Chapter 9

* * *

COLTON

"And if hestarts carrying around his Pooh Bear, he's probably about to get fussy or need a nap," Eris was explaining, and he was jotting down notes as quickly as possible, trying to keep up with the crash course on parenting that he'd begged for not five minutes ago.

It hit him like a ton of bricks that he was going to be alone with a three-year-old who barely spoke intelligibly, still used a diaper, and he had no inclination of what to do to keep him entertained. She whirled around and looked at the two of them.

"Colton, you are going to be okay, and one thing I've learned is you won't break him. He's just a little person that wants to be with you. If you watch television, he'll be right there beside you," Eris smiled gently, and while normally he would have given his eyeteeth to have her look at him like that – it sent a shiver down his spine because he didn't want to disappoint… and her eyes turned to Zane. "And you, little man… you be good for your daddy today. Okay?"

"Wuv you, Mama," Zane smiled, sticking his finger in his mouth from where he stood next to the couch watching them. Colton was sitting nearby, trying to get him to climb up on the seat beside him… and failing. "Go bye-bye?"

"Yep. Mama is going bye-bye, and Zane gets to play with Daddy all day long…"

Oh mercy,Colton thought, smiling bravely. I'm utterly screwed today.

"We guys will be just fine today – won't we, Zane? We'll watch some TV together, maybe take a nap, or play with something. Um, maybe when I'm gone, you could take him out shopping and get a few more toys so he has a variety of things to entertain him?"

"I think that is a good idea – but if all else fails, let him play with pots and pans…or plastic cups. Seriously, Colton, don't look so panicked. You'll be okay, or I wouldn't be leaving for work."

That statement gave him a slight measure of confidence. They stood there awkwardly for a moment, and he was unsure if he was supposed to kiss her, hug her, or just wave ‘bye' because they weren't exactly on the greatest of terms right now. Instead, he took the easy way out and used Zane.

"Okay, buddy. Say bye to Mama," he said simply and scooped up Zane as he started to fuss. "Hey, look. Pooh Bear is gonna getcha…"

"See you, Colton…" she called out nervously and left quickly, shutting the door as he hollered ‘bye' over his shoulder – only to turn and see Zane's face.

A very unhappy face.

"Mama go bye-bye?"

"She'll be back in a bit," he replied quickly, seeing his little mouth turn downward and his lip wobble. "Here, let's play with Pooh Bear or – oh hey! How about drums? Your mama mentioned it, and I think I saw somewhere you could bang on pots with wooden spoons and it would keep a kid occupied. Let's make music together, okay, Zane?"

"Moosic?"

"Yep. We'll make music and play – okay?" Colton got up from the couch and ran into the kitchen only to hear a thud followed by a scream. Cursing, he ran around the corner and saw Zane on the floor, sobbing pathetically, and rubbing his chin that now had a bright red circle on it.

"Awwww, crappola," Colton muttered in disbelief. "Like two seconds, buddy! I literally walked away for two seconds, and you hurt yourself? Your mama hasn't been gone five minutes, and she's going to think I'm an idiot."

"Idj…it?" Zane repeated curiously. "Zane idj…it?"

"What?!" he yelped, horrified. "No! No, little man, idiot is a bad word, and I shouldn't have said any of those bad words – although, out of all of them that I just said aloud, I'm kinda glad you picked up that one instead of the others."

"Zane bad idj…it?" – and there was the wobble of the lip.

"Mental note – don't describe anything as B-A-D…" he muttered and then tried smiling brightly. "Zane is such a good boy, and Daddy is the idiot."

"Zane bad and Daddy idj…it?"

"No and yes… oh gosh, I'm messing this all up. Zane, let's not say idiot anymore because we can use other words – and Zane is a very good boy. I promise."

"Good boy?"

"The best," he said tenderly, wiping a tear from his son's face. "Is that little chin okay, buddy? I'm really sorry and didn't realize you might fall off the couch."

"I falled down, Daddy… and got an owie!"

"Yes, you did – but you are okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, you are okay now… I hope," Colton said and peered in his mouth to make sure he wasn't bleeding or hadn't knocked any teeth loose. No, Zane was all right, and he felt like the biggest failure as a dad. How had Eris done this all by herself for years?

Getting a metal spatula and several wooden spoons, he grabbed a stockpot and waved Zane to join him from where Colton had been crouching a few moments ago to talk to him.

"Here, let's play…" he set the pot down between his legs and hit it with the spoon, looking at Zane, whose face perked up right away. "You like that?"

"I wike dat," Zane agreed easily, nodding his face and smiling shyly.

"Here, come bang all you want," Colton urged, moving the pot further away so his son could sit with him. He wanted this chance to be around him, bond, and grow closer, making up for lost time. Zane immediately took the wooden spoons and tapped lightly on the pot. "See? Isn't that fun?"

"Das fun, Daddy…"

"Bang away, kiddo," he chuckled, taking a spoon and hitting the pot hard. Zane did the same and then picked up a second spoon, hitting the pot with two spoons repeatedly. The noise was echoing off the walls and jarring to the senses, yet Zane was laughing and banging away like he was playing drums professionally.

"Jeez," Colton chuckled. "Obviously, you're going to be the kid with the drum set in the garage whom all the neighbors hate…" He reached for the wooden spoons, only to have Zane jerk them away yelling ‘NO!'. "Oh… um, okay?"

Zane was wailing on the pot like his life depended on it – and Colton was getting a massive headache. Yeah, today was not going to go so well, he thought, looking at the clock on the wall. Eris left ten minutes ago and would be gone until six o'clock tonight.

"Dang it…" he muttered.

"Dang it, dang it, dang it," Zane called out, singing, moved around the pot, and was now dancing, banging, and belting out the words ‘dang it' in unison with the hits.

"Okay, okay…" Colton gritted his teeth, smiling. "Let's try a different instrument that makes a new sound, eh? Listen to this, Zane," and thankfully, the drumming stopped for a second. He handed him the spatula and tapped it on the surface, causing his son to angle his head, listening.

"Dat?"

"Yes, you can use that."

Colton handed him the spatula and sighed in relief at the silence. Closing his eyes, he felt Zane sit down in front of him again, and the banging started up again in a fervor.

"Let's use the spatula…"

Zane wrestled with him for a moment, and the little octopus somehow managed to bang two wooden spoons and the spatula at once, laughing and dancing around in his seat. Leaning forward, he reached for one of the spoons – and mistakenly got in the way.

His son knocked the snot out of him.

Colton was backhanded directly across the face with the metal spatula. He cursed in utter shock, touching his cheek in disbelief. It felt like someone had open-faced slapped him – HARD – and stung sharply… almost as much as the look of horror on Zane's face as he looked over his shoulder to see what happened.

"Owie?"

"Oh yeah," Colton chuckled in shock. "Daddy has an owie. Stay here and don't move."

He got up and went into the bathroom – before laughing. Sure enough, there were three slotted welt marks rising up on his cheek – and he felt something touch his butt, jumping and whirling around in shock.

"Daddy, go potty?"

Interesting, he thought in shock. Zane recognized what the bathroom was and what it was for?

"No, but do you have to go potty?"

Only to see his son shrug in a very noncommittal fashion. Man, that was Eris all over, he thought, chuckling. He used to ask her where she wanted to go for dinner, and she would shrug like that. Having a child was fascinating because it was an unexpected yet perfect mixture of the two of you in a way he never imagined.

"Hey Zane, I have an idea," he said nervously, realizing he was about to take on a task that he was supremely not qualified for. "What if you put on your Winnie the Pooh undies instead of a diaper – and you can be a big boy just like me."

"Zane, big boy?"

"Yes, you sure are. Let's both run around in our undies, but when it's time to go to the bathroom – we'll run in here and use the potty because we are big boys… aren't we?"

Zane's eyes lit up, and he clapped happily – and twenty minutes later, his son was shrieking like a mad fiend, yanking off his britches and streaking across the house in a panic to make it to the potty so ‘Pooh Bear didn't get all wet with the bad, BAD pee-pee,'and it actually worked.

His son went to the bathroom in the potty.

Okay, so maybe he got slapped like a man getting fresh with a woman by a three-year-old wielding a spatula like a lightsaber – and sure he was marked with three purple lines on his cheek that would be hard to explain at work tomorrow, but he taught his kid to go to the bathroom in the toilet.

Daddy – one.

Zane – one… due to the spatula.

* * *

Hours later,Colton ordered pizza because he was so darn exhausted and had a throbbing headache. He'd literally had his butt handed to him by a pint-sized terror that acted like Napoleon. Everything was Zane's way, or he screamed, cried, or flopped down on the ground boneless… and while Colton knew it was wrong and his son was acting up.

He simply didn't have it in him to fight it.

The two of them were both sitting on the couch, in their underwear, watching television, and Colton was nearly half asleep when the front door opened, and Eris walked in. She stopped in her tracks, blinked several times, and then covered her face with both hands, making a noise.

"I shouldn't ask… should I?"

"I'm so tired that I'm not sure I could explain it intelligibly."

"Daddy's idj…it!" Zane announced – causing Colton to slam his head back in frustration against the back of the couch at his son's incredible timing, but heard the greatest sound in the world not a second later.

Eris's uncontrollable laughter.

"Hold on – I've got to get a picture of this," she chuckled in sheer delight, and he didn't have the heart to say no… nor the energy. Instead, he sat there on the couch, in his underwear just like Zane, and yanked a throw pillow over his lap in the nick of time as the flash went off.

"What's going on?"

"Mama, I pottied!" Zane called out happily, scrambling down, and Colton immediately flew forward to catch his son so he didn't tumble down again.

"You went potty? In the big toilet?"

"Yes… uh oh!"

And Colton couldn't help the grin on his face as Zane yanked down his underwear for the twentieth time today in front of Eris's shocked face. Zane went streaking across the house, completely naked, before announcing, ‘I gots it!' from the bathroom.

Colton looked at Eris who was standing there holding the tiny pair of Winnie the Pooh underwear hanging from her first finger, looking dumbstruck.

"You're kidding me…" she whispered.

"Nope," he chuckled, holding up his hand. "Three, two, one…"

Before Eris could question the reason behind his counting, Zane was already racing back into the living room, jumping up at her grabbing his underwear. He unabashedly stood there, putting them on and was literally talking to his pants where the characters were imprinted on the cotton.

"Hi Pooh… I back! Imma good boy, Mama!"

"You are a good boy," Eris said in disbelief, looking at Colton again.

"We've done this routine for the last seven hours… which is why I'm in my briefs. Apparently, I'm not allowed to wear pants in case I need to go potty according to Zane. We had a bonding moment, I suppose. Oh, and FYI – I've been slapped, have a whopper of a headache, and I've been peed on twice…"

"Oh, Colton, I'm so sorry. You look so tired."

"I'm cold, embarrassed that I'm dressed like this, and honestly," he hesitated, chuckling. "I loved every second of today. It was probably the best day I've had in months. I mean, I felt like a dad, you know, Eris? I was his Daddy today, and I am sincerely whupped. Could I please ask you to hand me my pants over there so I can make myself decent? The pizza will be delivered any minute for dinner."

Only to hear a knock at the front door.

"And that's dinner," Colton said nervously and looked at her. Eris immediately turned away, causing him to sigh, but he really couldn't blame her. They'd been intimate once, years ago, resulting in Zane – and their breakup. Yeah, there was quite a long way to go before they would be comfortable together.

Frankly, Colton was a little surprised she didn't get upset about the whole ‘men lounging in their underwear on the couch' moment that he and his son were sharing. He remembered as a boy that his dad would sit in his boxers and a tank top – and he would be there in his Power Ranger UnderRoos beside him.

To him, it was a ‘guy thing', a bonding moment, and made him feel at home… and he wanted that with his son. In fact, he had already ordered several pairs of Winnie the Pooh boxers for himself, a T-shirt for Zane, and pajamas for Eris - so they all matched.

Hiking up his pants, he announced he was decent to Eris and answered the door. Paying the delivery guy, he turned and saw she was still standing there, looking a little nervous or out of sorts.

"How was work today?"

"It was all right."

"Did anything happen?" he asked simply, walking into the kitchen to get some paper plates for all of them and needing the small talk. "Zane, come get in your seat, buddy. We're going to have dinner."

Eris walked into the kitchen finally and began pouring them each something to drink… only to pause beside him, not looking up from where she was standing.

"I'm not a bad mother," she whispered in hushed breath. "I just never had time to really…"

"Hey," Colton began softly, looking at her – and turned her to look at him before putting his finger under her chin to meet her eyes. "I never claimed you were or wanted to make you feel this way. I want to help, to be his father, and it just came naturally today. You didn't do anything wrong. He recognized the bathroom and what it was for – so I took a chance."

"I just can't believe all of this. I mean, he's doing it. He's potty trained…"

"If saying ‘potty trained' means a child running around stark naked… yup," he joked, trying to make her laugh again and saw a tentative smile touch her lips.

"You'll have to break that before kindergarten."

"I've got some time."

They shared a tentative smile, and she nodded, pulling back slightly.

Colton sighed heavily.

Baby steps, he chided himself silently. It's been almost four years since you've seen each other, and you don't want her to run again. Win her over and figure this out, because you can't lose her again.