Chapter One

A sense of uninhibited freedom took hold of me as I drove away from my prison of the last few days. I hadn’t really believed that Vitiello would allow me to leave—even if Marcella had asked him to grant me mercy—considering he wasn’t in the business of granting mercy. My heart clenched thinking of her. The last few days with only glimpses of her had been torture. I missed this woman, more than I’d ever admit to anyone, even her. My feelings for her, the decisions I’d made for her, they had taken me by surprise and still shocked me.

Now I had things to settle before I could head back to her. Otherwise, my mind would always be adrift, and I wanted my sole focus on her when I was with her. I wanted us to work out. I’d given up too much for it not to work out.

I headed for the first hiding place in a park near our old clubhouse in New Jersey, ignoring the bouts of dizziness. As expected, the teak box buried in the soil beneath a bush was empty. Whoever had survived the attack had been heading there first too. I hoped it had been Gray. He needed the money. He’d yet to become as resourceful—or rather ruthless—as the rest of us and thus would have a harder time getting money by other means.

Mounting the bike again, I checked two more spots within the city bounds before I headed for a junkyard about thirty minutes outside of the city. It had been Cody’s, which was why I had avoided the place. He’d used it to launder our drug money.

I didn’t have keys for the gates, so I had no choice but to park the bike in front of them and climb over the fence topped with barbed wire. The second my feet hit the ground on the other side, enraged barks sounded, and soon after, two Rottweilers darted out behind the small house that served as a maintenance building.

I didn’t know these dogs, and worse, they didn’t know me. They were most likely from one of Earl’s litters.

“Fuck,” I muttered. I didn’t have any weapons on me. From the look of it, the way their ribs protruded, the dogs hadn’t been fed in a while. Cody probably hadn’t taken good care of them even before he’d been captured. He always said hungry dogs were the best guards.

The two massive Rottweilers charging at me seemed to see me as their next meal. I stormed toward the first heap of crushed cars and climbed up until I reached the top. The dogs leaped at the pile but couldn’t climb it. Looking around, I figured out a way to reach the building, climbing from one pile to the next. The dogs followed me, snapping and growling. Their fur was matted and dirty, and one of them had a cut in its side that seemed to be infected. I got rid of my shirt, tore it in two and tossed it in the other direction. The dogs chased after it. This would give me a few seconds. I climbed on the roof of the building then grabbed on to the edge and lowered myself until my feet were level with the window. My biceps screamed in protest.

After days of malnutrition, my body was in no state for top sporting achievements. Gritting my teeth, I kicked back from the wall, trying to gain momentum to smash in the window. The glass splintered as my feet crashed into it. The snarl of a dog forced me to release my hold on the edge and I swung through the window. Shards caught on my naked arms and back. Hissing in pain, I landed on the floor, on even more shards.

I blinked up at the window for a moment. But the heads of the jumping dogs trying to get in as well quickly tore me from my exhaustion. I jumped to my feet, swaying briefly before I looked around for something to defend myself with.

Inside one of the drawers of the desk, I found a gun with three bullets. But then my eyes landed on a huge package with dog food. I stumbled toward it and dragged it to the door. The first dog jumped through the window and landed on the floor with bloody paws. I kicked over the dog food so it spread all over the ground away from the glass shards. The dog perked up and, not paying me another glance, began scarfing down food. Poor beast.

I carefully opened the door and the other Rottweiler charged in. Like his companion, it ignored me in favor of food. I caught my breath for a couple of moments, half tempted to eat a couple of dog treats as well. My body was screaming for food. But I had come for money. I began searching the other drawers until I found rusty car keys that Cody had mentioned on occasion. Secrecy had never been his strong suit.

I grabbed them and rushed outside toward an old Chevy. I unlocked the trunk then dragged out the leather suitcase and opened it. My face split into a grin when I found several plastic bags with cash inside. At least fifty thousand, from the looks of it. Closing the suitcase, I carried it into the building then searched for the keys for the gates. When I finally found them, the dogs lay amidst the food, panting softly but looking appeased.

With the keys and suitcase, I headed out toward the gates. Scratching behind me made me turn around prepared to fight off an attack. To my surprise, the two Rottweilers followed me and hesitantly wagged their tails.

I scratched my head. “What am I going to do with you?”

I didn’t know Growl’s number or I would have called him so he could pick them up. If I left them here, the next person who came looking for money would probably shoot them. Not to mention that the bigger dog, a male, needed treatment for the cut and its bloody paws.

My gaze strayed over the junkyard until it landed on Cody’s big ass Ford with the truck bed. With a pang, I put the Kawasaki on the truck bed then stowed the suitcase in the legroom of the car. The moment I stepped back from the door, first the female Rottweiler then the male jumped in and made themselves comfortable on the passenger seat.

I had one more place to go before I could drop off the dogs, though. It was an encounter I was dreading.

I went over what to say as I drove to Mom’s house to explain what had happened, why I had killed Earl, but no matter how long my brain fumbled over the words, they sounded hollow and wouldn’t make sense to my mother. Most of what had happened didn’t make sense to me either.

She came out with a shotgun when I pulled up, obviously worried about unwelcome visitors. When she spotted me, she didn’t lower the gun. Her blonde hair was in curlers all over her head and she was in a plush pink bathrobe, her lips painted in a matching tone. At least one thing never changed.

I hopped out of the car, raising my hands above my head with a crooked smile.

“It’s me, Mom.”

Mom nodded, her eyes narrowing. Apparently, I was one of the unwelcome visitors she wanted to intimidate with her shotgun. “What are you doing here?”

The suspicion in her voice made me wonder if she knew about how I’d killed Earl, but there was no way word could have gotten out. Nobody knew except for Vitiello’s men, and I doubted they would tell anyone my mother knew. Vitiello had said he hadn’t allowed word to get out anyway. And whatever I thought of Vitiello, one thing was certain, he was in absolute control over his men.

“Are you going to shoot me, Mom?”

My arms still raised over my head, I walked closer.

She lowered the gun a few inches but still aimed it at my chest.

“What happened to you?” Mom asked, eyeing my naked, cut and bruised upper body.

“This and that,” I said, not ready to divulge more information with her pointing a gun at me.

She nodded toward the truck. “Isn’t that Cody’s?”

“Yep. But he won’t need it anymore.”

Mom nodded and smiled bitterly. “He dead?”

“Yep.” I slowly lowered my hands. Mom eyed me warily but didn’t shoot. I didn’t doubt that she could shoot someone if provoked. “I grabbed his dogs from the junkyard.”

“Not just the dogs, I bet,” she said quietly. “He kept a stash of cash over there. You know how he could never keep his mouth shut when he was drunk.”

“He had a big mouth on him.” I gave her a wry smile. “Will you put the gun away?”

Mom shook her head. “Not yet. Word on the street has it that you’re working for the Italians now.”

“I’m not working for anyone, Mom. You know how badly I take orders.”

She motioned to the truck. “You should have shot the dogs. Don’t you have enough problems?”

I wasn’t sure how much she knew, but considering her reluctance to lower the gun, too much. “Earl’s dead.”

She nodded solemnly. “I know. He and a few men were caught by the Italians. Nobody survives the wingtips.”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure if I’d expected tears or at least more sadness on Mom’s part because of Earl’s death but considering how he cheated on her constantly and was barely home, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Word has it that you were captured as well.”

I sighed, walking up the steps to the porch until I was right in front of Mom with the barrel almost touching my chest. “What else have you heard?”

“That you are a traitor. Gray told me you betrayed their whereabouts.”

My relief over this confirmation that Gray had indeed gotten away alive almost knocked me over. “I did—” I didn’t get further when Mom’s palm hit my cheek.

“If something had happened to Gray that day, I’d never forgiven you.”

“I know, which was why I made sure he could save his sorry ass.”

“He told me.”

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know. He left yesterday. Only dropped some money off and told me not to worry about him and that he’d make me proud.”

“Fuck. What the hell does that mean?”

Mom searched my eyes. “Why are you alive, Maddox, if you aren’t working with the Italians? They didn’t kill you. Gray said you made the Vitiello girl your woman.”

My woman.

I liked the sound of it. “She means a lot to me.”

“More than that if she’s worth becoming a traitor for. You lived for the club. Is one woman enough to make you forget what happened to your father?”

“I didn’t forget, but I’m sick of living in the past. Marcella makes me want to think about the future.”

“What kind of future? What do you want to do without the club? You don’t know any other life.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

She laughed darkly but at least she finally aimed the barrel at the floor. “If you work with the Italians, every biker will want your head. They’ll probably want it anyway once word gets around that it was you who killed him.”

I tensed. “What are you talking about?”

Mom slapped me again. I saw it coming but didn’t try to defend myself. She had every right to be angry at me. “Don’t lie to my face, Maddox. I’m not stupid. The info comes from the Italians. Or are you telling me they’re spreading rumors to destroy your reputation?”

I looked away from Mom. Who had spread the truth? Only very few people that I knew of had been in the Famiglia prison. Luca, Amo, Matteo, Growl, and Marcella.

If one of them spread that I’d killed my uncle, that could only serve the purpose to make the other Tartarus chapters in the country and the Nomads of our chapter seek revenge on me. Someone had pretty much put a bounty on my head. They wanted me dead. Question was who.

On the first glance, Luca seemed unlikely since he could have me killed easily while I was his captive—but not without making Marcella resent him. Making the other bikers hunt me gave him an easy way to have me killed without getting his hands dirty and Marcella wouldn’t blame him. “Do you know who’s spreading the rumors?”

“Gray didn’t tell me.”

“Gray is the one who told you?”

“Did you kill your uncle, Maddox? That’s all I want to know.”

“You know how Earl could be, Mom. He was obsessed with revenge, even more than me. If we turn into monsters to kill a monster, we are as bad as him. Did Gray tell you what he did to Marcella?”

Mom nodded. “He’s become more radical over the years. But you should have handled it in the club. You could have challenged him for the spot as president.”

“I would have never been voted president. The more progressive, liberal members have all become Nomads over the years. The men who remained in the club were absolutely loyal to Earl. And even if I’d won, he would have never accepted the vote. The club was his whole life. Nothing else mattered.”

“I know,” Mom said bitterly. Her eyes searched my face. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if you are the same boy I raised.”

“I am, Mom. I had to make a choice just like Earl made his choice when he tried to kill me with his dogs. But I’m sorry you are alone.”

Mom laughed. “Oh Maddox, you know Earl hasn’t been around in almost a year. But without the club, I can’t pay bills. The ten grand Gray left me won’t last forever.” She put on a rubber glove as she always did when she smoked to prevent her fingers from becoming yellow. Considering she smoked about forty cigarettes a day, that was probably a good idea.

I jogged back to the truck and grabbed thirty grand from the suitcase. She watched me with a healthy dose of suspicion and didn’t look mollified even as I handed it to her. “This should get you through the year. I’ll send you money once I start earning again.”

She finally put the shotgun down. “You really going to work for the mob?”

“I won’t work for them, but I might work with them for now. I’m just so mad about this girl… I can’t…”

“I hope she didn’t trick you. I really hope giving up everything was worth it. You gave up the only home you had for this girl. Does she even realize it?”

She was right. The club had been my home for as long as I could remember. Mom’s house in Texas and now here had always only been the place where I’d gone to sleep.

So much had happened in the last few days that I hadn’t had time to realize I was homeless now. I’d never had my own place, always only a room in the clubhouse. I’d had club brothers or club girls to keep me company when I needed it. I’d become a Nomad but without a place to return to. Marcella and I… we didn’t have a place yet, and just thinking about moving in with a woman, my pulse picked up. How would it even work?

“I hope you don’t come to regret your decision, Maddox.”

“I won’t,” I said firmly. I’d never regret saving Marcella in the only way I’d known how. And killing Earl? I’d done him a service. He’d been spared a cruel death at Vitiello’s hands. Still, a tiny part of me felt a pang thinking of the good times we’d had.

Mom grabbed my forearm, her long nails digging in. “I worry for Gray. You uprooted him. He’s lost and you know how badly he needs people to look up to. He’ll get in trouble, I can feel it. He’ll look for another Tartarus chapter to join and get himself killed because they are going to go on a warpath with the Italians. Protect him. Bring him back here. Make sure he stays.”

“I’ll protect him. When I find him, I’ll drag him back here and make him finish school and find a decent job. He’s still young, he can choose a different path.”

“I’d always wished for a different path for you as well, but not with the mob. Oh Maddox, stay safe.”

“You know me. I can’t be killed.”

Mom became stern. “If something happens to Gray, I won’t forgive you. Don’t come back here without him, you hear me? This is on you. You took everything he had from him, now give him something else to live for.”

I swallowed, a heavy feeling of guilt settling in my chest. I had ripped Gray out of his home too, had taken his father, even if they’d only fought and barely gotten along. Gray hadn’t had a choice, unlike me. I wasn’t sure if I was the person he wanted to see. If he’d listen to me, much less come back home with me.

I looked over to the truck. “I should go now, I don’t want to bring trouble to your door.”

Mom gave me a look that made it clear it was too late for that. “Swear you’ll return with Gray,” she whispered harshly, her grip on me tightening even more.

I wasn’t sure if I could really promise it. Gray wasn’t a little kid anymore. Still, I said, “I swear.”

She finally released me. It was a promise I desperately hoped I could keep, for her sake, for Gray’s sake, but mostly for my sake. I didn’t need more guilty baggage added to my conscience, thanks a lot.

“Can you give me one of my old shirts before I leave?”

Mom disappeared inside without a word and I didn’t follow her. I had a feeling she didn’t want me inside her home right now. I wasn’t welcome and wouldn’t be until I found Gray, and even after that… we’d never been close but this was probably the nail in our relationship coffin. She returned with two black shirts and handed them to me.

After I’d put on one of my old shirts, I drove back toward the city but eventually pulled over on the side of the road and let the dogs out for a piss. My gaze caught on the Kawasaki on the back and I couldn’t resist. After I’d heaved it down, I drove up and down the road for a while, hoping it would clear my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gray. Mom always said he wouldn’t have survived what I had witnessed. He was softer than me, maybe that was why Mom had always preferred him to me. If I’d been in her stead, I’d have done it too.

The dogs waited beside the car, watching me. Eventually I pulled up beside them but stayed on the bike. I couldn’t explain why I suddenly felt hesitant to ride back into the city. I wanted to return to Marcella. I’d given up everything for her, and I wanted to be with her, but someone had ratted me out. I doubted it was Growl. He didn’t seem like the vindictive type and didn’t really have reason to do so unless Luca had ordered him to do it. Matteo had definitely wanted me gone. Maybe he had spread the information. Or Amo. The big guy definitely hated my guts and wanted to see me dead and far away from his sister.

Now every member of Tartarus in the country would know I’d killed Earl and they’d see me as a traitor. I’d be their main target. Finding Gray would be especially difficult like that. If I returned to Marcella to tell her I had to search for my brother Gray, whoever had ratted me out would very likely find out soon after and then spread that information, maybe even make it look as if I wanted Gray dead as well.

“Fuck,” I muttered. I needed to find my brother before someone could get it in his head that I was actually a danger to him, if it wasn’t already too late for that.

I perched on the bike and watched the sunset. Riding my Harley into the sunset had always meant freedom, even if MC life had been full of responsibilities and rules.

I decided to spend the night on the truck bed before I would make up my mind what to do next. I was dead tired and needed a night to really come to terms with the turn my life had taken.