45. Chapter 43 Zorvan

Chapter forty-five

Chapter 43: Zorvan

R age flares just beneath the surface at her confession-that she would have chose him anyway. I'm not angry with her. I'm learning that I'm never angry with her. I'm always angry at myself.

"Zorvan," Jarrah mutters, but I'm planted to the spot.

My anger is pushing me to leave the room in a huff, but I've been working so hard to show her that I've changed. But have I really? Or am I still the same broken, angry fae that brought her to Sangaris?

"We can talk about this some other time," Arden says. There's a desperation in her eyes as she glances around to the others. She wants to do this privately.

"What is the benefit of acting like nothing is wrong when Cyndair arrives?" I ask, lowering myself back down into my seat.

There's a pause as Camus considers me. "Outwardly she will match our demeanor. She may be plotting, like she always is, but she won't act. She'll likely assume that because we're not saying anything we're giving a silent trade. You won't bring up Arden's kidnapping, and she won't bring up my stealing her back."

"I think that's a great plan, but you know what would be even better?" Esrend asks. "Plan a ball for the night she arrives. Announce Arden's bond with Jarrah. If she knows that Iona tried to kill a keeper's fate bound mate, she'll have no choice—"

"We can't let her know," Arden says. "Even if she thinks that Camus and Livarius were a choice...If she finds out that I'm fated to anyone else it'll only confirm her suspicions that I'm a threat."

"Let her feel threatened," I say. "Let's announce your fated status to all of the keepers at the ball."

Arden balks. "Are you insane? Like have you officially lost it? Cause you sound crazy right now."

"No, I'm not insane. I just think that if we give her something to be afraid of, she may make a mistake."

Arden stares at me, chewing the inside of her lip. "I'm not ready to tell everyone about my mate status. Everyone already gives me weird looks when they see me with Camus. They know about Livarius. I'm just not ready."

"You don't have to tell anyone until you're ready," Jarrah says, lacing his fingers with hers.

The jealousy is getting harder and harder to control, but I manage to keep it locked down; shoving it so deep inside of its box that it would take an act of the Stars to release it of its bonds.

"What if we have the ball anyways?" Emyth asks. "Announce her mating with Camus as a fated mate, and her bond to Livarius as a chosen mate. We'll squash any whispers about Arden sleeping around, and confirm that Livarius was a choice, and not orchestrated by the Stars."

"Why would we announce it at all? I'm not anything special here," Arden says with a snort. "I'm not a keeper, I'm not even mated to one as far as anyone outside of this room is concerned."

You're the most special thing in this castle , is what I want to say. I settle for, " I'll also announce that you're taking over Falmir's spot on the council."

"That will be like pouring gasoline on the fire," Arden says. When all she gets is confused looks she adds, "It's an accelerant. It makes fires bigger. The point is that by putting me in Falmir's place, it'll just piss her off."

"In my experience, the more angry someone is, the more likely they are to make mistakes," I say, willing her to understand that I'm talking about myself. I made a fucking mistake, I scream inside my head.

If she understands what I mean, she doesn't acknowledge it. "I just think that lying about my station just to piss her off may backfire."

"Who said I would be lying?" I ask.

"What?" Arden asks in shock.

"Yeah, what ?" Jarrah asks. "You want to swear Arden in on the council?"

"She brings a fresh perspective to the table." I look to Arden. "Do you want to be on my council? You would sit in on all the meetings, and be able to give advice. You would be involved in the decision making process, and have a say in political matters. Your station wouldn't be as high as one of the keepers, but I would weigh your opinion the same."

She opens and closes her mouth several times, and her gaze shifts around the room. Her eyes finally settle back on me.

"You can have a little bit of time to think about it, but I need to get you sworn in before her arrival. We'll do it privately, then announce your position at the ball. We could do it as early as tomorrow evening since we're not planning anything big. We just need these guys and Elliotte with us.

"The position would be real. You would be tied to Feldorn unless both of us agreed that we should sever the tie." You would also be tied to me.

She looks at Camus who nods. "Do it, love. I think it's the best way to throw Grandmother off her game without actually tipping our hand."

With his encouragement, Arden gains the small amount of confidence she needs to accept. She takes a deep breath and nods.

"Okay. Yes. I'll join your council."

I breathe a sigh of relief. Swearing her in means that I get to keep her nearby until I can convince her that we should fix things. She can't leave if she's sworn to me.

"What if she lashes out?" Arden asks.

"She won't. She's too calculated for that. But it may be enough of a blow that she makes a mistake," Esrend says.

"I think that's as good of a plan as we're going to make for now," Jarrah says. "Who's ready for lunch?"

"Me!" Arden says, raising her hand like a school child.

A smile creeps onto my face. The light she brings to Feldorn is irreplaceable. Flaunting her in Cyndair's face is dangerous, but we'll sort it out. In the meantime, we'll make the most of having her back here where she belongs.

***

Lunch is far more lighthearted than the meeting was. Esrend has returned to his Rupert visage, and joined us earning us sideways glances from the rest of the fae within the castle.

I'm sitting back in my chair enjoying the banter between Arden and the keepers. She still needs to have conversations with some of them, but things feel less tense than when she first got home.

I smile to myself, absently twisting my wine glass on the table. Because that's what Feldorn is to her now: home. And she makes it feel more like home for me than it has in decades. Even with my sisters here it wasn't quite right.

"Zorvan?" Arden says, touching my hand.

My eyes find hers, and judging by the look on her face and the faces of everyone else at the table, she's been trying to get my attention for a while. I give her a small smile to show her I'm listening.

"After lunch I was going to go see Airen, and then, if you're up for it, I would like to practice shifting?" Her eyes are full of hope. After everything, and all of her declarations that she is no longer my prisoner, she still seems to need my permission for some things.

"You don't need my blessing, Arden. You're no longer my prisoner, and you've made it quite clear that I'm not in charge of you."

She gives me a sarcastic look. "Glad to see your ego is still intact. I wasn't asking for your permission. I was asking for your help."

"Do you really think it's a good idea for her to be shifting?" Rupert asks.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Arden snaps. It's the first time I've seen her get snippy with her grandfather.

"I just think that working on your other abilities would be more beneficial. As we previously discussed, it's not like you can shift within the castle walls. You'll need to have some sort of grasp on your magic."

"I still have a few weeks left on the taper," Arden says with a frown. "I can shift because of whatever Camus gave me before we left Solardin. He brought some of it with him, but I can't access the rest of my magic yet. I just want to have a firm grasp on shifting in case I need it. My dragon surfaced before because I was in danger. I want to be able to do it at will."

"How much of that medicine do you have with you?" I ask Camus.

"Another dozen or so pills. Enough that she could go another two months on suppressants and still access her dragon. It's a double-edged sword though. It could trigger a heat cycle at any time."

"You need to stop taking it, immediately," I say, barely suppressing a growl.

"I'm taking heat suppressants..." she says, turning red.

"I told you that I don't think that'll matter," Camus chastises. "And who knows what it's doing to your reproductive system. It might render you infertile. So you need to stop fucking taking it."

He crosses his arms over his chest as the rest of us stare at Arden. This has clearly been a point of contention for them and he seems pleased with himself that he was able to tell us all about it. This is the one point that I think we can all be in agreement on at all times—keeping Arden safe and healthy.

My stomach turns sour at the thought of her becoming infertile. I obviously never discussed children with her, and I'm not sure if the others have. I don't know what her feelings are on the matter, but I don't want that choice stripped away from her.

She stares at her nearly empty plate, and pushes around the solitary remaining root vegetable. "I just want to be able to shift," she whispers.

My heart aches. She was so close to regaining her magic and learning to shift before she got taken, and then she was forced back on the suppressants.

I place my hand on hers. "You will shift. It's only a little while longer."

She lifts her head to look at me. Her eyes search mine for something, but I'm not sure what she's looking for. That faint buzz starts again. I've felt it each time I've touched her for long periods of time, and each time it sparks hope that there's still something that can be repaired. But I know that's just wishful thinking. I know I ruined any chance of that.

Livarius nervously clears his throat. "Arden, if infertility is a possibility, you need to stop taking it. At least until you decide what you want. I know you were on the fence about it before, and if that's still the case, then you shouldn't risk irreparable damage to your body like that."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," she says, and slips her hand out from under mine and pushes her chair away from the table. "Well, I'm going to go see Airen, and since my plans for the day are canceled, I suppose I'll just wander into the woods for a bit." When the rest of us start to protest she snorts and says, " Kidding," and strolls away.

Camus stands to follow her, but Livarius grabs his arm. "I'd like some time with her, if that's okay."

"By all means. Just have her back by bedtime," Camus says with a sly grin. "I wanted to scope out some good hunting grounds, anyway."

"I can show you some if you'd like," Rupert says and joins them.

The others begin to filter out of the room, and I remain in my seat. I'm not sure what to do with myself. The last several weeks have been dedicated exclusively to finding Arden and returning to my usual duties feels foreign.

"You go ahead," Camus says to Rupert, tearing me from my thoughts. "I'll meet you outside in a few minutes."

"See you out there," Rupert replies.

Once they're all out of earshot, Camus pulls up a chair next to me.

"If Arden finds out that I told you any of this, I will kill you. But her long-term happiness is more important to me than her confidence right at this second. Don't make me regret putting my trust in you.

"You and I both know that you need to fix things with Arden. And deep down, she knows it too. But she thinks that you don't care about her. She thinks that you don't want her and that severing the bond was the right decision if you truly hate her that much."

"I could never hate her."

"I know that. Who could possibly hate her? Except for maybe my entire extended family...They're all a bunch of cunts anyway. That's beside the point. The point is that you need to orchestrate ways of being alone with her and having real conversations with her. That's how I won her over."

"After you forced the bond on her," I grumble.

"Yes, well, I wasn't going to let her get away," he says with a pointed look. He takes a deep breath. "I'm trying to provide a sort of peace offering. I'll help you find ways to be alone with her and fix things if you'll lighten up about me being here. We all want the same things: Arden safe and happy, and my grandmother dead.

"You can win her back. A huge step in the right direction is helping her get her parents back. And maybe her sister—assuming my grandmother hasn't killed her before we have the chance. Arden just wants a family. And while this bunch of misfits is a start, no one understands better than you that it doesn't hold a candle to having your parents around. Just...think about it."

He pushes away from the table and heads for the door. He only makes it a few feet before he turns back around to face me. "Giving her your seat at the strategy meeting? I don't think she quite understands the significance. But I do. I know you really love her. But I can't be the one to tell her that. It needs to be you."