It's not funny, and if I had anywhere else to go – I would have."

"I know," he said quietly, causing her to pause. They looked at each other, and she saw the pain in his eyes right before he looked away. "I'm glad you showed up here because you never have to do any of this alone."

Eris felt tears sting her eyes as she turned away from him, needing to cling to those feelings that got her through some of the toughest moments of her life. Her mother's funeral, delivering Zane alone, all those sleepless nights… she needed to hang onto it. Bitterness, frustration, and anger would help her get through this next phase as she picked herself up from rock bottom once again.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder.

"Eris, things don't have to be this hard between us," he said quietly. "Zane deserves to know his father… and I want to know my son. I have plenty of room here, and you are welcome to stay as long as you want."

"I just need a day or two…"

"Stay… please."

She turned to look at him, not holding back or bothering to hide the hurt and betrayal simmering beneath the surface. They stood there, staring at each other in the silence and as she opened her mouth to say ‘no' – Colton arched his head and immediately walked away, yanking open the doorway… returning a second later with Zane rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, little man," he crooned gently, unconsciously using the same nickname she'd always called him. The moment Zane spotted her, he dove for her arms, and she saw the hurt on Colton's face right before he masked it. He was a stranger to Zane – and they both knew it.

"I'm sorry you couldn't tell me before, but I'm here now."

"I need to think," she whispered, confused… and saw him nod.

"How about some pancakes – and we can finish off the raspberries," Colton began, touching Zane's cheek… only to have her son's sleep hand push him away like he was bothering him. Colton straightened up, his face tense and his eyes full of pain.

"I'm going to go start it, and you are welcome to join me," he said quietly. "There's a multipack of toothbrushes in the bathroom drawer, towels are under the sink, and you are welcome to anything in my closet or dresser. I'll move your things to the dryer in two seconds so he can wear something that fits him today."

"I need to get Zane's diapers out of the car. Do you have my keys?"

Colton looked surprised, opened his mouth, and then shut it immediately. If he said one thing regarding how she'd raised Zane, she would get her keys and leave in a heartbeat, she thought defensively. Nobody was going to judge her for having to work her fingers to the bone in order to put a roof over their heads – which just burned to the ground - and food on the table.

"Let me get your keys," he said simply, nodding, and walked off. When he walked back in there a moment later, he handed her the car keys and paused. "Please don't leave with him."

Eris started with surprise and looked at Colton. His eyes were wary and full of fear, she realized. He actually was terrified that she was going to leave – and felt guilty because she had just considered it.

"If I didn't say it before – I'm saying it now," he began, his voice hoarse with humility. "I want my chance to see him grow up. You mentioned a few days, then stay a few days, but give me the chance to convince you to stay longer. I can provide for you both if you'll let me."

She nodded tightly, hating the way tears were stinging her eyes. Where was this man years ago when she was scared and alone? Yeah, it hurt, and the wounds were there – but wasn't she being just as cruel to take Zane away now that he knew he existed?

If he was giving a few inches. Perhaps she should, too.

"I, ah, well… I could use help on Friday watching him," she admitted nervously. "My neighbors would help watch Zane occasionally or sometimes I would ask one of my mother's old friends – but only if I was desperate. He can be a handful."

"I'd be happy to watch him," Colton smiled, his own eyes shiny with ardent relief. "Thank you."

"I need to work and explain what happened so I can figure out my next steps…"

"If you need to talk, I'm here."

"I really appreciate the offer, Colton," she replied quietly, nodding. "Give me a chance to see if I can sort this disaster out – and it means a lot that you even mentioned it. I may not seem grateful, but I am. I'm just nervous."

"I get it," he chuckled openly. "I'm nervous too. I don't want to cross a line with you or drive you away again."

"I don't know where that ‘line' is."

"Fair enough," he nodded. "I really need some coffee and food. Why don't you get Zane taken care of, and I'll meet you in the kitchen in a little while."

"Thank you."

The moment Colton turned and left the room, Zane looked at her; he was always listening and taking in everything. He was so intelligent, quickly learning and asking questions all the time.

"Nuhrrrdus, Mama?"

"Nervous… oh yes, sweetie. Very much so," she whispered, kissing his cheek and little neck, making him giggle.