39. Chapter 37 Arden

Chapter thirty-nine

Chapter 37: Arden

Z orvan is hurting, and I want to go after him, but I also want him to continue to suffer. Maybe someday I'll be able to be near him without simultaneously craving having him inside of me, and wishing him dead.

Today is not that day.

I'm exhausted. When the castle first came into view, I was desperate to get inside and go to sleep, but with Emyth getting injured, that all changed.

I face the rest of my mates, who are all watching me, studying me like they expect I'm going to break. But I'm not—at least not with an audience.

"Jarrah, I need you to go down to the infirmary and get me some suppressants so I can finish weaning myself off. Camus started while we were in Solardin, but I still have a bit to go. I'll also need more heat suppressants. They took me off of them as soon as I arrived in Solardin. Airen gave me one while I was down there, but I'll be needing them for the foreseeable future." I hand him one of the suppressants that Camus has been giving me so Airen can figure out the dosage.

"The only ones staying in the room tonight are Emyth, Lysander and Camus. I want everyone else out." Tavin and Livarius both open their mouths to protest, but I cut them off. "I'm still trying to get past my anger, but I'm not there yet. It's going to be a little while."

"You're being unreasonable," Livarius snaps, defiantly crossing his arms over his chest. "We've been separated for far too long, and you're just going to continue to deny the bond?"

I snort. "You mean deny you . Get whatever it is that you need from Tavin for now. You all can stay for dinner, but then you're leaving."

"Fuck you," Livarius growls and storms out of the room.

"You need to stop punishing him," Tavin says before following him out of the room.

Lysander gives me a look once the door is shut. "Why are you being so difficult about all of this?" he asks. There's not attitude in his voice, just concern. "We're all stronger together. Emyth getting hurt proves that. Don't shut the others out."

"I'm not shutting them out," I say and leave it at that.

And it's the truth. I just need some time to adjust to being back. I'm home, but I feel out of place.

Thankfully there's a knock at the door a couple minutes later to break the awkward silence. I pull it open and am nearly tackled to the ground by Helena.

"Thank the Stars, you're home!"

"I missed you too," I say, wrapping my arms around her and a tear falling down my cheek.

"Zorvan wasn't exaggerating when he'd said you lost weight," she says, patting my sides, and frowning. "We'll get you back to normal in no time!" She glances at Camus, and the smile fades from her face. "Who's he?"

I reach my hand out to Camus and pull him forward. "This is my mate. His name is Camus."

Her eyes dart between us. "Mate? What about Livarius?"

"She has a thing for vampires," Camus says, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing the top of my head.

"Well maybe with the two of you around, she can stay safe.

She glances behind me and her brow furrows. "What happened to Lord Emyth? And where are the others?"

"He was being a big idiot," I grumble. "And I'm mad at them right now."

She narrows her eyes at me, nods curtly, and says, "Well if you're mad at them, then so am I. They get the bad cuts of meat until you're done being angry."

A full belly laugh rolls out of me. "Thank you Helena. If it's okay, I'd like to eat and get some rest. But I'll come see you tomorrow."

"Of course. I'll take my leave. Rest up." She leans in close as she says, "And don't give those boys too hard of a time. I didn't think they'd have survived much longer without you. Least of all, that one." She points to Emyth, and a wave of guilt washes over me.

She kisses me on the cheek, pulls the cart into the room, and leaves.

"She's something," Camus says. He pulls me into him and smiles down at me. "I've never heard you laugh like that. I'm going to have to ask that you do it more often."

"Give me a reason, and I will," I say jokingly and kiss him.

"I'm gonna go get dressed for bed," Lysander grumbles and leaves the room.

I grab a plate of food and sit on the bed next to Emyth. I brush a strand of hair out of his face. He's let it get shaggy since I was last here. Camus sits in the chair across the room and gives me space.

"You're going to have to wake up soon so that I can give you hell for all the stunts you've been pulling. I know you're going to be mad about Camus, but I think you'll really like him once you get to know him. You two have similar tastes." I know he probably can't hear me, but it makes me feel better to pretend he can.

I eat most of my food, and put the plate back on the cart. Camus returns his own plate when he's done.

"I should take the rest of these to the guys," I say.

"I can do it if you want. You just need to tell me where their rooms are. You should stay with him. It'll be good for both of you."

I nod, and open the door to point out the other's rooms. Once he shuts the door behind him, I strip off my dress, return to my spot on the bed, and crawl under the covers with Emyth.

I lace my fingers with his and lay facing him before returning to our one-sided conversation. "I missed all of you more than I could ever explain. If I had made it home, just to find you dead, I would have been so fucking angry with you—even more than I am now. That was so fucking stupid, Em."

Tears fall onto my pillow as I stroke his face gently. He's so strong and terrifying when he's awake. Seeing him like this causes me physical pain.

Lysander and Camus return together, chatting with one another as they open the door. The chatter stops once they realize that I'm crying. The bed sinks next to me, and Camus rests his hand on my hip.

"Do you want me to stay tonight? If you'd rather be alone with him, I can make myself scarce. I can go terrorize my brother, or something."

"I want you here. And Emyth needs Lysander. So both of you are staying."

Camus pulls off his clothes and crawls into bed behind me. Lysander strips down to his underwear and gets in on the other side of Emyth.

"You're handling me being with them a lot better than I expected," I whisper to Camus.

"It's weird. There's no jealousy. Seeing you with them feels right," Camus says, wrapping his arms around me. "It makes me feel whole."

"Hmm. Let's hope it stays that way. Goodnight sweet boy," I whisper to Emyth and kiss him on the forehead.

Camus extinguishes the lights, and we drift off to sleep.

Some hours later I wake with a horrible sick feeling in my stomach. It's hard for me to breathe, and for a moment I worry that I dreamed of coming back to Feldorn. When I open my eyes, everything makes sense.

"Emyth!" I say harshly, trying to pull him out of reaper mode.

He's straddling Camus and his reaper magic is flaring. His hands are firmly around Camus' throat. I place my hand on his cheek and turn his face so his eyes find mine.

"Emyth, please let him go." My voice is firm, but kind.

It seems to do the trick. Emyth jerks his hands back.

Camus sucks in a deep breath before wheezing out, "If you're gonna choke me and rub your cock on mine, you could at least say 'hello' first."

"Are you okay?" I ask Camus.

"I'll be fine," he says and waves me off.

"What about you, Em?"

The spacey look in his eyes tells me he's disoriented. He looks from Camus to me to Lysander, then back to Cam.

"Who the fuck is this guy?" he demands, still sitting on Cam's lap.

"Can you get off of him before we start chatting?" I ask.

"Wait...When did you get back? This is a dream. I'm dreaming. But why..." He looks back down at Cam.

"You're not dreaming. I'm real. I promise that I'm real." I take his hand and place it over my heart.

His face softens. "Arden," he whispers.

He climbs off of Camus and pins me to the bed. His mouth lands on mine, and he runs his finger through my hair. He plants kisses on my cheeks and my neck before kissing me on the forehead and inhaling my scent.

"You're real," he whispers. "You're real, and you're home." He turns to look at Lysander. "She's home, San."

"I know," Lysander says with a sad smile.

I place my hand on his cheek. "How are you feeling?" I ask.

He looks back down at me. "So much better now that you're here."

"Good," I say. Then I pull away the hand that's touching his cheek and slap him across the face.

His head snaps to the side, and then he slowly looks back at me. "What the fuck was that for?"

"For almost getting yourself killed before I made it home, you jackass."

"Stars!" he says and sits back on his knees, examining the healing wounds on his torso. "How did I...I should be dead."

"We found you just after you were gored by that beast. Thankfully it was just in time," Camus says. "I was able to give you some of my blood."

"We?" His gaze settles back on Camus, and his face goes cold. "Who are you?"

"This is Camus. He's Livarius' half brother, Camus. And..." Maybe it's because he almost died, but saying it out loud to Emyth is harder than saying it to the others.

"And what, Arden?" he growls.

"And he's my mate."

Emyth's eyes drop to my throat, and he grinds his teeth together. "Mate." He slowly nods, and stares up at the ceiling. "I've been here, worried sick about you, and nearly killing myself in order to keep myself from killing anyone else because you were missing. But you were off just playing house with another male?"

Emyth's eyes fill with shadow, and the sick feeling returns. His reaper magic wants to play. It wants to eliminate the cause of his pain.

"Em..." Lysander whispers.

"No," Emyth snaps at him. "Don't come to her defense. I want to hear it from her."

"Camus is fate bound to me," I say, pushing up on to my elbows. "Just as you and the others are. And we weren't playing house. I was being held captive."

"By him? "

"Among others, yes. But once he realized what I was to him, he started working with me to get me out. And if he hadn't, I would still be there because the six of you couldn't be bothered to come and find me."

"Not for lack of trying! We've been all over Feldorn. We've talked to everyone we could. Zorvan had Airen brewing tons of extra truth drought, and he killed that fucking tavernkeep. We couldn't go into the other kingdoms without cause, and because we couldn't get a lead on who took you, we didn't have cause."

"That shouldn't have stopped you," I say looking away from his intense stare. "Camus sacrificed everything to get me out of Solardin."

He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him, once more. "The rest of us have lost and sacrificed just as much to be with you. I'm sorry it wasn't up to your standards," he says then stares me down. When I don't respond, he asks, "Do you love him?"

I don't answer him.

"I'd like to go back to sleep."

"Fine," he snaps, and climbs out of the bed—naked—and heads for the door. "We'll continue this conversation in the morning. Are you coming with me, Lysander?"

Lysander makes eye contact with me and I jerk my head, telling him to go with Emyth. It's not entirely because I don't want him here. It's because I don't want Emyth to be alone in case something goes wrong with his recovery. Lysander sighs and follows Emyth to the door.

"Emyth?" I say before they step out of the room.

He turns to face me, and cocks and eyebrow.

"I'm glad you're okay."

His face softens. "And I'm glad you're back. Get some sleep."

But to prove that he's still annoyed, he slams the door behind him. I cover my face with my hands and groan. Camus props himself up on his elbow and stares down at me, his curly blonde hair a mess from sleep and from Emyth's middle of the night attack.

"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have never believed it," Camus says with a smirk.

"Believed what?"

"That you, little shifter, would have the five most powerful men in Feldorn—and Livarius—head over heels for you without even knowing what your powers were. Hell, without even knowing what you shifted into."

"You fell for me without knowing any of that," I tease.

"Yes, but I don't care about silly things like bloodlines. I just care about the throne, and good pussy."

"You're foul," I tease, and kiss him. "I really do need to get some sleep."

"I know. And I'll be right here with you," he reassures me, then wraps me up in his arms and we fall asleep.