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46. Chapter 44 Livarius

Chapter forty-six

Chapter 44: Livarius

T avin agreed to let me talk to Arden alone. Not that I need his permission, but he's been protective of my feelings since her initial outburst yesterday.

It's already been a long day, and she's hardly been home twenty-four hours. I know I'm pushing my luck by trying to talk to her now, but I need her. The bond is moving beneath my skin, begging for contact, and I don't know how much longer I can go before I snap.

"Arden!" I call once she's in my line of sight.

She pauses and glances over her shoulder as I jog up next to her. As I approach she gives me a soft smile. It's the first one she's offered me since she arrived.

"What's up?" she asks.

"I was just hoping to spend some time together. I know things were rocky this morning. I know you're mad at me. But I'm going crazy not being around you."

"Yeah, okay," she says. "Want to come see Airen with me?"

I was hoping for something more private . "Sure! Then maybe we can go to the library. If I don't start spending more time in there, Zorvan's going to replace me," I say in jest.

We walk side-by-side to the infirmary. My fingers brush against hers and the bond sings. I entwine my fingers with hers and when she doesn't pull away, I feel like I can relax. Things aren't fixed, but it's a step in the right direction.

"What's it like being back? Like how are you feeling?"

"Better today than I was yesterday. So much has happened in the last week or so that nothing feels real. So much has happened since that day I got taken, honestly. I'm exhausted, but there's no time to rest. I'm itching to shift again. I'm desperate to use my magic...I just feel like I'm in stasis mode until the suppressant is out of my system." She pauses, and a blush creeps into her cheeks. "I'm rambling."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know. By the way...I'm sorry for announcing to the table that you were considering having babies at some point. I just wanted to throw in my two cents."

"No. You were right to bring it up. It was a good reality check for me. And I do want to maybe have some babies in the future. It would be irresponsible for me to risk something so important."

When we come to the infirmary door, I pull her to a halt. She stares up at me with a quizzical look. Keeping one hand joined with hers, I place the other on her cheek.

"I don't know what you went through while you were gone, and I don't need to know unless you want to tell me. The only thing I need to know is that you still love me."

"I love you, Liv. I'll always love you. You've been mine since the moment we met, and nothing will ever change that. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I—"

"I don't need an apology. I just need us to be okay."

She leans into my touch, and tears well up in her eyes. She lets out a humorless laugh. "I keep telling myself that I'm not going to cry, and then I just keep crying."

"Cry as much as you need to. I'm here to help you pick up every single piece of yourself and put you back together."

She nods and tries to blink the tears away, but it just causes them to fall. Her red rimmed eyes hold my gaze hostage.

I can't take it any more. My mouth descends on hers and the buzz of our bond grows stronger. She pulls her hand away from mine so she can wrap her arms around my neck. My now free hand slides around her waist and pulls her body flush against mine.

I fist my hand in her hair and give it a tug, making her whimper into my mouth. With a grin I pull away and look down into her blue eyes.

"There's my girl," I whisper. "Fuck I missed you."

"I missed you, too. Every day. You and the others were the only ones keeping me sane until Camus and I formed an alliance."

"'Alliance' is an interesting word for someone you're fucking," I say, raising a brow.

She hums softly. "The feelings came later; the bond, then business, then adoration. He really pulled through for me. And all-in-all he's not a bad guy. He's kind of a dick sometimes, but there's a good heart under all the years of building up walls."

"I'll take your word for it. Should we go see Airen now?"

"Yes please."

She takes my hand again, and opens the door to the infirmary. Airen—who is normally right in plain sight—is nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe she's in the greenhouse," Arden muses. "They don't keep the door to the infirmary locked when there's not someone in here? That seems irresponsible."

"All the dangerous medicines are locked away. Only Airen and Zorvan can access them. After Zorvan's parents were killed he put some measures into place to ensure it couldn't happen again without a lot of work."

She leads me across the room to the door in the back left corner that leads out into the greenhouse. She pulls the door open and we're immediately met with the sounds of gasps and moans coming from inside.

Arden lets out a small shriek and pushes me back into the infirmary and slams the door behind her, leaning her back against it. Her face is bright red. She puts her hand over her mouth and stifles a laugh.

"I'm as bad as Zorvan. I really need to start knocking."

"What was going on in there?" I ask. I didn't see what Arden saw.

"Use your imagination." She smiles, and I can scent arousal on her.

I narrow my eyes at her. I'm about to ask what she saw that she liked when the door opens behind her. She almost falls backwards, but I grab her hands and catch her.

Airen clears her throat and squeezes past Arden, fixing her messy hair. "Sorry about that. What can I help you with?"

"I just wanted to visit you," Arden says with a giggle. "I'm sorry I interrupted."

Airen ushers us away from the door and one of the women from the kitchens—whose name I cannot recall—sneaks by awkwardly.

"Arden," she says sheepishly.

"Tara," Arden says with a nod and a smile.

"Please don't mention this to Helena. I told them I had to make a run to Krean..."

"Your secret is safe with us," she assures her.

As Airen walks Tara to the door of the infirmary, I lean in and whisper to Arden, "Don't think I didn't notice how aroused you were. Are you into fauns?"

She smacks me in the chest with the back of her hand. "Shut up. And to answer your question, I'm just into women. And Airen is beautiful."

Airen shuts the door and walks back over to us, head held high. "I'm actually very glad you're here. I have some...news? I'm not sure if it's good or bad."

"I mean if you're talking about you sleeping with Tara, the cat is out of the bag. Or the bunny I should say."

When I give her a confused look Airen clarifies, "Tara is a bunny shifter. And no I wasn't talking about that. Though we do need to have a discussion about it later—in private," she says, giving me a pointed look.

I hold my hands up in front of me. "Your sex life, your business."

"Good. No, what I wanted to talk to you about, and I should really tell Zorvan first, but I'm so excited and you're my best friend and I know that you'll be just as excited as I am and—"

"Airen...deep breath."

"Right." She sucks in a deep breath and pauses. She leans in and glances around before whispering, "I think I've found a formula that will reverse the effects of suppressants."

" What?! " Arden says with a gasp. "How soon will you know?"

"I just need a willing test subject and I can find out for sure."

"Test me," I offer immediately.

"What? No. I can't until I've talked to Zorvan. He needs to sanction any experimental medications."

"Oh come on. Break the rules. Better to ask forgiveness than permission and all that. Drug me."

Airen worries her lip and glances at Arden, seeking permission.

"I don't think it's a good idea," Arden says. "Not that I don't trust your abilities, Airen. I do. You're amazing at what you do. But we have some serious shit coming up in the next couple of days." She turns her gaze on me, "If this somehow renders you useless, Livarius..."

"But if we can get you in working magical order beforehand, we can do a little training."

"Maybe we could ask one of the staff?" Arden says, and Airen's eyes go wide.

"We can't let anyone but the higher-ups in the castle know. If anyone outside of Feldorn finds out what I've created..." Airen shakes her head and says definitively, "No. We need to keep this under wraps as long as possible."

"I can go get Zorvan now?" Arden says.

Internally, I groan. I just wanted some alone time with Arden, but of course the safety of Sangaris—and more importantly, Arden—take precedence.

"I'll go get him," I grumble and take my leave, allowing Airen and Arden some time to catch up.

Zorvan and I return to the infirmary—after he begrudgingly agreed to abandon organizing his office. Arden and Airen are sitting cross-legged on a bed giggling about something. The longing look on Zorvan's face doesn't escape me. I clap him on the shoulder and we approach.

"So what was so important that I had to rush down here and talk to you, Airen?"

Airen hops off the bed, and clops over to the door to the infirmary and locks it. Then she does the same to the greenhouse door. "Follow me," she says and begins walking to the far side of her apothecary cabinet.

Once we're past the cabinet, she flicks her hand and illusionary magic melts away, revealing a door. She pulls a key out of her pocket and inserts it into the lock before twisting it and pushing the door open.

I've never seen the restricted medicine closet. Although, calling it a closet is a bit of a stretch. It's almost as large as my quarters. Well, the quarters I had to myself before Tavin and I started sharing.

"You're not planning to poison me down here, are you? Because honestly at this point I might welcome it," Zorvan says, a weariness to his voice.

"That's not funny to joke about," Arden grumbles.

"Who said I was joking?" he asks.

We all stand in awkward silence for a minute, Zorvan and Arden are just staring at each other. How they can't see that they're both completely in love with each other is beyond me. Hell, I noticed it before she and I even mated.

Airen slices through the uncomfortable atmosphere by slamming the door to the restricted area. "Can you put up a silencing charm on this room at some point? It doesn't happen often, but I do have to have private conversations with you in here occasionally."

"You can just come to my office," Zorvan says.

"I could. But that would require me leaving. And I don't like to leave the infirmary during my regular hours."

Zorvan gives her a flat look before rolling his eyes in concession. "Fine. I'll do it as soon as Cyndair has come and left. Now why are we here?"

"Right. Well..." Airen hesitates. Admitting that she's been working on something like this could get her into a lot of trouble.

"Airen has been working on something that could help us with the issue of my magic being locked down. If we can test it out in time, I could be functioning—maybe not well, but functioning—before Cyndair arrives."

Zorvan narrows his eyes at Airen as he works out what Arden's saying. "You're creating something to counteract the suppressants?"

"I've... created ...something that I think will counteract them, but I need a test subject."

"Who else knows about this?"

"Only the people standing in this room."

Zorvan purses his lips and bites the inside of his cheek. He's struggling to maintain his composure, but Arden will not tolerate him lashing out at her best friend.

He grinds out, "In the future, I would prefer it if you came to me with side projects that may cause irreparable damage to the realm before you tell my librarian and his mate."

Initially I'm annoyed by him reducing Arden to my mate. Especially when she's so much more than that even just to him on a personal level. But my annoyance fades as Arden tries and fails to conceal her snicker. She recovers quickly, and plasters a stoic look on her face.

"Something funny ?" Zorvan asks.

"Yeah, I just think you burst a couple blood vessels in your eyes by trying so hard not to yell. Are you okay? Airen probably has something for that."

Zorvan steps toward Arden like he wants to scold her, but he reigns it in at the last second. He sucks in a deep breath before turning back to Airen.

"If I found someone you could test on, how soon would we expect it to kick in?"

"I expect it would work as quickly as the suppressant itself, but there's no way to know without trying."

"Get me some suppressants," Zorvan commands.

Airen moves to a shelf behind her and grabs a medium sized wooden box. She pulls out a couple vials of liquid and a couple of pills. I've never used them, but I know the liquid can be either ingested or injected. The pills can be ingested, but take longer to work because they need to break down before they can absorb into the system.

"Pick your poison."

Zorvan grabs the vial of liquid and pulls the small cork out. He puts it to his lips, and Arden slaps it out of his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm testing the fucking medicine that Airen made. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"If it doesn't work—not that I have any doubt that it will—but if for some reason it doesn't, it's going to fuck up our plans for you to be coming off of suppressants during the trial."

"Well, what's your solution, then? We'll be in just as bad off if we dose one of the others."

"I'll take the new one," Arden says as if it should be obvious.

"Absolutely not. You're not taking something experimental that could possibly kill you."

"Standing right here," Airen says with a sarcastic wave.

"I know, but I'm not risking Arden's health. We're not doing it."

"I have an idea. It would require possibly doing a memory charm on someone, but..." I shrug.

"Spit it out, then," Zorvan growls, growing impatient with our limited options.

"Walden. He's already on the suppressants. We could dose him, see if it works, then erase his memory of it so he can't potentially let it slip."

"That's...A really good idea," Zorvan says, clapping me on the back. "Let's do it."

"Should we get the others?" Arden asks.

"At least the keepers. Just in case he tries something," Zorvan says. "You go gather them. Airen, you're coming with me. Grab an injector, some suppressant, some of the counteractive drug, and let's go. Arden and Livarius, meet us in the dungeon when you've found the others. Don't bring Camus. I know that you're convinced that he's fine but just in case…"

"He is fine," Arden argues. "But he's also out hunting, so it's not a concern."

"Just promise me that you won't tell him until I say it's okay? I'm just trying to protect the kingdom."

"Aye, aye cap'n," Arden says with an eye roll and a faux salute.

"What is that? Don't do that," Zorvan says, scrunching his nose. Then we all head off to complete our tasks.

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