Chapter Two

When I woke on the truck bed early the next morning, my longing for Marcella was just as strong as the call of the street. The two loves of my life: the endless road ahead of me and the woman with the cold blue eyes. Mom’s parting words kept repeating in my head. “I don’t want to see you again until you’ve made sure your brother is safe. This is your fault.”

Finding Gray would be difficult. The majority of my old contacts would avoid me and those that didn’t might try to kill me. They had every reason not to trust me. But Mom was right. I needed to save Gray from himself. Not only was he probably still on the hit list of Vitiello but pissed off bikers out for revenge might be after him as well. If Gray got it in his head to attack Vitiello in revenge, I wouldn’t be able to save him.

I hoisted the Kawasaki back onto the back of the truck. I needed to get rid of it and the dogs, preferably without running into any of the Vitiello men. Once the dogs had taken their seats again, I headed toward New York. The male Rottweiler was panting constantly, probably from pain because of the gash, so I decided to take the dogs to a safe place first. During our research on the Famiglia and its many affiliations, we’d also come across the dog shelter run by Vitiello’s enforcer, Growl.

Vitiello probably wouldn’t be happy if I showed up on his mansion’s doorstep uninvited and I had no way to contact Marcella. We’d destroyed her phone when we’d kidnapped her and so far there hadn’t been time to ask for her number anyway. I didn’t even know what exactly to tell her that wouldn’t jeopardize my search for Gray.

Growl had been semi-friendly when I’d talked to him, so he seemed like a safer option than any other Famiglia soldier.

When I pulled up in the driveway of the shelter, I parked beside another big pickup. I hadn’t even gotten out when Growl and a tall, lanky boy came out of the house and headed my way. Growl became more alert the moment he spotted me, but at least he didn’t pull a gun. That was the most friendliness I’d gotten from the Italians in years, and it still felt strange. I doubted being on semi-friendly terms with the Famiglia would ever not feel strange.

I got out of the car, making sure to keep my hands in sight. I really didn’t want to end up with a bullet in my head, unless I’d really given them reason to.

“What are you doing here?” Growl asked.

“I have two more dogs for you, saved them from the junkyard of one of my dead club brothers. One of them is injured.”

Growl still looked wary, but some of his vigilance disappeared as he saw the dogs on the passenger seat. “Lead the way.”

I went over to the passenger door and opened it. “Hop out.” The dogs actually obeyed and leaped out of the car. The bigger one growled when Growl walked up to him, but the tall man got down on his haunches and talked in a calm voice with the dog. Soon they calmed and trotted closer to him.

He patted them. “I’ll call our vet so he can look at the wound, and you should head back to the city and meet with Luca.”

I ignored the last part and motioned at the truck bed. “I have Matteo’s bike. Can I leave it here so he can pick it up?”

Growl straightened, the suspicion returning to his face. “Why don’t you bring it to him?”

“I’m not returning to New York right now. I still have a few matters to attend to before I can join Luca’s team.”

Growl shook his head. “That’s not how it works.”

“It’s how it works with me,” I said simply. “I’ll probably be back in a couple of days, tell Luca that.”

“What business do you have to take care of now?”

“That’s only my business. But it’s nothing that concerns the Famiglia.”

“Everything concerns the Famiglia, especially if Marcella Vitiello is concerned. Does she know you’ll be gone?”

“You can tell her. She’ll understand.” I wasn’t really sure that was true, especially because I couldn’t give her details about my plans, not with someone ratting me out. I’d never been accountable to a woman, except for my mother when I was a little boy, but even that stopped when I became a teen.

Growl narrowed his eyes. “If you aren’t sure about Marcella or where your loyalties lie, you better not come back. Luca gifted you with your life once. He won’t be as gracious again.”

“What’s it to you?”

“I know where my loyalties lie. Luca took me in when I had nowhere else to go. I’m not someone who tramples on a gift like that.”

“Just tell Marcella I’ll be back once I’ve taken care of business and tell Matteo thanks for his bike.”

I turned and got back inside the car. I didn’t need a guilt trip from Growl. I had half a mind to drive to the Vitiello mansion and ask for Marcella, clear things up with her, but finding Gray before he got himself killed was my top priority. Once he’d told me who’d leaked the information about me killing his father, I could decide how to handle it. I wasn’t even sure how long that would take, but Marcella and I had gone through worse than a few days of separation.

Soon we’d be reunited, and fuck, I couldn’t wait to taste her again.

Being at home still felt strange after weeks of captivity. I had spent pretty much every second of the day with Maddox and being separated from him felt odd. I missed his presence, even his dirty mouth, and in more than one sense, but he obviously had made his choice to move on and enjoy the freedom only the biker lifestyle could offer him.

My lips twisted with bitterness as I glanced out of the window, down at the street in front of our house. I kept doing it, even if Matteo had told me an hour ago that Maddox wouldn’t return. The kidnapping had messed with my mind, even if I didn’t want to admit it to anyone. Maybe it was good that Maddox had made the decision I had been too weak for, too infatuated for, and cut ties between us. Was it really possible to rebuild a relationship on the basis of a normal setting, without fear and lack of freedom? We’d never find out.

I didn’t hate Maddox for leaving. I too had held doubts if it hadn’t been better to let Dad kill Maddox because then things would have been easier. A life with Maddox would have been a challenge not just for me but for my family and the Famiglia, one I wasn’t sure everyone would have mastered.

Amo let out a low sound of displeasure. “Stop staring out of the window like a dog waiting for its owner. He won’t come back. He’s a disloyal biker, and you’re better off without him.”

I gave my brother my best death glare, furious about his comparison. “A dog would wag its tail and welcome its owner after his return, but you can bet your ass on me kicking Maddox in the balls when he struts back into my life.”

Amo shook his head. “I know you would, but you should let Dad handle the idiot and have him killed. That’s the clean cut you need, Marci. That he’s still out there is holding you back and you really shouldn’t let that happen. You need your energy and brain to show Dad’s soldiers who’s boss.”

I finally turned my back to the window. Only Amo’s window had a view of the streets while my window pointed out toward the gardens, probably one more of Dad’s safety measures.

“Nothing is holding me back. I can separate my heart from my brain. My work in the Famiglia doesn’t have anything to do with Maddox and me.”

“There’s no Maddox and you. He dumped you.”

I narrowed my eyes. “He can’t dump me. We weren’t in a relationship to speak of.”

Amo waved me off. “Don’t go on. I don’t want to know details about your prisoner with benefits status.”

I hurled the next thing I could grab at Amo, a heavy algebra book from the floor. He barely managed to dodge it, then he raised his arms. “All right. Let’s not mention the biker again.”

“Thanks.” I walked over to his sofa and sank down. Amo returned his focus to his computer screen where he was reading up on the topography of Pennsylvania. I wasn’t sure if it was for homework or for their biker hunt.

“Our soldiers will accept you eventually,” Amo said but there was a hidden but in his tone. Our soldiers. To him, everything about this came naturally. He was welcomed with open arms, and nobody ever questioned that he would become Capo once Dad retired.

I also knew what Amo wasn’t saying.

“Because they respect and fear Dad.”

He didn’t deny it.

“I’ll earn their respect.”

“You’ll have to work harder for it than I ever will.”

I knew that. Women were looked down upon. We were supposed to be pretty and know when to keep our mouths shut. I’d be spared sexist comments because of Dad, but the men wouldn’t take me seriously for myself.

“You still sure about the tattoo?” Amo asked, motioning in the general direction of my back.

I tensed like I always did when I was reminded of the ugly words tattooed on my back.

Vitiello Whore.

“Yes. I won’t spend months trying to remove it only for scars to remain. People would know what those scars meant and that what happened bothered me enough to want to erase it completely from my body. That would look weak. I’ll keep the words but cover them with my truth.”

Amo nodded. “Maybe I’ll get another tattoo as well.”

I scoffed. “Good luck convincing Mom. You wouldn’t even have your first tattoo if you didn’t need it for the Famiglia.”

“Dad would talk to her.”

I rolled my eyes. A soft knock sounded.

“Yeah,” Amo answered.

Mom poked her head in, her expression worried but clearing up when she spotted me. “There you are, Marci. I went to your room first.”

I rarely spent time in my room. Amo hadn’t complained about my presence yet. If it really didn’t bother him or if his protectiveness came through, I wasn’t sure.

“What do you need?” I asked, giving Mom a firm smile. She still worried about me, especially since Maddox’s disappearance. Secretly, she was probably as relieved about his leaving as Dad, but she’d never say it.

“Giovanni is here.”

My mouth fell open, completely taken aback. “He didn’t call?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Mom said. She glanced at Amo.

He gave a one shoulder shrug. “I don’t have his number or he mine. We’re not that close.”

I swallowed down anger. “Dad. I doubt Giovanni would dare to come by without asking for permission first.”

Mom gave me a placating smile. “Your father worries about you as much as I do. Maybe he thought it would do you good to see him.”

I paced the room. “How will it do me good to see my ex-boyfriend only hours after Maddox left?”

“Old flames burn longer, right?” Amo muttered.

I would have hurled another book at him, and not missed this time, if Mom hadn’t been present.

“Will you see him, or should I send him away?” Mom asked. “He’s down in the foyer.”

I couldn’t believe Giovanni was here. Of all the people I didn’t want to see right now, he was at the top. “Send him away. I can’t deal with him right now.”

Mom nodded and turned.

Maddox was probably already getting cozy with one of his pass-arounds right this moment, having her give him a blowie. The idea made me sick and furious at once. I didn’t regret what had happened between us, I’d enjoyed it too much, but I wished I hadn’t gotten emotionally involved.

“Wait!” I shouted, stumbling after Mom.

She turned with raised eyebrows.

“I’ll talk to him,” I said quickly. “It would be rude to send him away when he came all the way here.”

“That’s true,” Mom said. “Be open minded.”

She meant maybe I’d reconsider Giovanni. My first instinct was to say no, because breaking up with Giovanni had felt liberating. I couldn’t see how getting back together with him could make me feel better. Returning to an ex-boyfriend only because one couldn’t be alone or to soothe a broken heart was the worst option.

“Should I tell him you need to get ready?”

I glanced down at myself. I was in gym leggings and a sweater, clothes I’d only ever worn in public on my way to or from the gym. Still, I shook my head. “I don’t feel like dressing up.”

Giovanni could see the real me, the no-makeup, sweater girl. It was only one tiny part of me, but it was one he’d never met. Only perfect Marcella. I followed Mom downstairs. Like she had said, Giovanni waited in the foyer, regarding an old family photo with mild curiosity. He must have seen it a hundred times already. He turned to me when I was on the last step, his eyes taking in my outfit. Surprise flitted across his face but he quickly masked it with a warm smile.

To my surprise, I was no longer angry at Giovanni for his words about me being ruined if I broke up with him. The kidnapping put everything into perspective. He’d been hurt and shocked, so he’d lashed out in the only way he could.

I gave Mom a nod, indicating to her that she could leave. She slipped into the living room and closed the door.

Silence spread between Giovanni and me. He was, as usual, immaculately dressed in a button-down shirt and slacks plus Budapesters. The outfit didn’t do anything for me anymore. Maddox had turned me into a leather jacket, biker boots, and jeans lover, which made me even angrier, considering nobody in our circles dressed like that.

“Marci,” Giovanni said gently, tearing me from my thoughts.

I forced a smile and took the last step down but didn’t go closer to him. “Giovanni, you look good.”

It was the most inane thing I could have said and could only be topped if I started talking about the weather.

His smile broadened. “You do too.”

I shook my head. “I’m in gym clothes with no makeup. You don’t have to lie.”

“I’m not lying, Marci. I’m not a fan of your outfit but you are as beautiful as always.”

“Thanks,” I said, and smiled more honestly than I had all day. This remark about my outfit would have set me off in the past, but I didn’t care about Giovanni’s approval anymore. Being perfect in everyone’s eyes had been ripped from my hands, and in many ways, it made life easier.

“Can I come closer?” Giovanni asked.

“Why would you ask?” But then it dawned on me. The rumors had reached his ears and he thought I’d be scared of his closeness. Not that he’d been the touchy-feely type before, but I was certain his hesitance stemmed from a different place now.

“Sure. I’m fine, Giovanni. You don’t have to treat me like I’m breakable.”

Giovanni closed the distance between us and took my hands, something I hadn’t expected, but I didn’t pull away. Being close to someone other than family felt good after everything, but Giovanni wasn’t the man I wanted to be consoled by. Yet, that man had taken off like a goddamn coward. I shoved any thought of Maddox aside.

Giovanni met my gaze. His was infatuated and devoted as it had been before. He wouldn’t run off. No, he was here, asking me for a second chance.

“I want us to try again. This time everything can be different, Marci.”

“Different how?” I asked.

He lowered his voice as if he feared someone might be eavesdropping. That almost made me roll my eyes again. “I wouldn’t hold back anymore. I’d give you everything you need. I’d kiss you everywhere, touch you everywhere. I’d sleep with you.”

“You would?”

“Yes,” he said. “Nothing is holding us back anymore. We could be like a normal couple even without being married. People won’t expect bloody sheets anyway.”

It took me a moment to process his words and then to get over them. He sounded relieved that I’d slept with Maddox, because the rumors about me getting nasty with a biker meant he didn’t have to preserve my virginity anymore. It meant he didn’t have to fear my father anymore, because in comparison to Maddox, me sleeping with Giovanni was something Dad would probably applaud.

I pulled my hands out of his, once again angry. “You are wrong. Something is holding us back, my feelings for you. I don’t want to be with you anymore, not in the physical sense and not emotionally either. I’ve moved on, Giovanni, and so should you.”

“Marci, you don’t have to be ashamed of what happened. The rumors will die down eventually. Once we’re married, people will only see you as the woman at my side.”

It took impossible self-control not to scream at him from the top of my lungs. I’d been bottling up too many emotions anyway, but I didn’t want to alert Mom, or worse, Dad. They were already babysitting me 24/7, and a mental breakdown definitely wouldn’t help my case.

“Please leave now,” I pressed out. “I’m not interested in being the woman at someone’s side right now. I want to focus on work. Learning the ins and outs of the Famiglia will take time and dedication. I think you should look for another woman.”

I had to admit I was proud of myself for my moderately calm voice.

The hint of a sympathetic smile flitted across Giovanni’s face. “My father mentioned your plan to join the Famiglia.” He shook his head in a way that couldn’t be described as anything but condescending. “Listen, Marci, your dad’s humoring you because you were hurt, but people are starting to talk. It’s not fitting for a woman to want a place in our ranks.”

Women weren’t supposed to want anything. Not sex, not love, and definitely not a place in the world they were born into. “I only want what I deserve as a Vitiello. Amo and Valerio won’t have to justify their desire to be part of the Famiglia.”

“They are men,” Giovanni said, as if it was news to me. Had he always been this insufferable, or had I been more compliant in the past? I honestly couldn’t say.

“And I’m a woman who’s strong enough to demand the same.”

Giovanni sighed. “But you aren’t facing the same trials as every man who becomes part of the Famiglia. We have to swear an oath, get a tattoo. We have to bleed and suffer pain for the cause.”

I lost it. “I was tattooed, I bled and I suffered pain for a feud between the Famiglia and Tartarus, Giovanni.” I shoved my hair aside, revealing my missing earlobe. Then I opened the zipper of my sweater and tugged down the shirt beneath so my shoulder was bare, revealing the top of the tattoo. Giovanni’s eyes widened when he saw it. “What kind of pain have you suffered that’s worse? Hmm?”

“I’m sorry, Marci. You suffered, you are right. But you didn’t do it with the Famiglia in mind, you didn’t suffer for the cause. You were collateral damage. And if you’d known any secrets of value, you would have revealed them the second they threatened to cut off your ear.” Seeing my expression, he added, “Which is understandable. You are a woman with a different level of resilience to pain.”

“Come on, Giovanni,” Amo drawled, coming down the steps. “Last time you had to do practice fights, you almost bawled because someone twisted your fucking wrist. Marcella is tough as nails. If our father expected her to suffer pain for the cause, she’d do it again and she wouldn’t break, because she’s a Vitiello. And taking a tattoo doesn’t make you more loyal. Marcella lives and breathes for our family, and our family is the Famiglia.”

I could have hugged him right then. I could deal with Giovanni by myself, but Amo’s support and the casual way in which he confirmed that I had indeed suffered for the cause had a different kind of weight in Giovanni’s eyes. My brother’s and father’s word would probably always weigh more heavily than mine, but I’d make sure that my words were at least heard.

Amo stopped beside me, giving Giovanni a slightly unsettling smile. “Is there anything else you want?”

“I think Giovanni wants to leave now,” I said.

Giovanni took a step back, then another. He nodded. “I’m sorry you feel the way you do, Marcella. I hope this won’t shine a bad light on you and your family.”

“Goodbye,” Amo muttered, and Giovanni finally turned and rushed outside.

I let out a suppressed scream, balling my hands into fists. “I want to hit something really bad.”

“You can pummel my boxing sack to the ground if you want. I was heading down to the gym anyway.”

“All right,” I said. “I have no better place to be anyway.” Going outside or meeting with friends was still out of the question.

The door opened and Dad stepped into the foyer with Valerio by his side. Dad’s gaze immediately zoomed in on me. He must have run across Giovanni or at the very least seen his car. Though the bodyguards probably had informed him about our houseguest the very second he’d arrived anyway.

“Is everything all right?” Dad asked, looking from me to Amo.

“We were heading down to the gym so I could beat up Amo’s boxing sack.”

Concern filled Dad’s gray eyes. “What happened with Giovanni?”

“He’s a douche,” Valerio commented. “I never liked him and I’m glad Marci dumped him. She needs someone cooler at her side.”

“Thanks for the dating advice,” I said with a laugh. “Next time I’ll run my boyfriend by you first.”

“Amo?” Dad asked, a hint of impatience in his voice.

“Nothing happened,” I said firmly. “He wanted a second chance and I said no. Then he informed me that I shouldn’t join the Famiglia because I would never suffer pain for the cause like men do.” I shrugged. “No big deal.”

Anger twisted Dad’s face.

Valerio strolled over to me. “Some of my friends said the same, but I kicked their asses and told them you were really tough, now they believe me.”

I ruffled his blond mane. “I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have such loyal and brutal brothers.”

“I’ll handle Giovanni and the other men who badmouth you.”

“I’ll prove myself to them, Dad.”

Dad nodded distractedly, probably already making a list of people he’d punish. It wouldn’t make them respect me more.

“Can I talk to you after my workout?” I asked.

“I’m in the office, just come by.”

“Can I come with you?” Valerio asked when Amo and I headed into the basement.

“Sure, but we want to work out, so you should put on gym clothes,” I said.

“Be right back!” Valerio called, already whirling around and dashing upstairs.

“He’s like a squirrel on steroids. Where does he get all his energy from?” Amo muttered.

I grinned and followed Amo down to his gym.

Amo showed me how to hit the boxing sack, making it look effortless, and soon my knuckles burned. Valerio dashed inside, all lanky limbs and tousled hair. We soon all laughed as we took turns kicking and boxing the sack. Even Amo took his workout only semi-seriously for once.

When I headed back upstairs a little while later and headed for Dad’s office, I felt the happiest I had in a while. Today had shown me once again that I could survive anything as long as I had my family.

After a knock, I entered Dad’s office. He gave me a strained smile. “What do you want to talk about, princess?”

“I want to hear your honest opinion on how I can earn the respect of your soldiers and really become part of the Famiglia. Half-assing it won’t work, I realize that now.”

“They won’t see you as part of the Famiglia as long as we don’t officially make you part of the Famiglia.”

“Then let me take the oath.”

Dad shook his head. “You’d have to cut your palm and receive the tattoo.”

I raised my eyebrows. Dad’s eyes moved to my earlobe, turning scary for a moment before he released a harsh breath. “I wish I had killed Earl. Are you sure you don’t want me to kill the other Whites?”

Gray and… Maddox. The man who kept popping into my head uninvited. Killing him wouldn’t change that.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I said firmly. I walked over to Dad’s side and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Maybe your men need a gesture, one that shows I really want this and that you’ll demand certain things from me in turn as well. I don’t mind cutting my palm, Dad. Not after surviving Tartarus.”

“Because you suffered cuts by Tartarus’ hands because of me, I don’t want you to suffer them again.”

“This time it would be on my terms, my blade doing the cut.”

“It’ll be painful nonetheless.”

“I can handle it,” I said firmly.

“I know you can.” Dad touched my cheek. “But I won’t have you tattooed in front of a hall of leering men. You’ll always be treated differently, a tattoo won’t change it.”

I knew when to stop negotiating. “When can I take the oath?”

Dad shook his head with a chuckle. “There’s an initiation of four boys in a month, or if you want to be initiated by yourself, then—”

“No, I want to be initiated with the men.”

Dad nodded once. “You’ve chosen a very difficult path. I’m glad you won’t be burdened with White in addition.”